


To build a Home

by TooSel



Series: Home [1]
Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Date, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Guardianship, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kid Fic, M/M, Mild Angst, Moving In Together, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Smut, Unresolved Sexual Tension, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2018-12-21 10:36:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 113,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11942355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooSel/pseuds/TooSel
Summary: Mike has no family, Harvey barely talks to his. Mike thought that he might have kids one day, but he never expected to find himself responsible for a six month old baby suddenly dropped into his care.While he struggles to regain his footing and Harvey finds himself unable to let him deal with the situation on his own, they both realize that sometimes, families form in the most unlikely places.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in a slightly canon divergent universe some time after Edith’s death and the Hardman conspiracy. The most important thing is that the Darby merger and everything in season 3 never happened, so Mike is not a member of the Bar and Pearson Hardman is still Pearson Hardman. Everything else will become clear as we go along.
> 
> The name Nela is actually pronounced ‘Neh-lah’, but I imagine that Mike and Harvey as Americans would say ‘Nee-lah’ (rhymes with Sheila).

The sound of Donna's voice coming through the intercom startles Harvey out of his concentration. He is bent over a stack of files that they need to get through before their meeting in an hour, Mike working beside him on the sofa.

“Uh, Harvey?”

She sounds uncharacteristically uncertain, a fact that should have given him a clue that something is up, but he is too distracted to give it any thought.

“What is it?” he replies absently, flipping a page.

“There's a man here asking to see Mike. He doesn't have an appointment, but he says it's important.”

Harvey looks up to find a man in a suit in front of Donna's desk, returning his gaze steadily. He glances to Mike, who shrugs. “I don't know him.”

“Send him in,” Harvey says, putting the file down as he stands up. Mike gets to his feet as well.

“I'm Harvey Specter,” Harvey introduces himself when the man enters, holding out his hand. “This is Mike Ross. What can we do for you?”

The man takes Harvey's hand, then shakes Mike's. “Good to meet you, gentlemen. My name is William Carter. I'm a solicitor from the probate court. I need to speak to Mr. Ross about an urgent matter.”

“Probate court?” Mike echoes, shaking his head. “Sorry, but are you sure you found the right Mike Ross? I don't have any family left, I don't think...”

“I'm quite sure you're the right one,” Carter says before he can find an end to that sentence. “I'm looking for one Michael James Ross, working under Harvey Specter at Pearson Hardman.”

“Well. That's me.” Mike swallows. “What is this about?”

“Is there somewhere we can talk in private?”

Harvey lifts an eyebrow. The man has aroused his curiosity, but whatever this is about, it seems to be serious. He can pester Mike about it later.

Before he can suggest one of the conference rooms however, Mike says, “That isn't necessary. Whatever you have to say to me you can say in front of Harvey.”

Harvey glances at him, but Mike is looking at the solicitor. He briefly wonders if Mike wants him there as a friend or as his attorney, but it's the fact that he wants him there at all that almost curls his lips into a smile.

The inclination fades, however, as soon as Carter speaks. “Very well then. Do you mind if we sit down for this?”

“Of course not. Please,” Harvey says with a nod towards the sofa, sobering at the grave tone of his voice. They all sit down, Carter and Harvey on either side of Mike.

“Mr. Ross,” Carter begins, opening his briefcase. Harvey eyes the file he takes out warily. “I'm here because of Carolina Arden. Do you remember her?”

It takes Harvey a moment to place the name, but Mike nods right away. “She was our client a few months ago. A pro bono case. She was pregnant,” he remembers. Then he frowns. “Why, what's going on with her? Is there a problem?”

“I'm sorry to tell you this, but she passed away yesterday.”

Mike's mouth falls open. He seems to be struggling for words for a long moment, incomprehension written on his face. “What?” he eventually gets out, his voice raspy. “But she- what _happened?_ ”

“Miss Arden was sick,” Carter explains. “She fell ill with abscess-forming pneumonia only a few months after giving birth. Due to her low immunity the treatment was complicated. She developed acute dyspnea. The doctors were unable to help.”

Mike blinks and stares at the cushions. Silence stretches. Harvey knows that he is trying to reconcile the news with the woman he represented, with the thought that he enabled her a better life only to now be faced with her demise instead. He also knows that he cared about her, because he cares for every client they have, but that isn't all there is to it.

Carolina Arden was special to Mike. She was his client, entirely his, and he gave his heart and soul to her case until he finally won it for her. Harvey doesn't remember the details, but he knows that Mike spent countless nights at the office until he found what he'd needed to help her. He knows that afterwards he hugged her, and she hugged him back, and he patted her swollen belly and laughed. He knows that they were more like friends than client and attorney, that her story resonated with Mike somehow.

He is sure that Mike remembers everything.

A glance sideways tells him that he is still trying to process. He doesn't seem inclined to further the conversation, so Harvey takes it upon himself to do it.

“We're sorry to hear that, of course, but that doesn't explain why you're here.”

Carter clears his throat. “I'm coming to that next. Before she died, Miss Arden left a will. Like you said, she was pregnant when you represented her.” With that he looks back to Mike, who nods numbly. “The child is six months old now. Miss Arden appointed you as her guardian, Mr. Ross.”

The statement is met with absolute silence. Harvey is trying to understand the words, but they are too big, the implications too massive. Both he and Mike gape at Carter. Whatever Harvey expected him to say, this wasn't it. The enormity of this new reality is leaving him swamped. He can only imagine what Mike is feeling.

A look at his face confirms his suspicion. Mike's lips move as if to form words, but no sounds come out. Harvey is hit with a wave of sympathy as he watches him trying to regain a shred of composure.

“I don't understand,” he finally says. Harvey knows it's a lie. Mike understands perfectly. He just doesn't comprehend. Doesn't know what to do with this information. His eyes find Harvey's, wide and panicked. His voice is squeaky and hoarse when he speaks, almost pleading. “I- Harvey?”

Harvey knows what he's doing. It's what he always does when he is out of his depth, when he's in need of support. He turns to Harvey for guidance.

So Harvey does what he always does when Mike needs his help. He gives it.

“Mike,” Harvey calls him, waiting until his eyes focus. He doesn't say anything else, instead covering his hand with his own, squeezing in silent support. The gentle reassurance seems to work. He keeps his hand there, a firm and constant pressure meant to ground Mike in the moment. God knows Harvey would need it in his place.

Mike blinks at him numbly, then shakes off enough of his stupor to speak again.

“I don't... Why did she do that?” he asks, stunned.

“I assume she felt like you were the best choice for the task,” Carter says calmly. Harvey appreciates his patient understanding as he waits for Mike to take in the news. “She had no family. She left you a letter along with her will. I assume she explains herself in it.”

Carter opens the folder he brought and takes out an envelope. Mike accepts it wordlessly, turning it over in his hands like it's something outlandish. He seems to have recovered from the worst shock but still appears incapable of speech for the moment, so Harvey takes it upon himself as his attorney as well as his friend to handle the conversation. “What exactly does this guardianship entail?”

“As the sole guardian Mr. Ross is responsible for the baby's well-being, including every duty a parent has to fulfill to ensure the child's health and safety, until a fit parent has been found. Miss Arden has expressed the explicit wish that he is the one to choose her daughter's new parent, so that decision lies with him.”

“She wanted me to do that?” Mike asks in disbelief. “I'm not just supposed to find her a new home, she actually wanted me to take her in until then?”

“So it is clearly stated in her will.”

Mike stares at the envelope in his hands again, still sealed, and falls silent.

Harvey clears his throat. “Where is the child now?”

“She's under supervision from people of CPS until Mr. Ross either officially accepts his duties or transfers her care to someone else.”

Even Harvey winces at how clinical that sounds. “How long does he have to decide?”

“I understand that Mr. Ross wasn't aware of being appointed Nela Arden's guardian before my visit. Still, a decision within the day would be appreciated, since accommodations and a carer will have to be organized if he declines. There needs to be a court hearing to grant him custody of the child, which could be held today if he agrees. Once he is granted custody and signs the relevant paperwork, he can legally give up her care at any given point, should he decide not to complete the search after all.”

Harvey nods slowly. The fact that the decision doesn't have to be permanent now doesn't make it easier, he knows that. If Mike refuses, he can't take that back. If he accepts, he will find himself with a little girl – Nela, apparently – suddenly dropped into his care without the slightest warning.

He only notices that it has grown quiet in the room when Carter addresses Mike again. “Mr. Ross, I don't want to rush you, but the time slot for the court hearing that became available this morning is in an hour. I need an answer as soon as you are able to give me one.”

Mike tenses, suddenly aware of the reality of the situation. Harvey can see his throat working as he swallows. Silence stretches as the seconds tick by, and Carter discreetly checks his watch.

“Mike?” Harvey prompts gently, and Mike startles out of his stillness.

“Yeah, I- yeah.” He slowly gets up. “I'll come with you,” he tells Carter, then turns to Harvey. “Will you...” He stops, frowning, but Harvey is already on his feet, knowing without him having to ask.

“You want me to go with you?”

“I do, but I just remembered our meeting for the merger. You can't miss that.”

“Don't be silly. We can reschedule,” Harvey says, but Mike immediately shakes his head.

“No, we can't,” he declines vehemently. “It's important. It's okay, I'll be fine. You take care of the merger. Sorry I can't help,” he adds as an afterthought, eyes on the stack of files Harvey couldn't care less about at the moment.

“Stop it,” he tells him, raising his eyebrows when Mike looks at him. “I can get through it just fine without you. It's absolutely no problem to call them and set another date, but if you're sure then I will handle it.”

“I'm sure.”

“Then I'll make it quick,” Harvey promises. “And I'll be with you as soon as I'm done.”

Mike smiles weakly. Harvey commends that he is trying to put up a brave front, though of course he sees right through it. “It's okay. I don't- you don't need to, I just thought I'd-”

“Like me there with you, so I will be there,” Harvey interrupts, using the tone that conveys that arguing is useless. “Let me know where you are. I'll follow as soon as I can.”

Mike swallows, then nods. “I'll text you the address,” he says. His gratitude is palpable.

“Go,” Harvey says quietly, squeezing his shoulder in a final lingering reassurance. Mike leans into it briefly before he takes a deep breath as if to brace himself, nodding minutely.

“After you,” he tells Carter, and Harvey watches them walk away towards something that is of more magnitude than either of them can comprehend just yet, a bottomless sensation deep in the pit of his stomach.

* * *

Bureaucracy is evil, Mike decides. A thought that should be funny, considering what field he works in, but somehow he doesn't feel like laughing.

There are apparently countless documents relevant to a child's life and twice as many when legal guardianship is involved, and that's _after_ the court hearing he has suffered through. At least it was short. Now he is inside Carter's office and Nela Arden's entire life is being dumped on him in the shape of more files than he can keep track of, insurances, and day cares, and he hasn't even _seen_ the baby yet.

Mike listens and nods when it's appropriate, trying to fight down the panic threatening to rise in him with only moderate success.

He signs papers, reads through contracts, remembers to ask whether he will get to adopt her existing belongings and if so when, and all the while he can't believe that this is a conversation he is actually having.

He is going to take a child in. A helpless, orphaned baby he has never even seen before, who is all his responsibility now.

Sounds like him, ending up with a child without even getting laid.

A hysterical giggle rises in him and he does his utmost to prevent it from escaping, the rational part of his brain remarking that they might withdraw the guardianship from him if he acts like a maniac. And no matter how desperately unprepared he feels, that can't happen. The thought is sobering, and he finds himself focusing on the endless litany of what he should and shouldn't, can't or must do.

An undue amount of relief washes over him when Carter's secretary interrupts them at that point to show Harvey inside, preventing what feels like a full-blown panic attack. Mike has no idea what time it is, but he knows that it's still too early for him to logically be here. It must have been the fastest merger of Harvey's life, but there are no signs of the usual smugness after a win on his face.

“How did it go?” Mike asks as he sits down on the chair beside him. Harvey glances at him in confusion, so he clarifies, “The meeting.”

Harvey's expression turns incredulous for a moment before he shakes his head. “Fine. All done with. Don't worry about that now.”

“Right.”

Carter clears his throat and continues. They are almost through now, but there always seems to be one more thing to discuss.

Harvey just sits and listens, barely intercepting, but somehow his mere presence takes a massive weight off Mike's shoulders. It's his calm, steady manner, a reliable and soothing constant Mike can cling to. He knows he shouldn't, that it's dangerous to lean on Harvey with the feelings he has been harboring for him, but he can't find it in him to deny himself the indulgence when he is this close to an emotional breakdown.

And then, finally, the negotiations are done. Carter closes the folder and gets up to see them off, and Harvey's hand is on his back to steer him out of the door, and then they are driving somewhere, Harvey's presence by his side a given, to pick up the baby he is going to take in.

It's all a bit of a blur, and it doesn't really sink in until Mike finds himself with a wriggling bundle in his arms, making little wailing sounds that instantly send him into a state of alarm.

He stares at her tiny face, skewed with effort, and his heart nearly falls out of his chest.

“Shit,” he says weakly.

“Language,” Harvey chides him gently, but Mike can tell from his voice that he shares the sentiment. A quick glance at his face confirms that the mask has slipped. Harvey's eyes are fixed on the baby. He is shaking his head slightly, and Mike can't help but breathe, “Fuck, Harvey.”

“I know, Mike.”

They both look at the little girl, whose wailing slowly ebbs away. Her skin is rosy and of a slightly darker shade than Mike's. Her hair is nothing but light brown fluff, sticking in all directions. Her eyes are closed, and Mike knows he is probably imagining it, but he thinks he can see Carolina when he looks at her.

“Nela,” he tries out her name, and suddenly it's real.

He is going to take this baby home. His knees threaten to give in, feeling weaker than the added weight of approximately seven and a half kilograms warrants.

At the moment she is quiet, nothing but a warm bundle in his arms, but he knows with absolute certainty that she is going to turn everything upside down.

Because this is a life he is holding in his hands. A real, breathing, human life. This little girl is flesh and bone, nothing like the abstract concept Mike found himself contemplating earlier. She is real. She is going to grow, to develop, to change. She is going to have needs, demands, wishes and hopes and fears, everything that makes up a person.

And now Mike is going to be the one to guide her. The one who takes care of her, who is responsible for her life, for keeping this little human being happy and safe and fed. He will hold her, comfort her when she's scared, sing to her when she's upset, encourage her when she learns and help her when she needs it until someone better comes along.

He tries to imagine himself in that role and nearly staggers at the sheer dread flooding his guts. How can he do this? How can anyone ever do this?

He inhales sharply, staring at her face unmovingly. He raises his finger to trace her arm with the barest of pressure, swallowing at the warmth of her tender skin. Her features make her look like a doll when she sleeps, almost unreal, like she was cut from marble instead of flesh and blood, but he knows it's an illusion. She is so alive that it makes his breath catch in his throat.

When Mike looks back up after a small eternity, at least Harvey has pulled himself together. His expression is one of gentle patience instead of mild panic, and Mike wills himself to adopt his stance.

A deep breath escapes him as he glances down at the baby, mercifully still for now. Mike knows it isn't going to last.

“I'm really doing this.”

“It appears so.”

They both stand there for another minute until they become aware of their surroundings again, realizing that they are probably in the way and definitely drawing attention.

“If you're ready,” Harvey prompts gently, and Mike shakes off his stupor. They must have been standing there for ages, but it feels like barely a heartbeat passed.

“Yeah, ready,” he murmurs, taking a deep breath.

“Come on,” Harvey says, carrying the bag with Nela's few supplies with an air of normalcy Mike can only hope to achieve. “Let's get you home.”

* * *

The apartment is the same as he left it, but Mike looks at it with completely fresh eyes when he steps through the door with a fussing baby in his arms. Already he tries to reorganize his furniture in a way that will allow him to store all the things he will need for Nela, feeling anxiety creeping in his stomach at the screamingly obvious lack of space.

He looks up when he catches a movement from the corner of his eye, momentarily distracting him. Harvey is shrugging out of his jacket, carelessly throwing it over a chair as he eyes the place.

“You're staying?” Mike asks, not having it in himself to be embarrassed by how hopeful he sounds.

Harvey just gives him a look as if to say, _why did I even hire you if you have to ask stupid questions like that?_

Mike smiles tentatively in reply, nodding once to convey his gratitude, and he thinks he can see Harvey's lips pulling into a smile as well before he turns away.

“Tell me what you absolutely don't want to be moved around. We'll start from there.”

A weight lifts from Mike's chest. He grabs a blanket from the sofa and gently places Nela on the ground, then rids himself of his jacket as well while Harvey rolls up his sleeves.

“The bed has to stay where it is, it's the only angle it'll fit. And that shelf over there is attached to the wall, so we shouldn't move it unless we have to.”

Harvey nods, and then they get to work. It takes a lot of coordination and moving around, but they keep at it until they get it right, and Mike doesn't even notice that Harvey never mentions going back to work until it's already dark outside. He swallows against the tight knot of emotion in his throat, vowing to work extra hard once the dust has settled to show how thankful he is for the time Harvey is investing in him. It's not the first time by far that Harvey has put him above the work, has helped him out of one of his messes – though he really can't take the blame for this one. Mike knows that they are long past the stage of _I only care about you as a reflection of me_ , but knowing and being shown time and time again is something entirely different.

It's dangerous, the way it makes him feel when Harvey does something like this. It's a thin line he's treading, and sometimes it feels like Harvey is hell bent on blurring it further every time. And Mike, deep down in his self-destructive heart, doesn't want him to stop.

He shakes the thought off as soon as he becomes aware of it. He has enough on his plate as it is, so he swallows and tears his eyes from the man currently rearranging his desk to take in the room instead.

He doesn't even have any of Nela's furniture yet, and his apartment already looks too cluttered. Well, nothing to be done about that. At least there _is_ a little space now. He will just have to make do. It's not like he's never had to wing something before. He should be an expert by now.

“Do you want to put this anywhere or just leave it out for now?” Harvey interrupts his thoughts, pointing at the pile of baby supplies they brought home. “I suppose she's going to need all that sooner or later,” he says, seeming slightly puzzled as he looks at the items. It almost makes Mike smile.

“It's probably best if you leave it out,” he agrees, glancing at Nela on her blanket. She slept for a while earlier but her eyes are moving around the ceiling now, and he knows it's only a matter of time before the peaceful silence inevitably ends.

They continue pushing around a few things and making space where there shouldn't be any. Nela does start to whine at one point and Mike practically bolts to her blanket and gathers her in his arms, feeling awkward and immobile as he tries to shush her. Harvey catches his eyes and gives him an encouraging nod, and though Mike is certain that he isn't much more experienced with children than him, it's reassuring to have his approval.

It's gotten late while they converted Mike's apartment into something remotely resembling a place suitable for a baby, and they have pretty much moved everything that can be moved. Mike is tired to his bones, endlessly rocking a fussing but slightly calmer Nela in his arms, and though he can't imagine that Harvey feels much better, he doesn't seem inclined to leave.

Then Nela cries out again and Mike, noting that she is probably hungry, goes to prepare the first bottle of his life. Harvey hovers behind him, straightening out things here and there, then watches in silence as Mike clumsily feeds Nela.

He holds the bottle to her lips awkwardly, not quite knowing how to start, but she takes care of that for him. She accepts the bottle immediately, sucking so earnestly that she grunts with effort, and for a moment Mike is afraid that she is going to choke, but she seems to know what she's doing. It's fascinating to watch, to see one of the things she just knows how to do instinctively without ever having to learn it. Both Harvey and Mike look at her as she drinks, letting out little sighs in between her sips. There's a strangely intimate air to the moment, and Mike doesn't dare raise his eyes from Nela, feeling Harvey's presence nearby acutely.

When she is done Mike puts the empty bottle in the sink, and Harvey gets up to push a few stuffed toys on the sofa around, and then they both have to admit that there isn't anything else for him to do.

“Alright,” Harvey sighs. Mike tries not to look as alarmed as he feels. He was doing fine while Harvey was there to offer a distraction, but the prospect of being alone with this baby scares the living daylights out of him. “I suppose I should leave you to it.”

“Right.” Mike swallows. “Thanks for your help today, Harvey. I don't know what I would have done without you.”

He thinks that words can't convey how grateful he is to have had him by his side on what is easily in the top three of the most trying days of his life. But Harvey's expression tells him that he understands anyway.

“Don't mention it.” Harvey grabs his jacket, then looks around one last time. “The proofs I gave you to have ready by Monday-”

“Oh, shit. Right. Uh, I can get them to you by-”

“Forget about them,” Harvey interrupts, shaking his head decisively. “Seriously, Mike, take the weekend off. Don't even think about work, I'll handle it. This is more important.” He pauses. “If you need Monday off too-”

“The weekend is fine,” Mike hurries to assure him. “I'll be there on Monday, 8am sharp.” He appreciates the offer, but the mere thought of spending the entire weekend with this child is making him want to crawl under the covers and hide from the world, let alone a whole extra day. He needs to keep up a semblance of routine, of normalcy, or he is going to lose it. Besides, Nela is registered at a day care. He figures that the familiar environment will be good for her too.

Harvey nods slowly. “Alright.” He doesn't question Mike's motivation, can maybe guess what's behind his vehemence, and for that Mike is grateful. It's comforting, in a moment of utter chaos and change in his life, to still be understood without words. Harvey has always been good at that, too good at times, but today Mike can be nothing but glad about it.

He watches in silence as Harvey slips into his jacket, and part of him wants to yell at him not to go, but he just stands there, awkwardly rocking Nela back and forth.

“Mike,” Harvey says when he is already at the door, turning around again. He gives him an intense look, his forehead creased in a frown. “Call me if you need me. Anything.”

 _I need you,_ Mike thinks. “Alright, thanks,” he manages to say, his voice only slightly hoarse. Harvey's eyes linger on him for a moment before he nods. Then he is gone, and it feels like he has taken all the air out of the room with him.

Mike is left standing in the middle of his suddenly too full apartment, holding a strange, fussing baby in his arms that isn't going to content itself with a stranger holding it for much longer.

As if sensing his spiking nervousness Nela's face screws up, all lines and a furious blush, and a moment later she is crying.

“Oh no, no, you're okay, you're fine,” Mike murmurs, but he doesn't seem to do much good. Nela cries louder, her voice surprisingly strong for such a small person, and Mike can feel himself breaking into a sweat as he tries to shift her into a comfortable position. “Oh god, here we go. Calm down. You're okay. Please, calm down.”

He holds her up so her head rests on his shoulder, humming a calming melody, but Nela keeps struggling and yelling right by his ear.

“Are you still hungry? Thirsty? Do you need a new diaper?” He lifts her and sniffs her bottom, but doesn't smell anything. Thank god for small mercies.

“No, it's not that, is it?” He sighs. “You just miss your mom, don't you?”

Nela whimpers into his shoulder, gasping for air in between her wailing. She seems to be working herself into a proper state, and there is nothing Mike can do to stop it.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, utter helplessness taking hold of him, “I know the feeling.”

Nela doesn't seem inclined to let that comfort her. She just cries on and on, the sound seeming to get louder and more jarring with every passing second, so Mike only sighs and does his best to calm her. He alternates between speaking in a low voice and humming nursery rhymes, but it's futile. She doesn't know him any more than he knows her, or what comforts her. She isn't familiar with his scent or his voice, so of course Mike isn't the right one to calm her down.

But he's going to have to be. They will both have to learn that.

“It takes time,” Mike murmurs to himself, repeating it like a mantra until he almost believes it. It helps to at least push down the panicked emotions that have been simmering in him ever since Carter entered Harvey's office earlier. God, has it really only been a few hours since his life turned upside down? He feels worn out and tired, overwhelmed by the new impressions bombarding his brain and the screaming baby drooling on his shoulder.

Time essentially loses meaning as he paces his apartment, feeling his arms going sore and then numb as he switches Nela back and forth, trying to find a position that works for her. He never realized how heavy babies get when you hold them for longer than five minutes, which is probably because that's something he has never done before today.

It takes almost two hours before Nela has cried herself to sleep, and she isn't the only one who could pass out from exhaustion by then. Mike is almost scared to put her down, not having the slightest clue how deeply babies sleep, but if he doesn't he is going to faint where he stands soon.

He mumbles a silent note of thanks when she sleeps through being put to bed (bed meaning the seat he carried her in earlier, since her crib won't arrive until the next day). He sighs, cursing his lack of extended family for never preparing him for this, and then drops down on the sofa and, for what feels like the first time in hours, breathes.

His eyes are fixed on the sleeping baby until he can't look at her anymore, his mind going in circles. He gets up, only remembering to put some food into himself when he sees Nela's abandoned bottle in the sink. He didn't even realize how hungry he was until he is shoveling leftover pasta into his mouth without bothering to heat it up.

How did he end up in this situation when only this morning his biggest problem was how he was going to get Harvey through the merger with minimal extortion?

His eyes fall on the stack of files he abandoned on the table earlier. The corner of the envelope Carter gave him peeks out from underneath the papers, still sealed. He hasn't gotten the chance to open Carolina's letter yet, and while part of him is desperate to find out what she had to say on the matter, he is reluctant to read it. As if opening the letter is going to make this any more real.

He exhales slowly, then grabs a drink and pulls the envelope out of the stack. He settles on the sofa, turning it over before opening it.

The letter is handwritten. Mike doesn't know why, but it's that detail that seems to knock all the air out of his lungs. He takes a deep breath before squaring his shoulders, then makes himself read. The words blur before his eyes, if from exhaustion or emotion he doesn't know.

_Dear Mike,_

_I hope you never see this letter, but if you're reading this then I suppose something bad happened to me. If that is the case, then there is something I need to ask of you. I am so, so sorry to put this on you, but I will try to explain myself in this letter, and hopefully you will understand by the end of it._

_You will have been told by now, but I appointed you Nela's legal guardian in the case of my death. No, that was not a mistake, I am not drunk as I write this, and yes, I am absolutely sure. You're probably asking yourself why I chose you. The answer is as simple as it is a – what I feel – beautiful testament to your character. It's because of who you are, Mike. Because of the way you handled my case, the way you fought for me, and the person I saw during that time._

_After you won my case you told me that if there was anything else you could do for me, I shouldn't hesitate to ask. And I know people say that sometimes to be nice, not really meaning anything by it, but I've gotten to know you a little, and I know that when you said that, you meant it._

_So I realize this is a huge favor I'm asking of you. Please, don't be afraid. It's scary, I know that. You wouldn't believe how scared I was before Nela was born. I was alone. I thought I couldn't do it. The thought of having the responsibility for another life was so intimidating that I just wanted to hide forever._

_Then I got Nela. And she is beautiful, Mike. She is so beautiful. She is pure magic. I looked at her and I suddenly knew what I was doing this for, what I was going to work my ass off for to ensure I could keep her happy and safe. I know it won't be the same for you – and I'm not asking you to – but trust me. Give it a chance. It's terrifying, taking care of another person that is so dependent on you, but it's also so, so rewarding. She'll make you want to rise to the challenge._

_That being said, I understand completely if you are at a point in your life where taking in a child is not actually manageable. Or if you just don't want to, for whatever reason. That's why I'm not asking you to take her in forever, no matter how much I'd want that. I'm just asking you for some time. It's not easy, I'm not going to lie to you about that. But if you're reading this and you didn't immediately think that what I'm asking of you is impossible, then just hear me out and think about it._

_You will probably feel intimidated by the thought of having to take care of a child. Trust me, all new parents do. But don't let that stop you. If you're worried about getting it wrong, then listen to me when I say that I don't think you will. If you refuse for personal reasons then I understand, and rest assured that I would never fault you for refusing my wish, but please, don't do it because you don't believe in yourself. This is a big decision, and I think you know me well enough to understand that I didn't make it lightly. I wouldn't ask this of you if I didn't think you were the right person for it._

_You were there for me when I needed it the most, and you were there for Nela before she was even born. Thank you for that. Now please be there for her again if you can. If you can't, then I know it'll still be in her best interest, and I thank you for that too._

_Regardless of whether you decide to take her in or not until she has a new family, I want to ask this of you: find her a new home, Mike. I wouldn't trust anybody else with this. Please find her someone that is going to love her and let her be who she is, whoever that may be. That is all I'm asking. The rest is up to you._

_I trust you implicitly, Mike, and I have complete faith that you will make the best decision for Nela._

_Thank you._

_Carolina_

The paper shakes in Mike's grip as he lowers the letter. He doesn't even blink as the tears gather in his eyes. He knew that he and Carolina had gotten along, knew that she was thankful to him, and he was happy to have been able to help. He even thought of her now and then, wondering how she and the baby were holding up. But never would he have expected her to see him the way she apparently did – as someone good enough to take care of her daughter when she couldn't do it herself.

It fills him with pride, and with sorrow, and a strange sense of gratitude, and he doesn't stop the tears from falling as he leans back on the sofa, closing his eyes. He wishes he could talk to his Grammy, or even his parents, but they haven't been part of his life for such a long time that the thought only brings about a small wave of melancholy. There is someone else he wants to talk to though, someone he could reach out to if he just picked up his phone.

He knows Harvey would listen. He knows he would come back and stay.

He doesn't call.

The situation is difficult enough as it is. And he knows deep down that this is something he has to get through alone, at least the beginning, which he tells himself will be the hardest part. It's his life, his mess. No point in dragging Harvey into it.

Mike rubs his eyes and considers just passing out right there on the sofa for a good five minutes before he can convince himself to start acting like a responsible adult. He heaves himself up and into the bathroom where he brushes his teeth. He only casts one glance at the exhausted reflection and puffy eyes looking back at him in the mirror before switching off the lights.

He stops on his way to check on Nela, watching her small chest rise and fall for a while.

“I have an actual living, breathing baby in my apartment,” he murmurs. Saying it out loud makes it even more surreal. He just shakes his head and goes to bed.

Naturally, as soon as he is between the sheets he is wide awake. He tries breathing exercises and lying completely still, then attempts to force his body to sleep by sheer force of will, which only keeps him more awake. He tosses and turns endlessly as the hours progress, barely closing his eyes, jumping at every sound Nela makes in her sleep.

He only registers having drifted off when he startles awake because of Nela's crying at the crack of dawn, and he is out of bed and stumbling towards her before he knows it.

“Hey,” he murmurs, picking her up gently. She whimpers, streaks of tears on her face, and Mike rests her head on his shoulder and shushes her as he starts to rock back and forth. “It's alright. You're alright.”

He soon realizes that it's high time for his official first diaper change, and after he more or less masters that particular task he decides that since they are both up, they could do with some breakfast. He prepares the bottle, feeling the strange urge to talk to Nela and fill the silence throughout.

“I can't imagine that's very tasty,” he remarks, shaking the bottle when he has finished. “But then I don't suppose you taste things the same way I do.”

Nela is giving him a befuddled look. Mike can't blame her.

She stays quiet just long enough for him to feed her, and he has barely settled down with a bowl of Cheerios before her lip starts quivering and her cries fill the air again.

Mike suppresses a sigh, dropping his spoon into the bowl as he goes to pick her up. She pushes her body away from him, crying louder, and the message is as clear as any Mike has ever received.

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” he murmurs, trying to soothe her by running a steady hand up and down her back. “I know you want your mom. I know you miss her. I'm sorry I can't make it better.”

It hits him just how bad he feels for her, this tiny girl who only had one parent to begin with and now has nobody at all, nobody but Mike to look after her.

“It's gonna be like this for a while, if missing someone as a baby is anything like it is when you're older,” he tells her quietly. “Trust me, I know what it feels like. Really sucks, doesn't it? Difference is, you're young enough to forget all about this.” He halts, imagining having no memories of his parents, having grown up without ever knowing them. “I'm just not sure if that's a good thing or not.”

Nela continues to wet his shoulder, having given up trying to get away from him and instead grudgingly seeking comfort from the touch. He lets her cry, humming softly as he paces the room, wishing he had even the first idea what to do.

He doesn't know how much time has passed when her crying eventually turns into more of a whimper, and Mike decides it's safe to put her back in her seat and have breakfast since he can't see her calming down completely in the near future. Not that he blames her. The cereal is nothing but a damp mash by now, but he swallows it down in record time in case Nela demands his attention again.

She doesn't really fall silent until he distracts her by playing the same nursery rhyme on YouTube on repeat – it's the fourth one he has tried – and even then she looks miserable. Mike's heart breaks a little for her, and he realizes that this is going to be harder on him than he initially thought. He hasn't even taken the emotional aspect of this into consideration. He is hit by a sudden wave of yearning for someone to be there and comfort _him_ , to take the weight of this responsibility from his shoulders, if only for a little while.

To keep himself from thinking too much about things he doesn't want to go into right now – or calling Harvey – he moves around and cleans up the surprisingly big mess he has produced since yesterday, making peace with the fact that he is never going to get that nursery rhyme out of his head again.

The morning passes slowly. As soon as he deems it acceptable Mike makes a call to set up the delivery of Nela's furniture to his apartment. Since Nela was Carolina's only family and she appointed Mike her guardian, he is also inheriting all of her belongings. Taking Nela's stuff is a given, but there are more things he wants to keep for her, things that will give her an idea about who her mother was when she is older. He packs up Nela in several layers, having no idea what the appropriate clothing for a baby in early January is and figuring that she'd rather sweat than be cold, and heads to the address he was given to meet the people in charge.

Carolina wasn't rich, and the place she lived in is even smaller than Mike's apartment. He puts Nela onto a blanket on the ground and rolls up his sleeves, then goes through her belongings. It takes tragically little time to sort everything out, and by the end of it he finds himself staring at the small collection of items he chose to keep.

Her laptop and a camera's memory card, a book from her night table, two photographs of an elderly couple from the kitchen wall, a stuffed rabbit that Mike assumes was Carolina's, some well-worn shirts and a perfume bottle with the scent she always used to leave behind, and two notebooks, one of them only half filled.

Just a pile of clutter to sum up a human life.

It bugs him that this is all he will be able to hand over to Nela's new parents, for her to possess when she is old enough. He can't exactly pride himself on having known Carolina well, they did get along but their connection was brief and barely scratched the surface of who she was. He is still stumped that he apparently left enough of an impression for her to put her daughter's life into his hands, but trusting each other doesn't mean that either of them knew all the little quirks and details that make up someone's character.

But Mike got to know _something_ – her kindness, her faith in the good winning out, her stubborn refusal to back down from what she felt was right – and the sad pile before him makes him even more determined to preserve that impression. It's the least he can do.

He takes a deep breath, running a hand over his face before he puts the items into a box, allowing himself another moment of silence.

It's a good thing he does, because Nela starts crying on their way home, earning him a few pitiful looks from the movers as they unload her stuff in the middle of his apartment. There isn't anywhere else for it to go, really.

She continues her wailing as Mike feeds her, baths her, sings to her, carries her, and finally puts her down when he realizes that nothing is going to make it better at the moment and he might as well start unpacking and trying to regain a sense of order amidst this chaos.

The rest of the day passes in a blur of diapers, bottles and crying that eventually grows more infrequent, if due to exhaustion or her finally accepting his presence, Mike doesn't know. Not that he actually cares at the moment. He immediately slumps on the sofa and takes a nap whenever he gets the chance, which does nothing for his sleeping rhythm but at least keeps him upright when Nela decides to cry away the better part of the night.

The hours bleed into each other, and in between long stretches of silence and tidying up what he can before Nela has him on his toes again, it's suddenly Sunday night. Mike couldn't say what he has spent all weekend doing if he were under oath. He is more exhausted than he can ever remember feeling, and his working hours don't exactly leave him well rested either. He almost looks forward to going back to work tomorrow, to at least pretend that some things are still normal.

The fact that he will get to see Harvey after what feels like much longer than a weekend does play into it as well.

Before that, he first needs to get through the night though. And Nela seems determined to take her sweet time with crying herself to sleep. Mike has been going in circles for over an hour, his voice already hoarse from singing. He keeps doing it anyway since it at least has an almost meditative effect on _him_ , if not on Nela.

It's minutes later, maybe hours, that she finally calms down enough to slump against his shoulder, her wet face pressed into the crook of his neck. Her little fists are balled up around his shirt, holding on tightly.

Mike feels the weight of her body against his chest, resting his cheek on her head as he rubs her back. He murmurs gentle assurances to her as he closes his eyes, allowing himself to just be there and breathe and feel for a moment. For the first time the touch is for him as much as it is for her, to reassure and support and help in the only way they know, the most basic connection between two living beings. They remain this way for a long time, drawing silent comfort from each other.


	2. Chapter 2

Monday morning has Harvey squirming in his seat, impatient to get a look at Mike and assess the situation. He gets to the office a little earlier than usual, striding past Mike's still empty desk. It isn't a rare occurrence for Harvey to arrive before Mike, but the sight still makes him frown.

He hasn't heard from Mike all weekend, and while he respects his decision to deal with this on his own, he wishes he had heard _something_ from him, just to let him know that he is doing alright.

The radio silence was disturbing to say the least, worrying him enough to nearly break his intent to let Mike have the weekend to himself and check on him. It's tiresome, this caring business.

He heads for his office and tells Donna to send Mike straight to him once she sees him. As it turns out, that isn't necessary.

“Hey,” the desired voice interrupts his reading only a few minutes later. Harvey looks up to find Mike standing in the doorway, looking a little rumpled but otherwise unscathed. Harvey doesn't know what he expected, but the sight is a relief nonetheless. “Can I talk to you?”

“Of course.” Harvey drops his file, getting up to round the desk. “Sit down.”

The relief lasts until they take a seat on the sofa and Harvey gets a closer look at Mike's face or, more precisely, the dark shadows on it. He has seen Mike dead on his feet after an all-nighter. This is much worse.

“I've seen dead people looking more alive than you.”

Mike just holds up a finger and shushes him, his eyes bright. “You hear that?” he asks, not even deeming the statement worth a response.

Harvey listens intently for a few seconds, then frowns at him. “Hear what? There's nothing.”

“Exactly.” Mike smiles, looking only a little like a lunatic. “Silence.”

Harvey lifts his brows as Mike closes his eyes, hanging his head to take in the quiet. “That bad?”

“Pretty bad,” Mike says softly. “I mean, she's just lost her mom and now lives with a complete stranger. I don't blame her. It's just... unfamiliar. I never really had anything to do with kids before, never mind a crying six-month-old that misses her mother. I just hope she's quieter at the day care, for the sake of the teachers. I already stressed them enough with all the paperwork that got dumped on them now that I'm Nela's guardian.”

Harvey shakes his head a little at the sight of him, exhausted down to his bones and still worrying about the teachers.

“You should have called me.”

Mike just smiles, not saying anything as he stares at the wall.

“I don't make promises I don't intend to keep, Mike,” Harvey presses on. “I meant what I said. You don't have to play the hero if there's something I can help you with.”

Mike turns to look at him. “It's fine,” he says, his expression softening. “I'm fine.” Then he sits up, straightening his shoulders. “But I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?” Harvey asks immediately, listening intently as Mike continues, fidgeting with his hands.

“So I know we haven't discussed this yet, and you're not going to like this, but I've been thinking. This kid is going to stay with me for the foreseeable future, right? I don't know how long it's going to take me to find her a new home, but it's not something I can just rush, so it might be months or even longer. And Pearson Hardman isn't exactly known for its flexible work hours. Nela is at the day care during the week, but they can't keep her there until late in the evening all the time, and I don't want that anyway. And with the search for her new home I'll have to take on- well, we both know it doesn't add up.”

He leaves it to Harvey to fill in the blanks.

“You want to reduce hours.”

“Yeah.”

“No.”

Mike blinks at him. “What?”

“Don't misunderstand me. I see where you're coming from, and I agree that something has to change in order for this to work. But I won't allow you to reduce your hours now, not at a crucial point in your career like this. You've worked hard to make a name for yourself over the past few months. I won't let you step back now only to be forgotten again.”

“But you just said it can't work this way, so how-”

“It can't,” Harvey agrees, holding up a hand to silence him. “So here's what we're going to do. Necessary court dates, meetings, and all that will be scheduled for the mornings, noon or afternoon at the latest so you can pick up Nela in time. Trials will be the exception, but we can cross that bridge when we get to it. You're here in the mornings, and in the afternoon when it fits. That's an option, by the way, not a condition. If it's more comfortable for you to only spend the mornings here, then that's how it's going to be. Generally it'll work like this – we split the work into what can be done from home and things you need to be here for. You get everything from the first pile, I take care of the second. You come here in the mornings, leave when you see fit, and take with you the amount of work you need to fulfill your daily quota. You're still working the same amount, but you're free to do it from home and at any point that is most convenient for you.”

Mike listens to Harvey in silence, thinking the offer over once he's finished.

“That splitting the work arrangement will probably leave more for you to do.”

“I used to do all of your work myself,” Harvey points out. “I can handle it.”

“Yeah but you shouldn't have to, if you have me.”

“Needs must, Mike. I obviously wouldn't do it if I knew you were enjoying yourself in the meantime, but it's not like you'll be sitting around doing nothing. It's the best way to ensure you keep your career, I keep my associate, and what needs to be done gets done.”

Mike chews on his lip, his eyes drifting to the floor. “Jessica won't-”

“I'll talk to Jessica,” Harvey firmly interrupts before he can even finish that thought. “Just leave that to me.”

Mike purses his lips, narrowing his eyes as he gazes at Harvey. “You really think you can work something like that out?”

“Have you met me? I'm the best goddamn closer in this city. I'll get it done. Besides, Jessica is a hard leader, but not an inhumane one. You have a right to paternity leave like anyone else, she would never deny you that.”

Mike huffs out a laugh. “I'm just an associate.”

Mike isn't _just_ anything, not to Harvey and not to the firm, and so Harvey says, “You're an employee of Pearson Hardman, and as such you're part of the family. We look out for our own.” He pauses, the corner of his mouth lifting. “Also, you're _my_ associate and I will damn well let you work the way I see fit.”

Mike smiles a little at that, but he still looks troubled. “Hey,” Harvey says, putting his hand on Mike's knee. Mike's eyes snap to his. “Is this because you're worried you can't handle it? Listen, I know you think I'm a hardass, but contrary to popular belief I'm not actually interested in overworking my employees until they burn out. I'm interested in challenging and supporting their abilities in order to get the best results. I wouldn't suggest this if I didn't think you could handle it.”

“No, it's not... I can see that you have my career in mind, but-”

“It's not just that,” Harvey interrupts, shaking his head. “I don't just think you can handle it. I think you need it.”

Mike looks at him, silence stretching for a long moment before he nods. “You're right,” he admits. “I do, I need the work, but I don't- I'm not sure how I can split my time between the firm and Nela in a way that won't make me feel like I'm a terrible guardian.”

“Don't worry.” Harvey pats his knee, then reluctantly withdraws his hand. “You'll figure it out. You always do.” Mike nods at that, and Harvey is pleased to see his shoulders relaxing slightly at his words. Just to make sure he is getting the message he adds, “And if you can't handle whatever's being thrown at you, you come to me.”

Mike meets his eyes, his lips curving into a smile. “Jeez, Harvey, if only the other associates knew you actually do have a heart.”

Harvey hears the words for what they are, only nodding in reply. “Don't go around flailing about it,” he gives back dryly, relieved by the more relaxed expression on his face. “That's settled then. I'll talk to Jessica once she returns from her meeting. As for today, you leave when you need to.”

“Right. Thank you.”

“This means that I expect nothing less than your best, kid. Not just today, for the entirety of this arrangement.”

Mike smiles, easily falling back into their roles. “Got it, boss.”

“Good.” Harvey leans back, satisfied to have gotten this over so quickly. He expected more resistance from Mike, if only for the sake of it. He does seem hell bent on denying himself what is best for him out of sheer stubbornness sometimes. “Now, is there anything else? Something I can help with?”

Mike shrugs a little. “I'll be fine.”

“Mike.” The playful air of their banter vanishes as Harvey turns serious again. Mike holds his gaze as he leans in, making it clear that he isn't joking. “Don't do this.”

“Do what?” Mike asks, though they both know what he is talking about.

“Insist on doing everything on your own. There must be a hundred things you have to take care of right now. If there's anything I can do to help, whatever it is, you let me know, you got that? Don't hesitate out of some misguided sense of needing to prove yourself. There's a time and place for everything, and you have proven yourself enough times to show that you're capable. Now this is a time when you need help, and there is nothing wrong with accepting it when it's offered. And I _am_ offering, Mike. I want to be there for you. I can help you take care of this.”

Harvey falls silent as Mike takes his words in, replaying what he just said in his head. He didn't mean to say quite this much, and he almost wishes he could take back some of the more revealing stuff that slipped out, but when he glances at Mike's face, so obviously having needed to hear those words, he can't bring himself to regret any of it. The lines they are treading are blurring anyway. Harvey would struggle to find an adequate term to describe their relationship if pressed, and he suspects so would Mike. He is under no illusion that he is harboring the same feelings Harvey is trying so hard to suppress – and failing spectacularly – but the fact remains that they are levels above boss and employee, something entirely different from simple friends, and far too charged for familial ties, at least on Harvey's side.

Mike opens his mouth to reply, effectively snapping Harvey out of his thoughts, then closes it again without saying anything. He takes a deep breath, obviously thinking, his eyes turned upwards as he rests his head on the back. When he speaks, the words are nothing Harvey expected.

“Do you remember the details of Carolina's case?”

Harvey leans back against the sofa. “Vaguely.”

“She was working for a hotel. One of those super fancy ones on the Upper East Side. When she got pregnant they fired her and offered to pay her three more months worth of salary if she signed an affidavit that she quit on her own account. She refused, and they cut off her money.”

Harvey nods. “Right.”

Mike stares at the ceiling like he hasn't heard him. Maybe he really hasn't, as deep in thought as he looks. “She was so scared when she came to us. When I first talked to her she started crying. She had no family, no contact to the baby's father, and now no steady income to provide for herself or the baby. 'What am I supposed to do now?' she asked me. 'How am I going to care for my child and for myself?'”

“What did you tell her?” Harvey asks when he falls silent, apparently lost in memories. Mike turns his head, leveling his eyes at Harvey.

“I said that I knew what she was feeling, what it was like to have responsibility for someone else's life when you didn't even know how to care for yourself.”

“Your grandmother,” Harvey realizes after a moment of confusion. Mike nods.

“I told her that I'd been in a similar situation, hopeless and pretty damn desperate. And that by some strange twist of fate I'd found someone who helped me. I told her about you, Harvey, about what you'd done for me. Not in so many words of course, but she got the gist. I told her that you had given me the opportunity of a lifetime, a chance to get out of the tide, and that because of that the last few months of Grammy's life were the most comfortable she'd had in ages. That I had the best job I could ask for, a steady income and a better life, and that all it had taken was someone who had believed I was worthy of being saved. Someone who had looked at me and said, 'I'm going to give this guy a chance'. And that was all she needed, too. Someone who would give her a chance at a better life. I told her that there was someone who had done that for me, and that now I was going to do the same for her. I said, 'I'll be for you what Harvey is for me. I'll be that person for you.' And then I did what I had to do to keep that promise. To give back some of what you gave me.”

Mike's statement is followed by silence. Harvey wants to say something, anything, and for the first time in a long while finds himself lost for words. Mike's eyes rest on him, the weight of his gaze making him feel hot all over. Harvey can't bear to look at him, and yet he can't look away.

He swallows past the lump in his throat. “Mike...”

They are not ones for emotional declarations, and this, Harvey thinks, has to be why. They show each other that they care with deeds, not words. Harvey doesn't have the first idea what to say to this, something between a dry _look at you, kid, going all sentimental on me_ and _come over here so I can kiss you senseless, how the hell do you always manage to make me_ feel _so goddamn much_. He's either going to be entirely too cold or too heartfelt, and he doesn't know which is worse. He doesn't want to put Mike through either. It's only going to leave them both uncomfortable.

Thankfully, Mike saves him from having to come up with a reply that won't make him cross about twenty lines. “The point is, you've always been there for me. You've always taken care of me, in ways you can't begin to understand.” He sits up, his voice calm as he continues, “I really do appreciate the offer, Harvey. But there's nothing else you can do for the moment. I need to figure out my own flow first, you know? I need to be able to do that by myself.”

Harvey nods slowly. “Right. I get that. But if there _is_ something else...”

“Then I know who to bother,” Mike finishes. He holds Harvey's gaze for a moment, and Harvey has to swallow and sit back when neither of them looks away. It is all too easy to forget where he is with Mike, to forget all the work that needs to be done and all the reasons why he shouldn't act on the agonizing impulse to lean in and seal their lips together.

He clears his throat, trying to erase those images from his mind.

“Well, if that was all then you had better get to work, rookie. Your schedule is going to be different soon, but not exactly easier.”

Mike pushes himself to his feet. “Yeah, I'm totally not a rookie anymore.”

“You are one again now,” Harvey calls after him as he leaves the office. “Parenting's a bitch.”

“You would know all about that,” Mike gives back with a grin and a roll of his eyes before he's gone.

* * *

Mike is a little worried when he hurries into the day care directly after work, not knowing what to expect, but he is neither greeted by loud crying nor someone rushing towards him to inform him of Nela's terrible condition, so things can't have gone too wrong.

Instead he is approached by a young teacher who sees him standing in the door, looking a little lost. “Can I help you?”

“Yeah, hi. My name is Mike Ross, I'm here to pick up Nela Arden? Er, you weren't there this morning so I don't know if anyone told you, but-”

“Of course, you're her new guardian,” she interrupts, waving him inside. “I've heard about what happened to Carolina. It's so terrible. Nela is with the other children, I'll take you to her.”

“Great, thanks.” He swallows. “So, how was she? Is she doing okay?”

“She's fine.” The teacher shoots him a smile. “A little exhausted, cried for a while this morning, but she's been doing alright ever since.”

Mike breathes out a sigh of relief. “Right. That's good. Isn't it?”

“It is. She's behaving perfectly normal, there's nothing for you to worry about.” She glances at him. “You weren't a friend of Carolina's, were you?”

“No, actually I was her, ah, lawyer.” He laughs nervously. “That makes it sound really weird, doesn't it? We got along well. She must have trusted me a lot to appoint me Nela's guardian, so...”

“I'm not asking because I'm questioning her choice,” the woman says, giving him a reassuring smile. “I just meant to say, you're not someone Nela is familiar with, so it's normal that she needs some time to adjust to having you around. Especially if she's looking for her mom.”

“Yeah, that.” Mike chews on his lip. “How long do you think it's gonna take her to understand she's not coming back? Does she even realize?”

“She only knows that she wants her mother, but she isn't there.” She frowns. “It's an awful thing to say, but she's going to forget about her as she adjusts to the new environment, the new people. It's you she's going to be looking to for comfort. She's only six months old, I don't think it's going to take that long.”

Mike exhales slowly. Somehow that doesn't comfort him at all. He thanks the teacher, then steps into the room to swoop Nela up from the floor.

“There you are!” he greets her, ignoring the way his arms are protesting at her weight. He should really throw in a trip to the gym sometime. The thought almost makes him laugh. He doesn't even know how he is going to manage the workload he took home today. He tries to keep any worries out of his voice as he says, “Hey, Nela. How are you doing? You ready to go home with me?”

He heaves a sigh of relief when she babbles something he takes as an affirmative, blinking at him before resting her head on his shoulder. Baby steps.

They return to the apartment, which sadly hasn't cleaned itself since they left in a hurry this morning, and Mike decides that there is no use in even trying and just drops on the sofa to press his palms against his eyes, in desperate need of a quiet moment to himself.

It all goes south from there.

He doesn't know if it's something about the different environment or him or if she is just in the mood to cry, but she starts as soon as he sits up and won't let herself be calmed down for _hours_. Between cooking, feeding her, and trying to focus on the briefs he needs to go through Mike can't catch his breath, and a little rest even less. When she does cry herself to sleep he passes out with his clothes still on, and by the time she wakes him again he doesn't feel rested at all.

He puts his hopes on a better day tomorrow, but finds them sorely disappointed.

It's practically the same ordeal every day after that. Harvey clears his new working arrangement with Jessica like he promised, and Mike _manages_ , but he mostly just functions. He knows he is jittery and on edge at work and entirely out of it as soon as he steps into the confinement of his apartment, but there is nothing he can do to help it. His mind is focused on Nela and keeping her as happy as he can, which, if he has to make a guess, is something he is failing spectacularly at. She does seem to lean on him for comfort more after a few days, and it's a small consolation every time she reaches for him or nestles into his neck, but it does nothing to reduce the amount of stress weighing on his shoulders and Mike is fundamentally tired, to his very bones. He feels like he is being stretched thin, each worry and every task he needs to do eating away at him until he wants to scream or just hide in a hole.

There is no time for himself, no opportunity to take a step back and just breathe. He wonders how single parents do it, but knows at the same time that it's not the baby alone that's causing this descent into madness. Nela is challenging in her restlessness, but he could handle it if that was all. It's the combination of work and looking after her with not a moment to just take a break that's gnawing on him.

He doesn't want to complain, feels bad to even think about it. It's not that he's ungrateful. Harvey was right, he needs the work or he is going to go insane. He loves his job and he's eternally grateful to Harvey for giving him the opportunity to not just start it, but now keep it thanks to the new arrangement – and to Jessica too, he supposes, for letting herself be talked into it. The thought makes him feel a little less alone, like he does have people that actually have his back, and he draws comfort from that. It doesn't ease the amount of work he has to get through every day (and most nights, once Nela has finally fallen asleep), but it gives him something to hold on to.

He doesn't dare ask anyone for help. There aren't many people he could burden with this to begin with – if he is honest then the only person he can think of since Grammy died is Harvey. He is sure Rachel wouldn't turn him away but that doesn't mean he is comfortable imposing on her. And with Harvey, it's... complicated. Mike is fairly certain that once he starts opening that particular gate there will be more water flooding through than he can keep at bay. He can only hold it together for so long, and allowing Harvey to see the cracks would make his composure shatter into a thousand pieces, he's sure of that. There is too much he is holding inside, concerning Nela and Harvey and what he feels and it's too dangerous to even think about going there. So he doesn't.

Instead he sticks to himself, interacts with Harvey only a bare minimum at the office, ignoring the way his concerned gaze follows him around everywhere. He is too busy keeping up with his own life to think about that. He falls into a routine that lacks all rhythm, barely able to tell morning from afternoon from the middle of the night, and it takes him almost a week before he even realizes that he has yet to get in touch with people to set up meetings with potential new parents. Time loses all meaning; there is only work and home, home meaning even more work. It might just be the most chaotic time in Mike's life, and that's saying something.

On the bright side, his arms are finally adjusting to the constant strain.

Somehow that's not really comforting at all.

* * *

Harvey didn't realize how used he has grown to constantly having Mike around until he starts disappearing every day around noon. Things at the firm mostly carry on as usual despite his conspicuous absence, though Harvey does find himself with a little more work on his desk than before and a little less banter in between, but it's not like he didn't anticipate that.

What really distracts him is when Mike is actually there. Because he might be present physically, but Harvey can tell that he is coming more and more undone by the second.

And he just won't talk to him about it.

It doesn't give him any rest. Harvey's eyes snap to Mike almost automatically every time he is close, like a compulsion he can't fight, but Mike never takes the silent invitation to come into his office and talk, and so Harvey tells himself to respect his decision and just give him time to adjust.

He seriously questions that decision when he looks up from his laptop about two weeks into the new arrangement to find a ruffled Mike hovering in the doorway, looking unsure about coming in but desperate not to go back out there.

“Are you alright?” Harvey asks in concern, and it's about all he gets out before Mike is overcome by his agitation, his face crumbling a second before his shoulders slump and he bows his head, hiding his face in his hands.

“Mike?” Harvey is out of his seat in a second, startled by the sudden outburst. Mike's shoulders shake minutely before he draws a deep, almost painful looking breath, rubbing at his face frantically.

“Oh god, I'm sorry, I just- can I just stay here for a moment, I'm-”

“Hey, it's fine,” Harvey cuts him off, rounding his desk to cross the distance between them. Mike flails a little, too out of it to know what to do, and Harvey doesn't even think about putting a hand on his back, firmly guiding him to the sofa.

“That's it,” he murmurs, lowering himself next to him once Mike has realized that he wants him to sit down.

“Sorry, I'm not- I don't know what's-”

“Mike, calm down. It's okay. Just... let it out, it's fine.”

Harvey watches in horror as he buries his face in his hands again, his erratic breathing coming in choked sobs that tear at Harvey's heart, rendering him completely helpless.

Seeing Mike come apart like this is distressing, but not knowing what to do to help even more so. Harvey hesitantly reaches for him, resting a gentle hand on his arm. Mike leans into the touch immediately, and so Harvey throws all restrictions overboard and pulls him into a comforting hug before he can remember all the reasons why he shouldn't. Mike needs this, and Harvey will be damned if he refuses him.

It seems to be the right thing to do. Mike drops his head on his shoulder, burying his face in the fabric of his shirt as he tries to take deep breaths, his efforts clearly in vain. His voice is muffled when he speaks.

“I can't do this, Harvey. I can't do it.” His fingers fist into his shirt, probably leaving creases. Harvey couldn't care less.

“You're okay,” he murmurs, figuring that platitudes are more helpful than actual arguments right now, at least until Mike has calmed down enough to listen.

He doesn't know how long they are sitting there, holding on to each other, Harvey rubbing soothing circles onto Mike's back and muttering nonsense until his breathing evens out. Mike eventually lifts his head from his shoulder, wiping at his eyes and nose, and Harvey makes a mental note to thank Donna later for blocking his calls and keeping everyone out of his office.

He leans over to grab a box of tissues, handing it to Mike in silence. He takes it gratefully, his fingers tightening around it as he takes a deep breath.

“Better?” Harvey asks quietly, and Mike nods, not meeting his eyes.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“Don't be.” Harvey frowns as he gives him a scrutinizing look, taking in his puffy eyes. There are dark circles underneath them that have nothing to do with the crying, a stark contrast to the paleness of his skin. “You ready to talk about it?”

Mike shrugs a little, giving a small nod as he lets out a deep breath. “I guess.”

Harvey's frown deepens.

“What's brought this on? Am I overworking you? Have I miscalculated?”

Mike shakes his head. “No, it's not that.” He lets out a shaky laugh, devoid of any humor. “Work is actually the least of my problems right now. I almost look forward to the never-ending stacks of files because at least with those I know I'm doing a good job.”

The tone of his voice alarms Harvey instantly. He sounds entirely defeated, like a man on the edge of giving up.

“So it's about Nela?” Harvey shakes his head. “Mike, listen. Most people have an explicit wish to become a parent, and even if they don't they have several months to prepare. You had a child dumped on you overnight. You had no time to prepare for becoming a guardian or a parent. I think you're allowed to feel overwhelmed. That doesn't mean that you're not doing well.”

Mike stares at the ground miserably. “I don't know. I just feel like I'm doing such a poor job of dealing with this whole thing. I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. I feel like such a failure.”

“You're not,” Harvey immediately says, his voice adamant. “You're anything but. Nela is healthy, she's being cared for, she has someone who is giving up a lot to keep her happy and safe. Just like her mother knew you would. You think she made this decision lightly? She saw something in you that told her that you were the right person for this. She knew what she was doing, Mike.”

Mike takes in his words in silence, and Harvey can tell he is thinking. He knows that what he is saying is the truth. If there is one thing he can't argue with, it's logic.

“I just wish I could talk to her,” he sighs eventually. “Ask her for her opinion, see if she's happy with how I'm handling things.”

“I know it's not the same, but if you want to know what I think, it's that you're handling things admirably.” Harvey only hesitates briefly before continuing. “Seriously, Mike. You're doing remarkably well, all things considered. I don't know if _I_ could have done it,” he admits.

Mike didn't seem to expect that, if his shocked expression is anything to go by. Harvey watches him, looking so young with his shoulders slumped, face haggard with an exhaustion he shouldn't have to deal with, one that is rooted in a much more complicated cause than simple lack of sleep.

“Mike,” Harvey begins hesitantly, frowning as he says, “You know you don't have to do this, right? If you really feel like it's too much. You don't have to do it just because she wanted you to.”

Mike looks at him. “Yes, I do,” he says, and there is no hesitation in the statement, only conviction, like it's a simple truth that can't be altered. And Harvey supposes that's right. Because Mike wouldn't be Mike without his bleeding heart.

“Yes,” he echoes, feeling resigned and fond and something akin to proud all at once. “I suppose you do.”

Mike nods, knowing he understands. “That makes it easier in a way, you know. Giving up is not an option, so I can't do it. I just have to get through it.”

“And you are,” Harvey points out. “No reason to beat yourself up about it. Besides, I told you, you're not alone in this. You don't have to do this all by yourself.”

“I know.” Mike pulls his shoulders up, giving him a small smile as he rubs his nose. “I know now that I can come cry on your shoulder whenever I need to.”

“Well, yes.” Harvey lifts an eyebrow. He knows Mike is uncomfortable because of his breakdown, but he refuses to get awkward about it. He won't give him the impression that he is judging him for it when that's so far from the truth. “But that's not what I meant.”

Mike catches his eyes. “I know.” He takes a deep breath, fidgeting with his hands before looking up again. “Okay, look, there's something I've been thinking about. Something I could use your help with.”

Harvey nods, all business. “What do you need?”

He expects a request for a bonus, less work, maybe for him to look for a nanny. What he doesn't expect, however, is for Mike to say, “I want you to help me choose Nela's new parents.”

Harvey opens his mouth. “I-” He blinks, sitting back. “You want me to help with that? Really?”

Mike nods. “I met the first couple yesterday. After work. They were nice enough, but I just... it didn't feel right, you know? I dismissed them on a gut feeling. And I don't know if that's because there was something actually wrong with them or because I panicked. Because I really have no idea what I'm supposed to look for or pay attention to, and I think that maybe I'm just too scared of making this choice to be objective. I could really use a second opinion, and I trust you and your judgment. So.” He swallows. The look he is giving Harvey is almost pleading. “I know it could possibly take up a lot of your free time, but would you help me look for someone?”

“Of course I'll help you,” Harvey promises immediately. “I told you, Mike. I'm here, whatever you need.”

Mike sniffs, then nods with a smile. “Thank you. That's- really, thanks, Harvey.”

His relief is palpable. Harvey lifts his hand before he can burst into tears again. “Not another word.” He smirks. “I won't even bill you for my time.”

It works. Mike chuckles, shooting him a grateful look that tells him that he knows exactly what he's doing but still appreciates it.

“So you want me to be present at interviews?” Harvey asks to distract him.

“Yeah. I mean, it won't be like every weekend or something, don't worry. I'll check out the files I'm getting on the families beforehand and then set up a date to meet them. I thought we could conduct the interviews together.” Harvey nods. “And who knows, maybe we'll find the perfect couple on the first try.”

“Maybe,” Harvey agrees, though he sincerely doubts it. This isn't something he can take lightly, and he knows Mike is probably going to be even pickier. Which isn't exactly a bad thing, but it will drag out the process.

Mike chews on his lip, giving him a considering look. “Maybe I should bring Nela round before that, so she can see you for a while. Adjust to you. You know, because of her stranger anxiety.”

Harvey frowns. He hasn't thought about that before, but the idea of Nela not feeling comfortable around him, him not being familiar to her, displeases him for some reason.

“Come back here after you pick her up tomorrow,” he decides. “Do your work here, in my office. We can give it a try.”

Mike nods eagerly. “If she's too loud we'll just leave,” he promises.

“Don't worry about it. It'll be fine.” Harvey checks his watch. “Go home now, Mike.”

“What? No, it's not noon yet.”

“I know, and I don't care. You're done in for the day, and it's no use to anyone if you stay here like this. You need rest, and you need it now. Go home. Come back when you've had a bit of sleep.”

Mike huffs out a laugh at that. “Tough luck,” he murmurs, but gets up anyway, giving him another grateful look. “Thank you,” he says sincerely, holding his gaze. Harvey just nods.

“I'll see you tomorrow, Mike.”

He watches him go, exchanging a few words with Donna before stuffing his hands into his pockets and heading for the elevators. When he is out of sight Harvey sinks against the back rest, letting out a deep breath. It's a long time before he can focus on the work again.

* * *

“So, the next interview is this weekend.”

Harvey only listens with half an ear, his eyes fixed on the child in Mike's lap. “Mhm.”

“Harvey?”

“What?”

Mike lifts his eyebrows. Harvey can't help but notice the deep shadows still lingering under his eyes. “You free this weekend?”

“Yes. Just tell me when and where.”

“I was thinking Saturday at three, my place. Might be a bit cramped but, well. Nice and cozy, all five of us.” He laughs a little, a thin, jittery sound that makes Harvey wonder just how little he slept last night.

“It'll be fine,” Harvey says. “I'll be there.”

“Thanks.”

“Don't mention it.” He nods towards Nela. “Is she supposed to do that?”

Mike glances down, huffing out a laugh. “Yeah, that's normal. She'll try to stuff her fist into her mouth until she succeeds.” He brushes a hand over her head in a soft caress, smiling as he watches her spreading saliva all over her arm. “I mean, the alternative is that she shouts the entire office down, so...”

“I didn't expect her to be so quiet,” Harvey remarks. Not that he wants her to be loud, but he didn't think he and Mike could work side by side this easily with a baby seated on Mike's lap. Apart from the occasional babbling she has been almost eerily silent, just sucking on her fist and taking in her environment.

“You're gonna wish you hadn't said that.”

Harvey just hums, holding Nela's gaze as she watches him. She has been keeping her eyes on him from the moment they entered the office and Mike insisted that Harvey introduce himself and then sit down beside them so she could 'acclimatize' to him.

“That's normal too, by the way.”

“Hm?”

“That she keeps watching you.” Harvey looks up to find Mike's eyes on him too, smiling slightly. “She watches her surroundings a lot. I think she's actually quite calm when she isn't crying about being ripped away from everything she knows.” He huffs out a quiet laugh. “When she likes someone she doesn't take her eyes off them. So it's a good sign.”

“Of course she likes me,” Harvey says, though he is secretly pleased that her stranger anxiety doesn't extend to him. “Everyone likes me.”

Mike snorts. “Who gave you that idea?”

Nela looks up, blinking at Mike's face as she purses her lips and tries to imitate the sound.

“No, no, don't do that,” Mike tells her, chuckling as he pinches her cheek. “That was just me being silly.”

She furrows her brow, leaning back into him as her attention drifts. Harvey tears his eyes from her and goes back to his work, berating himself for letting a baby distract him.

They go through the files in companionable silence for almost an hour before Mike grabs Nela and puts her on the blanket he's spread on the floor.

“Can you watch her for a minute? I need the toilet.”

“Of course.”

Mike narrows his eyes at him as he gets up. “Donna is right outside.”

“I don't need Donna's help to look after a baby,” Harvey gives back, offended, but he does check if she is at her desk as Mike leaves the office, just to make sure.

Nela rolls from her back onto her belly, but otherwise stays quiet. Harvey almost startles when she lets out a sudden shriek upon seeing Mike in the doorway. Mike's eyes widen, but he gives her a smile as he makes a beeline for her.

“Hey, yeah, I'm back!” he greets her, brushing a finger over her arm before sitting down. Nela follows him with her eyes, her forehead wrinkling in displeasure.

“A-ah!” she squalls, attempting to push herself up on her arms to get a better look at Mike. When she doesn't manage she lets out a cry, then another one when Mike doesn't come to her rescue.

Mike glances at her wearily but doesn't pick her up, and her crying grows louder steadily until neither Harvey nor Mike can pretend to focus anymore.

“Right, I suppose that was all the peace and quiet we're going to get today.” Mike shuts the folder in front of him, giving Harvey an apologetic look. “I don't think she's gonna stop now, I should go.”

Harvey wants to ask how he knows all this, but just nods. “Not bad for a first try though. I expected worse.”

Mike smiles a little, distracted by attempting to collect all his things. “Me too. She must really like you.” He straightens, his chest heaving with an inaudible sigh. “The bad part is only coming now though,” he mumbles, more to himself than Harvey.

He picks Nela up and holds her close as he arranges the car seat, pressing his lips to her forehead in comfort seemingly without thinking before he settles her in. Then he puts his folders into his bag, throws it over his shoulder and grabs the stack of files that Harvey set aside for him on the desk.

“You'll get these by tomorrow,” he promises.

“Saturday is fine,” Harvey says with a wave of his hand. “I'll take them with me after the interview.”

“Right. Thanks.” Mike throws him a smile, gathering Nela in one hand as he balances the files on his other arm. “See you tomorrow!”

“Yeah,” is all Harvey gets to say before he's out of the office, everything somehow firmly in place.

“Doing a poor job my ass,” Harvey mumbles. “What are you even talking about, kid?”

* * *

Saturday has Harvey arriving at Mike's apartment with two cups of coffee an hour early. He tells himself that it's just because he has nothing better to do, but in truth he's itching to see Mike, to check on him and enjoy the easy companionship the two of them have. They barely get to talk at work anymore, not like they used to, and it irks him.

Mike rips the door open with wide eyes almost a minute after he rang the bell, relaxing marginally when he sees Harvey. “Oh, thank god it's you. I thought they were early. I'm not ready yet.” His eyes fall on the cups in his hands. “Is that for me? Oh my god, you're a saint.”

Harvey hands him one with a dry smile. “Extra strong,” he remarks, stepping inside. “Anything I can help with?”

Mike scratches his forehead, gulping down a sip of the coffee. Harvey winces; his own is still too hot to drink, but Mike hardly seems to notice. “Not really, no. I'm sure you didn't come here to clean up my mess, so unless you wanna do my laundry...”

“I can watch the kid,” Harvey offers, and then settles on the sofa next to Nela's playpen. “Hello again,” he says. Nela turns to him at the sound of his voice, her face displaying something like recognition.

Mike promptly begins whirling around the apartment again, somehow managing to leave more of a mess than before, and when he is adequately distracted Harvey gets up to put away a few things here and there.

Together they make the apartment appear somewhat inhabitable by the time the bell rings again. Mike jumps at the sound, hurrying to the door. “That must be them.”

Harvey catches Nela's gaze at his frantic manner, whose expression seems to convey exactly what he's thinking.

“I know,” he murmurs, shaking his head.

He stays in the background when the couple arrives, leaving it to Mike to make the introductions. They both wear the same scrutinizing expression, like they are judging everything and anything in front of them. He briefly wonders if they always looked like that, or if years of marriage turned them into bitter mirror images.

If Mike is struck by the same aversion they give off, he doesn't let it show. “Mr. and Mrs. Davis? Hi, I'm Mike Ross. We talked on the phone, please come in.” He points behind him. “Nela is right over there, and that is Harvey Specter.”

The man frowns. “Who is he?” Looking back and forth between them he says, “They didn't say the girl was staying with two men. Are you two together or what?” He turns to his wife. “They let those kids stay with queers?”

Mike falters, scowling at the man. Harvey can practically watch his incredulity turning into rage before his eyes. He opens his mouth, no doubt to say something that would end this interview prematurely.

“I'm Mike's friend,” Harvey cuts in before either of them can speak, approaching the couple to shake their hands. “I'm here to help him conduct the interviews. Please, take a seat.”

Mr. Davis eyes them for another moment, but lets himself be steered to the sofa by his wife. Mike looks at Harvey, and he shakes his head minutely. _Don't,_ he mouths, and Mike huffs out a breath but schools his features into something vaguely resembling professional neutrality.

They sit down next to each other once Mike has taken Nela out of her playpen. He murmurs something to her, handing her a toy to distract her from the strangers.

“So, Mrs. Davis,” Mike then begins, deliberately addressing the woman, “I read in your file that you already have four children?”

She nods. “Ages two to eleven. They're all ours. I'd like to have more, but I don't want to get pregnant again so we're looking into adoption.”

“And how does that work with four kids? Time-wise, I mean?”

She shrugs. “They can keep themselves busy, can't they? We both work during the day so our eldest looks after the younger ones.”

Mike just stares at her for a moment, evidently holding back something on the tip of his tongue.

“What happens when they get busy with school?” Harvey asks.

“Then the others will be old enough to look after themselves,” she says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world and not a decidedly worrying approach to parenting.

Mike clears his throat. “Right. Er, you have a house?”

“No, an apartment. Some of the kids share rooms.”

“Any plans to move soon?”

“No.”

They continue their line of questioning, with Harvey mostly sitting and watching – and not liking what he is seeing – before Mike reluctantly tells them a little more about Nela.

She is mostly quiet during the conversation, unaware of the strange atmosphere around her, until she interrupts them with a crowing sound, dropping her toy in Mike's lap. Mike is reaching for the toy to give it back to her when Mr. Davis sneers. He glances up. “Something wrong?”

“You're spoiling her.”

“I'm- Excuse me?”

“She's never gonna learn that not everything can go her way if you keep doing that.”

Mike holds out his hand in bewilderment. “She literally just dropped her toy, what's the big deal about giving it back?”

“She's just doing this to get attention from you.”

Mike's jaw tightens. “Maybe,” he says, his voice icy with the effort to stay calm, “if a child wants your attention, you should give it to them.”

Mr. Davis huffs. “Look, you don't have kids, you clearly don't know this, but it's just the beginning of a child terrorizing you for the years to come. If she were mine, I'd never let her get away with this.”

Harvey shifts in his seat when Mike instinctively holds Nela closer to his body, trying to steer the attention to himself before the situation can escalate.

“Mr. Davis, you mentioned something about your working hours earlier. May I ask what it is you do for a living?”

He nods as he replies and does his best to listen, all the while acutely aware of Mike's growing discomfort next to him. He can't say that he is the only one. The thought of leaving any child in this couple's care makes his skin crawl. He keeps the interview going without any real interest in what they have to say, his mind already made up, and Mike's tense posture next to him soon tells him that this is more than enough.

“Well, I think that's it,” he announces, already standing up. “Mike?”

“I'm good,” he gives back tersely, eyes fixed on the couple.

Harvey nods. “If we have any more questions we'll give you a call.”

The couple leaves without even another glance at Nela. When Harvey closes the door after them he turns to find Mike standing behind him, cupping the back of her head protectively. Their eyes meet, conveying everything that needs to be said with a single look.

“Holy freaking shit,” Mike says. Harvey shakes his head, lowering himself back on the sofa.

“Well. That was a disaster. I don't think you needed me here to realize they were the wrong choice,” he remarks dryly.

“Good thing you were, though,” Mike says, following him. “I mean, what the fuck was that? I think I would have decked that dude within the first five minutes if it hadn't been for you. How are these people allowed to have children?”

Nela interrupts him as she babbles to herself, thoroughly uninterested in her toy now. Instead her gaze rests on Harvey from out of the crook of Mike's arm where her head is nestled. They both look at her for a moment.

“We're going to find someone,” Harvey says softly. “There will be someone who is right for her.”

Mike sighs. “Things like this just make it seem impossible, you know?”

Harvey squeezes his shoulder. “It's gonna be okay.”

Mike looks up to meet his eyes, a smile pulling on the corner of his lips. “Any one of a hundred and forty-six other things, right?”

He plays with Nela's fingers, her hand looking minuscule in his. Harvey nods.

“Precisely.”

He steers the conversation to other topics then, managing to take Mike's mind off the situation, though he never really seems to calm down entirely. Harvey thinks that he has been on edge ever since the day Nela was dropped in his lap, and it's clearly taking its toll. But he seems happy enough to keep talking to Harvey, and he figures if it serves to ground him even a little then it's a good thing that he's there, even though it irks him not to be able to do more.

“I should get going,” he eventually says when it's time for Nela's bottle. Mike looks a little dejected but nods.

“Thanks for today,” he says as he gets up, gently putting Nela into her playpen, shushing when she shrieks at the abandonment. She looks up at him with a frown, but falls silent.

Harvey grabs his jacket. “I told you, it's not an issue.”

Mike smiles, genuine and grateful. Harvey swallows and looks away. His eyes fall on a stack of files scattered on the table, which reminds him of something.

“The briefs for the Hackney case?”

“Oh! Right, hold on.” Mike turns on the spot, his gaze darting over the dozens of files everywhere before he moves around to flip through them. Harvey watches him create even more chaos as he whirls around. It's almost painful to witness.

He can't help but wonder how long it will take until Mike collapses under the strain. With his focus so fixed on Nela, he seems to be losing sight of himself and his surroundings entirely. Harvey understands needing time to regain his footing, but the sight of him, jittery and keyed up by his exhaustion, makes him feel helpless with concern.

“There they are,” Mike exclaims triumphantly, staggering back to him with the briefs.

“Thanks.” Harvey takes them, hesitating in the doorway. “Hey,” he says, touching Mike's arm. “You gonna be okay?”

Mike's eyes flicker to his. “Yeah, I'll be fine,” he replies, nodding slightly, but it's so unconvincing that Harvey just tightens his jaw, not reassured in the slightest.

“Right.” He lets out a deep breath, reluctant to go. “If you need anything...”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

Harvey looks at him for another moment before he finally turns around, leaving him with a dull worrying sensation lodged somewhere deep in his chest.

Things were so much easier when he didn't care.


	3. Chapter 3

It doesn't get better over the next few days as Harvey tells himself it will. It gets decidedly worse.

By Wednesday of the following week he is in a foul mood that only worsens when he doesn't see Mike all morning before he leaves again. The sight of the stack in front of him is enough to make him groan. It's not that he can't do it by himself or get someone else to do it for him. It's that he really doesn't want to, and he doesn't trust any of the associates to do it as thoroughly as they should.

Mike would do it within the hour. Would probably even offer to do it without having to be asked.

Harvey lets out a sigh, quietly so Donna doesn't hear. He is busy enough with the new pharmaceutical company the firm is trying to close, but he can't deny that he misses Mike's presence at the office. It's not just his handy memory that is lacking, it's his annoying banter, his talking back, his terrible jokes and the quotes they throw at each other until one of them admits defeat – Harvey, in most cases. His grim determination when it comes to tackling a new case, his excitement when they score a win.

Harvey has lived without an associate at his beck and call for the better part of his career, he is perfectly capable of managing his work without one. Filling the empty space where the man he has gotten so used to relying on, looking after and just having around should be, however? Impossible.

No matter what Harvey does, his thoughts keep wandering, continuously ending up in the same spot, all circling around Mike and what he is doing right now.

Donna would say that he is fixated, has done so on several occasions in fact. So he might be a little fixated on Mike. It's not like he doesn't _know_. He just doesn't care.

What he does care about is how Mike is holding up, and seeing him run around the office like a headless chicken when he isn't slumped over his desk during the few hours he's there isn't exactly reassuring.

So he decides to pay him a visit after lunch. He brings a stack of files along that Mike doesn't actually need to look over until early next week just to have an excuse to step by. He expects to maybe stay for a coffee, catch up with Mike a little, possibly give him a hand with a thing or two if Nela is keeping him busy.

What he doesn't expect is the door being ripped open only seconds after he rings the bell and a finger being pressed against his lips as he is pulled inside and shushed aggressively, nor the state of sheer chaos the flat is in. If he thought it was bad during the interview, he hadn't seen anything yet.

There are bottles everywhere. The sofa is covered in what seems to be a mix of adult and baby clothing. The floor is a mess of plastic toys, stuffed animals, and books that make Harvey raise his eyebrows. The kitchen looks like a disaster zone, half eaten bowls of cereal and undefinable food spread everywhere, and there is a heap of white powder on the counter that Harvey really hopes is instant milk.

His gaze flickers back to Mike. His shirt is stained and his hair sticks up in all directions, and there is an expression in his eyes Harvey can only describe as feral.

Right. One thing at a time. Harvey takes Mike's wrist and removes his finger from his lips, but doesn't let go.

“What,” he asks in a steady voice, “are you doing?”

“She literally _just_ fell asleep,” Mike explains, nodding towards his bed. Harvey catches a glimpse of a sleeping baby in the crib next to it.

“She looks dead to the world.”

“Don't be fooled. You breathe in the wrong direction and she wakes up. Any chance of catching some sleep yourself? Gone.“

“Speaking of sleep...”

“Ha. What's that? I don't know. I've never heard of it.”

Mike looks a little out of it, bordering on maniac, but if he can still crack a joke Harvey figures he can't have lost it entirely. “You're funny.”

“You're just jealous of my ability to still be hilarious while running on-” he pretends to think- “exactly zero hours of sleep.”

Harvey snorts. “You're right. It keeps me up at night.”

Mike grins at that, and Harvey responds in kind. He then realizes that he is still holding Mike's wrist and reluctantly lets go. Mike looks down at the loss of contact as if he hasn't noticed either.

To cover up the fact that they basically just held hands, Harvey clears his throat. “Now, there's an important question I need to ask you.”

“What?”

“Why do you have a book on breastfeeding?”

Mike rolls his eyes. “That's what you almost disturbed her sleep for, is it? There's a chapter on alternatives to breastfeeding in it, smartass.”

Harvey lets the remark slip and asks instead, “Isn't she old enough for bottles and baby food anyway?”

Mike gives him a look that clearly conveys _what the hell do_ you _know_ before narrowing his eyes.

“Wait, why _are_ you here? What are you- shit.” His eyes grow almost comically wide. “The Smith briefs. I am _so_ sorry, I swear I didn't- I don't know where my-”

“Mike,” Harvey cuts him off when his eyes start darting around the room frantically. “It's okay. I don't need the Smith briefs until Friday.”

“What day is it?”

“Wednesday.”

Mike blinks. “Oh.” His shoulders slump as he relaxes marginally. He runs a hand through his hair, somehow managing to leave it even messier than before. Harvey resolutely ignores the urge to run his fingers through it and straighten it out.

“So why are you here? Did I miss something else? Do you need me?”

“I wanted to check on you and give you these,” Harvey says, pointing at the files he is carrying, “but never mind that now. I see I came at the right time. Tell you what, I'll stay with the kid and you go and pack your things.”

Mike's eyes shoot up, confusion written all over his face. “What?”

“Pack your things,” Harvey repeats, not having realized how serious he is until he says it out loud, “you can't live like this. You're moving in with me.”

Mike's mouth falls open. “I'm moving in with you,” he echoes flatly, and the sight of him is so endearing that Harvey can't help the amusement rising in him.

“Yes.”

Mike crosses his arms. “No.”

Harvey blinks, taken aback by the immediate refusal. “What?”

“No, Harvey,” Mike repeats, a frown creasing his forehead. Harvey lifts his hands.

“Why not?”

“Because,” Mike begins, then falls silent.

“Because...?” Harvey prompts when nothing follows, raising his eyebrows. Mike's eyes snap up to his, and there is a sudden flash of anger Harvey didn't expect.

“You can't _do_ this. You can't just waltz in here and make decisions about my life.”

“Mike-”

“No, Harvey, you listen to me. This is my life, my apartment, and I'm a goddamn grown man and I can make decisions by myself, I don't need you to take away every bit of control I have left!”

Mike doesn't seem to notice how alarming that statement sounds. Harvey senses a bigger underlying issue here, but before he can say anything Mike continues, eyes narrowed, “Besides, you live in a flat that's practically made of glass. There's a fireplace and high tech stuff and everything. Not exactly childproof, is it?”

Harvey suppresses a sigh. “Mike. You're living in a dump. It's bad enough when it's just you, but you're legally an adult.” Mike huffs, but Harvey talks right over him. “However, when a baby comes into it, things change. You don't have space for yourself. _She_ doesn't have space. She doesn't even have her own room, for god's sake!”

“Maybe she'll be long gone before she needs one,” Mike argues, and Harvey rolls his eyes.

“These things can take months, Mike, especially when you're taking the search for her new home as seriously as you do.”

“Exactly! Months, Harvey,” Mike says, “have you thought about that? Do you even realize what it means to live with a baby for even a short while, let alone actual months?”

Harvey rolls his eyes. “Really, Mike. Despite of what people might think, I do know a thing or two about babies. It's not like I've never seen one before, and I do think I've handled worse things in my life.” Mike opens his mouth to object, but Harvey continues before he can speak. “Now, I'm not asking you to move in to somehow undermine the way you've taken care of Nela so far-”

“You're not asking at all,” Mike corrects. Harvey just gives him a look.

“Semantics. But no, it's not because I think you can't handle it by yourself. I'm asking because you don't _have_ to do this on your own, and it would be better for everyone involved if you got over whatever complex it is that's keeping you from accepting this offer.”

Mike still looks torn, but Harvey can see that the fight has left him. “For everyone but you,” he points out.

“I can handle it.”

Mike gives him a look, frowning as he puts his hands on his hips. He looks lost like this, young and unsure, and Harvey wants nothing more than to make him stop feeling like that.

“Look, Harvey,” he begins, sucking his lower lip between his teeth as he thinks. “This is something I obviously never anticipated for my life, and I'm only just getting the hang of it, but I _am._ And I know you feel the need to solve all of my problems, but how could I put this on you? Nela is my responsibility now, but that doesn't mean that she has to be yours.”

“Bullshit.” Mike's eyes snap to Harvey, who just shakes his head. “When are you going to get it through your head? Whatever is going on in your life affects mine too. The problems you have are mine. Your responsibilities are mine. Our lives have been intertwined for a long time, ever since you walked into that interview with a briefcase full of pot, and it's time you stopped pretending that it's any different.”

He lets out a deep breath, trying to keep his voice level in order not to wake Nela. “When I let you sign that contract we made a deal, Mike, and that deal doesn't end when we step out of the firm. There are no boundaries. I told you that if you were loyal to me, I'd be loyal to you. But let me make myself clear. I'm not doing this out of some misguided sense of obligation because I think I owe you. I _want_ it to be like this. I chose this, Mike. I chose you, and your life, and your problems. I chose to make them mine, and I don't regret it, and I'm not going to let you deal with this on your own just because there is someone else in the mix now. Especially not when I can see how it's eating at you. I know you think you're ultimately alone in this but you don't have to deal with anything on your own ever again, Mike. Your problems are mine, and that's the end of it. Get that through your goddamn skull.”

The following silence rings between them. Mike is staring at him wordlessly. Harvey just looks back, letting him digest, and the moment the rest of Mike's resolve falls apart is palpable. It's only wafer-thin, barely there, and Harvey's words have torn down the barrier completely. Mike's face crumbles and his shoulders drop, and he doesn't even have the time to cover his face before Harvey steps forward and pulls him into a hug.

Mike's arms close around him in a tight clutch, and his chest is heaving in what aren't quite sobs, but definitely a sign of distress.

Harvey swallows, closing his eyes against the onslaught of emotions welling up in him at having Mike in his arms. It's the wrong place to admit those feelings, the wrong place to allow them, but he is helpless in the face of them. It would be so easy to get lost in this, with Mike so close that his scent is making him dizzy, the warmth and touch of his body all he can think about.

But Mike needs him right now, needs his strength and his support, and so he forces himself to say what he has to.

“You're not alone in this, Mike,” he murmurs, and it's a reassurance as much as a promise. They both know it, and they both accept it as he repeats it. “You're not alone in this. We're gonna get through this together.”

Mike draws a deep breath, nodding slowly against Harvey's shoulder. “Okay,” he replies, his voice muffled. “Okay.”

He buries his face in the crook of his neck, and Harvey gently runs his hand over his back in soothing circles, waiting for him to calm down.

He is almost disappointed when Mike seems to have composed himself again. He sniffles once, shifting slightly but not pulling back yet. Harvey doesn't mind at all.

“God, this is embarrassing.”

“It's really not.”

“You would be embarrassed, if it were you.”

“Yes, but I never claimed to be a master of emotional maturity.”

Mike huffs out a laugh. “I swear I don't usually cry this much. Can we blame this on some new hormones due to my recent unexpected fatherhood?”

Harvey gently pats his back. “I'll let it pass this once.”

Mike takes a deep breath, and Harvey allows him to pull back, pretending he isn't mourning the loss of contact.

“You still can't go around making decisions for me,” Mike remarks after a few seconds. “Not when it comes to my private life. Or ours, if we're really going to do this.”

“You're right,” Harvey agrees, because Mike isn't wrong. He is not his boss outside of work, and acting like that is probably the fastest way to lose his trust and willingness to accept Harvey's help. And implying that Mike isn't capable of making his own decisions was never his intention. He figures that it can never hurt to say these things out loud, so he continues, “I apologize if that was out of line.”

Mike scratches his forehead. “It's alright. You do have a point, and it's not like I didn't know myself that this can't really work in the long run. However long that's going to be.” He lifts his shoulders. “I just don't feel like I've had a lot of control over my life lately, so. Kind of a sore spot.”

“Understandable. But I made the offer to give you back some of that control, so we should start off the right way and do this properly.” Mike eyes him cautiously when he straightens, lifting his eyebrows. “Just for the record, I am asking. Mike Ross, would you do me the honor and courtesy of moving into my condo?”

Mike chews his lip, giving him an uncertain look. It is painfully obvious that he wants to say yes, but the man has never been anything if not stubborn. Harvey groans when he asks, “Are you _sure?_ ”

At the sight of Harvey's expression he holds up his hand. “Look, I'm not saying no, okay? But we need to talk this through first. I don't think you get what- I mean, it's not like I didn't just go through the exact same thing. You think you know what's coming at you, and then you have a wailing tiny human life in your arms that won't let you sleep and keeps reminding you how you're responsible for it, and it's... not as easy as you're probably imagining.”

“Mike, I know that babies make noise. I know they mess up your schedule. Which is why it's strategically better to have two people taking care of a child than one. Shared work, it's not that foreign a concept. Besides, we've already established that it could be weeks or months, but it's going to end at some point. This isn't forever.”

Mike doesn't seem convinced. He narrows his eyes. “Have you ever even held a baby? I mean, if I live with you, you bet your ass I'm gonna make you change her diaper or get up in the middle of the night sometimes.”

Harvey looks unimpressed. “And you think I can't handle it?”

Mike just raises his eyebrows. Harvey huffs. “What, you think I've never interacted with a baby before?”

“I think you severely underestimate the time and work it takes to raise one.”

“I think _you_ underestimate my ability to handle whatever life throws at me. I didn't become the best closer in the city by giving up when things got hard.”

“Harvey, it's a baby, not a client for you to close.”

“Which I am well aware of.”

“Are you? Are you really?” Mike gesticulates towards himself. “I mean, look at me! Look around. This place is a mess. I'm a mess. I haven't slept in, like, three days.”

“That's not true. I saw you asleep at your desk yesterday.”

Mike gives him a reproachful look, then scratches his neck. “What about the rent?”

Banging his head against the wall really isn't going to solve any of his problems, so Harvey resists the urge. Barely. “Mike, even I don't pay rent.”

“We're splitting the groceries then.”

Harvey shrugs. “Fine by me.” He couldn't care less about the groceries, but if it makes Mike feel better he'll take it.

Mike chews on his lip, staring at nothing. “Okay, but how about...”

“How about you stop trying to make me change my mind because we both know you're running out of arguments and I'm not going to anyway,” Harvey interrupts. He reaches out to gently lift Mike's chin, making sure that he's looking at him and sees how serious he is. “Mike, I won't pretend to be an expert on babies, but neither are you and I think four hands are better than two. I know enough to understand what this offer entails. It still stands, so let me ask you again. Will you move into my condo with me?”

Mike gives him a long look and Harvey almost prepares himself for another argument because really, this is Mike he's talking to. But then he nods, no indecision in his expression. “It would be my pleasure, Harvey.”

The corner of Harvey's lips lifts. Mike mirrors the expression, then adds, more quietly, “Thank you.”

“Don't mention it.”

Mike looks at him, nodding again. Then he straightens and rubs at his nose, giving him a small but earnest smile that proves to Harvey that this was the right decision. “We're really going to need to childproof your place.”

Harvey smiles as well, giving his arm a final squeeze. “Consider it done.”

It doesn't work quite that fast, of course, and so they set the end of the week as the moving date, which gives Harvey five days to hire someone to make the condo as secure for a child as it can be. He spends his nights and lunch breaks reading up on the basics of raising children because he wasn't lying when he told Mike he could handle it, but that doesn't mean that he likes to be unprepared.

Mike doesn't even blink when Harvey shows up with a bunch of movers on Saturday morning. He merely pushes a box into Harvey's arms with a challenging smile that Harvey responds to with a dry look. He does follow the movers to the van to stow away the box before returning to the apartment, watching the busy proceedings from the side.

Mike catches him hovering in the corner, quirking an eyebrow. “I'm not here to move your stuff around,” Harvey explains. “I'm here to supervise.”

“Actually,” Mike says, walking towards him, “you're here so, and I quote, I don't have to go through any of this alone. Seeing as _I'm_ not above helping these guys move my stuff and you're just standing around uselessly looking pretty, how about you start making good on your promise and do something to show your support?”

“You think I look pretty?”

Mike rolls his eyes. “Of course that's what you choose to focus on,” he mutters. “Nice deflection. Won't work. So, I'm gonna give my new buddies a hand, and _you_ -” he gives him a meaningful look- “are going to take Nela.” His lips curve into a mischievous smile. “You're gonna have to get used to each other anyway, so you might as well start right now.”

“I'm getting the feeling you're under the impression that I'm gonna have a hard time dealing with her. I have dealt with the scum of the earth in courtrooms. I can handle a baby.”

Mike's smile turns into a wide, shit-eating grin. “You're awfully sure about that, huh? Well, I'm not above being proven wrong. So, you ready to take her or not?”

Harvey narrows his eyes. “I can take her.”

Mike lifts his chin, still grinning. “Yeah?”

“What, like it’s hard?”

Mike's eyebrows rise as he stares at him. “ _Legally Blonde?_ Are you actually serious right now?”

“That movie is a classic and as an attorney who went to Harvard Law I am obligated to like it.”

Mike snorts. “You're so full of shit, you know that? Alright, Elle Woods. Show me what you got.”

He turns around and grabs Nela, muttering something as he rubs her nose before he turns to Harvey, the grin firmly back in place. Harvey refuses to feel intimidated.

Mike comes to stand before him, holding out the baby. He is giving him an expectant look, the challenge clear in his stance, and so Harvey graces him with the most level look he's capable of and takes Nela from his hands.

She fusses as he holds her, but doesn't dissolve into screams like Harvey feared. He considers it a success.

“Hello,” he tells her. Nela blinks at him. Harvey catches Mike's eye. “Look, we're getting along.”

“Yeah, you're holding up great,” Mike says with a roll of his eyes, but Harvey can hear the smile in his voice. He pretends not to hear the muttered “Let's see how long it lasts” and instead scrutinizes the baby in his arms.

“You're heavier than I thought,” he comments. Nela looks unimpressed. She eyes him for a while, then turns her head to look at something behind him.

“She'll get used to you,” Mike tells him when he passes them with a box. “But there's a lot of other stuff going on, so you're not the most interesting thing right now.”

“I'll impress her soon enough,” Harvey remarks, huffing when Mike just snorts.

Thanks to the efficient movers and Mike's help they don't take long. Without the baby furniture and the mess everywhere, the apartment actually looks habitable again. Mike has left only a few of his clothes behind, which Harvey considers a good sign. No last minute change of minds.

He hasn't allowed himself to acknowledge it beforehand, but a strange flutter of anticipation fills his stomach when Mike carries Nela into the condo for the first time, equal parts nervousness and delight.

He knows it's dangerous, keeping Mike so close when it's only going to make the temptation worse. But though he knows it means trouble, knows that only heartbreak and disaster lies that way, he has no desire nor intention to go back.

Besides, Mike needs his help, and he is never going to leave him hanging, any selfish reasons for wanting him close notwithstanding.

Mike is smiling a little as he looks around his new home, holding Nela upright as though he wants her to take a look too. “You actually moved things around,” he acknowledges.

Harvey nods. “The fireplace is sealed, any sharp edges are rounded down, knives and scissors and the like are out of reach. I've been assured that this place is as childproof as it's going to get. Now all that's missing is the baby furniture.”

“Well, here it comes,” Mike says, stepping aside to make room for the movers. They carry the furniture inside and put it together as well, with Harvey supervising while Mike entertains Nela, and they manage to get everything settled with surprisingly little trouble.

Of course, it isn't until the movers leave them to the newly furnished condo that the commotion starts.

Actually, the reality of his new situation dawns on Harvey for the first time when at some point in the evening Nela starts whining.

Mike is in the bedroom – the guest room that's been converted to his and Nela's room for now – to put away some clothes, and so Harvey gets up and heads to the playpen, ignoring Mike's call that he'll be right there.

That's when the smell hits him.

“Oh, you didn't have to- ah.” Mike stops short at Harvey's scandalized expression. “Am I right in assuming that it's time for a new diaper?”

Harvey just shoots him a look. “Is that-?”

“Normal? Yeah. You wouldn't believe what a tiny human like that can produce.”

“Oh, god.”

Mike hums in agreement. When he shows no sign of moving, Harvey frowns at him. “Mike,” he says, tilting his head towards the baby in silent prompting.

“Harvey,” Mike replies, amused, staying exactly where he is. Harvey swallows.

“Come on. You do it.”

“You know what,” Mike muses, crossing his arms with infuriating calmness as a smile spreads on his lips, “I don't think I will.”

That little shit.

“It makes more sense for you to do it,” Harvey declares with confidence. “You had practice, you already know how it works. It'll be way faster and neater.”

“Actually, since we're going to be living together for the foreseeable future and you're gonna have to do it sooner or later, it makes a lot more sense if you do it and start getting some practice.”

Harvey huffs. “You're being ridiculous. Why are you making such a big deal out of this? It's only a diaper.”

“Says the man shitting himself at the thought of having to change said diaper.”

Harvey narrows his eyes at him. “You think I'm scared of this?”

“I think you're terrified, actually.”

Mike is sounding entirely too gleeful for Harvey's liking.

“Fine. If you insist on being childish,” Harvey says, ignoring the fact that he is doing exactly what Mike wants him to do. He has a reputation to uphold, after all.

“You'll be fine,” Mike assures him with a grin.

“Of course I will. What could possibly go wrong?”

“Famous last words.”

Harvey sends him another glare, then lets out a deep breath as he stares at the squealing baby in front of him.

So he might have exaggerated his experiences with children when he persuaded Mike to move in. Still, this is no reason to panic. It's a normal bodily function, and Mike is right, he _will_ have to get used to it sooner or later. He straightens his shoulders. This may be entirely new territory, but Harvey Specter doesn't run from a challenge.

“No way out but through,” he murmurs to himself and picks Nela up to carry her to the changing table.

“You need to keep a hold on her,” Mike advises, trailing after him. “She's constantly trying to turn around, she might fall off.”

“Thanks ever so much for the help,” Harvey gives back, rolling his eyes.

“You're welcome. Hey, it's easiest if you lift her by her ankles when you clean her up.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Harvey murmurs. He unbuttons her onesie, steadying her with one hand as he takes it off. His fingers hesitate only briefly before he undoes the strips of the diaper.

That's when the smell really hits him. “Oh my god,” he says, entirely involuntarily. “Mike.”

Mike shows no sign of moving to help him, instead watching his every move with a shit-eating grin from the doorway. “Best closer in the city,” he muses.

Harvey swallows and does his best to hold his breath, leaning away from the table as he makes quick work of wiping Nela clean. She stares at him the entire time. Harvey won't even pretend that it doesn't weird him out. “Be quiet.”

“Mr. People-pave-the-way-for-me.”

“Mike _._ ”

“King of the courtroom. Intimidated by a diaper.”

“Oh, for god's sake.”

“Don't worry, Harvey. You're doing great.”

“Shut. Up.”

He grabs a fresh diaper and does his best to put it on her correctly. It doesn't quite look right, but Mike refrains from commenting, so he figures that it can't be all wrong. He'll be damned if he's going to ask about it.

“Well, that wasn't so hard,” he says with more confidence than he feels once the entire ordeal is over. Mike gives him a smug grin.

“Wait until she pees on you.”

“And exactly how many times has that happened to you so far?”

“I plead the fifth.” Mike grabs Nela's foot, tickling it with his finger before shaking it a little until she smiles. “No, really,” he says, not taking his eyes from her, “I'm so proud of you, Harvey. You did so well in the face of such a daunting task.”

“I swear to god, I'm going to fire you.”

“Leaving aside that you're so totally never going to fire me, I'd still be living in your home and annoying the shit out of you from here, so what good would that do?”

Harvey doesn't grace him with a reply, but Mike is too busy making eyes at Nela anyway. “Now, aren't you hungry, huh? Come on, let's make you that bottle. Mmh, very yummy.”

Nela crows when he picks her up, fisting her hands into his shirt as he carries her.

“What do _you_ want to eat?” Harvey asks, trailing after him. “I don't have much in, but we can order something.”

“Honestly, I'll have whatever you're having. I've basically been living on anything that's quick and easy for the past month, Cheerios and stuff, you know, so...”

“That's appalling. What was the last decent meal you had?”

Mike narrows his eyes, waving the bottle in the air as he thinks. “Lunch with the McKenzie sisters? When was that, Thursday?”

“Wednesday,” Harvey corrects, already reaching for his phone. “Alright, that's it. We're getting some real food.”

Mike just smiles. Harvey goes to place their order at his favorite Chinese place, and by the time the food arrives, Nela has been fed and is nestled into the crook of Mike's arm, exploring a plastic ring he has handed her.

“Do you want me to take her while you eat?” Harvey offers with a skeptical look.

Mike just waves his hand. “No, it's fine.” He stabs his fork into a spring roll, biting off a piece before continuing, “She doesn't actually need to be held all the time. I just like to do that when I can, you know. I don't want her to feel abandoned or lack human contact. Carolina probably held her all the time. I mean, I put her down often enough, and I'm not with her for most of the day anyway, so this is the least I can do.” He watches her face for a moment, then glances up at Harvey. “It's actually not bad, holding a baby. It's kind of comfortable.”

Harvey swallows his fried rice, considering him for a moment. “It suits you.”

Mike blinks at him, his cheeks flushing, but says nothing.

They eat their dinner in comfortable silence save for the odd remark and some babbling from Nela, growing less frequent when her eyes begin to droop. Harvey is relieved to see some of the tension leaving Mike's shoulders as they sit together.

When the food is finished Mike traces the line of Nela's nose, watching her closing eyes. “What time is it?”

“Almost eight.”

“Already? Then we're late for our bedtime ritual, aren't we?”

He gets up, resting Nela's head on his shoulder as he carries her.

“Isn't she a little young for a bedtime ritual?” Harvey asks, following him to the bathroom.

“No, it's actually recommended to start one early on. She probably had a different one for the first few months, but I'm making do. That's why it's important that we stick to this now,” he explains, letting water run into the basin and stripping Nela on a towel while he speaks. “Having a ritual is calming and helps her relax and fall asleep, especially in a new environment.”

“Has it been helping?”

“A little. It's a work in progress.”

He checks the temperature of the water, then cups Nela's head as he lifts her off the ground and places her inside. Harvey watches the proceedings with a frown, confused and fascinated at the same time. He's not used to being on the receiving end of explanations, yet he can't help but keep asking.

“Why the basin?”

“Easier for now. I usually get into the tub with her.”

He leaves it at that, focused on wiping Nela down with a sponge, but Harvey gets it. “Bashful much? Really, Mike, that's so Victorian of you.”

Mike gets a strange look on his face. “If you want to see me naked, Harvey, all you have to do is ask,” he remarks, equal parts dry and flushed. Harvey, distracted by the blood rushing to his own cheeks, puts it down to the hot water.

“How forward of you. At least take me on a date first.”

“Sure,” Mike says, catching his eyes for a second before looking away again. “As soon as she sleeps through the night.”

With that he lifts Nela out of the water, saving Harvey from having to reply without giving away how much he really wants that.

Harvey drains the basin while Mike dries Nela off, murmuring to her when he catches her gaze, then carries her to the bedroom where he puts her in a fresh diaper and pajamas.

“Can you lower the blinds and dim the lights?” he asks, and Harvey complies with a simple nod.

He doesn't know why he is still hovering around the two of them, puts it down to practicality rather than curiosity. He will probably have to put her to bed himself sooner or later, it's only logical for him to learn the steps.

He darkens the room, then sits down on the bed, watching Mike carry Nela to the armchair in the corner of the room.

“She seems to have gotten used to you by now, at least.”

“Yeah, thankfully,” Mike says, though he looks a little sad. “Hey, can you pass me one of the books on the nightstand?”

“Don't tell me you don't know all of these by heart already,” Harvey remarks, flipping through the pile.

“Of course I do. But the pictures are as important as the story.”

Harvey chooses a book called _Corduroy_ and hands it to Mike. He listens to the story about a teddy bear in need of a home, not surprised in the slightest that Mike really gets into it, stressing words and doing voices like he has an audience to fill the entire room instead of two people, one of them older than him and the other probably too exhausted to appreciate the act.

Harvey watches Nela as Mike reads to her. She looks dead tired, but something is keeping her from falling asleep, like she is struggling against the exhaustion in a way that only makes it worse.

“Okay,” Mike sighs. Harvey looks up; apparently he finished the story without him noticing. “Now on to the next part. This is gonna take a while, so don't feel obligated to stick around.”

Harvey never feels obligated to do anything, but he nods. Mike rubs his neck. “And... well. Just don't laugh, okay? Seriously.”

“What are you going to do?” Harvey asks, bemused.

“I'll sing to her. I said don't _laugh_!”

“I'm not,” Harvey insists despite the grin on his face. Mike rolls his eyes.

“You can stay if you want to.” He holds out a finger in warning. “But don't mock my singing voice, got it?”

Harvey lifts his hands. “I wouldn't dream of it.”

“Yeah, right. Where did I get that idea.” Mike sighs. “I'm gonna regret this.”

“Why is this gonna take a while? Don't you usually sing one song and then leave?” Harvey inquires when Mike gently lays Nela into her crib, caressing her head and arms when she fusses.

“She starts crying when I leave,” he murmurs, smiling at her as he brushes her cheek. “If I go before she's asleep she just fights her way out of dozing off to being awake again. I know I'll have to break her of that habit at one point, but... not yet.”

Harvey gets it, even if he doesn't agree, the unwillingness to cause her even more distress than she is already in, even if it's better in the long run. It's so typically Mike.

He nods him to go on, keeping his expression carefully blank when Mike eyes him. And then he starts singing, and suddenly _Harvey_ is the one regretting this because Mike's singing voice is actually not bad at all and he definitely wasn't prepared for that.

The kid is actually a prodigy.

Truth be told, Harvey has heard better, but then again he has had the pleasure of hearing New York's finest, and this is just Mike trying to sing a _baby_ to sleep and it's... nice. It's really, really nice.

Maybe the fact that it feels almost intimate to be part of this quiet ritual plays into it as well.

Their eyes meet over the crib, and Harvey can tell the exact moment Mike realizes that there is no mockery in his expression, only approval and affection and the silent prompt to continue. The corner of his mouth lifts, and the hesitancy leaves his voice as he carries on singing.

Harvey allows himself a few more minutes before he quietly slips out of the room to take care of the dishes. He drops on the sofa when he is done, pretending he isn't listening for Mike's soft voice the entire time.

Mike joins him when Nela has finally fallen asleep, returning Harvey's encouraging smile.

“You never told me you could sing.”

Mike huffs out a laugh. “Doesn't really come up in conversation, does it? Hey, I don't actually have a degree but I can totally put a baby to sleep with my mediocre voice.”

He sounds a little scratchy now, hoarse from all the singing. A smile tugs at Harvey's lips. “Don't sell yourself short.”

Mike flashes him a grin. “You're gonna hear a lot of that from now on, so I guess you're in luck.”

He tips his head back, closing his eyes briefly. He remains that way until a yawn escapes him, and then he sits back up, shaking himself slightly as if to keep himself awake.

“Hey,” Harvey says, catching his eyes. “You okay?”

“Of course. Just tired.”

Harvey nods. “It's all good, isn't it?” he then inquires, meaning the situation as a whole.

“Yeah,” Mike replies, and for the first time since Nela came to him he looks like he means it. “It's all fine.”

Harvey smiles, nodding once. “Good.”

Mike smiles as well, but the expression fades as his gaze shifts away from him. His eyes flicker to the ground and he scratches his neck, looking slightly uncomfortable. “By the way, we should probably... establish some ground rules or something, right?”

Harvey eyes him. “Is this the part where you tell me about the wild escapades you have every weekend?”

“No, of course not- it's just that I don't want to cause more chaos than I already will, okay? So we should just... talk about some things.”

“Things,” Harvey echoes.

“Like... signals. And stuff. You know, for when you bring someone home.”

Harvey is momentarily distracted by the faint blush creeping up Mike's neck before his words really register. He lifts his eyebrows. “You think I'm gonna bring a hot date home when I have you and a kid in my house?”

“You can,” Mike says immediately. “I mean, you should. Unless you don't want to, or don't do that usually, which I suppose is not the case... not that I know much about your habits, but- anyway, just, don't stop doing whatever you usually do just because we're here.”

Harvey has no intention of bringing anyone home, not when the object of his desire is sitting right in his living room, but Mike is already speaking again before he can even begin to translate that into something he can say out loud.

“I can stay in my room, or I could go out with Nela if you don't want her here. I can even stay at my apartment if you like, just...” He flails his hands. “Say the word.”

“Nonsense,” Harvey replies. “I didn't bring you here just for you to go back and forth. There's no point in that. I can survive perfectly fine without bringing someone over, Mike. I'll live.”

Mike looks unconvinced, a fact that almost makes him smirk, but he nods. “Okay, I guess. I mean, if you change your mind...”

“I'll be sure to let you know, but I won't. Now, what about _you_ bringing someone over?”

Mike huffs out a startled laugh. “God, no.”

At Harvey's quirked eyebrow he adds, “That hasn't really... not recently, especially not with Nela there now.” He clears his throat, his cheeks decorated with an enticing flush. “And anyway, I wouldn't. Not here. So. Don't worry about that.”

Harvey quashes the relief welling up in him at that, refuses to even acknowledge it. “It's up to you,” he says, keeping his voice neutral. “I wouldn't stop you.”

“Alright. Good to know.” He sounds like it's anything but.

Harvey snorts. “So basically you insisted on having a conversation that turned out to be a conversation about how we didn't need to have this conversation.”

Mike rolls his eyes. “Better safe than sorry, alright? I'm a considerate roommate.” Then, clearly trying to steer them away from the topic of his non-existent love life, he asks, “Anything else I should know? Something you're particular about?”

“Well, if you finish something, put it on the grocery list. Or better yet, replace it right away.”

“That's it?” Mike asks when he says nothing else.

“It's been a while since I lived with someone. I'll let you know if I come up with anything else.”

Mike nods, and that's that. They sit on the sofa for a while, and Harvey watches as Mike loses himself in thought, staring at the wall behind him. He wonders how much time Mike has gotten to just _be_ since Nela came and figures that it can't be much. Despite some of the tension having left his shoulders, he still looks like hell.

“You should go to sleep,” Harvey suggests when he yawns again, startling him out of his thoughts. “You look dead on your feet.”

“Yeah, you're right,” Mike agrees, rubbing his eyes. “Who knows how long she'll let me rest anyway.”

“How often does she usually wake up during the night?”

“Dunno. Anywhere from three to ten times, I guess. Depends on the day.”

Harvey lifts his eyebrows. “Then you'd better catch some sleep while you can.”

“I will. I hope she doesn't wake _you_ up too often, at least. If we start to annoy you, just let me know.” He pushes himself up, padding to the bathroom. When he emerges a few minutes later he waves at Harvey's general direction, calling out a hushed goodnight before disappearing into the bedroom.

Harvey listens to the door closing with a soft click, for a moment hearing nothing but quiet.

“Good night, Mike,” he murmurs into the silence.


	4. Chapter 4

So this is what it's like, living with Harvey Specter.

At first it swamps Mike a little, all the new impressions. There are a lot of them, with the new living arrangement and the baby and Harvey just always _being there_. Because there's knowing someone, and then there's knowing every facet of someone and their life because you spend your days and nights around them.

They are slowly getting to the latter part.

While Mike thinks that Harvey has had him pretty much figured out from the start – _I read people for a living_ and all that – he is constantly gaining new insight on the man's habits and character, soaking the information up like a sponge.

Surprisingly enough, Harvey cooks. Not regularly, and nothing extravagant, but whatever he makes actually tastes good. Of course it does. Mike has yet to discover something Harvey does that he's bad at.

“I don't have this kitchen for nothing,” he explains over a pot of risotto a few days in, and Mike has to admit that it inspires even him to exercise his basic culinary skills.

They soon fall into a rhythm of taking turns with cooking when they can and ordering in if they have to, mostly during the week. Mike once mentions being allergic to bell pepper and never sees one in the kitchen again. Harvey frowns at the rocket Mike buys for a salad and Mike takes it off his grocery list for next time.

It goes like this; they clash, they adapt, they go on. It's more or less standard behavior for roommates. The thing is, it doesn't _feel_ like a shared house arrangement. It feels more, in a way, like a partnership.

It's in the way they take care of each other.

Mike discovers that Harvey actually does his own laundry, his astonishment at the fact amusing Harvey greatly, and since there is a lot more laundry now and splitting it up would be impractical, Mike just does all of it together. Harvey doesn't say anything the first time his clothes end up folded on his bed, but the next time he does the laundry, Mike finds a stack of his own and Nela's clean clothes in his room.

He tries really hard not to think about the fact that they are both touching each other's underwear on a regular basis now, even if not in the way he would prefer.

Harvey is also clearly not squeamish when it comes to bodily fluids, as Mike finds out the first time Nela throws up on him while he's around. Harvey doesn't even say anything as he gets up to fetch a clean shirt from Mike's room, then takes Nela and goes to run the water while Mike changes. He greatly appreciates not having to handle a soaked baby on top of cleaning himself up.

That's not all there is to it, though. There are also the parts that Mike can't quite explain away with practicality.

He is sitting on the bed a few days later, files all around him and a highlighter dangling from his fingers. His eyes hurt from the weak light of his bedside lamp, and he has to blink repeatedly to stop his vision from blurring.

“You should get some sleep,” Harvey low voice sounds just after midnight, and Mike looks up to find him in the doorway, studying him with a hint of worry in his expression.

“Yeah, I'll go to bed soon. I'm just gonna finish this real quick.”

Real quick turns into over an hour, long enough for Mike to fall asleep right then and there, diagonally on top of the covers.

He wakes up in the morning to a pillow pushed under his head and a blanket draped over him that wasn't there before, and it takes the better part of the day to quash the fuzzy feeling in his chest.

Mike has never gotten to this point of caring with Trevor, and he's been staying with Harvey for a _week_.

Admittedly, it probably wasn't one of Mike's smarter ideas to move into the condo of the man he is crushing on desperately. But he knows Harvey has a point. It may complicate things for Mike, but it's what's best for him and especially for Nela, and her best has to come first.

There is also a rather big, masochistic part of him that is excited about getting to be so close to Harvey all the time. To see the more private parts of the man behind the suit he only catches glimpses of otherwise.

So, this is what it's like. Mike is still a little insecure in their new arrangement, because it worries him just how at ease he feels. He has to keep reminding himself that this is Harvey's condo, that he shouldn't make himself at home here entirely because he might have invited him, but there must be a point at which Harvey starts to regret letting him into that part of his life, and Mike wants to avoid that at all costs.

But apart from that, they are adjusting. Surprisingly well, considering the circumstances that brought them here. Mike knows that Harvey can hear Nela when she cries during the night, knows that the bottles and toys everywhere and her whining herself to sleep or shouting the house down is far from what he's used to in his solitary private life, but he simply takes it for what it is and adapts. Harvey wasn't lying when he said that he can handle whatever life throws at him. Mike half expected him to break the deal and tell him to go back to his apartment once reality set in, but he should have known better. That isn't Harvey's way.

And so things just... work. Mike is still trying to regain his footing but he feels like he can breathe again, and he never thought he could owe Harvey more than he already did but he just keeps on proving him wrong.

Of course, the two of them moving in together doesn't go unnoticed at work. They arrive together in the mornings, and it's not like they're keeping it secret, so if someone overhears them talking about dinner or going home, it's not exactly a surprise.

Mike knows what kind of image it paints about them, but if Harvey doesn't care about that then there is no reason why he should. It's not like they _are_ together, and even if they were it wouldn't be against the by-laws. Not that that's ever going to be an issue.

“It's true then?” Rachel asks when she catches him on his way out. He has been staying at Harvey's for a little over a week, and though he is elusive at the office these days it almost surprises him that it took her this long to find him. “You and Harvey are living together?”

“Me, Harvey, and the baby,” Mike corrects. “Yeah, we are.”

It should probably be strange, these casual conversations with Rachel after their endless on-off relationship and the final breakup, but it's the opposite. Accepting the fact that they argued more than they had fun together and ending their relationship once and for all has led them to the realization that they _do_ work, only as friends rather than lovers. Mike considers Rachel one of his best friends these days, not that he has many, and though they don't spend every free minute together they know that they can come to each other with anything.

“Huh,” she says, looking mildly impressed. “And how did you manage to stage that?”

Mike smiles. “It was his idea, actually. He made me an offer, and, well, you know how he is. Of course he was right. So I accepted, and here we are.”

Rachel lifts her eyebrows. “He pretty much closed you.”

“Yeah, I guess he did.”

She pats his arm. “You never stood a chance.”

“I'm not really the victim here,” Mike says with a shrug. “I mean, he's the one who is actually losing sleep now. All I did was gain more space and a little help with Nela, which has just been _amazing_. I finally have some room to breathe again.”

Rachel gives him a thoughtful look. “How is he with her?” She looks curious, like the image of Harvey with a baby is too peculiar to fathom.

“He's... well,” Mike begins. “He's surprisingly considerate. She likes him, I can tell, but it's me who generally takes care of her. But when I ask him to do something he's immediately on it. It's a little creepy, actually.”

“Huh,” Rachel says again, like she is getting something from that Mike isn't. “Sounds like some things do touch Harvey's heart after all.”

“Yeah,” Mike agrees, “I guess they do.”

The train of thought sticks with Mike on his way to the day care. It's only been a few days, loaded with work and the general madness that comes with taking care of a baby, and so far Harvey has been mostly reserved, watching everything but letting Mike do most of the work. Mike didn't really expect anything else; the deal was for them both to go about their lives and for Harvey to give him a hand when it's needed, which he dutifully does every time.

It's two days later, however, that Mike catches Harvey actually taking the initiative for the first time.

He walks out of the bathroom in the early evening to find Harvey in the kitchen, preparing a bottle like he has never done anything else in his life while Nela crows in the background, and despite all the strange turns his life has taken recently, it is that particular image that makes him stop short.

“You're making her bottle?” It comes out sounding more surprised than he intended. Harvey glances at him, lifting an eyebrow.

“It's time, isn't it?”

“Yeah.” Mike pauses. It's not actually quite time yet, but he's not going to call him out on that. “Uh, thanks? For, you know, taking care of that.”

Harvey just gives him a look, so Mike only shrugs and trails to the sofa, picking up a file to flip through but mostly just staring at Harvey's back. He half expects him to dump the finished bottle in Mike's lap, but he merely goes to fetch Nela from her playpen when he is done before sitting down to actually feed her.

Mike quickly closes his mouth before Harvey can catch him gaping. Like anything Harvey does, he feeds a baby with more grace and confidence than strictly necessary, something that is equally impressive and amusing to Mike. He seems perfectly calm and collected as he gives Nela the bottle, his attention half on her and half on the game that is on mute on the TV.

Mike usually speaks to Nela when he feeds her to keep her attention from drifting, but he can tell that isn't necessary. Her eyes are on Harvey's face the entire time as she takes the bottle without fussing. It's a slow process, but Mike has noticed Nela starting to look to Harvey as well for guidance. She seems to take his natural authority at face value, accepting his calm, steady presence and letting it comfort her.

The notion evokes a strange, fuzzy fluttering in Mike's stomach. Sure, it's only logical that he's thrilled the two people his life revolves around are bonding, but he knows it goes deeper than that. Harvey and Nela adjusting to each other touches him on a level he can't quite grasp. All he knows it's that it's good, really good, and he doesn't bother hiding the huge smile on his face when Harvey catches his eyes.

It only grows when Harvey smiles back.

And that's how it starts. They never actively talk about it, but Harvey somehow worms his way into Mike's regular routine – namely, the absolute chaos that dictates his life – in a way that feels completely natural. He doesn't just not mind caring for Nela, he does it whether Mike asks or not. It baffles him in more ways than one, but since it leaves him with decidedly less stress he doesn't even think about questioning it. They find a rhythm, and Harvey never stops, and never complains, and it's the smoothest Mike's life has gone since Nela came into it.

So Mike thinks that after three weeks of living together, it's safe to bring up the request that's been lingering at the back of his mind for days.

“Hey,” he begins over breakfast, “can I ask a favor of you?”

Harvey puts down the glass of water he has been entertaining Nela with. She is in a grumpy mood this morning, so Mike has taught him the trick of blowing air through a straw to make bubbles. It makes her laugh every time.

“No, Mike, I won't give you a bonus for your first tattoo.”

Mike stops short, then retorts with a grin, “Who says I don't already have one?”

Harvey's eyes snap up to his. He squints as he gives him a scrutinizing look, but before he can say anything Mike continues, “But that's not what I wanted to ask, no. I have a job that pays pretty well, you know. I was actually going to ask if you could babysit for me.”

Harvey frowns, so Mike hurries to explain, “I mean, watch her for a little while. With me not being here. If that's okay.”

Lifting an eyebrow, Harvey inquires idly, “Got a hot date after all?”

Mike snorts. “God, no. It'll just be an hour or two, promise.”

“I don't really care how long. If you want to go out, go. It's fine.”

He sounds so nonchalant about it that Mike can't help but ask again, “Really? I mean, not that I don't think you can handle her, just... you didn't sign up for that.”

“The idea of having to watch the kid every once in a while did cross my mind when I asked you to move in,” Harvey gives back dryly. He waves his hand. “We'll be fine.”

“Alright.” Mike smiles. “Great, thank you.”

There is a beat of silence.

“So _do_ you-”

“I'm not telling you if I have a tattoo,” Mike cuts him off. “That knowledge is a privilege for the people who have seen me naked, I'm afraid, so if you really want an answer...”

Harvey falls silent. Mike laughs at his pout, kicking him under the table as he takes a bite of his toast before Harvey can notice the flush rising in his cheeks.

He gets dressed after breakfast, checking whether they have everything they need at home twice before Harvey looms behind him, practically threatening to kick him out.

“I'm going, I'm going,” he says, holding up his hands as he backs out the door. “If you need anything...”

“I'll call you,” Harvey finishes, rolling his eyes. “Stop worrying, mom. Go out and have fun.”

“It's half past nine on a Saturday morning. What kind of fun do you think I'm gonna have?”

“What the hell do I know? You could have a habit of feeding the pigeons in Central Park for all I know,” Harvey says and promptly shuts the door in his face.

Mike stares at it for a moment before he turns on his heels to leave. He can't help it, he feels weird going out without Nela, leaving her behind without dropping her off at the day care before.

Pretty astounding, how fast such a tiny human being managed to take over his entire life.

He stops at a flower shop on his way, getting a bunch of statice and, after some consideration, hydrangeas, all the while trying really hard not to think about the fact that he basically just flirted with Harvey.

The cemetery is almost deserted at this time of the day. Mike takes his time passing the graves, the names of which he knows by heart. He hasn't been around in a few weeks; he meant to step by some time ago, but then everything with Nela happened and he couldn't even think about coming here.

He stops in front of the gray stone, for a moment just looking, the gentle breeze brushing his hair in a way that is achingly familiar.

“Hey Grammy,” he says quietly. Silence answers him, but he's used to that by now.

He felt weird at first, talking to a gravestone. It's not something he has ever done with his parents, and it took him a long time to be able to come here, but once he got over feeling like a total idiot for talking to a stone, he realized that there was something liberating about it. Even though it doesn't feel the way talking to Grammy did, it's a relief of some sort. There is almost something therapeutic about it, to just say things and not have anyone hearing them, or judging them.

“Sorry I haven't been here in a while. Things have been... pretty crazy. But, I brought some flowers to make up for it. I've got statice for remembrance, and hydrangeas for heartfelt emotions.” He laughs softly. “Just wait, I'm getting to that in a bit.”

Grammy used to love the language of flowers. She knew all the meanings by heart, frequently lecturing Mike about them when they were outside. He used to laugh about it when he was younger, but of course he still knows all the meanings. He places all but one of the flowers on her grave, then sits down to lean against a tree behind him.

A sigh escapes him. “So, you know when so much happened that you don't even know where to start? Well, I guess long story short, I'm a guardian now. Like, for an actual kid. And I'm living with Harvey.”

He chuckles, running a hand over his face. “The baby, her name is Nela. She's... she's so adorable. Loud, and exhausting, but she's wonderful, Grammy. She's from this client that I had a little while after you left. We got along really well, but I never thought... apparently she trusted me enough to leave her child in my care in the case of her death.”

He exhales slowly. “She didn't even get to spend a year with her daughter before she got sick. Nela is seven months old next week, and she's... she's alone, she has no home, no family. I'm supposed to find someone for her, but I barely have the time to look after myself on top of work and her. I'm trying to give her a home until I find a family, but god, it's really hard, Grammy. I don't know where my head is at most of the time. I feel so bad about Carolina, the client, and I'm kind of terrified of getting this wrong. If that's how you felt all the time...”

He purses his lips, watching two people pass him by before he continues. “Well, it's gotten better since Harvey practically forced me to move in with him, but still. Okay, that's not entirely true,” he amends. “He showed up at my place at some point and went all, 'pack your stuff, you're moving in with me'. I kinda balked, we talked it out, and of course I ended up agreeing. And yes, I know it probably wasn't the smartest idea, with the raging crush I have on him and all, but it's the best for Nela. And... I mean, I kinda like it. Being near him all the time.”

He huffs, shaking his head at himself. His fingers play with the single hydrangea he's still holding. “He's been wonderful. He worked out an arrangement with Jessica so I wouldn't have to reduce hours, he offered me his space, now he even helps with Nela like she's his responsibility... I don't know how to thank him for any of it. I mean, I don't even understand why he's doing this. This is... way beyond anything I would ask of a friend, and he just gives it all freely and makes me feel silly for being surprised by it.” He swallows, gazing at the flower as he speaks.

“I feel closer to him than ever before, and I honestly don't know if that's a good thing or not. You know how I feel about him, that it's never really been on the platonic side of affection, but now... I'm in too deep, Grammy. I'm in so fucking deep, you don't even know. I think I flirted with him earlier. I have no idea what happened. And he was all giving me the silent treatment in the way that gives me absolutely no clue as to what he's thinking.” He chuckles wryly. “I mean, not that I think he reciprocates my feelings. I don't wanna kid myself. It's just one hell of a confusing situation, you know? And the worst thing about it is that the thought of this whole playing house thing ending scares the shit out of me. Because logically, of course it has to end. But emotionally I'm kinda really not ready for that.”

He breathes out, just feeling the wind on his face for a moment. “I know it's not the smartest decision, but I think I'm just going to take everything I can get as long as it still lasts. Which I'll probably regret in a few weeks or months. But I can't stop now, you know? I couldn't stop now if I wanted to.”

He falls silent as he watches a woman walking by. He sits there for a few more minutes, turning the hydrangea over and over as he thinks. Then he sighs. “Anyway, I should probably get back. I don't want to leave Harvey alone with Nela for too long.”

He heaves himself up and gently places the flower on the grave, arranging the rest of the bunch a little before he straightens. He touches the gravestone, then nods.

“Bye, Grammy.”

He makes a detour to his parents before he leaves, resting just a few rows behind his grandmother. Standing in front of their graves, he exhales slowly as the familiar regret wells up in him.

They died so long ago, long enough for Mike to learn how to live with it, but their absence never stopped affecting him. He often wishes he could talk to them, hear their opinion or ask them for advice. But now, with the strange turn his life has taken recently, practically leaving him a parent himself, he would give anything to just be able to ask them if they think he's holding up alright.

He takes another deep breath, then shakes his head.

They left him so long ago, but it's okay. It has to be, and it is. After all, he is not alone despite their absence.

He comes home after his visit to find Harvey and Nela in deep conversation. Or rather, Harvey very seriously telling Nela about the ways to rise through the ranks at Harvard, and Nela trying to imitate his words whenever he pauses.

“Am I interrupting something?” Mike asks, carefully stepping around the toys cluttering the floor. Harvey is meticulous about putting them away at the end of the day and Mike does his best to keep up, but something somehow always ends up where it shouldn't.

“We're conversing,” Harvey explains helpfully.

“Yeah, I can see that.” Mike narrows his eyes. “Just... about the student hierarchy at Harvard Law?”

“It was you who said that speaking to her normally was important for her development,” Harvey points out. “I'm only doing what you told me.”

“Yeah, you do know that by 'speaking to her normally' I meant 'not reverting to cutesy, nonsense words', right? I mean, baby talk in general is totally fine. It helps, even.”

Harvey straightens, throwing him a look. “Hey, you got a complaint or something?”

Mike's lips twitch, and he can see the sparkle in Harvey's eyes. This is so ridiculous, and it's so _Harvey_ , and it baffles him how happy it makes him to just be here and share this moment of domestic banter with him. “Not at all. Carry on. She can't learn this stuff soon enough, right?”

“That's what I thought.”

Mike drops on the sofa next to them, smiling at Nela as he touches her hand in greeting, then asks, “Everything go okay?”

“We were getting along splendidly until you came and interrupted our conversation,” Harvey replies dryly, and Mike huffs out a laugh.

“Yeah, okay. I get it. Good, that's... good.”

Harvey lifts his eyebrows. “And you?” he asks, carefully neutral, like he isn't sure the question is welcome.

“I had a good time, yeah,” Mike says, and then he explains, “I went to Grammy's grave,” because he can tell Harvey isn't going to ask, but there is no reason not to tell him. “Haven't been there in a while. Sometimes it's just... good, to pretend to talk to her.”

It's more than he has told anyone else, but he trusts Harvey implicitly with the knowledge, trusts him not to make fun of it, to get it.

He trusts Harvey implicitly, period.

Harvey looks surprised by his openness, but he just nods and accepts it. “Did it help?” is all he asks, and when Mike nods he looks back at Nela, apparently satisfied with the answer.

Mike doesn't say what he thinks; that this, talking to Harvey, just being with him, helps too.

* * *

The first month passes, and things are looking up.

Mike still feels like a zombie, but it's only about half the time now. Nela wakes less during the night and falls asleep faster, she is now happily eating baby food, and Mike has abandoned the eggshells he has been forcing himself to walk on after Harvey called him out on it. Mike had asked whether Harvey would be okay with conducting future interviews at the condo, and Harvey had rolled his eyes and retorted, “Jesus, Mike, when are you gonna stop acting like you're a guest around here?” and Mike hadn't really known what to say to that, so he'd simply stopped.

It's almost scary how easy it is. They are working together, they are living together, they are taking care of a child together (because by now Mike really can't take the credit for that anymore). Hell, sometimes they are flirting, and Mike can't tell whether Harvey is being serious or not. Sometimes they are looking at each other longer than strictly necessary, and sometimes their hands brush and it leaves Mike feeling like he's been electrocuted, only more pleasant, and the way Harvey draws back after those touches really doesn't tell him anything at all.

It's more than a little confusing, but it's still nice. In fact it's the best thing Mike has had in his life for a long time. He is responsible for a baby and lives with the infuriatingly unattainable man of his dreams, but altogether life is good.

Of course, that's when things take a turn for the worse.

“It's the teething,” Mike murmurs, rocking Nela back and forth in an attempt to calm her that he already knows is futile. He hasn't slept in almost a day, Nela didn't seem to either, and though Harvey spent a few hours in his bedroom he isn't actually sure whether he got any rest. “It must be the teething.”

“There has to be something we can do,” Harvey insists, and it's the hint of desperation in his voice that tells Mike how on edge he really is.

It's the second night in a row that Nela won't stop crying, has regressed to not eating at all, and refuses to let herself be calmed down.

It's worse than when she first came to Mike, and he could barely handle that. His voice is hoarse from singing and shushing. Nela doesn't even seem to listen, she just cries, drools, stops crying in order to stuff something into her mouth and then cries some more. Mike is convinced that he has somehow landed in the thus far undiscovered tenth circle of hell.

“We've tried everything, Harvey,” he replies tersely. “Everything that usually works doesn't. She's just crying herself into a state by now.”

Harvey runs a hand over his face. “The bubbles-”

“I've tried the bubbles. Three times. I thought she was gonna throw the glass in my face by the end of it.”

Harvey exhales loudly. “If she's teething then there must be something to ease the pain, right? There are tricks for everything.”

“So google it. I'm a little occupied here, in case you didn't notice.”

He didn't mean to snap at him, but they are both tired and worked up. Mike still has a stack of contracts waiting for him that he _knows_ he can't get done, the sleep-deprivation is getting to him, and seeing even Harvey coming apart under the strain is enough to send him reeling.

Harvey doesn't even react, too busy reaching for his phone and typing a frantic search.

“Cold food,” he announces after a moment, looking up. “Do we have anything?”

“Peas and spinach in the freezer, leftover cauliflower sauce from yesterday in the fridge, cucumber, carrots, cream cheese if you haven't finished it, and a quarter of a lemon,” Mike rattles off automatically.

Harvey makes a face, but heaves himself up anyway. He returns with a spoon and something that distantly looks like the squishy parts of a cucumber on a saucer.

“This is our only hope,” he says gravely.

“Save us, Cucumber-Wan Kenobi,” Mike murmurs. It's a testament to Harvey's exhaustion that he doesn't even scold him for the terrible joke. He just steps closer to catch Nela's attention, smiling and murmuring to her as he holds the spoon up. She responds with a reproachful look.

“Come on, open up,” he mutters, nudging her lip. They both hold their breath when she opens her mouth, allowing him to proceed. He doesn't get much farther than that. Her face screws up as soon the spoon is inside, and she lets out a piteous cry before he can withdraw.

Harvey sighs over the sound of her whimpering, pushing the saucer onto the table. “I don't know why I thought that would work, but I really hoped it would.”

“It was worth a try,” Mike remarks, shifting Nela's weight as he pats Harvey's shoulder.

Harvey closes his eyes, groaning as he throws his head back. Mike rocks Nela back and forth, wondering idly how long he is going to last before he inevitably passes out, and what will happen to Nela if they both do.

“This is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation.”

The statement rips him from his thoughts, and it takes a moment before he can place it. It's late, and Mike is sleep-deprived enough to consider the possibility that he's hallucinating, but, “Are you quoting Brokeback Mountain at me?”

Harvey just shrugs, palms pressed against his eyes. “It's a classic,” he informs him, oblivious to the hysterical giggle Mike just so manages to hold back because really, the _irony_. He does have a point though.

“Can't argue with that. We should watch it sometime,” Mike says, and that is definitely the exhaustion talking because he sure as hell did not plan on suggesting a sad gay romance for their next movie night.

He accepts Harvey's “Fine by me” with a nod, thinking that his life can't possibly get any more bizarre anyway, so he might as well sit back and enjoy the ride.

Nela lets out a particularly piercing wail then, and he shrugs off the thoughts, returning his attention to the problem at hand. “Is there nothing else apart from cold food?” he asks, heaving himself up from the sofa to resume his pacing, hoping against all odds that the movement will put her to sleep.

Harvey blindly reaches for his phone. “A cold flannel,” he announces after a while.

“Alright,” Mike sighs. “Let's try it.”

He doesn't really expect it to work, so he is surprised when she accepts the cloth on her cheeks and even between her parted lips. Her crying ebbs away into muffled whimpering as she chews on the wet fabric. It's far from ideal, but at least she has stopped screaming.

“Thank god,” Harvey murmurs, his relief palpable.

“That's better,” Mike agrees, rubbing his eyes. Then he drops his hand, blinking at Harvey. “Okay, seriously. Take this chance and go. Catch some sleep while you can. I'm gonna go to my bedroom now, and with a bit of luck we can all get a few hours of rest.”

Harvey nods. “If you need anything-”

“I'm sure as hell not gonna wake you, because one of us needs to be functional tomorrow,” Mike cuts in. Harvey regards him with narrowed eyes.

“I trust that you'll come to your senses if you do need help,” he says, and Mike nods dutifully.

“Scout's honor.”

Harvey gives him a look, but turns around. “Don't stay up too long,” he remarks dryly, and Mike rolls his eyes fondly.

“Good night to you too, dick.”

He turns off the lights, padding to the bathroom and somehow managing to get ready for bed with one hand, though he knows that he won't catch any sleep for a while yet.

“I would really appreciate if you fell asleep soon,” he tells Nela once he sits on his bed. She keeps whimpering, and he exchanges her flannel for a cooler one with a sigh.

Out of boredom and the need to stay awake he starts singing again. He can see the tiredness in Nela's features as he hums under his breath, can see her trying to give in to sleep and failing. He keeps on singing, rocking her until his arms ache before he gently rests her on top of the duvet, lying on his side next to her, watching her eyelids droop more and more slowly.

It's hours later – two hours and twenty-three minutes, a glance at the clock tells him – when she finally seems to have exhausted herself enough to fall asleep. Mike lets out a sigh of relief when her cries ebb away and she stills. He removes the flannel and slides his hand beneath her to gently lift her, only to immediately put her down again when her face creases and she starts whimpering.

“Shh, shh, it's alright, just sleep, sleep,” he murmurs, caressing her arm as he wills her to calm down again. Her eyes fall closed soon, and Mike exhales slowly.

This time he waits a few minutes before trying to pick her up, but to no avail. Her crying is so loud that Mike winces, hoping that Harvey sleeps through the sound. They don't need to both be dead on their feet tomorrow.

He gives up attempting to put her into the crib after the third try, humming to her until she stops fussing and drifts off again. He runs a hand through his hair, only taking one look at her lying on the mattress before getting up and silently heading out of the door.

The condo is barely illuminated by the lights coming through the windows, but Mike knows the place so well by now that he would find his way around even in complete darkness.

His gaze automatically wanders to Harvey's bedroom. The door is not closed, only ajar, a reminder of how serious he is taking his promise to help. However, that promise doesn't include keeping Mike company when he throws himself out of his room, so he quietly moves past the door without giving in to the urge to peek inside, making his way to the living room where he plans to crash on the couch.

He nearly jumps at the sound of his name. “Mike?”

Mike turns on his heels and heads back, pushing the door open.

“Hey. Did she keep you up?”

“Only a little.” Harvey's voice is low and rough, telling him that he got some sleep. “She's quiet now though, why are you up?”

“It's stupid,” Mike says with a wave of his hand. When the statement is met with expectant silence he shrugs and explains, “She kind of stole my bed.”

The room is quiet for a beat. “She did what,” Harvey says flatly.

“I'm being serious. She took the bed. Claimed it. Have you ever tried arguing with a tired seven-month-old? Doesn't work. She just started crying the second I picked her up every time I attempted to move her. I gave up after the third try.”

Harvey shifts on the bed, his head tilted towards him. Mike can just so make out the lines of his face in the dark. His own exhaustion has turned into something else entirely, leaving him looking at everything with a sort of distant curiosity. He is strangely awake, feeling very in the moment but asking himself whether this is really happening at the same time.

“You do realize that she takes up less space than any of the pillows on that bed? That you and your skinny ass fit alongside her?”

“Okay, first of all I'm not that skinny, alright? I have a slim physique. Also, I don't really dig waking up tomorrow to a squashed baby because I accidentally rolled all over her.”

Harvey lifts his eyebrows.

“What?” Mike asks defensively, crossing his arms. “I move in my sleep. I've had complaints. I'm so not going to risk that. I'm just gonna surrender the bed and sleep on the sofa. I made a wall of pillows so she won't fall off and everything. It's all hers.”

Harvey frowns at him. He looks marginally more awake as he rolls over, supporting himself on his elbow.

“Don't be silly.”

“What?”

“You can't sleep on the sofa.”

“Uh, I think you're severely underestimating my ability to sleep anywhere. Trust me, I've probably crashed on more sofas than you've sat on. It's not really the most bizarre surface I've slept on.”

Harvey rolls his eyes. “Deliberate obtuseness doesn't suit you. I know you can sleep there, you just shouldn't. You may be a little younger than me but you're still a grown man and that means your neck is going to make you pay for these kinds of sins. A cranky associate is directly linked to a poor performance in the workplace and a cranky baby, so I'd really advise against it for everyone's sake.”

Curse Harvey for still being able to make his case so eloquently while he's half asleep.

“Okay, so, what do you want me to do instead? Sleep standing up?”

Harvey just gives him a look. “Get into bed. My bed.”

There is nothing but the bump of Mike's heart in the beat of silence that follows. Mike is pretty sure that he hasn't misheard, but the question still escapes him because Harvey can't possibly be asking what he thinks. “What?”

“Are you going to be difficult all night? I said get into bed. Don't worry, there's plenty of space and _I_ don't lash out in my sleep.”

“That's- I don't _lash out_ , I just move a lot, okay? Also, if you think I'm gonna hit you in my sleep you probably shouldn't offer to share a bed with me, that's not very smart. Are you sure you're entirely awake? I don't wanna get pushed out of bed in the morning when you wake up and have forgotten that you-”

“Mike,” Harvey interrupts him, tired and exasperated and just a tiny bit amused underneath that. “Get the hell in here.”

Mike only hesitates for a moment before he pushes himself up from the doorframe and crosses the room to slide under the covers. Part of him knows that this is a bad idea, but most of him just really can't deny himself this opportunity. It's _Harvey_ who initiated this, who made the offer without Mike even hinting at the fact that this is something he wants. So what if madness lies that way? Mike is never not going to follow Harvey anywhere. It's simply a fact, a given, something he neither can change nor wants to.

The expensive sheets rustle as Mike slides between them, marveling at their softness almost as much as he marvels at the fact that he is getting into bed with Harvey, at _his_ request. Though there was nothing sexual or seductive about it, there is a certain intimacy to sharing a bed with someone, and Harvey just willingly agreed to letting that happen.

The lines just continue to blur between them, and Harvey seems as unruffled about it as ever. Mike, in the meantime, is giving his utmost to keep his breathing at a normal level while Harvey shifts to the side to make more space for him.

“Do you usually sleep in the middle?”

“Of course.”

“So basically I'm stealing your space.”

“It's not stealing if I offered it. What kind of lawyer are you? No, don't answer that. I forgot you're not a real lawyer anyway.”

“Funny,” Mike says. He turns onto his side, assuming his favored sleeping position which, incidentally, allows him a perfect view of Harvey's resting form. They aren't touching, but they are so close that Mike can hear every breath Harvey draws. He's afraid that in return Harvey can hear his heart attempting to beat out of his chest.

“You're okay with this?”

It's an attempt to fill the silence with something other than their shared breaths as much as a reassurance to calm himself down.

Harvey's eyes are closed as he remarks, “I don't invite someone into my bed I don't want there.”

Mike gulps. Alright, sleep was improbable before, but it's an impossibility now. Looks like Harvey is going to wake up to a cranky associate after all.

He probably didn't mean that the way it sounded. Likely. All things considered Mike can't really take anything Harvey is saying or doing right now at face value, since he's half asleep.

“Is this crossing a line?” The question surprises Mike himself. He attributes it to his exhaustion that his brain-mouth filter isn't working properly. Or, well, even less than usual.

Harvey, however, doesn't seem fazed. “Are there even any lines left to cross, Mike?”

That is a loaded statement if Mike ever heard one. Does he mean lines in general, since they've been crossing any and all of those from the first time they met? Or the lines between them? Harvey isn't stupid; it's entirely possible that he's aware of their bizarre situation, that he watches them break boundary after boundary just like Mike does without doing anything to stop it.

That opens up a whole new range of possibilities. That brings up so many questions that Mike almost gets dizzy.

“I can hear you thinking,” Harvey murmurs, and Mike flinches, feeling irrationally caught. It's not like he fantasized about making out with Harvey while lying inches away from him. He got close, though. “Stop it.”

“Thinking's not a crime,” Mike mumbles in reply, but settles on the pillow and closes his eyes. Not that it does anything to help with his awareness of the close proximity to the object of his affection. An image of Harvey hearing himself being described like this crosses his mind, and he can't hold back the snort escaping him.

“Mike.”

“Sorry, sorry.”

“You're gonna make me regret this, aren't you?”

“Of course not.” Mike pretends to be affronted. “You've never regretted any decision you made about me in your life.”

“You're awfully sure about that.”

“That's because I'm right.”

“Mike?”

“Yeah?”

“Go the fuck to sleep.”

“Gosh, you're not even denying it? Wow. We've come so far.”

Harvey releases a deep breath, pointedly not replying. Mike is silent for a beat before he says, “You know there's a children's book like that, right? 'Go the fuck to sleep'. It's hilarious.”

Harvey groans. “Great, I'll get it and read it to you if it gets you to shut up.”

Mike huffs out a laugh and closes his eyes, pretending he didn't see the corner of Harvey's lips quirking into a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, I'm so happy this story has been getting such a lovely response! Thank you so much to everyone who left kudos and/or commented so far, I didn't expect so many of you and I can't tell you how much it means to me! <3
> 
> I posted a [moodboard for Mike](http://andthetardis.tumblr.com/post/165369295834/to-build-a-home-mike-ross-mike-you-know-you) in this story on my tumblr, if you want to check it out!


	5. Chapter 5

Mike manages to catch several hours of sleep before Nela's crying wakes him again, just a few minutes before the alarm. He blinks his eyes open, only to be met with the sight of Harvey's face up close, mere inches from his own. They must have gravitated towards each other during the night. Their knees are touching through the duvet, a single point of contact that sends waves of warmth through Mike. He could count each of Harvey's lashes if he wanted to, he'd barely have to reach out to touch them.

Mike only gets a minute to drink in the sight, to marvel at the fact that he is in Harvey's bed, this close to having a sleepy cuddle with him, before Harvey's eyes flutter open. Mike rolls on his back, delicately drawing his leg back from where it was practically nestled against Harvey's.

“Morning,” he rasps, hoping that the roughness of his voice will be put down to sleep. He swallows, trying to will his heartbeat to calm down.

Harvey grumbles something in reply, not entirely awake yet. Mike glances at his face one last time, biting his lip, before he gets up. He grabs a wet flannel, then slips into his room to pick Nela up.

She leans her head against his shoulder when he greets her, allowing him to cool her mouth. Mike sighs in relief.

“That's it,” he murmurs, caressing her head before dropping a kiss there. “We'll get through this, okay? You just have to let us help you.”

When Mike retreats into the kitchen Harvey is already there, preparing some cold baby food.

“Worth a try,” he remarks, and Mike agrees.

Nela is reluctant to open her mouth, but eventually lets herself be fed. Mike beams at Harvey in relief and gets a blinding smile in return, which is just as good as finally getting some food into Nela.

He should probably feel weird about having slept in Harvey's bed, but he doesn't. It just feels _right_ , normal.Harvey is acting as if nothing happened, instead treating him to easy smiles and brushing his shoulder as he moves past him into the bathroom.

It brings out a warmth in Mike he couldn't quash if he tried. Not that he wants to. He tends to a sullen but mostly calm Nela while he prepares himself a bowl of cereal, leaving the box out for Harvey before he starts eating standing up, rocking Nela gently. He passes her on to Harvey once he emerges, already wearing his suit pants and a shirt.

“How much time do I have?”

“Seventeen minutes.”

“Got it.”

He returns exactly thirteen minutes later, doing his final button before gratefully accepting the warm cup of coffee Harvey hands him. Harvey puts on his shoes and wrestles Nela into her jacket while Mike finishes getting dressed, gulping down the rest of his coffee before grabbing the baby sling from the counter.

“I can't believe you still insist on wearing that thing.”

“Uh, have you been outside lately? Big city, masses of tourists, crowds everywhere? This is way more practical than a buggy, so I'll wear it as long as I still can.”

“It makes you look like an idiot,” Harvey points out.

“And how dare I, as a reflection of you,” Mike gives back, rolling his eyes fondly. “Suck it up, asshole. You're just jealous that I'm rocking the stylish fresh parent look so easily.”

“That is so wrong on so many levels that I don't even know where to start.”

“Then don't. We're late anyway. Catch you at the office?”

“You'd better,” Harvey calls after him in amusement, and Mike shoots him a grin over his shoulder before he's out of the door. He looks forward to leaving Nela at the day care and getting to focus on work for a few hours instead of the wailing of a miserable child.

He is still exhausted, but the few hours of sleep helped. The past few weeks have made him used to working through his tiredness, and so he almost feels rested by the time he picks Nela up again in the afternoon.

She is in a better mood as well, having just woken from a nap, and Mike heaves a sigh of relief at the prospect of things finally looking up again.

They do. Nela indeed has two teeth to show for her misery soon, causing Mike to take more pictures than strictly necessary and Harvey to roll his eyes at him, though Mike catches him smiling at the sight more than once.

It's a few days later, once the dust has completely settled, that Mike asks over dinner, “Hey, I was wondering if I could ask Rachel to come over sometime this weekend? We've been meaning to catch up for ages.”

“Can you invite a friend over to your home? I don't know, Mike, can you?”

Mike rolls his eyes. “I'll take that as a yes? I'm just trying to be polite here, dude. You should try it sometime.”

Harvey shakes his head. “Of course you can invite her over. You live here too.” He lifts an eyebrow. “You still can't call me dude, however.”

“Oh, so I can invade your space and eat your food and everything, but calling you dude is where you draw the line? You're weird.”

“Weird, and not your dude.”

“Whatever you say, boss.”

“You're a child.”

“A child you asked to move in with you, so what does that say about you?”

“I plead insanity,” Harvey murmurs as he gets up. Mike winks at him when he catches his eyes, grinning at the barely suppressed smile he receives in return.

* * *

Rachel agrees readily to come over on Saturday, and Mike spends the morning bustling around the flat, attempting to do some last minute tidying.

Harvey is watching from the sofa, his feet propped up on a pillow as he follows his efforts. “You know,” he breaks the silence after a while, “I was thinking that I could take Nela out for a bit once Rachel gets here.”

Mike straightens. “Really?”

While they pretty much split most of the work at home, Harvey has never gone out with Nela on his own. Not that Mike doesn't think he can handle it, but the offer surprises him.

“Of course. She'll get some fresh air, and you and Rachel can have some space to talk. I'm sure she isn't coming here to spend the day with me, anyway.”

“She knows we're living together,” Mike says, rolling his eyes. “Obviously. And she likes you. You don't have to leave because of her.”

“No,” Harvey agrees, “but I'm still going to. Nela and I can have some quality – what do you call it? Bonding time. And you can stop worrying about her for once. Just enjoy Rachel's visit. It'll be good for you.”

Mike huffs. “You're a true giver.” Despite the remark, he gives him a genuine smile. “Hey, thanks. I really appreciate it.”

“What can I say,” Harvey replies with a smirk, “I'm a true giver.”

Rachel rings the bell before Mike is done and so he just gives up, hurrying to the door to let her in. He grins when she gets the same expression of awe on her face Mike experienced when he first saw the condo.

“Wow. You did _not_ promise too much.”

Mike chuckles. “Told you it was a sweet place.”

Rachel turns to him. “You're a kept man, Mike Ross,” she remarks, laughing at his face when he flushes. Before he can reply she steps closer to give him a hug. “It's good to see you,” she says. “Really see you, I mean. Not running around the office like a headless chicken or asleep at your desk.”

“That happened like, once,” Mike protests half-heartedly.

“I'll have to disagree,” Harvey remarks, striding out of his bedroom. “Once a week is more like it. Hello Rachel. Good to see you.”

Rachel steps back. “Hey Harvey. I was just complimenting your condo.”

He smiles. “ _Mi casa es su casa_. Please, have a seat.”

Mike rolls his eyes as Harvey charms her, turning to the kitchen. “You want anything? Coffee?”

“Coffee would be great, thanks.”

“Harvey?”

“I'm good.”

Mike nods and goes to prepare two cups. He looks up when Rachel calls, “Oh, there she is!”

He glances around the sofa to get a look at Nela. “Is she up? Hold on, I'll introduce you.”

“I'll get her,” Harvey says, swiftly leaning down to grab Nela. He smiles as he adjusts his grip on her, then steps closer to Rachel.

“Nela, this is Rachel. Rachel, meet Nela.”

Rachel grins at her, reaching for her hand with two fingers and shaking it lightly. “Hey there! Oh gosh, aren't you adorable?”

Mike grins, catching Harvey's eyes over the counter. Harvey isn't the only one winning Rachel over. Nela is working her charm entirely without meaning to as she watches her with sleepy eyes, resting her head on Harvey's shoulder while she glances at her through her lashes.

“She just woke up,” Harvey explains, running a soothing hand over her back. “She's not usually this tentative.”

Rachel just waves her hand. “I still can't believe you ended up with a baby, Mike,” she calls out, taking one of the chairs while Harvey sits down on the sofa, allowing Nela to grow more awake.

Mike grabs the two cups and goes to join them, handing one to Rachel. “I know, right? I didn't even get laid.”

Harvey and Rachel both roll their eyes at that, making for a bizarre mirror image. Mike stops short, holding out a hand.

“Okay, no, you can't team up against me. That's not fair.”

“What do you mean?” Harvey asks innocently. “Rachel and I are just appreciating your humor.”

He winks at Rachel, who smirks at him. “Yeah, Mike, Harvey and I are just so delighted by your sharp wit.”

“Funny. Real funny.”

He sits down, a smile spreading on his lips.

“Okay, this is the first time we actually have time to talk in forever, so go on. Tell me everything I've missed. I've barely talked to anyone at the firm lately, I have no idea what's going on anymore. Harvey won't update me. He doesn't believe in rumors.”

“I only believe in them when they're useful to me,” Harvey corrects. “I'm not interested in gossip.”

“It's not gossiping, it's... gathering information. Being in the loop.”

“It's gossip, Mike,” Rachel says. Then she leans in. “Okay, but you've got to hear this. You will _not_ believe what one of the clients Louis got last month tried to get me to do.”

Mike leans back and settles in to listen. The constellation feels a little strange at first, but between the three – or four – of them, the conversation flows surprisingly easy. They go from life at the firm to life with a baby to Rachel's studies and the latest season of Game of Thrones, and by some unspoken agreement they hold off the heavier stuff until later.

Harvey leaves them to it soon, giving them the space he promised. He's just finishing a story about a fight Louis had with a partner when he pauses.

“Hold on.” He lifts Nela to sniff her, then makes a face. “Right, that's my cue. I think it's time we left for a walk anyway. If you'll excuse me,” he announces, holding her out in front of him as he makes a swift exit from the room.

Rachel's eyes follow him out. “Unbelievable,” she mouths when she looks back to Mike, raising her eyebrows. Mike huffs out a laugh.

“He is full of surprises, isn't he?”

She gives him a meaningful look. “Later,” she mumbles, and Mike chuckles.

“Oh, yeah. Definitely.”

Harvey returns a few minutes later with Nela in a jacket, passing her on to Mike as he gets ready before taking her again.

Nela is definitely more awake now, gazing back and forth between the three adults. Mike waves at her when he catches her eyes, grinning as she babbles. Her gaze keeps falling on Rachel. She eyes her with curiosity, but then gets distracted by Harvey putting a hat on her. He tips her nose and she smiles.

“Do I need anything that isn't in the buggy?” he asks.

“Take some of the baby food with you,” Mike suggests, and Harvey disappears into the kitchen before he heads for the door.

“If you order anything you can get some food for me too, but don't wait. And no gossiping about me, got it?”

Mike meets Rachel's eyes. “Wouldn't dream of it.”

Harvey gives him a look, then turns to Nela. “Come on, let's leave them to it.”

“Bye, Nela. Bye, Harvey!” Mike calls out, watching them leave with a smile. It's only when the door falls shut that he realizes that Rachel's eyes have shifted back to him.

“It's you who generally takes care of her, huh?”

Mike sits back, holding out his hands. “Wasn't a lie at the time. Things have changed a lot around here.”

“I can see that,” Rachel remarks with a laugh. “I mean, that was Harvey Specter cuddling with a baby. And changing her diaper. And now he's taking her out for a walk. It's so... domestic.”

“Yeah, well. He's still Harvey. He's probably using her to chat someone up. You know, the old single father trick that's supposed to work wonders on the ladies.”

Mike smiles as he speaks, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling spreading in his stomach at the idea.

“No,” Rachel says to his surprise, shaking her head with a slight smile, “I really don't think he will, Mike.”

Mike squints at her, then laughs nervously. “Is that your female intuition speaking or...?”

She rolls her eyes. “Not that that's a thing, but it's rather my common sense speaking.”

Before Mike can ask what she means by that she asks, “So how is it, living with him? Does he give you orders and threaten to fire you when you don't take out the trash?”

“Not at all, actually.” Mike grins. “It's kind of what I expected too, like, him going all 'I let you live here so if you aren't on your best behavior I'll fire your ass', but he's really-” He hesitates, searching for the right word - “accommodating? I don't know, I keep thinking that it's just way too easy. Living with your boss should be weird, right? Well, it's not. It just feels normal.”

“Well, he's not just your boss,” Rachel points out. “You've been past that for a long time. And living with a friend isn't supposed to be weird at all, so...”

“Yeah, I mean, he definitely is a friend. One of my best, in fact. I suppose I just never expected us to be on the same page about that. But he's been so amazing, Rachel. The way he's been taking this weight off my shoulders... he didn't just go to Jessica and cut me a deal to work from home, he also helps me look for new parents for Nela, he insisted that we move in with him, he keeps helping me look after her. And he never once complains, can you believe it? Harvey Specter, the guy who's always out to have people owing him, and he doesn't even want anything in return. He is just way too good to me, I have no idea how to make it up to him. I seriously don't know what I would have done without him these past few weeks. He saved me, again. He just keeps doing that. He's so...”

Mike trails off, swallowing when he realizes what he was about to say. Rachel's gaze is thoughtful as she listens to his rambling, and he scolds himself for not filtering his words. She watches him for a moment before her eyes widen in understanding.

“Oh my god, Mike. You love him, don't you?”

Mike's eyes snap up to hers. He opens his mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. He didn't expect her to be quite so forward, and now that the words are out he has no idea how to respond. He could deny it, but he knows that she wouldn't believe him. His heart races in his chest as he curses his own transparency.

Rachel smiles a little at his expression. “Hey, you don't have to look like that. I mean, you even told me once that you loved him, so it's not really a surprise. I just didn't know it was that way.”

Mike looks into his cup, suddenly unable to meet her eyes. “I'm sorry.” He's never admitted it to anyone, and having Rachel of all people say it to his face is, well, terrifying.

“Hey,” she says at the hoarseness of his voice. “Mike.”

He looks up, meeting her confused gaze. “What on earth are you sorry for?” She reaches out to squeeze his hand. “You think I care that you're in love with someone else? Or that it's a man? I know you swing both ways, Mike. I don't care about that.”

“I just don't want you to think I used you. I was really... I really wanted to be with you when we were trying.”

“You just also wanted to be with him?”

Mike scratches his neck. “I don't know. I don't... for the longest time I didn't even realize that's what it was, you know? Sure, he was attractive and I wanted to be around him and... I don't know, get his approval. But he's my mentor, that's only natural. At some point it just hit me how badly I wanted to be with him, so... when I realized I was already in _way_ too deep. You know how he is. Harvey is just... Harvey. He strides into a room and takes it up entirely, and it was kind of the same in my head.”

“You were powerless,” she summarizes softly. Mike lifts his shoulders.

“Guess I was.”

Silence falls between them as they each contemplate the situation. Rachel shakes her head.

“God, Mike,” she says after a moment, “you're in love.”

“I am,” he confirms, his heart jumping as he voices it for the very first time. He wipes his sweaty palms on his pants. “I think I really am. Jesus, Rachel.” He closes his eyes, hanging his head. “I am in so much trouble, you have no idea.”

She pats his arm. “I think I'm starting to get it.”

Mike exhales deeply before he sits up, biting his lip. “Is it really that obvious?”

“Not if you don't know where to look. I mean, some of us thought you had a little crush going on there, but _this_... this is definitely more than just a little.”

“Yeah, it is.”

She studies him for a moment. “So what do you think?”

“About what?”

“Well, whether he likes you back or not.”

“Rachel!” Mike exclaims, spluttering as he searches for words. “I don't- he isn't- of course he doesn't, what makes you even say that?”

“Okay, okay, what is going on right now? Is this you having a low self-esteem crisis or you having a 'he can't possibly like me because I'm a man' crisis?”

“Well, I guess... both? Rachel, come on. Chances are he's straight, I'm not going to kid myself. And even if he isn't...” He trails off at her expression. “What?”

“Well. You know when you said he'd be working wonders on the ladies?”

“...Yeah?” Mike asks when she doesn't continue. She gives him a long look, the corner of her lips quirking up.

“I think you should maybe reconsider that. It's not my place to say, but remember that I worked at the firm for five years before you showed up. I hear things.”

Mike stares at her. “I don't even know what that's supposed to mean,” he finally says, though he understands perfectly. He can't let himself hope, not now, not like this. He's way too close, way too deep. He is barely managing the line that lets him separate what he feels for Harvey from what he lets show. It's foolish, ludicrous even, to allow himself hope that he might feel the same for him.

And yet.

“Okay,” he bites, “so even if he isn't straight, what's to say that he'd be interested in me?”

“What's to say that he wouldn't be?” Rachel waves around the room. “Look at this, Mike. Look at yourself right now. You're sitting in Harvey's condo, because you're living here. Because Harvey asked you to. And you're taking care of a baby together. I mean, this is above and beyond what just a friend would do, especially if that friend is Harvey. He's not really the giving type. Do you honestly think he would have done all this for anyone else?”

“I don't think anyone else ever needed it,” Mike points out.

“Yeah, but he's been breaking all his rules for you since the day you met. You are always the exception.”

Mike swallows, wanting to argue her point on principle and at the same time knowing it's futile. Because Rachel is right. Mike is always the exception to Harvey's rules.

He hired him. He put himself and his relationship with Jessica on the line when she found out. He checked on Mike after Grammy's death, when he needed it the most, and he didn't even hesitate to smoke up with him. He didn't just allow Mike to move into his space, he actively takes care of Nela just so Mike can have a minute to himself here and there. The list of things Harvey has done for him is endless, and it keeps growing. Mike has often asked himself what it is about him that made Harvey do all that, whether he really just sees Mike as a reflection of himself or if there is more to it. The possibility Rachel proposed breaches dangerous territory, too easy to get lost in, to start seeing things where there aren't any. But now he can't help but wonder.

“Look,” Rachel interrupts his thoughts, “whether he wants you or not-” Mike gulps and her lips twitch into a smile- “I think it's clear that you mean a great deal to him. So at least stop feeling like you need to make it up to him because from what I'm getting, I really don't think you need to make up _anything_ to him. He wants you here, Mike. You mean enough to him that he wants to help you. He wouldn't have asked otherwise.”

Mike gives her a tentative smile. “Yeah, he did say something along the lines.”

She chuckles. “You know, for someone with such a big brain you can be really dense sometimes.”

“Thanks.”

“Just think about it, okay? Maybe this whole thing isn't as doomed as you believe it is.”

Mike sighs. “Let me tell you something, my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.”

She frowns. “Movie?”

“ _The_ _Shawshank Redemption._ ”

“Thought so.”

Rachel changes the topic then, leading the conversation away from Mike's feelings. He knows she can tell that there isn't anything more he can say on the subject, and he is grateful for her understanding.

Still, he feels it's only fair to grill her about her love life, and one story leads to another from there. Mike finds himself sparing a thought for Harvey and how he's faring after a while, then immediately berates himself for it.

They do order in when the afternoon has passed, and Mike decidedly doesn't look at Rachel when he tells the person on the phone exactly what Harvey wants without having to ask. He can practically feel her smirking at him anyway.

They are halfway through dinner when Harvey gets back. Mike asks Rachel, who is almost done with her fancy dish he can't begin to grasp the appeal of, if she wants to hold Nela while Harvey eats. She agrees readily, laughing in delight when Nela drools on her and then proceeds to grasp strands of her hair despite Mike's best efforts to stop her.

It's already dark outside when Rachel reaches for her bag, sighing that she had better get back. Mike walks her to the door, Harvey trailing after him.

“Thank you,” Mike murmurs as he hugs her goodbye. He can feel Harvey's gaze on him like a physical weight. It's amazing and terrible at once.

“Of course,” Rachel replies, drawing back to kiss his cheek. “We should repeat this soon. Let's get lunch sometime next week,” she suggests, and Mike smiles.

“Deal. Thanks for coming, Rachel.”

“Thanks for inviting me,” she gives back, then turns to Harvey. “You too.”

“Anytime.”

“Hey, if you two ever want a night off, give me a call, alright? Nela is so sweet, I wouldn't mind watching her for a few hours.”

“I'll get back to you on that,” Mike promises.

Harvey retreats into the condo while Mike lingers in the doorway until she's gone, then joins him inside. They are quiet as they clean up. Mike is certain that Harvey is thinking about what they talked about without him, but he doesn't ask.

“You gonna eat this or can I put it away?”

“Nah, I'm good. Put it in the fridge.”

They don't say more, and Mike is grateful for the silence. Rachel has given him a lot to think about, and he's not sure he could hold up the image of nonchalance if Harvey really took a look at him.

He leaves the room when it's time to put Nela to bed, glad to have a moment to himself. He watches her chest rising and falling once she's asleep before quietly changing into more comfortable clothes. Harvey shifts on the sofa when he returns with a stack of files, wordlessly making room for him.

They spend the evening in companionable silence, with Mike attempting to catch up on his work while Harvey watches a game.

“You don't need to finish that tonight,” Harvey remarks when Mike yawns for the third time. Mike glances at the files, then sighs.

“You're probably right. I'll just do it tomorrow.”

He doesn't get up though, instead simply shifting around until he is comfortable, joining Harvey in watching the final part of the game. Harvey doesn't comment on it.

When the game is over he heaves himself up, somehow reluctant to cut the evening short. But Harvey is getting up too, and so he pads to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Harvey's door is half opened when Mike returns. Unable to resist, he goes to stand in the doorway, glancing inside. Harvey is putting away some clothes, evidently getting ready for bed.

Mike watches him, and without quite knowing why he asks, “Hey, can I sleep here tonight?”

Harvey looks up, and for a moment Mike can see surprise on his face. Their eyes meet, and he nods. “Of course.”

He doesn't ask whether Nela stole his bed and Mike doesn't offer an explanation, they just prepare to get into bed together like it's the most normal thing in the world.

“Turn the lights off,” is all Harvey says before he pushes back the duvet and moves to the right side of the bed. Mike does, willing his heart to calm down as he slides under the covers next to him.

He takes a moment to get comfortable, then turns his head towards him. His eyes aren't closed yet.

“Thanks for today,” Mike says, his voice low in the dark.

“Did you have a good time?”

“Yes.”

“I'm glad.” A short pause. “Good night, Mike.”

“Night, Harvey.”

Mike closes his eyes, fighting to keep the smile off his face. He's asleep within minutes.

* * *

They don't quite make a habit of it, but it does happen now and then. Not with any regularity, not so often that they need to talk about it like it's this Big Thing, but it happens, and it's exhilarating every time. It inevitably gets to a point where Mike crawls into his own bed and wishes it were Harvey's instead, but he tells himself not to overdo it. It is a privilege, after all. Since that first time when he got himself kicked out by Nela, he hasn't actually slept in Harvey's bed for any other reason than purely because he wanted to.

Until the night he gets a nightmare. A bad one.

Mike hasn't had a nightmare in months, and this one hits him out of nowhere.

He wakes up shaking and gasping for air, clawing at his collar as he struggles through the layers of his dream. The sound of the blood rustling in his ears is almost loud enough to cover his frantic panting, but not the screams still echoing in his head. He tries to calm down, tries to figure out where he is, blindsided by the silhouettes he can make out in the dark, so different from what he usually sees when he wakes from a bad dream.

It takes him almost a full minute until he regains a sense of where he is, fighting his way through the images clouding his mind to what is real and here and now.

The darkness of the room threatens to pull him under. He switches on his bedside lamp, and when that doesn't help he pulls his knees to his chest and hangs his head between them, closing his eyes and trying to breathe deeply.

His heart rate only calms slowly, pumping adrenaline through his body like a sickening poison, and suddenly he can't be here anymore, in this big room, all alone with the memories of his nightmare.

His feet touch the ground before he makes the conscious decision to go next door, and this time it's not just giving in to a whim. This time it's seeking shelter.

He stops with his back to the door, supporting himself as he closes his eyes. If he is going to disturb Harvey, he's not going to show up in his room in the middle of the night in a state of panic.

He draws breath after breath, letting his eyes move around to take his surroundings in. The familiar shape of the condo helps to ground him in the moment. There's the stack of files he needs to take back to work tomorrow on the table, the menus Harvey keeps on the drawer, and the empty cup Mike neglected to put away earlier.

When he feels like he can breathe freely again he pushes himself up, heading to Harvey's bedroom.

The door squeaks as he opens it. Harvey is facing away from him, but the sound must have roused him. He lifts his head, turning towards the door.

“Mike?” he asks, his voice rough from sleep.

Mike clears his throat. “Hi.”

Harvey pushes himself onto his elbows. “What are you doing up? Something wrong with Nela?”

“No, no, she's fast asleep.” Mike waves his hands. “I just. Had a nightmare, that's all.”

Harvey is quiet for a moment. “You do know you don't need an excuse to come into my bed, right?”

Mike snorts, and Harvey smiles as he pushes back the duvet in a clear invitation. “Come on, get in here.”

Mike does, letting out a deep breath once he's settled. The close proximity to Harvey instantly makes him feel calmer. He snuggles against the pillow, smiling when Harvey pulls the duvet back over both of them. Then he turns onto his side, fixing Mike with a thoughtful look.

“You get nightmares often?”

Mike shrugs a little. “Sometimes.” He pauses. “You?”

Harvey replies, “Sometimes.” He pauses. “Wanna talk about it?”

Mike hesitates, but he knows he probably won't be able to fall asleep before he gets the images out of his head.

“It's stupid. I don't know what brought it on now, I haven't had one in months. And none as bad as this one in years.”

“A number of things can trigger nightmares. There isn't always a definite reason.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Harvey waits for him to continue, and Mike presses his palms against his eyes, trying to make sense of the chaos in his head.

“I always dream about those I care about. Losing them.” He huffs out a shaky laugh that lacks any humor, but Harvey doesn't comment on it. “No big surprise there, I suppose.” He exhales slowly. “It was really messy this time. My parents, Grammy. I think Nela. You were there,” he adds after a pause. He doesn't say more and Harvey doesn't ask, but they both know it's significant somehow.

“There was some sort of crash. Not like in a car, just... everything was okay, and the next moment there was chaos. Blood and crying and all that. And I was watching from the outside, with some kind of glass wall between us. It was mostly just jumbled images and... scenes, I guess, after that. It's more the feeling that made it so terrible. Being cut off from everyone I- care about. Knowing they're about to be taken from me and there's nothing I can do about it. There was just this awful feeling of oppression, like something was sitting on my chest and pressing down until I couldn't breathe, while you all drifted away from me to somewhere terrible."

He shrugs a little, clenching his fists to keep them from shaking. The adrenaline is leaving his body, and all that's left is a jittery exhaustion that makes him wish he wasn't awake. “Doesn't make a lot of sense.”

Harvey has listened in silence. “Dreams rarely do,” he says. “That doesn't make them any less disturbing.”

“Yeah,” Mike agrees softly.

He wonders what Harvey dreams about, what his own personal demons look like. Mike knows he doesn't have a place in that part of Harvey's life, that he doesn't belong to it, and it stings to think that Harvey doesn't trust him with those bits when he has seen Mike at his very lowest, but he knows how closed up Harvey is. He supposes the fact that he admitted to having nightmares at all is a win in itself.

Maybe he'll get to the rest of it, one day.

“I'm gonna try to get some sleep,” he mumbles into the quiet. He's not sure he's going to succeed, but talking about it has somewhat calmed him. Harvey nods.

“Wake me up if you need anything,” he instructs, closing his eyes.

“Okay,” Mike says, gazing at Harvey's face until he has to tear his eyes away before he does something stupid like reach out to touch him. This is enough, he tells himself. It has to be enough.

* * *

As time passes life doesn't get any easier, but it certainly gets more entertaining. Nela learns more and more every day. There are no more nightmares, but they keep sharing a bed on occasion. Mike spends a lot of time thinking about what Rachel said, but he doesn't get anywhere with it. He is too busy to come up with anything to do about it anyway.

Apart from that, he is enjoying the life he has been knocked into in a twisted sort of way. Mike didn't think that either living with Harvey or living with a baby would ever feel normal, but that's exactly what it has become. Normal. Domestic, even.

If he is honest, he kind of loves it. He keeps finding himself in situations he never would have dreamed of a year ago and now doesn't bat an eye at.

Harvey is sitting in his chair after breakfast one morning, idly watching Nela doing her thing on the floor.

She is lying on her back, examining a rattle in her hands. She keeps lifting her knees to her belly before dropping them again, then repeating the procedure. She does this a lot.

“It's like she's doing sit-ups,” Harvey muses.

Mike snorts. “You just watch, she's gonna turn into a workout freak like you.”

Harvey throws him a look, clearly affronted. “Going for a run every other morning doesn't warrant being called a workout freak.”

“Well, compared to my grand total of zero workouts per week, it kind of does.”

“Actually, now that you mention it-”

“I am not going to start working out,” Mike interrupts.

“Why not? Think about your health, Mike. It may feel that way, but you won't always be this young and agile.”

“Yeah, well, I can worry about that when I'm old like you, Grandpa.” Harvey opens his mouth, but Mike talks right over him. “Seriously, I can barely find the time to sleep and get my work done at the moment. I neither know when to squeeze in a workout, nor do I want to. Forget it.” A grin spreads on his lips. “Also, can I just say? You caring about my health, that's just adorable.”

“I care about your efficiency, which is, believe it or not, directly linked to your health.” Harvey pauses. “Besides, if you get sick, then who's going to take care of Nela?”

“Right, of course, that's all you're worried about.”

Harvey only smirks at him. Mike shakes his head. “You care!” he calls after him when he gets up, still grinning. Harvey just flips him off.

As if Harvey wouldn't take care of Nela if it came to it. Mike isn't the only one who has adjusted to the situation, after all.

It's not an unusual sight for Mike to doze on the couch with Nela lying on his chest, but it does make him falter when he comes home one day to find Harvey in the exact same position.

He grins, quickly reaching for his phone. He has started taking pictures of Nela for her future parents, but he can't help indulging a little and taking a handful of Harvey here and there as well, just for him to keep.

Yeah, he's really digging this new normal.

Maybe that's why it hits him so much harder the first time Harvey has a go at him at work since he moved in.

It's a stressful week. One of the partners is sick and Harvey has to take over a huge merger for him. Familiarizing himself with the details on top of his own work takes time, even with Mike by his side, and they are only halfway through when Mike finds something that points towards a hostile takeover. It's a bold move from one of the companies, clever enough that they almost got away with it. Harvey, of course, is livid. They throw their entire strategy overboard and spend the day and half the night coming up with a new plan, finalizing the details in the morning at the office.

“It's risky, but it can work,” Harvey says when they're done, checking the clock. They are just in time for the meeting.

“We only have to sell it right,” Mike agrees.

“We will. Come on, we need to leave.” Harvey gets up from the sofa, stopping in the doorway. “Oh, and see that Nela's taken care of. This might take a while, and I need you with me.”

So Mike calls the day care to say that he might be late and then gathers his share of the files as he hurries to catch up with Harvey. And it's nobody's fault, really, when one of the essential documents gets left behind on Harvey's desk.

Except Harvey seems to think it's Mike's fault.

“Why the fuck didn't you check twice if you had everything?” he hisses outside the conference room, not waiting for an answer as he leaves, his agitation evident in every tense stride.

“Look, I'm sorry, okay?” Mike hurries to follow him. “I didn't realize we left anything on the desk. It was an honest mistake.”

Harvey doesn't slow down. “Save the apologies. It's too late now. God damn it, Mike, how do you have this brain of yours and still manage to be completely useless when it comes to it?”

They can still prevent the takeover despite the embarrassment in the meeting, but now the company knows that they know, and the element of surprise is gone. They need a new game plan, and fast.

Mike gets why Harvey is mad. He's not happy about having to go back to square one either.

That doesn't change the fact that Harvey's words hit him like a whiplash.

“You could have checked too,” he points out, not bothering to hide the hurt in his voice. Harvey doesn't seem to notice, or care.

“Well, I asked _you_ to do it, and it's your goddamn job to do what I ask of you. Not to saddle me with even more bullshit to do. If I have to do all the work myself then there's no point in having you around.”

With that Harvey turns and walks away, leaving him standing in the hallway like an idiot. Mike thinks that he might as well have struck him, the effect would have been the same.

It's not the first time Harvey has scolded him for his mistakes, and it's certainly not the first time his words have hurt him, but it feels different now. Mike knows it's foolish, that it's a bad idea to let their private life mix with work, but he can't help it. This doesn't feel like work. It feels personal, and he knew he shouldn't have gotten as involved as he did, because now he is paying the price.

He hates disappointing Harvey. He always has, but now it feels like he's let him down in an entirely different way. He's mad at himself for having forgotten the document, and he feels betrayed by Harvey's anger and he hates that, hates himself for it, because it's unfair to them both and yet he can't shake it.

He clenches his fists as he tries to control the crippling feelings inside him, then leaves the building to hail a taxi.

Rachel finds him in the file room two hours later, hidden away from everyone who dares to cross his path.

“Mike! You're still here?”

“I need to get this done,” Mike explains around the highlighter in his mouth. Rachel takes one look at his face before sitting down next to him.

“What's wrong?”

Mike drops the highlighter with a sigh, leaning his head against the wall behind him. He summarizes the case for Rachel, then tells her about the document and Harvey's harsh words in quick sentences.

“I know it's stupid to get worked up about something like this, and it's not like it's the first time he had a go at me, but... it's different now.”

“I get it.”

Mike lets out a deep breath, running a hand over his face. “He made it sound like I'm nothing but a fucking liability to him. You don't wanna hear that from anyone, but coming from him...” He trails off, staring at the marker in his hands. Rachel squeezes his arm in sympathy.

“He didn't mean it. You know he didn't.”

He looks up, inhaling sharply. “Yeah, but does that make it better or worse? That he talks to me like that?”

“He doesn't usually though, does he?” Rachel takes his hand, covering it with hers. “Look, I'm not saying it's okay that he did, but he's stressed. He was unprepared for this case in the first place, and that probably threw him off. You know how he hates not being on top.”

“It's not like I did it on purpose,” Mike says quietly.

“Of course not. And he knows that. Just give him time, alright? Let him calm down. You always work these things out.”

“Yeah, I suppose we do,” Mike mutters. Rachel gives his hand a final lingering squeeze, then gets up.

“I'll let you get back to that. Don't overthink this, okay? You have a right to be mad but remember that you're both under stress.”

Mike sighs. “Okay.”

She gives him a sympathetic look. “Talk to him,” she advises before she leaves him alone.

Mike exhales deeply, tightening his jaw as he picks up his highlighter and gets back to work.

* * *

Harvey is greeted by silence when he unlocks the door.

It's been a long day, and not the first one this week. Their setback earlier was rough, but at least he feels better about it now.

He didn't see Mike all afternoon after leaving him at the meeting, and he assumed he'd gone home until he came into his office in the evening, walking straight past Donna to drop a folder on his desk.

“There you go,” he announced, his voice clipped. “Two more strategies we can use. I personally favor the second one, they won't see it coming, but that's just my opinion. All the relevant files are inside.”

Before Harvey could say as much as a word he turned on the spot and left.

He drops his keys on the counter, then steps inside the condo. Mike isn't in the living room, but he can hear his faint voice from his bedroom. When he stops in the doorway he finds him in the chair with Nela in his lap, reading a book to her. He doesn't acknowledge Harvey's presence in any way.

Harvey waits until he turns the page, then says, “Hey.”

“Hi.” Mike doesn't look up. An uncomfortable feeling churns his stomach. He watches for a few more seconds, then leaves to change into something more comfortable.

When he returns they have moved to the living room, playing with the toys on the floor. Mike's shoulders tense when Harvey goes to sit on the sofa.

He continues not to look at him, let alone speak, and normally Harvey would accept that and let him lick his wounds – he's earned it, he figures – if it weren't for the fact that he can sense Mike's barely concealed anger practically seething beneath the surface.

“The options you gave me earlier are satisfying,” he says into the quiet. “I agree with you on the second one, so we're going with that.”

“Good.”

He still isn't looking at him, and it irritates the hell out of Harvey. He gets why Mike's pissed at him, but he usually doesn't shy away from a fight. Giving each other the cold shoulder isn't like them.

“I thought you'd gone home already,” Harvey continues after a moment to test the waters.

“I hadn't.”

The silence grows, interrupted only by Nela's occasional babbling. Harvey shifts uncomfortably. He is used to silence between them, doesn't mind it any other day. It's always comfortable, companionable. Today, not so much. Silence with Mike has never felt so awkward.

When Harvey asks whether he's already had dinner and all he gets in reply is a terse, “Fridge,” he's had enough.

“You giving me the silent treatment now?”

“We're talking later,” Mike gives back with a look at Nela. Fair enough.

Harvey picks up a magazine and starts reading where he left off. The evening drags by. When Mike finally picks up Nela to get her ready for bed, it's almost a relief. Harvey gets up to eat a bite and pass the time, his fingers drumming against the table while he waits for him to return.

When he does, Harvey fully expects him to go right into it. But Mike just closes the bedroom door and brushes past him to get to the kitchen. Harvey doesn't want to wait anymore until he deigns to speak to him. He doesn't shy away from uncomfortable situations, he confronts them to resolve them as quickly as possible. And he very much wants this situation resolved.

He walks up to Mike, leaning against the fridge.

“You're mad at me.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

Harvey waits, but Mike just raises a glass to his lips and drinks, still not saying anything.

“Talk to me,” he demands. Mike turns to him, staring him dead in the eye. His mouth curls into a humorless smile.

“What for? So you can have a go at me again for fucking everything up?”

“For god's sake, Mike, I never said you fucked everything up and I never would. That isn't remotely what I meant, so take the drama down a notch.”

“ _I'm_ being dramatic?” Mike asks incredulously. “I'm sorry, are my stupid feelings an inconvenience to you now too?”

“Mike, you're taking this out of context.”

“What's the right fucking context then, Harvey?” Mike snaps, and when Harvey opens his mouth to reply he bangs his glass on the counter, effectively silencing him. “You told me right to my face that I'm basically a burden to you! You know what that did to me, Harvey? What it made me think? Did you stop for one second to think about how guilty that makes me feel, with everything you've done for me that I can't possibly make up to you?”

He runs a hand through his hair, leaving it messier than before. “You can't go around saying you want to do these things for me and then make a complete turnaround when you're mad at me. I get it, I messed up, but what you said? That hurt. You're supposed to be my friend, Harvey. I can accept that from my boss, or even my mentor if it's warranted, but not from my goddamn friend. And I know you're gonna scold me again for taking this personally, but look at what we're doing here. Look at the situation we're in. I can't do anything _but_ take it personally. You should have thought about that before asking me to live here. You may be able to keep things separate, but you know me. I can't do that.”

The silence following his words is deafening. Whatever Harvey expected to hear, this wasn't it. It seems that he has done a fantastic job of giving Mike the all around wrong impression, but _you're supposed to be my friend_ is what stings the most.

“I am your friend,” Harvey says, simply because the mere notion of Mike thinking otherwise is ludicrous, but it seems to be the wrong thing.

Mike lets out a hollow laugh. “Yeah, you did a really good job of showing me that. Well done. Way to go.”

“Mike-”

“I know,” he cuts him off sharply. “I know, okay? You're my boss. I can't afford to be soft. I need to get over it. I'm trying, Harvey. But forgive me for being hurt by being scolded by the one person I don't ever want to disappoint. The person I consider closest to me.”

Before Harvey can say anything Mike storms past him, brushing his shoulder as he leaves Harvey to pick up the pieces. The point of contact rips through him like a jet of flame, leaving him unnaturally cold in its absence.

Harvey can't even move as he tries to understand what just happened.

It's not the first time by far that Mike walks out on him after a fight, but it has never shocked Harvey like this, because he has never left with so much unresolved between them, so much that desperately needs to be rightened. He is left standing in the kitchen on his own, trying to make sense of how it all went so wrong.

He hears a door shutting behind him and is only glad that it wasn't the front door. He doesn't think he could have handled Mike walking away from him entirely now.

He leans against the fridge with a sigh, rubbing a hand over his face. Mike's accusations are running through his head on repeat until he has to squeeze his eyes shut to block them out. What remains is only one thought.

Fix it.

Unfortunately he can't even pretend that Mike is wrong. He overstepped this morning, fueled by exhaustion and frustration and the trickling fear that they are going to lose what could have been a enormous win. But those are reasons, not excuses. He has done Mike wrong, and what he desperately needs to do now is to make things right again.

He pushes himself up, pouring a drink before getting a second glass, just in case. He sips on his scotch for a few minutes as he contemplates his course of action, giving both himself and Mike some space to cool down. When he feels like enough time has passed he takes the drinks and heads for the balcony.

The sun has already set when he opens the door, leaving the sky behind in a messy swirl of gray. Mike is sitting in a chair, the angles of his face covert in the dusk. He doesn't look up when he joins him, but Harvey knows that he heard him.

“You're still here,” he says, an observation that comes out sounding like a question. They both know he doesn't mean the balcony.

“Where would I go?” Mike doesn't turn to him, but the venom has left his voice. He just sounds tired.

“You have your apartment,” Harvey points out. “I thought you might want to take a walk or something, get away from me for a while.” He doesn't know why he's still talking about this. It's not like the mere thought of Mike leaving makes him sick.

“Yeah, I did. We're raising a kid together now though, aren't we? I can't just run away anymore every time we have a fight.”

Surprising as the words are, they ring true. No matter how he looks at it, they are raising a child together, at least for now. The search for parents is going slow and they seem to be stuck with each other for the time being. Nela's life is tumultuous enough, the least they can do is try and give her a stable home situation.

Harvey sits down beside him. Mike doesn't shift away to bring more space between them. He takes it as a good sign. “For the record, I'm glad you're still here.”

He holds out the second glass. Mike accepts it quietly.

“Look, there are some things I need to tell you. A lot of them, apparently. I want you to listen, and afterwards you can scream at me as much as you like, but hear me out first, okay?”

Mike nods his consent. Harvey lets out a deep breath.

“Okay, look. What I need you to understand first is that those things you got from what I said today? They're not true. You're right. I didn't stop to think how you'd feel because I was so occupied with the situation at hand. That was an asshole move, and I'm sorry. I certainly didn't intend for you to feel this way. And I'm sorry for what I said too. The whole thing wasn't exactly your fault and I shouldn't have put it on you.”

He turns his glass in his hands, frowning as he looks down.

“The thing is, there are always going to be situations like that. I _will_ snap at you again. And you will probably get hurt again by something I say, because that's who I am. It comes with our working situation, and you're right that the relationship we have complicates that in a way that I didn't think through before I asked you to move in. I can only promise to try and be more considerate and... not let it out on you in the future. But in return I want you to promise me that the next time you feel like I consider you a burden or- less than a _friend_ or somehow not worthy because of a mistake that happened at work, you talk to me. Because it's not true, not in any way, and I can't have you walking around believing that.”

Mike looks at him then, and Harvey meets his gaze, needing to make sure that the message comes across loud and clear. “I meant what I said, Mike. You are invaluable to the firm and to me at work, as you well know. But you're also my friend, and I'm yours, and I apologize for not acting accordingly. Truth is, what you said I am to you is what you are to me too.” That and much more, but Mike doesn't need to know that. “I haven't been this close to someone in a while, and I don't always know what to do with that. So forgive me if I mess up sometimes. But you and I are stuck with each other it seems, and I need you to talk to me when I do.”

Mike's eyes search his face before they drop to the floor. “Okay,” he agrees. “I promise. Not that I don't do it anyway, but I'll let you know when you're being a dick.”

Harvey snorts softly. “Great. Thanks.” He pauses, glancing at Mike from the side. “Also, for the record, that doesn't mean that I regret asking you to move in. I don't, and I'd do it again, so you can stop any guilty thoughts about that right this second.”

Mike returns his gaze, lifting an eyebrow. “It did create a few obstacles you wouldn't have had otherwise.”

“I don't give a damn about the obstacles. This is what we do. We encounter an obstacle, we face it, we defeat it. On to the next one.”

Mike shifts at the use of 'we', but Harvey doesn't back down. He stands by what he says. They are a team, and Mike needs to understand that.

“Okay,” Mike says, clearing his throat. His fingers tap against his scotch, barely touched. “Thank you. For apologizing. And thanks for hearing me out. I probably did overreact a little, but I wanted you to know why the whole thing upset me. So thanks for listening, I guess.”

“You didn't overreact. I was out of line today, especially in light of our private relationship, and you were right in demanding better from me.”

“Oh, don't worry,” Mike remarks, dry humor seeping into his voice. “I will continue demanding better from you until my dying day. Or more likely yours, you know, since you're old and all.”

“Funny.” Harvey rolls his eyes. “I will hold you to that, though.”

Mike eyes him, then sobers. “But Harvey? Saying those things, hurtful things, that isn't who you are.”

Harvey studies him, then looks away. “I hope not. Sometimes I'm not sure.” It's an admission he didn't know he was going to make until it's already out.

Mike gives him a contemplating look. “When I first started working for you, you have no idea how many times I wondered if I could do it. Because part of me saw me as nothing but a lazy, fucked up pothead. Sometimes I'm still not sure whether that's not closer to the truth than how people perceive me now. But you don't think that of me, and you didn't think that from the start or you wouldn't have hired me. The point is, you don't judge my character based on my worst traits. So I won't judge you based on yours. We all do hurtful things sometimes. It doesn't define who we are. It just makes us human.”

Harvey wants to say something in return, but he can't. Mike doesn't seem to expect an answer, and so Harvey settles on watching him from the corner of his eye.

When did he get so goddamn wise?

Harvey lets his legs fall open wider, nudging Mike's knee with his. It's an apology and gratitude at once.

“Hey, are we alright?”

Mike meets his gaze, his lips curving into a small smile. Harvey's heart lifts at the sight.

“Yeah,” he says softly, his eyes drifting to the view in front of them. “We're alright.”

Silence falls between them as they sit and watch the skyline fade into darkness, illuminated by thousands of lights. But it's not uncomfortable anymore. It's heavier than usual, and pensive, but there's companionship in it. Harvey is dwelling on his own thoughts, and he can tell Mike is doing the same.

They sit like that for a long time.

“It's late,” Harvey finally says. “I'm going to bed.” He gets up, stopping in the doorway. “Are you coming back inside?”

“In a minute,” Mike replies. Harvey leaves him, keeping the door ajar as he goes.

Mike follows soon after. They get ready for bed in silence, neither of them saying a word.

When Mike slips into bed beside him that night, it almost feels like absolution.


	6. Chapter 6

So the bed sharing is turning into a habit after all. Mike honestly never expected this when he moved in with Harvey. He's sure as hell not complaining, though.

It doesn't happen every night, but it creates the strangest of flutterings in Mike's stomach every time it does. It's the same feeling he gets when he catches a moment between Harvey and Nela that proves undeniably that he isn't the only one who got used to having her around.

He gets home from the shops one day to find Harvey on the sofa and Nela dozing on him – again – and the most remarkable thing about it is that neither of them considers it unusual. Mike puts the groceries away, then asks if Harvey wants him to take Nela. He only shakes his head and replies, “No, I got this.”

Mike nods and settles down with his laptop, smiling when he catches Harvey absently running his hand over her back.

He loves walking in on these moments, watches them fondly and carefully commits them to memory. He can't quite explain what they make him feel, just that it's something good. Something he doesn't want to let go of.

The realization evokes a dry thought about playing house or two, but Mike knows that it's not meant to last. Doesn't mean he can't enjoy it. They have built something here, temporary and unconventional as it may be. They built it up together, and they've made it theirs, and Mike loves every part of it.

And anyway, if he gets tempted to pretend sometimes, it's only because Harvey is making it way too easy.

He doesn't stay home all the time, but his mysterious private life isn't actually half as mysterious as he lets everyone believe. He goes out only sporadically, and never stays away the whole night.

Mike never asks where he goes, not because he thinks he wouldn't tell him, but because he's not sure he would like the answer. He tells himself it's fine. It occurs way less often than he imagined, and Harvey is making good of his promise not to bring anyone home. And that's where he always goes at the end of the day. Home, to Mike.

Harvey, he thinks privately, is enjoying this too. Taking in a baby, plus his associate, consists of more work than he probably anticipated, but Mike knows he gets a lot out of it too. Because it's Harvey he's talking about, and Harvey thrives on getting to work through a problem and solve it.

They have worked out a system that somehow manages to survive the chaos a baby brings with it. It's a little balance in a situation that allows nothing but imbalance. It's the certainty that if either of them stumbles, the other is there to smooth the fall.

Sometimes even before there is a fall at all.

Harvey sits down next to Mike one night, two drinks in his hands. Mike accepts one with a curious lift of his eyebrows, shifting on the sofa to get a better look at him.

“How are you doing?” Harvey asks, sipping his scotch.

Mike blinks at him, taking a moment to ensure he has heard right. “What? Are you- Harvey, are you being _considerate?_ ”

Harvey gives him an unimpressed look and Mike sits back, not bothering to stifle the smile on his lips. He wants Harvey to see how pleased he is about the question.

“Well, I'm doing much better, thank you.” He purses his lips as he thinks, growing more serious. “Really though, things are good. I think I've gotten some of my footing back, you know. That day in the office, before I moved in? When I got all overwhelmed and kinda freaked?” He huffs out a laugh. “I haven't felt that way since. Moving in here, and having you helping with everything... it's taken an immense weight off my shoulders. I still don't feel like I know what I'm doing half the time, but at least I know you're in this with me, and that's... more than I could have asked for.”

He raises his glass, suddenly embarrassed by the words tumbling out of his mouth. When he glances at Harvey he doesn't look amused though. He looks attentive, and approving, and Mike swallows at the warmth pooling in his stomach.

“Sometimes we do grow with our tasks,” Harvey says, regarding him steadily. “Nobody expected you to excel at parenting straight away, Mike. Nobody except you.”

Mike holds his gaze before dropping his eyes in defeat. “That's probably unrealistic, I'll admit it. But this isn't something I can do over if I mess up, you know? There's no trial run. It's a child's life we're talking about.”

“Do you think there's any parent out there who doesn't feel like that? No one is born a master, no matter of what. All the talent in the world does nothing for you if you don't shape it. Everyone needs training.” Harvey's lips curl into a smile. “Believe it or not, I wasn't born a great lawyer. God knows _you_ weren't. I didn't even know I wanted to be one until Jessica had already pushed me into the right direction, and look at me now.”

Mike nods, conceding the point.

“If Nela has shown us one thing it's that there's a learning curve to everything, but you're already great at this. Trust me, it's my job to know these things. I read people for a living.”

Mike chuckles at that. “That actually makes me feel better, you know. Because I know you wouldn't feed me any bullshit if you didn't think I was doing a good job.”

“Damn right I wouldn't.”

Harvey smirks at him before raising his glass and taking a sip, signaling that the conversation can be over if he wants it to be. Mike eyes him, a smile curling his lips.

“Thank you.”

Harvey meets his gaze. “For what?”

“For asking.” _For caring_ is what goes unsaid, but Harvey nods, and Mike knows that he understands.

* * *

Nela learns how to grab and let go of things, joyfully discovering cause and effect in the process, and a new era of dropping things ad nauseam begins that makes Mike yearn for the time when she hadn't yet realized the consequences of her actions.

Harvey refuses to pick up whatever Nela drops more than three times, which causes Nela to cry and Harvey to stare her down, and Mike is shocked to discover that sometimes it actually works. Other times it's left to Mike to pick her up and carry her around until she gets distracted, and sometimes he makes Harvey do it, who pretends to bristle and huff but always complies, holding her close as he quietly talks to her. Amazingly enough, she listens.

“It must be your voice,” Mike muses one day, watching Harvey carry her around, holding her attention with whatever topic he has been discussing with her. “I think she likes the sound of it.”

She's not the only one there, though he's never going to admit that. Harvey just smirks. “I think I'm just exceptionally good at talking people into doing what I want.”

“You can't close a baby,” Mike remarks.

“Yeah, you said that before, but look at me now.”

Mike does look at him, and he almost can't stop because sometimes Harvey is so beautiful, so unaware and unguarded and _real_ that Mike finds it hard to breathe. He swallows against the dryness in his throat, taking in every detail of Harvey's face, the set of his shoulders and the curve of his spine beneath the thin cotton of his shirt, and then he forces himself to avert his eyes before Harvey catches the look on his face and starts putting two and two together.

Because as much as it pains Mike to admit, he is not exactly stealthy. He has never been great at hiding his feelings, and Harvey reads people like the papers. It's not exactly ideal, granted, but then again nothing about his unfortunate crush on his unattainable boss is. Though Mike thinks he can't have let it show too much so far, since Harvey hasn't yet called him out on his inappropriate feelings.

The trouble is, they are getting increasingly harder to hide.

Yeah, it's basically all Harvey's fault.

Sunday morning has Harvey making pancakes while Mike prepares Nela's food, then settles on the couch to cuddle her while the scent of the sizzling batter fills his nose. Harvey doesn't often indulge like this, but it's always amazing when he does.

They are both a little tired because Nela woke them shortly before six, but it's nothing they aren't used to.

They sit down to eat when Harvey is done. Mike, up until this moment, wasn't aware that they have never had pancakes together before. 

It quickly becomes clear, though.

"You're mutilating it," Harvey states, gesturing towards the holes Mike has poked into half his pancake.

"I'm not, this is the only way the syrup soaks in properly," he argues, wrinkling his nose at Harvey's unscathed pancake and the maple syrup evenly spread on its surface. "I mean, what are you, an amateur? No, this is worse than an amateur. Are you a pancake heathen?"

"No, I'm just not a child who has to play with its food before eating it," Harvey shoots back. "What's the deal with only destroying half of it, anyway?"

"The other half is for the butter," Mike says with a roll of his eyes, the _dumbass_ clearly implied.

"Why separate it from the syrup? Why not just put it everywhere?"

"Um, so that it doesn't mix? You can't appreciate the taste when you have both, Harvey, honestly..."

Mike shakes his head like Harvey has just severely disappointed him. Harvey only gives him a look like Mike is personally responsible that he has lost all hope in humanity, taking a huge bite of his pancake as he lets out an exaggerated moan.

Mike, pretending that the sound didn't go straight through him, waits until Nela is distracted before flipping him off with an innocent smile.

There's a calm and relaxed air to the morning, the pancakes are great despite their banter about the right way to eat them – or maybe because of it – and after breakfast Harvey is in enough of a good mood to fool around.

He picks Nela up and spins her around, smiling at her gleeful laughter, and she smiles back readily, and the next second she is heaving before throwing up all over his chest.

Silence reigns for a stunned moment. And then Mike can't help himself, he bursts into laughter.

Harvey gives him an indignant look, which only makes him laugh harder.

“Take her,” Harvey orders, and Mike moves to comply, his shoulders still shaking. Harvey's death glare just sends him doubling over, desperately trying to catch his breath.

“I'm sorry, I just- that, that _face_ you made-” he wheezes, but then he's overcome by another wave of laughter and just gives up.

“Glad to have caused you such amusement,” Harvey says dryly once Mike has calmed down.

“Oh god, Harvey,” he sighs, settling Nela on his hip to wipe his eyes with one hand. “This is beautiful. I'm gonna remember this forever. I wish I could have taken a picture.”

The moment only gets better when Mike, after carefully inspecting Nela to make sure she hasn't vomited on herself, puts her on the floor, only to have her pushing herself up and then starting to crawl like she has never done anything else.

“Oh my god.”

Harvey grunts in agreement, already turned towards the bathroom. Mike grabs his wrist, yanking him back. “No, Harvey, _look!_ ”

Harvey stops in his tracks, following Mike's gaze as he looks at Nela.

“Oh my god,” he echoes, the words laced with surprise.

“I know,” Mike agrees, and then drops Harvey's wrist as an afterthought.

They stare at her in silence, Harvey's soiled shirt entirely forgotten. Nela grunts with effort but keeps going, putting one hand before the other as she drags herself across the floor. An irrational wave of pride floods Mike's insides.

Nela coos and looks back at them as if to say, _Well?_

Mike lets out a laugh. “That's incredible! She just did that, how did she just do that?”

Harvey chuckles beside him, elbowing Mike gently, and then they look at each other with a grin, their eyes shining. Mike sees his own excitement reflected back at him, but most of all he sees Harvey, looking ruffled and happy and so goddamn touchable that he itches to step closer, to reach out and close the distance between them.

The moment stretches, and Mike only realizes that they are still looking at each other when Nela stops cooing and silence falls between them. He suddenly feels hot all over, burning up under the intensity of Harvey's gaze, and he clears his throat as he tears his eyes from him.

“I can't believe it,” he says, looking at Nela again. He crosses the room to pick her up, nuzzling her cheek before dropping a kiss there. “They grow up so fast.”

“Don't get ahead of yourself,” Harvey remarks, his voice soft. “It'll be a while yet before she goes off to college.”

Mike rolls his eyes. “You know you can't pretend not to have a heart seconds after giving me that smile, right?”

“I can do what I want,” Harvey retorts, smirking at him.

“Ugh. Go take a shower or something.”

“What, you don't like the smell of fresh baby puke in the morning?”

“Go!” Mike calls after him, shaking his head as he laughs. He returns his attention to Nela, though the look in Harvey's eyes haunts him even as he jests with her.

After that morning, things go from wild to positively insane. It's the beginning of what Mike calls _Discovery Channel: Harvey's Condo Edition_. Nela makes it her mission to explore every corner she can reach as soon as she gets on the ground. Her movements are clumsy and unwieldy at first, but she gets faster soon. Harvey is less inclined to run after her, which Mike can't blame him for when he gets up for the umpteenth time to keep her from breaking one thing or another, but he catches his gaze lingering on the two of them more often than he can count. And sometimes, sometimes it lingers just on Mike.

He feels like a goddamn teenager every time the heat of Harvey's gaze seems to burn through him.

It should be impossible, for him to still react this way when they spend almost every minute together. And it's not that Harvey doesn't drive him up the walls sometimes, or vice versa. They get annoyed with each other, they fight, they drift to different corners of the condo until one of them cracks a joke or makes a peace offering, and then it's back to normal.

Back to looking and shivering under Harvey's gaze and pretending that he's entirely unaffected when really his heart is beating out of his chest.

But that is nothing compared to when Harvey touches him.

Of course it doesn't happen regularly, and there is never anything suggesting that Harvey is mocking him, but Mike can't shake the feeling that he does it on purpose. Whenever he touches him it's with intent, a hand on the small of his back here, a lingering squeeze of his arm there, a hand covering his own on the table in conversation. They are deliberate touches, and Mike hates how much they affect him. He's probably touch-starved, with the way his social circle has pretty much shrunk down to one man and a baby, but he knows that's only a small part of it.

It's seriously inconvenient, and Mike does his best to quash the feelings, but every time he thinks he has finally gotten a grip on himself Harvey goes and touches him again, leaving an imprint that tingles on his skin long after he has left the room.

He's honest to god going to lose his mind one of these days.

* * *  
The phone rings in the middle of a discussion Mike and Harvey are having about a deposition. Mike ignores it, but Harvey signs him to take the call.

“Mike Ross,” he says without checking the display. “Oh! Hi, yeah, that's right.”

Harvey looks up when he drops the file, getting up to walk to the window. “No, it's been a few weeks.” He pauses. “Not since I moved. Yeah, I called to let you know, it should be in the file.” He rolls his eyes, then says, “That's the one. No, we're living with a man called Harvey Specter.”

“Who is it?” Harvey asks, and Mike mouths, “Social services.” His eyes widen at something the person says. “No, no, we're not.” His eyes flicker to Harvey. “Sure, he'll be there.”

Harvey lifts his eyebrows. “Oh, will I?”

Mike holds up a finger to silence him. “Uh, next weekend would be better, actually. Saturday? Hold on.” He lets the phone sink. “Are you free on Saturday?”

Harvey shrugs. “I can be.”

Mike gives him a grateful smile, then tells the person on the other end of the line.

“We're getting a visit?” Harvey asks when he hangs up, and Mike nods.

“Completely slipped my mind that they're checking on me every now and then. I hope it's okay I told her you'd be here, she asked to meet you and-”

“It's okay,” Harvey interrupts. “We live together. Of course she wants to meet me.”

“Right. You don't have to be nervous,” Mike jokes, which is funny because it's him who is running around the condo like a headless chicken that very Saturday.

“What exactly are you attempting to do?” Harvey asks in amusement, leaning in the doorway as he watches him.

“Straighten things out a bit? You know, for the lady who's going to decide if I'm doing a good job of looking after the kid they put into my care?”

“Didn't you learn your lesson when Rachel came over? It's too late to tidy up now. You should have done it sooner.”

“That's helpful. Really, you're such a big help, Harvey. The way you just stand there and mock me while I'm trying to get something done is truly... a remarkable testament to your character...”

He trails off as he reaches beneath the sofa to fetch some forgotten toy.

“You realize she's not gonna withdraw your guardianship because it looks a little messy here, right?”

“Whatever you say,” Mike murmurs, and Harvey shakes his head with a fond roll of his eyes.

The doorbell rings before Mike can get much further, and Harvey just calls “It'll be fine!” after him as he rushes to get it.

“Claire, good to see you again,” he hears Mike's voice from the door, betraying nothing of his nervousness. “Come in.”

“Wow, this is an upgrade,” Claire says, stepping inside the condo. Mike laughs.

“Yeah, thanks to Harvey's generous offer to let us stay here... he's in the living room, just go through.”

Harvey extends his hand with a smile. “Harvey Specter. Good to meet you.”

She smiles as well. “Likewise. And where's the little lady?”

“She's in the playpen,” Mike says, waving her over. Nela blinks when Claire approaches her, throwing her an intimidated glance before she stretches her arms out for Mike.

“Sorry about that,” Mike murmurs as he picks her up, rubbing her back soothingly. “She's a little shy around strangers at the moment.”

“That's totally normal,” Claire assures him. “I wouldn't expect her to remember me, it's been a while.”

“Yeah, that's true.”

“Too long,” Claire adds with a chuckle, glancing at him.

Good god. Harvey barely resists a groan when he realizes that she is flirting. It's subtle, and Mike seems too occupied to notice the signs, but Harvey can see them clear as day.

“Why don't you sit down?” he asks, interrupting the moment Mike is unaware he is even having. He smiles at Claire when she turns to him. “Can I offer you something to drink?”

“Water would be great, thanks.”

When Harvey returns Claire has taken a chair and Mike is on the sofa, having left enough space for him. He hides a smile and sits down.

“So, Mike, as you've said, it's been a while,” Claire begins, going straight to business. At least she isn't letting her attraction get in the way. Not that Harvey blames her, the devoted parent _is_ a good look on Mike, but he appreciates professionalism. Especially in this instance. “The last time I saw you was... a few weeks ago, in January. So Nela is seven months old now?”

“Seven and a half,” Mike agrees with a nod. “She's doing great, from what I can tell. She just started crawling recently, practically out of nowhere. Oh, and she can sit now. We just ordered her a highchair so she can join us at the table. Apart from that... she's healthy. She has her examination next week, but I think everything is great. The last one was fine.”

Claire nods, writing something down. “Are you having trouble handling her?”

Mike shrugs a little. “Not more than any normal parent, I'd say. She's not crying as much as she used to. She's actually pretty quiet, but not worryingly so. She's not withdrawn or anything, just... calm. But yeah, I'm doing alright. More than that, actually. We're all settled, we have a rhythm and everything. Especially since we moved in with Harvey. He's been an enormous help.” Mike glances at him, smiling.

“And she has adjusted to you?”

“Absolutely. She lets me comfort her and put her to sleep and she laughs when I play with her. We're getting along great.” He says the last part to Nela, rubbing her nose. She blinks up at him, still cuddled to his chest. Harvey looks away from the scene when Claire addresses him.

“And is she getting along with you too, Mr. Specter? Do you have a lot to do with her?”

“Well, we do live together,” Harvey points out, lifting an eyebrow. “It's not that I let Mike stay here and then never interact with him and Nela, if that's what you're asking. Like he said, I've been giving him a hand now and then.”

“I'd say it's a little more than that,” Mike cuts in.

“I'm usually around, so she's used to me. I've put her to bed without any problems. As for getting along, I think she likes me just fine.” Harvey reaches over to caress Nela's cheek, and she leans into the touch. Mike holds her out and Harvey takes her, letting her nestle to his chest.

Claire nods, clearly content with that answer. She asks a few more questions about their routines and Nela's reaction to moving. When they have answered everything to her satisfaction she asks, “And how is the search for her new parents coming along? It says here you had a handful of interviews.”

“Yeah, we talked to a few people, but so far there wasn't anyone I considered right for her.”

“You conducted these interviews together?” she clarifies, and Mike nods.

“I get files on potential families from time to time, but I won't just send her away to be raised by the first one who comes along, you know? I mean, I'm not exactly in a hurry to get rid of her. It took some getting used to, sure, but we've adjusted to having her here.”

“That's a very good attitude,” Claire remarks, and Harvey nearly rolls his eyes. What did she expect, for Mike to tell her he's sick of Nela and trying to dump her on the next best person? Thankfully she doesn't look at him, and he focuses on Nela when she asks if she can take a look around.

“Please,” Mike says, getting up to give her a tour. “Sorry about the mess.”

She waves him off. “I've seen worse. You're fine.”

Harvey catches Mike's eyes to give him a pointed look.

He pretends not to listen as Mike shows her around, but quickly gives up. Mike, at least, doesn't seem to have the slightest interest in returning any of her remarks. Whenever she asks a question with double meaning he gets straight to the point, eager to show her everything but clearly not to take their acquaintance further. Harvey wonders if he is actually that oblivious or if he just isn't interested. He would have thought that Claire is his type, but maybe he's too serious about keeping things professional when Nela is involved.

Claire doesn't stay long after they return to the living room, draining her glass before closing the file.

“Well, I won't keep you any longer. As far as I can tell everything is in order, and if there is anything you need help with, you know how to reach us.”

“Right, we've got your number,” Mike agrees as he gets up.

“If that's all I suppose I will see you in a few weeks,” Claire finishes, lifting an eyebrow. Harvey sighs inwardly.

“Exactly,” Mike says with a bright smile. Harvey's lips twitch.

He turns to Claire and shakes her hand, making it a point to stand beside Mike as she leaves. He turns to him when she's gone, quirking an eyebrow.

“Told you it was going to be fine.”

Mike rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

Harvey goes back inside to carry their used glasses into the kitchen. Mike trails after him, pulling himself up to sit on the counter. Harvey doesn't bother chiding him.

“I think she was satisfied with everything.”

“She certainly seemed to be.”

“I mean, she didn't exactly sound thrilled that we live here with you, I'm not sure why...”

Harvey rolls his eyes. He has an idea or two.

“But she liked you,” Mike concludes, “so it's fine.” Harvey gives him a look until he frowns. “What?”

“Mike, I rather think she liked _you._ ”

Mike stares at him in incomprehension as if to say, _well, why can't she like us both_ , before the realization dawns on him.

“What? No. No, she didn't. I mean- I wouldn't blame her if she did, you know, I'm a real catch, but-”

“Mike.” Harvey looks him in the eye. “She was into you. You missed your chance there, buddy.”

He tries to keep any emotion out of his voice, turning away before Mike can inspect his expression too closely. He only hears him mutter, “Yeah, no, I wasn't really interested.”

“Oh no?” he asks casually.

“Nope.” Mike slides off the counter and pats his back. “Hey, you in the mood for dinner? I feel like cooking.”

“Anything in particular?”

“I was gonna ask you. We don't have much in, but I think we could manage a salad and maybe baked potatoes?”

“Sounds good to me. I'll give you a hand,” Harvey decides on a whim. Mike rewards him with a bright smile.

“Awesome! You wash the lettuce, I do the potatoes?”

“Deal,” Harvey says, brushing his back with his chest as he passes him a little closer than is probably necessary. Neither of them comments on it.

* * *

Nela is delighted about her new highchair, clearly enjoying sitting in it and watching over the table. She likes the height, and it turns out she is a lot more willing to eat when Mike and Harvey are doing the same.

This has the pleasant side effect that they are both now meticulous about having every possible meal at the table together. Grabbing something from the kitchen in passing or eating in between paperwork becomes a thing of the past, and Mike would be lying if he said he doesn't enjoy it.

Breakfast together is a constant now. Even after a short night the scent of coffee is enough to revitalize Mike's spirits, and between feeding himself and feeding Nela he finds the time to appreciate the calm and relaxed air in the room. Harvey isn't exactly grumpy in the mornings, but he's different to when he's at the office or back home at night. It's like he hasn't put on his armor yet, like he's allowing himself a while to just be before he cuts another multimillion dollar deal or destroys someone's life.

Mike thinks he looks softer in the mornings. He can't get enough of the sight.

One of those mornings, Mike uses the few minutes he has after breakfast to get on the floor with Nela while Harvey finishes his coffee.

“Let's try standing again, hm? You want to try that? Yes, you do. I know you do.”

Mike grabs her under her arms, holding her on her feet. She wobbles a little as she tries to find her balance, but with his hands steadying her she starts experimenting, putting her weight on her legs and jumping up and down a little.

“You'll be running around here before we know it, won't you?”

She jumps faster, making him laugh. “Well, you'll get there. You've got plenty of time for that yet. Come here, let's have a hug before I have to go. That's it.”

She settles in his lap, nestling to his stomach as he holds her close. Mike hums to her, then starts to sing when she smiles at the familiar tune.

“You like this one, don't you?” he asks, tickling her belly. She gives him a toothy grin. Mike grins right back and starts a new song, holding out her hands and tipping her fingers in a rhythm she's already familiar with. She likes those games, wriggling around as Mike repeats it, determined to get a laugh out of her. He does, and because Mike is in a particularly good mood today he picks her up and turns her around to play peek-a-boo, even though he knows he's being ridiculous and Harvey is watching from the table. It's worth the smile both he and Nela give him.

When Mike really can't put it off any longer, he picks Nela up to get ready to leave.

“I have the Jones files here,” he tells Harvey, throwing his bag over his shoulder. “Are you taking the precedents?”

“Got them.”

“Great. See you at work!” Mike calls, already on his way out.

“Come to my office once you get in!” Harvey calls back, and Mike shouts an affirmative before closing the door behind him.

He drops Nela off, taking a minute to chat with the by now familiar faces at the day care before excusing himself and hurrying to catch a taxi to work. He misses his bike, but riding it with Nela is too impractical to even consider.

He makes his way to Harvey's office as soon as he arrives, but is caught by Louis before he can get there.

“Mike, into my office,” Louis orders, turning on the spot.

“Um, actually Harvey asked me to-”

“Harvey can survive five minutes without you,” he gets cut off. “Follow me.”

Mike does. He hovers in the doorway of the office, slipping a hand into his pocket. “Louis, I really can't take on any extra work for the time being, didn't Jessica tell you?”

He thinks the whole firm knows what's been going on with his life, but he doesn't put it past Louis to have somehow missed it, or more likely decided to ignore it.

“She did. That's not why I asked you here. Sit down.”

Mike sits down. “What can I do for you then?” he asks, curiosity outweighing his wariness.

“You can listen. And you can talk. Tell me.” Louis folds his hands together. “How is this new life treating you?”

Mike blinks. “Um... you mean taking care of a baby?”

Louis nods avidly. “A seven month old girl, right? That is fantastic. Is it fantastic, Mike?”

“Well, yeah, it's pretty cool to see how fast she's developing,” Mike begins hesitantly before he continues, encouraged by Louis' eager attention, “and she's a sweetheart, she's great. I really got lucky with her. Her name is Nela. Um... you wanna see her?”

“Show me her pictures,” Louis agrees, and Mike takes out his phone.

“There's a couple more if you swipe left,” he adds when Louis' face lights up. He scrolls through his gallery, then hands back the phone.

“I must say, Mike, it's admirable. The way you're dealing with this unexpected fatherhood? Not many associates could handle the pressure of staying on top of their work as well as taking care of a baby.”

“Louis, I'm not- I'm not her father, I'm just her guardian until she has a new family, so...”

Louis just looks at him as if to say, Y _our point?_

Mike huffs out a laugh. “Well, I've had a lot of help. Harvey made that deal with Jessica for me. And he gives me a hand here and there. You know he offered to let me stay at his condo, right? You probably don't believe me when I say this, but he's been an immeasurable help. He's great with her too.”

“I know, I know. Listen, everyone always focuses on the bad side, but I can see that isn't the case with you. I'm glad.”

Mike nods slowly, then narrows his eyes. “I'm not sure I follow.”

“Parenthood, Mike. Getting to experience a child growing up firsthand. It isn't a _burden_. Parenthood is a privilege. Enjoy it.”

Mike sits back in his chair, raising his eyebrows. “Do you want to be a father, Louis?”

Louis' jaw twitches and for a moment Mike worries that he overstepped, but then he nods, a complicated smile crossing his face.

“I'll be one, one day. If I'm lucky.”

Mike nods in understanding, making a mental note to bring Nela into the office one of these days to let Louis play with her for a while.

“Now go,” Louis says, shaking off the wistful look,” you have work to do, don't you?”

“Yes, sir,” Mike murmurs, getting up to head for the door. “Louis-” He turns around, eyeing the man before nodding once. “Thank you.”

“Go,” Louis instructs, but the corner of his mouth lifts.

Mike shakes his head as he leaves, unable to keep himself from smiling. What a way to start the day.

“You're late,” Harvey greets him when he gets to his office.

“Sorry,” Mike replies, still a little dazed. Harvey glances up.

“What's that look on your face?”

“I think Louis just gave me his blessing.”

Harvey lowers the file. “For what? You trying to elope without my knowledge or something?”

“Nah, last time I checked I had no secret romance going on.” Just a secret crush, which he sure as hell isn't going to mention. “No, uh. To be a father, I think? I don't know. It was strange.”

Harvey's eyebrows rise, but he only shrugs after a moment of consideration. “He's Louis. Everything he does is strange.”

“Yeah.” Mike drops onto the chair. “It was also strangely sweet, so there's that.”

Harvey catches his eyes, smirking at him. “So it's Louis you're eloping with?”

Mike rolls his eyes, swallowing the impulse to tell Harvey just who exactly he imagines eloping with, and points towards the file in front of him.

“What's that? It's not about the patent, is it?”

“Nope. Change of plans, you're taking over the patent case. Jessica just came in to tell me I have a new one.”

“Oh? What does she need you for?”

“A divorce.”

Mike looks up, giving Harvey a questioning look when he sees the crease in his forehead.

“Since when do you do divorces?”

“I don't, but we've been working with this client for years. He specifically requested me.”

“I can see you're not happy about that.”

“There's a reason I don't usually do this,” he says ominously, then snaps the file shut before Mike can say another word. “I had the patent files put on your desk. Start with the approach we discussed last night.”

It's as clear a dismissal as he has ever heard, so Mike drops it and leaves the office with a salute.

* * *

“Tell me again why we invited two couples in one day?”

“Because we won't get to talk to another one for a while and you felt bad about not having interviewed anyone lately,” Harvey explains patiently. “And I agreed despite knowing how fidgety you get, so you better not make me regret this.”

Mike grumbles something about Harvey's compassion that he deliberately overhears, instead nudging his shoulder. “Calm down, Mike. We're just going to talk. If they don't fit, they don't fit.”

Mike lets out a deep breath, but nods. “Right.”

Unfortunately, Harvey's words prove true. The first couple is terrible. They are both nice enough, but in a way that makes Harvey's cheeks feel stiff from the strained smiling. He isn't sure whether they just aren't forthcoming or if there really isn't anything they could say about themselves. The conversation halts when Mike runs out of questions to ask, and even Harvey struggles to find something else to say.

“That was the most boring couple I have ever met,” Mike claims once they're gone, and Harvey is inclined to agree.

The second couple isn't much better. They are nice, plainly and simply, and they seem excited about the idea of taking Nela in. Mike even asks them if they want to hold her, but Harvey can see in his expression that he's not comfortable with them. He's wearing his professional smile, the one he gives clients he isn't sure about or downright dislikes.

“You weren't happy with them either,” Harvey states after they have left. Mike frowns, staring at the floor as he shrugs.

“I don't know. They weren't... they were nice, but they don't feel right.”

Harvey just nods; he's mostly indifferent about them, which he figures isn't a good indicator either. “Was it the nanny?”

“Rather the Mastiff they have running around, I think. What?” Mike asks when he catches his eyes. “Do you know they are in the top ten of the most dangerous dogs in the world? Their jaws are, like, massive, and I don't feel comfortable putting Nela's head anywhere near that.”

Harvey is sure that isn't the only reason he didn't want them, but he leaves it to Mike to figure out where he stands himself. The frustration of not finding the right person combined with the unwillingness to give Nela to someone who isn't right can't be an easy mix.

“You'll find someone,” he just assures him, giving his shoulder a lingering squeeze. Mike leans into the touch before Harvey forces himself to move away.

Mike looks lost for a moment. He runs a hand through his hair, then sighs. “Anyway. I think I'll take Nela to the park for a walk or something.” He gives Harvey a smile. “Join us?”

“No, you go without me. I have a shitload of precedents to get through.”

Mike's face falls, but he nods. “The case keeping you on your toes? What kind of divorce requires that many precedents?”

“A complicated one,” is all Harvey says. Mike lifts his eyebrows, but leaves it at that.

“Well, I'm taking my phone, so if anything's up...”

“I'll call,” Harvey finishes.

He waits until Mike is gone before grabbing the files, reluctantly sitting down to go through them.

The blocks of black letters strain his eyes before he even starts reading. He can already feel a headache forming. Determined to ignore the dull pounding in his skull he settles in, heaving a sigh only he can hear.

He is so goddamn ready for this case to be over.

* * *

“Harvey, have you heard a single word I just said?”

Harvey doesn't look up, narrowing his eyes at the file in his hands instead. “Sorry, what?” he murmurs, only half listening, and he doesn't even realize Mike lapsing into silence until he speaks again.

“Harvey,” Mike repeats, irritated now, and this time he looks up.

“ _What?_ ” he asks, exasperated, running a hand through his hair. “What do you want?”

Mike spreads his hands. “For you to listen to me? To look up from those files for a second and pay attention when I'm talking to you, maybe?”

“What do you want to talk about?”

Mike exhales. “I was just saying that I talked to the teachers at the day care and cleared my schedule for lunch with the Karlsson siblings. So if you wanna talk about a strategy-”

“For god's sake, Mike, I don't have time for these trivialities right now. In case you haven't noticed, I'm knees deep in this goddamn mess of a case, and if you could be quiet for one minute so I can get behind whatever it is this file says I might actually get some work done.”

Harvey knows he is way out of line the second the words leave his mouth. He shuts his eyes, trying to block out the flash of affront crossing Mike's face.

“Fine,” he says, and Harvey can hear the hurt in his voice. “Sorry I bothered you. I'll let you get back to your precious case.”

He disappears into his bedroom for the rest of the evening, and Harvey pretends not to be disappointed when he doesn't join him in bed that night. It's not like he's entitled to the comfort being near Mike offers, especially not when he's being a dick.

It's not the first time he had a go at him either.

The case has been dragging on for over two weeks now, and Harvey's patience is wearing thin.

He wasn't lying when he told Mike there was a reason he doesn't usually do divorces, but it's this one in particular that is getting to him. Harvey prides himself on his professional detachment, but the constellation of this family's situation with the cheating mother, the gullible father and the children caught up in between just hits a little too close to home.

It keeps reminding him of things he'd rather forget, worsening his mood with every passing day. He knows it's bleeding into his behavior, even following him home at night when it's just him and Mike and Nela. He has felt Mike's questioning gaze on him more times than he can remember – he always turns away before he can ask – and Donna keeps throwing him worried glances that he tries his hardest to ignore, but he knows that they know something's up, and that just annoys him even more.

“Can you watch where you're putting all this shit?” he snaps at Mike after getting home the following night, regretting it almost as soon as it's out, but it's too late to take it back.

“Jesus, Harvey, calm the fuck down,” Mike gives back, snatching the papers he spread on the table away to retreat to the sofa. Harvey's eyes follow him, but something keeps him from joining him there, from reaching out to –

He doesn't know. He needs space as much as he needs to be near Mike, to allow his presence to distract him from the memories raising their ugly heads. Somehow he can't ask for either.

The guilt he feels about snapping at Mike is only making it worse. He knows he's moody and impatient, he knows he's withdrawing, but every time he tries to get a grip his patience just snaps because of something else and he is back to square one. Work is an ordeal, and the atmosphere at the condo he always considered a shelter, with Mike in it more so than ever, grows more strained and uncomfortable with every passing day.

He is actually surprised it takes Mike this long to call him out on his behavior, and when he finally does after a week of enduring Harvey's mood he realizes that it's probably because he blamed himself. He must have thought Harvey was fed up with _him._

It just serves to make Harvey even angrier, never mind that it's at himself. He is this close to losing it, and all he's doing by holding it together is dragging Mike into it.

He swore he'd never drag someone he loves into his personal shit. That was his mother's style, never his. But it seems he can't help turning into her any more than he can get a grip on himself.

It's late when it happens, and Mike and he are both bent over research for their cases. Mike asks him an innocent enough question, careful as though he is already expecting to be snapped at, and Harvey's terse reply comes out colder than he intended.

He only hears the slap of the file hitting the backrest of the sofa. When he looks up, Mike has gotten to his feet.

“Can you just fucking tell me what your problem is so we can fix it and go back to normal?”

Harvey, tired and feeling cornered by the sudden demand, snaps, “You can't fix anything, Mike,” before he can hold himself back. Mike gives him a blank stare, and Harvey only then realizes what he just said. He closes his eyes, rubbing his temple. “I didn't mean that. Not the way it sounded.”

“How did you mean it then, Harvey?” Mike asks, crossing his arms. The corner of his mouth curls up in the bitter impression of a smile. Harvey can see right through it, right to the core of Mike's hurting, and he is disgusted with himself for being the cause of it. “Please tell me, because I'm honestly at my wit's end here. I don't know if it's something I've done, but I can't go on waiting for you to get a grip on yourself, since you're clearly not going to.”

Harvey clenches his jaw. “You haven't done anything, Mike. This isn't about you.”

“So I'm not the problem?”

“No.”

“So you're just letting whatever the problem is out on me,” Mike concludes.

“There is no goddamn problem.”

“Like hell there isn't! Or do you think this is normal, that you withdraw from me completely and lose your patience at every little thing? I'll tell you what, it's not normal because you never used to be like that before. If it's not that you're fed up with my being here then there's gotta be something else, and you'd better get the hell on with telling me what it is!”

He stops and narrows his eyes. “It's the case, isn't it?” he asks. “It's something about this goddamn case. You started acting weird after Jessica gave it to you, and I can see in your face right now that I'm right. I'm not stupid, you know?”

No, he is far from it, and that means he's getting uncomfortably close to where Harvey doesn't want him.

“Goddamn it, Mike, I'm fine,” he tries to dismiss him. Mike throws his hands up in frustration.

“Jesus, Harvey, do you even listen to yourself? You haven't been yourself these past few days. You've said some things, and they hurt, but what hurts a lot more is the fact that you just won't tell me what's going on with you! I thought we trusted each other. Maybe I was wrong about that, then I'll fucking deal with it. But you can't act like an ass and then withdraw from me completely. You just can't do that.”

Harvey takes a sharp breath. “If you think, after everything, that I don't trust you, then I-”

“I don't know what to think, alright? I just know that it can't work like that!”

Mike paces the room, his fists clenching at his sides. When he speaks again, his voice is calmer. “It doesn't work like that. You told me that my problems are yours, before I moved in with you, remember? And you've kept that promise, but it's got to be a two-way street, can't you see that? If my problems are yours, then yours have to be mine too. You have to let me help you. You have to let me in, or we can never make this work. Because it can't if we're not equals.”

In the silence following his words, Harvey sits frozen in place. The accusation hit home like a physical punch, leaving him swallowing against the bile rising in his throat. Because of all the things Mike could have said, he thinks this is by far the worst.

When he finds it in himself to reply, his voice is quiet. “I have never looked at you as anything other than an equal.”

Mike lets out a deep breath, stopping his pacing to look at him. “I know, Harvey,” he says softly. His voice is honest, and Harvey is grateful for that small mercy. He is not sure he could live with himself if he let Mike believe he looked down on him. “I know that. But you have to let me help you, otherwise you seeing me as your equal means shit and you know it. You have to let me _act_ like your equal too.”

Harvey does know it. Of course he does. It's a truth he doesn't want to face but hasn't been able to shut out completely, constantly looming at the corner of his eye, waiting. He has always been able to ignore it, look the other way before. There were people, sure, people he considered or still considers close – Donna, Scottie, Jessica. But nobody ever came close enough. He never let anybody.

But then Mike came along, and he sauntered right over the lines Harvey had drawn so carefully. And Harvey just let him. It started long before Nela, long before babies or sharing a home crossed either of their minds, and it's only gotten worse since. All the lines are trampled, blurred and smeared to the point where they've become unrecognizable. Harvey doesn't even know what to define Mike as anymore, what it is they are doing or what they have. He doesn't necessarily want to put a name to it. It's easier this way, and it's already goddamn complicated.

But no matter how he puts it, that _is_ what they are doing now – sharing a home. And Harvey finds himself incapable of even contemplating the idea of going back. He knows it's not forever, knows too goddamn well that Mike might find the right family for Nela any day and then he will move out too and he will be left on his own again, and that thought scares the living shit out of him.

But that doesn't mean that they haven't built a home together already. Right now, right here, it's the two of them for a tiny human being, against the rest of the world if need be. It doesn't mean that Harvey isn't in it for the long run, however long or short that is. As far as he is concerned, Mike and him are building a life here. They are _sharing_ a life, and if there is one thing he has learned from his past, it's that people living together can't make it work if they aren't honest with each other.

So Harvey makes a decision. And it's probably one of the hardest of his life, but he knows that it's the right one.

“Sit down, Mike,” Harvey asks quietly, and there must be something in his tone that makes Mike comply without a word.

Harvey takes a deep breath when he takes a seat next to him, forcing down the panic rising in him at the thought of exposing himself. This is Mike, and Mike is not going to use this against him. Mike is going to understand, and he is right, he deserves to know. It doesn't make what he is about to do easy, but it helps.

Mike is waiting for him to speak, neither pushing nor prompting him, just sitting in silence as Harvey tries to get a grip on himself, and it reminds Harvey how much he trusts him. Implicitly. If he has to do this with anyone, he is glad that it's with Mike. And he understands now that he does have to do it, that he can't spend his whole life running from this, no matter what he has convinced himself of before. Not if he wants to make this work.

So he takes a deep breath, forces his eyes to meet Mike's, patient and understanding and so familiar that some of the pressure on Harvey's chest lifts. And then he talks about his mother, really talks about her, for the first time in almost a decade.

He tells him everything, from being forced to keep her secret to being lied to again and again, to not being able to keep it to himself any longer, to being made responsible for the pain someone else caused. It seems that once he starts he can't stop until he said all of it, and the words come out with all the bitterness and pain he has sealed them away with for years.

Mike listens quietly, never once interrupting him as he speaks. Harvey stares straight ahead for the most part, not finding it in himself to tell the story to his face. It's a way to keep up some last pretense of privacy, and he knows it's ridiculous, but it helps nevertheless.

It's only when the words dry out that Harvey looks up, straight into Mike's eyes, and what he finds there isn't pity, not even close. It's understanding, and gratitude, and something so akin to admiration that Harvey's throat closes up at the sight. He doesn't know what he thought he would find after letting him in on what shaped such a huge part of him, but never did he expect Mike to look at him with pride afterwards.

“What?” he asks, almost wincing at the husky tone of his voice. The corner of Mike's lips lifts.

“You're so good at it, you know? Pretending that nothing ever gets to you, like you're above everything. I think you're so good at it that sometimes you forget that you don't have to pretend. Not here. Not with me.”

Harvey swallows, not knowing what to say. Mike doesn't seem to expect an answer, just continues.

“Seriously, Harvey, you obviously don't like talking about this, but can I just say? What you told me, that's not an easy thing to deal with, and I kind of admire how you got through that and turned into the person you are today. Someone who has such strict ideas of right and wrong, and loyalty, even if you like to pretend you don't.”

Harvey looks at him, and Mike looks back with nothing but sincerity, and Harvey realizes that he is so far gone on this man that it's not even funny anymore.

He just disclosed the most private aspect of himself to Mike. He still feels raw, and laid open in a way that would be uncomfortable in anyone else's presence, but weirdly enough he's okay. Sure, getting the words out was a battle against himself. It was letting go of the secret he had kept for so long that he doesn't even remember what it was like before that, giving up something he internalized so thoroughly that it now feels like a part of him. But he's okay. Maybe it's not as terrible to have someone else knowing about it as he imagined.

Or maybe it just doesn't bother him as much because this isn't just someone else. This is Mike. The man who has been the exception to everything from the very beginning. The one who has sneaked into every part of his life and now stubbornly refuses to leave.

He used to think that they show each other they care with deeds, and they do. But maybe it's time they started showing each other with words, too.

“You've always had such a high opinion of me,” he says as lightly as he can manage, but he knows Mike catches the underlying seriousness.

“Well,” he replies, giving him a smile, “I don't look up to people who don't deserve it.”

Harvey swallows. “Mike...”

He doesn't know what he's going to say, but Mike doesn't seem to expect anything. He just keeps smiling at him, earnest and unrestricted, and then he reaches for Harvey's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Thank you,” he says, his voice sincere. “For telling me. I really appreciate it.”

“I wouldn't have told anyone else,” Harvey admits, not knowing why.

Mike's throat bobs as he swallows. “I appreciate that too.”

Their eyes linger on each other, leaving Harvey's mouth dry and his heart racing in his chest.

“Listen,” he begins, clearing his throat, “I need to tell you this. I'm sorry, Mike. For the way I've been acting. Those things I've said to you, I didn't mean any of them. I know you thought it was about you, and you need to understand that it wasn't. And- I trust you. Of course I trust you. I'm sorry I made you feel like I didn't.”

“Apology accepted,” Mike says lightly, and Harvey could kiss him. He swallows down the urge and instead continues, “For what it's worth, I promise not to snap at you again because of this case.”

Mike shakes his head. “Harvey, we're all ready to snap sometimes. We all have bad days. Or weeks. We let it out on people who don't deserve it. I can forgive you for that. I can handle that. You've heard some shit from me too, after all. What I can't handle is you withdrawing from me the way you did. And I get that that's who you are, and I'm not trying to change you here, but-” He cuts off, biting his lip before meeting his eyes. “Just try and remember that you trust me for a reason, okay? You don't have to sort out everything by yourself.”

“Alright.” Harvey glances at Mike, his lips curving into a half-smile. “Alright, yeah. I'll remember it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you were worried, we're done with fighting now, promise! I felt that both conflicts in the last two chapters were necessary for the development, the first one to let them realize that their relationship changed, and the second for Harvey to accept it and act accordingly, aka open up to Mike and let him in. I hope that came across the way I intended and this chapter's conflict didn't seem redundant. Now that they have progressed to this point, we're finally getting closer to them taking things to the next level :)


	7. Chapter 7

“Did you pack-”

“The blanket, the food, the baby food, the hat, and Nela? Yes, I did.”

Mike gives Harvey a look. “You think this is funny, but you know I always forget something.”

“Well, I don't, so stop worrying.”

Mike glances at him, then smirks. “What about your scarf?”

Harvey pauses, then turns on the spot. “Be right back.”

He hears Mike chuckling behind him and bites back a smile himself. “All set,” he announces when he returns. “Let's leave now, or we won't have to go at all.”

“Oh god, stop. It's not even noon, we have all day.”

“Doesn't mean we need to waste the time we have.”

Mike snorts. “I know, your time runs a thousand dollars an hour.”

“No, this is free. But that doesn't make the time any less valuable.”

Mike catches his eyes, a soft smile spreading on his lips before he tilts his head, signing him to go first.

It's one of the rare days on which they both don't have any pressing work to do, and Mike insisted they take advantage of it. The weather is supposed to hold, they haven't spent much time together since their fight and Harvey feels out of the loop, so who was he to deny him?

It's curious, he muses as they make their way to the park, how much the prospect of spending the day together immediately brightened his mood. He never thought of himself as much of a kid person, mainly because there was never anyone he considered having one with. There are virtually no children in his social circle. Sure, he enjoys spending time with Marcus' kids, but he barely sees them and there was never the opportunity for a deep bond to develop. This, however, spending the day out with his associate and the child they are looking after, feels completely natural.

Though Mike really isn't just his associate, and Nela isn't just the kid they are looking after anymore. That his feelings for Mike have evolved into something deep and complex, becoming more complicated with each passing day, isn't news. But Nela, well, that _has_ been somewhat surprising. He expected them to get used to each other, but now he finds himself actually looking forward to spending time with her, watching her learn and grow and develop. Maybe that's Mike's influence, his charm rubbing off on her.

Or maybe Harvey's resistance to caring isn't as high as he likes to pretend.

“Let's sit down here,” Mike suggests when they reach one of the lakes. It's a cool day despite the sun, the crisp February air keeping most people moving, and they have plenty of space. Nela immediately starts crawling around the blanket they spread on the ground and Harvey has to keep her from wandering off more than once. He snatches her up when he's had enough, nuzzling her head before putting her in his lap.

“She's not gonna stay put,” Mike warns. Harvey, taking that as a challenge, goes about distracting her with rhythm games, then tickles her and lifts her up and down. She lets herself be diverted willingly, and they laugh with her whenever she coos in delight.

Harvey looks up when he catches Mike taking out his phone. He smiles, unashamedly taking picture after picture of the two of them, and eventually Harvey has to snatch the phone from him to take some of Mike too for good measure.

Mike grins as he scrolls through his gallery afterwards, joking that he's going to make a collage and hang it on the fridge. Harvey doesn't put it past him.

“You know,” Mike remarks, looking up from the pictures, “it's good to see you smiling. Been a while.”

Harvey sighs, brushing some invisible crumbs from the blanket. “This case...”

“I know. It's getting to you. Been there, done that,” Mike says. “Listen, I know you don't like being affected by this, but I think you have one hell of an excuse after what you told me about your mother. It's only natural.”

Harvey waits for the familiar tightening of his stomach at the reminder of his mother, but it's only a weak echo of what it used to be. Mike catches his eyes, returning the smile he gives him easily.

“I just wish I could make things right for that family again,” Harvey admits, surprising himself. Mike, however, doesn't seem fazed.

“It's the wife, right? She's dragging this out?”

“She's blocking everything,” Harvey confirms, frowning. “She won't settle, she declines any deals we offer. She refuses to see that she doesn't deserve what she's asking for.” He exhales deeply. “And now she's dragging the kids into it. It's turning into a full-blown custody battle.”

“Which you're going to win.”

“Of course,” Harvey says, though the words come out grimly. They still haven't found a way to ensure that his client will get full custody of all children, and the longer the case drags on, the more the whole family suffers.

“Hey,” Mike interrupts his thoughts, giving him a smile. “You got this. You're the best closer in the city. The client and those kids are lucky to have you.”

Harvey holds his gaze, then nods. Mike accepts his silent gratitude with a squeeze of his arm.

“Come on,” he then decides, “let's walk a little.” He gets to his feet, holding out a hand. Harvey takes it, grabbing Nela from the ground and, on a whim, settling her on his shoulders. Nela coos in delight, and Harvey just grins when Mike raises his phone to snap a picture, his tongue peeking out between his lips in concentration.

“I'm calling this one _New York Fashion Week: Next Generation_.”

Harvey snorts. “You're an idiot.”

“I'm not the one dressing myself _and_ a kid in color matching clothes for an outing to the park.”

“Shut up,” Harvey says fondly. Mike smirks.

They walk like that for a while, Harvey holding Nela on his shoulders like it's the most normal thing in the world. At eight months she is happy to sit and watch the world from above, and Harvey is happy to let her. Mike is happy to snap a million pictures, and everything is really kind of amazing. Harvey allows himself to just breathe for the first time in weeks. He had no idea how much he missed it.

They make it a point to stay clear of anything work-related as they stroll through the park, and when Mike calls for another break they settle on a bench. Mike gives Nela something to drink, then starts talking to her about this and that, mostly nonsense, but she listens avidly all the same. Harvey can only shake his head. Seeing Mike now, he can hardly reconcile the image with the memory of the man plagued by doubt and insecurities. It's like he has never done anything else than take care of Nela.

They stay until Nela's cheeks are cool despite the several layers of clothing and Mike worries that she's going to get cold. They pick up the clutter they have spread around them, and this time Harvey volunteers to steer the buggy. The rhythmic movements put Nela to sleep soon, and they head home in amenable silence. Harvey looks at Mike from time to time, stealing glances at his flushed cheeks and the soft curve of his mouth. Sometimes Mike glances back, and then they both look ahead, not mentioning it with a single word. Altogether it's the best day Harvey has had in ages.

As it turns out, it's the proverbial calm before the storm.

* * *

Harvey knows something is wrong as soon as he sees the missed call from Mike. He has been stuck in a meeting all afternoon, putting his phone on silent, and he can't help the instant worry filling him when he sees the notification.

The thing is, Mike knew about the meeting. He wouldn't have called if it wasn't important.

There are no texts or voice mails. Harvey tries to quash the alarm rising in him as he heads for his office, already dialing Mike's number. He's about to call when Donna spots him and rises from her seat.

“Harvey! Mike just called me.”

Harvey lowers the phone, hurrying to get to her. “What did he say? He tried to call me during the meeting. Is something wrong?”

“It's Nela,” Donna says. Harvey's stomach sinks.

“What happened? Is she alright?”

“She's sick. Mike says she won't stop crying and that she has a fever. He asked you to come home as soon as you can. He's losing his mind.”

Harvey raises his eyebrows. “He said that?”

“No, I said that. But it was obvious. You need to go home, Harvey. I'll take care of everything here.”

Harvey nods, running a hand through his hair. Of course he is going home. He isn't leaving Mike alone with this. He reaches over the desk to grab a piece of paper and a pen, then scribbles down a list.

“I'm going to distribute my work to the associates. Can you find me the best two after Mike? This needs to be on Jessica's desk by tomorrow, and it's highly sensitive. There can't be any mistakes.” Harvey was going to do it himself, but given the choice between work and rushing home, he doesn't have to think twice. “I can take the Marten briefs home, but someone needs to take care of Keller, today. Can you reschedule the call with Addison Fields for tomorrow?”

He looks up when she doesn't reply, and Donna's glance just past him is all the warning he gets before he hears the demanding voice.

“What's going on here?”

Harvey shuts his eyes. He feels a headache coming on, and he really can't deal with Louis on top of everything right now. “Not now, Louis. I'm busy.”

“Really? Because it sounded to me like you were just trying to get out of your workload for the rest of the day, and I wanna know why.”

“Louis, I'm not in the mood for-”

“Harvey,” Louis cuts him off before he can finish. Harvey looks at him for the first time. “I'm not trying to stop you. I want to know what's going on, since something is clearly wrong.”

Harvey swallows. “Mike just called to let me know that Nela is sick. I have to go to them.”

Louis lifts his eyebrows, looking distantly alarmed. “Why didn't you say so right away? Of course you need to go. Is that the work you have to do today? Give it here.”

“What-”

“Go. I'll take care of it.”

Harvey blinks at him. “You're going to do my work for me?”

Louis lets out a deep breath. “Listen, Harvey, I know this is not what we usually do, but this is obviously more important than the little feud we have going on. You have a responsibility now. You and Mike. A father's love knows no rule, right?”

Harvey holds his gaze, and for the first time he can recall he feels like there is a level of understanding there that allows them to put all their differences aside. He didn't know Louis wanted children, but he can see in his face now that this is something he cares deeply about, and he is going out of his way to ensure that Harvey can do what he has to. It's almost... touching.

Harvey briefly thinks about correcting him on the father remark, pointing out that this arrangement is only temporary and it's really not like that, especially not with Mike and him, but it doesn't feel right to deny it. And if that isn't a peculiarity he doesn't have time to examine right now.

So he doesn't say anything and just nods. “Thank you, Louis. I owe you for this.”

“Just get home,” Louis replies, tilting his head. “Don't worry about a thing.”

Harvey nods again, then turns to Donna.

“I'm taking care of everything else,” she assures him before he can speak. “Ray is waiting downstairs. Go.”

He shoots her a grateful look, then gathers his things and leaves.

Nela's cries penetrate his ears as soon as he gets home. Harvey winces at their intensity. “Mike?” he calls out, dropping his keys on the counter as he scans the apartment.

“Harvey?”

Mike appears in the doorway. His hair is a wild mess, as if he has repeatedly pushed his hands into it and mussed it more every time. His face lights up with gratitude when he sees him.

“Oh, thank god you're here. Listen, I'm sorry I called you in the middle of your meeting – I know you don't take calls during those and you had it on silent anyway, but I didn't know what to do. I tried Donna and she told me she'd let you know as soon as you showed up, which I guess she did.” He sucks in a sharp breath. “Oh god, I'm so glad you actually managed to come– I know how busy you are and at first I thought, I can't possibly ask him to drop everything and come home. But then her fever kept rising and she threw up again and-”

Harvey can't take another second of this. He puts a calming hand on his shoulder, then says, “Mike.”

Mike shuts his mouth with a click.

“Slow down. First of all, don't ever apologize for calling when you need me. If anything, I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner. Now take a few deep breaths and tell me what happened.”

Mike rubs his eye, nodding towards his bedroom before he turns around. As Harvey follows him he explains, “When I picked Nela up, the girls from the day care told me that she'd thrown up twice and had been cranky all morning. I thought she might just have a bellyache, but by the time we got home she was really warm. I've been taking her temperature every hour or so and she keeps getting hotter. She was at 101.4 degrees when I called Donna. She threw up two more times since I brought her home and she just keeps on crying.”

Mike releases a slow breath when they come to stand before Nela's bed, worrying his lip. He caresses her head to soothe her, but to no avail. She looks miserable, her face all red and screwed up as she cries.

“I've been carrying her around, tried to get some water into her, attempted to put her to sleep, but nothing is working. Her fever keeps getting worse. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.”

Mike turns to Harvey at that as if he holds all the answers, and while he decidedly doesn't, he immediately steps into the role. He bends down to pick Nela up, shushing her gently.

“It's okay, you're alright,” he murmurs, touching her face and cheeks with the back of his hand. “God, you're burning up, aren't you?”

She blinks at him, tears hanging from her lashes. Harvey intuitively holds her closer, a tight crease on his forehead.

“She didn't drink anything?” he asks Mike.

He shakes his head, looking as miserable as she does. “Not a drop. She's really going to need to soon, with how much she's been throwing up.”

“Let's try again then. And bring the thermometer.”

They relocate to the living room, where Harvey attempts to get Nela to drink something without success. She stubbornly refuses to even entertain the idea, instead wetting his collar with tears as she buries her face there in search of comfort.

“I told you it's useless,” Mike says when Harvey finally puts the water down after a good hour of trying, running his hand over his face. “She won't drink. She won't let us help her. Nothing's working.”

“Alright, alright. Let's not meet trouble halfway. Check her temperature again,” Harvey instructs, and Mike sighs as he gets the thermometer.

“101.7,” he murmurs, giving Harvey a helpless look. Harvey clenches his jaw. He opens his mouth to speak, but is interrupted when Nela gulps and then throws up on both herself and him.

Mike looks like he's about to cry.

“Shit. That's the fifth time now.”

“This isn't good,” Harvey says grimly. “Can you get her fresh clothes?”

He reaches for some wipes to clean up the mess once he's sure that she's done. There isn't much, her stomach must be empty by now. It's not exactly reassuring.

Mike reappears a minute later with new clothes. Harvey takes them and hands him the wipes, then puts Nela down to change her.

“Let me,” Mike says, signaling him to move to the side. “Here, this is for you.”

Harvey looks down, noticing the clean shirt he brought him. “Oh. Thanks.”

He unbuttons his shirt and unceremoniously changes into the new one right there, loath to leave Mike alone even for a minute.

While Mike changes Nela, Harvey googles how to handle a fever in babies, though he's sure that there is nothing Mike hasn't already read about. Most websites advise parents to seek medical help when the fever doesn't recede within a few hours, and especially with the vomiting in mind Harvey is more and more inclined to agree.

He rubs his pounding temples before taking Nela again when Mike looks ready to despair.

“We need to do something.”

“I know.”

Nela lets out a particularly startling cry at that. Harvey holds her closer, steadily murmuring to her, but it's futile.

“Oh my god,” Mike groans, burying his face in his hands. “This is terrible. I don't know what to do.” He heaves himself up, reaching out to touch Nela's cheeks. “I don't think this is good for her. She's too warm, she won't drink or eat, she's gonna cry herself into a heart attack any minute now...”

“Give it another half hour,” Harvey decides. “If there's no improvement, we're taking her to a doctor.”

Mike agrees solemnly. They try their hardest to make her calm down and get more than a few drops of water into her as the minutes tick by, but when the time is up Nela is nowhere near getting better.

Mike touches her forehead, biting his lip. “She's warmer.”

Harvey brushes her cheeks. “Take her temperature again,” he asks, though he already knows he's right.

“102 degrees now,” Mike announces. “That's it. We're going to the hospital.”

Harvey doesn't even argue, only stands up. “Get your coat,” he instructs. “I'm calling Ray.”

The drive to the hospital is tense with the anxiety radiating off Mike. Harvey, not feeling much better, taps his finger against his thigh, willing Ray to drive faster. They stay silent save for Nela's crying, and Ray throws them sympathetic looks in the rear mirror every so often.

Harvey sighs in relief when they reach their destination. Mike grabs Nela as soon as they pull up, already heading inside while Harvey thanks Ray for the drive and declines his offer to wait for them.

When he gets inside Mike just finishes talking to a nurse, pointing towards the plastic chairs when he sees him. “It's gonna take a while,” is all he says, and Harvey nods.

“Let's sit down,” he suggests, resting a hand on Mike's back as he steers them to the waiting area. They are not the only ones with a crying child, which doesn't exactly help Harvey's nerves, but seeing the worry on the other parents' faces is somewhat reassuring. He tries to keep a semblance of calmness for Mike's sake, fully aware that his own panicking is only going to feed Mike's anxiety. He is used to looking to Harvey for guidance in tough situations, and if he can calm him down by pretending to be cool about this, he's going to be the goddamn coolest person in this hospital.

Time moves slowly as one patient after the other gets called in. Mike's leg keeps twitching next to his. Harvey stifles a sigh.

“It was bound to happen sometime,” he remarks at one point. “We're probably lucky it took two months before she got sick.”

The rational approach doesn't make it any easier, but one of them has to keep countenance here.

Mike stops fidgeting and sighs. “I just feel so helpless,” he admits after a pause.

“I know.”

They both glance at Nela, nestled into the crook of Mike's arm as she cries. Harvey wonders how she can still produce any tears.

“It's gonna be okay,” Harvey says.

Mike lets out a deep breath. “Yeah.”

Harvey doesn't consciously decide on wrapping an arm around Mike, it just feels right, and so he does. Mike leans into the touch, and the comforting contact makes the wait more bearable. Mike closes his eyes and inhales deeply, and Harvey keeps himself from giving in to the urge to do the same and just breathe in Mike's scent until everything else fades away. He only holds Mike closer and lets himself ground him and be grounded in return.

They sit like this for endless minutes that slowly turn into an hour, then two, until a nurse finally calls them in.

Harvey withdraws his arm as Mike practically jumps up, cradling Nela close as he follows the nurse into the room.

It takes another five minutes for the doctor to show up, but he looks serene and experienced and Harvey is immediately reassured by the calm air with which he assesses the situation. He has probably seen countless wailing kids in his time, he will know what to do.

“Fever and vomiting, hm? She sure looks done in. Let's see what's wrong with her,” he announces, unceremoniously taking her from Mike's arms.

Harvey narrows his eyes when Nela's wailing heightens as the doctor checks her temperature and mutters to himself. Mike looks pained next to him, but he hangs on the man's every word.

It turns out that Nela just has a regular infection – though Mike and Harvey agree that there is nothing 'just' about it – and should be fine in no time with some rest.

“Perfectly normal,” the doctor assures them before he sends them on their way.

He has prescribed Nela medication to help her sleep, and after a trip to the pharmacy they finally stumble back into the condo a few hours later. It's well into the night by now, and neither of them has eaten or even drunk anything for hours. Harvey disappears into the kitchen while Mike gives Nela her dose.

He looks up when Harvey puts down a plate with sandwiches in front of him, blinking at them like the idea of food hasn't even crossed his mind. It probably hasn't.

“Thanks,” he murmurs absently, handing Nela over. Harvey takes her and squeezes his shoulder.

What follows is one of the most tiring nights Harvey has lived through, and with the job he has he doesn't say that lightly. But there's an element of emotional involvement to this that he isn't used to. It's both seeing Nela in pain and knowing Mike is going insane with the need to help her that is getting to him.

They take turns at rocking Nela back and forth while they wait for the medication to kick in. They pace the room endlessly as they hum and sing and murmur to her, trying to find a rhythm that will put her to sleep. They are both exhausted beyond words as the minutes tick by, but there's a sense of unity to sharing this experience with Mike that somehow makes it bearable.

After the slowest two hours of Harvey's life they manage to calm Nela enough to reduce her screaming to a soft whimpering. It still agitates him to see her like this, but their relief at the improvement is palpable. Mike moves to take her from Harvey when it's time to switch again, but Harvey shakes his head.

“I don't wanna move her too much,” he explains quietly. “I think she'll fall asleep soon.”

Mike steps closer to caress Nela's cheek. “She's still hot.”

“Could be all the crying.”

They both gaze at her face. “She's exhausted. She can't fight sleep much longer,” Harvey murmurs.

He catches Mike's eyes when he looks up. He's standing directly in front of him, so close that Harvey can see all the traces of his tiredness up close. He wants to reach out and smooth the worried lines on his forehead, caress his skin until he doesn't look troubled anymore.

“She's gonna be alright,” he whispers, and Mike nods, licking his lips. They look at each other until Mike seems to remember himself, shaking his head a little before he glances away.

Not knowing what to do, Harvey opts to settle on the sofa. He almost smiles when Mike follows him, sitting down close enough to touch.

It's only now that Harvey allows himself to rest that he realizes how drained he feels. The constant tension of the last few hours seems to bleed out of him as he leans back with a deep breath. Nela's crying is almost lulling by now. It's late, and Mike is warm and soft and solid beside him, and Harvey doesn't even realize his eyes are closing until he opens them again. He doesn't know how much time has passed, but the room is silent save for Mike's even breathing close to his ear.

Harvey lifts his head a little to get a look at his face, pressed into his shoulder. He's fast asleep.

“Mike,” Harvey murmurs, loath to wake him when he has just made himself comfortable – against _him_ of all places – but he needs to lie down in an actual bed before his neck gets stiff.

He gently nudges Mike with his elbow when he doesn't react, suppressing a chuckle when Mike grumbles something and buries his face deeper in his shoulder. “Mike, wake up.” He smiles when Mike lifts his head, rubbing his eyes before glancing at Harvey's shoulder, then at his face. “Hey. Look at that. She's asleep.”

They both glance at Nela, and Mike lets out a deep sigh. “Finally,” he murmurs, running a hand over his face. He slowly disentangles himself from Harvey, staggering to his feet with a yawn. “Come on, let's put her to bed.”

Nela sleeps through being moved into her crib, and they both exhale a relieved breath before retreating into the hall, leaving the door ajar.

The sky is already beginning to merge into a soft play of orange, yellow and blue outside. “I'll just tidy up a little,” Mike murmurs, disappearing to take care of the collection of wipes and bottles from the night. Harvey tracks down his phone in the meantime, checking it for the first time since he left the firm. Donna sent him a text a few hours ago, inquiring how everyone was doing.

 _We're fine,_ he types. _We went to the hospital earlier, but we're back home now. Nela is better, she's finally asleep._

He isn't surprised to get a reply right away.

_That's good news. She'll be fine, don't worry. I'm glad to hear Mike's doing okay, too ;)_

A few seconds later his phone pings again. _You're cleared until your 3pm meeting. Mike doesn't need to come in today. Get some rest._

His lips curve up at that. _You're a saint,_ he texts back, then puts his phone down.

Mike appears next to him that moment. “Donna?” he asks through a yawn. Harvey nods.

“We're cleared,” he says, putting his hands on Mike's back to gently steer him towards the bathroom. “Come on, let's get ready for bed.”

They brush their teeth side by side, and neither of them is surprised when Mike trails after Harvey into the bedroom. They have done this so often now without thinking that it's not even a question that they slip into bed together. It would feel wrong if they didn't.

“I'm so glad you were here today,” Mike murmurs into the space between them. He looks soft in the rising morning light. Harvey reaches out, closing a hand over his wrist. He brushes the warm, tender skin with his thumb.

“Always,” he replies softly. Mike closes his eyes with a smile, and Harvey follows suit as the exhaustion overpowers him. Their hands are still touching when they fall asleep.

* * *

It's almost noon when Harvey stirs, awoken by muffled crying from next door. Mike frowns as he rolls over beside him, his eyes still closed. Harvey only takes one look at his face before putting a hand on Mike's shoulder to keep him from moving.

“Stay,” he instructs, then swings his legs out of the bed and pads to the other room.

They have only slept for five hours, but he feels much better than last night. With the tension Nela's sickness brought upon them lifted, everything seems lighter again.

“Good morning,” Harvey murmurs when he leans over the crib, brushing her cheek with the back of his hand. “Look at you, all better. That's what I like to see. Are you hungry? I bet you're hungry, you haven't eaten in a while.”

He picks her up and carries her to the kitchen, talking to her in a low voice as he prepares her food.

He glances at the table, then thinks of Mike in his bed and decides that with the messed up sleeping schedule they have today, one more exception can't hurt.

Mike is more awake when he returns, smiling as he watches him with hooded eyes.

“There you are,” he says, rubbing his face before sitting up. “Morning, Nela. Are you feeling better? Come here, let me have a look at you.”

Harvey hands her to him, slipping back under the covers as Mike showers Nela with kisses and talks to her until she graces him with a toothy smile. He sighs in relief.

“It's so good to see that again,” he remarks, and Harvey has to agree.

“Come on, breakfast time,” he announces, holding out a spoon while Mike settles Nela in his lap. They are sitting closely together, their bodies touching at several points as they feed her, and Harvey doesn't even want to think about what they look like right now, so he steadfastly ignores it.

When they are done Mike places Nela on the duvet before slipping out of bed, taking the empty bowl with him. He returns a few minutes later with a plate for both of them, handing one to Harvey.

“Who said you were allowed to have breakfast in bed?”

“I did. What are you gonna do, kick me out?”

He lifts his eyebrows with a smirk, knowing exactly that that's never going to happen, and so Harvey settles for accepting the plate and threatening him with a pointed, “If I find any crumbs, you're fired.”

“You're an idiot,” Mike says and heartily bites into his toast. “Besides, I only did it because I know you aren't ready to leave this bed yet either.”

Harvey concedes the point. They finish their breakfast in silence, and when they are done Mike puts their plates away before he stretches.

“I don't know about you, but I'm gonna keep dozing for a while.”

“Me too. If she lets us,” Harvey remarks with a glance at Nela.

Mike yawns. “I think she's tired too. Just put her in the middle, she's gonna fall asleep.”

Harvey takes her and places her between them. He pulls the duvet over himself and her, refusing to acknowledge the fact that the three of them are essentially having a cuddle in bed. He smiles at Nela instead, caressing her arms and cheeks as she watches him with sleepy eyes.

“You're all better, aren't you?”

“Yeah, she's alright,” Mike mumbles.

Harvey watches him for a moment, his eyes already closed as he drifts off, and then he shuts his eyes as well. It's rare that he gets the opportunity to lounge, and he is going to make the most of it before he has to leave for the office.

He doesn't fall asleep again, but he dozes for a while and then just lies there, hanging after his thoughts as he enjoys this island of peace and quiet. Mike alternates between snoring softly and cradling Nela to his chest as he turns onto his side, and Harvey contents himself with watching him, for once not having to worry about being caught.

Mike shows no signs of getting out of bed any time soon when Harvey has to leave, with Nela perfectly happy to snuggle into his chest and doze through the remains of her infection, and Harvey finds himself reluctant to get up. Mike clearly knows and calls him a lazy ass, only laughing at the pillow he aims at his head in reply.

Harvey does leave the bed, because he has work that needs to be done and he can't give in to his every whim, but he's sorry to leave him behind. Not for the first time he spares a wistful thought for the fantasy where Mike is in his bed for an entirely different reason, then shakes the image off. He's late as it is, he can't deal with treacherous physical reactions on top of that.

He makes it to his afternoon meeting, but barely.

* * *

Things feel different after that night. Mike can't pinpoint it exactly – they have gone through so much together, have experienced all those things that others couldn't begin to understand, and this shouldn't be any different. But it is. It seems to be one of those things you can't get through without ending up closer. He wasn't sure it was possible, but sharing the anxiety over Nela's sickness seems to have had that effect. It shows in the smallest ways, starting right that next morning when Mike takes a chance and makes them breakfast in bed, and Harvey _lets_ him.

Mike has never known Harvey to spend a morning in bed.

It's the tiniest, most insignificant details. They change everything. When Mike looks at Harvey now, there is an understanding that wasn't there before. They share glances that speak louder than any words. They are so much on the same page that it's like they are writing the text themselves, together.

And Harvey, Harvey is acting so wonderfully strange, letting Mike drag him into doing things he never did before, sharing those looks with him, and Mike knows that he can't be imagining this. It's like the last remaining walls have been torn down, leaving nothing but open passages. More room to fill.

They touch each other in greeting all the time, even when they just come in from the other room. Harvey tells Mike he did well when he masters a deposition without Mike having to coax it out of him. Harvey finally settles the divorce from hell, enabling the family to start over without the mother's toxic presence looming over them, and Mike doesn't even think about pulling him into a tight hug when he hears the news.

Mike has never been this close to another person in his life. Not to Rachel, Jenny, Trevor, or even his grandmother. There was never anyone who has been what Harvey is to him now.

Which should be scary, to say the least. Terrifying, actually. But it just feels right. Mike ponders this whenever he gets a minute to himself, often trying to get a look at Harvey from the corner of his eye over dinner or when he's playing with Nela.

It's strange that even with his memory he can't pinpoint just when exactly their arrangement stopped feeling temporary and started feeling... well. Like a family.

“I've gotten myself into quite the mess there, haven't I?” he asks Nela as he carries her around one evening, waiting for Harvey to come home. “I mean, it's kind of my own fault. I knew how I felt about Harvey, and I agreed to play house with him anyway. I don't know what I thought would happen. That my ridiculous infatuation would cease with increased proximity? Well, tough luck.”

Nela frowns and pushes herself away from his chest. Mike sighs. “I know, you don't wanna hear about my pathetic problems. Hell, I don't wanna hear about my pathetic problems.”

He puts her on the ground, caressing her head before taking a step back. “Watch out,” he warns her with regards to the furniture she likes to pull herself up on these days. Nela just smacks her lips and starts crawling towards a chair. “I'll just go get a drink, okay? I'll be right back.”

After being ignored, Mike goes to the kitchen to get a glass of water. When he returns, Nela has moved on to the coffee table, her tongue peeking out between her lips as she tries to pull herself into a standing position.

“Hey, be careful when you-”

The dull thud makes Mike freeze on the spot. For a moment there is just stunned silence, and then Nela takes a deep breath and starts screaming.

Mike curses, rushing over to drop to his knees by her side. “It's okay,” he shushes her as he gathers her in his arms. “Come here, it's alright. I've got you. You're alright, darling. Let me have a look.”

He gently draws back from where she's crying into his neck, brushing her hair aside to take a look.

“It's okay, you're gonna be fine. It hurts, I know. I promise you're gonna be okay in no time. Here, let me kiss it better.”

He brushes his lips over the bump, careful not to make it worse. “You're okay, Nela,” he repeats. “I'm here. I've got you.”

She continues to cry, digging her hands into his shirt as she wets his shoulder. It's probably more the scare than anything else, but Mike still feels horrible. It certainly isn't her first accident, but this time she'll have a bruise to show for it.

He hears the front door being opened in between her cries, and he closes his eyes in relief.

Her wailing drowns out any greetings he might have called out, and he knows Harvey picks up on the fact that this isn't usual crying because a moment later he appears in his view, keys still in hand as he frowns at them.

“What's going on here?” The worry is audible in his voice, and Mike tries to give him a reassuring smile as he gently rubs Nela's back.

“She slipped while trying to climb the table and hit her head. I think she's fine, it's just a nasty bump.”

Harvey steps closer, brushing Nela's hair aside as he inspects her head closely.

“Do we need to take her to the hospital?”

“No, I don't think so. Only if she shows signs of a concussion or displays unusual behavior over the next 24 hours. She's probably gonna stop crying soon, the fall just took her by surprise.”

“You know what to look out for, right?”

“Of course.”

Harvey nods, clearly satisfied. A foolish warmth blooms in Mike's chest at Harvey's absolute trust in him. He passes Nela on when Harvey reaches out to take her from his arms, shushing her gently. She clutches him, her crying slowly turning into a consistent whimpering.

“I'll go get some ice,” Mike announces, glad for the opportunity to get a moment to himself.

Sometimes Harvey is so gentle with Nela, so beautifully caring and self-assured when he holds her, that Mike can barely take it. It's undeniable proof of the human side that Harvey keeps hidden so well from most people, the one he's stopped hiding from Mike at some point and that he loves so much.

“There we go,” he mumbles when he returns, keeping his eyes trained on Nela as he touches the towel with the ice pack to her bump, steadfastly ignoring how close he's standing to Harvey. He can practically feel his breath on his cheek. It takes every ounce of his willpower not to lean into him and chase that alluring warmth.

Nela shies away from the cold, but Mike starts humming to distract her until she lets him cool the bump. They move to the sofa, entertaining her until she falls silent and just gazes at them through tired eyes.

When her eyelids keep drooping Harvey asks, “Has she eaten already?”

“Yeah, I didn't know when you'd be back so we already had dinner.”

“Let's put her to bed then. I think she's done in for the day.”

Mike hides a smile and nods. Harvey doesn't often join him for their evening ritual, but he figured that he would tonight.

This time Harvey reads to her and Mike sings the song she likes the most twice, not caring about Harvey's presence in the slightest. They retreat quietly when she dozes off, and now Mike does smile when he catches Harvey's eyes. The silence after her long crying is heavenly, and neither of them feels the need to disturb it for now.

While Harvey changes, Mike goes and reheats some of the pasta he made. Harvey gives him a grateful smile when he hands him the plate, and Mike joins him at the table, looking over some files while he eats. He doesn't really feel like working much tonight though, so he closes the folder when Harvey is done.

“Movie?”

“Sure. You pick.”

“Wow. I mean, seriously? Just like that? Major honor.”

“Major responsibility,” Harvey corrects. “I'm not above judging you for a bad choice for the rest of our lives.”

“Got it,” Mike says, ignoring the way his stomach tingles at _the rest of our lives_ , like it's something permanent, like it's a given that they will always be part of each other's lives, no question.

He goes through the selection while Harvey prepares some popcorn.

“Marley and Me,” Mike announces when he returns, settling on the sofa with a challenging look.

Harvey lifts his eyebrows but says nothing, and Mike congratulates himself on the terrific choice.

That is, of course, until the goddamn dog dies at the end of the movie and Mike couldn't stop himself from crying if he wanted to. He doesn't even flinch when Harvey holds out a box of tissues to him, blindly grabbing one and wiping his eyes. He can feel Harvey shifting next to him, somehow ending up even closer, and he knows that his eyes are on him without having to look.

“Don't you say a fucking word,” he warns him, his voice embarrassingly thick.

“It is very sad,” Harvey remarks, and Mike can't tell whether he is being mocked or not. Harvey hands him another tissue and Mike takes it, blowing his nose before risking a glance at him.

Harvey is watching him in silence, looking attentive rather than amused. Mike takes it as a win.

“Hormones?” Harvey asks, neither judgment nor mockery in his voice, and Mike snorts a little as he nods.

“Hormones,” he agrees, and then they both turn back to the TV and continue watching, neither feeling the need to say anything else or hide from the other.

Mike sheds another tear or two, repeatedly wiping his eyes and nose, and Harvey next to him is a solid wall of warmth and comfort, and he doesn't even tease him about it until they get ready for bed.

Harvey casually leans against the doorframe while Mike rinses his mouth, asking, “So are you going to start crying when I call you puppy from now on?”

Mike rolls his eyes, spitting out the water. “Oh, here we go.”

“What? It's a valid question. I just want to be prepared, we can't have you making a scene in front of a client or something.”

“Disregarding the fact that I've stopped being a 'puppy' ages ago,” Mike says, stabbing his finger into Harvey's chest, “you were crying too.”

“I wasn't.”

“Your eyes are so totally red right now.”

“It's the light.”

“Sure. That'd hold up in court.”

“You wanna drag me to court over crying about a movie?” Harvey says dryly, amusement playing on his features, and Mike bumps his shoulder as he wriggles past him.

“So you do admit that you cried.”

“You'll never be able to prove it,” Harvey replies, trailing after him.

“I don't have to. The knowledge is enough.”

“You really are easy to please,” Harvey mumbles, climbing into bed with a yawn. Mike turns the lights off and follows suit. He watches Harvey in the dark as he shifts to find a comfortable position, making out the lines of his features in the shadows.

“I think this actually brings us closer together, you know. Having seen each other at our lowest and all that. Really deepens the connection.”

Harvey groans, blindly aiming a pillow at his head. “You're ridiculous, you know that?”

“What, you don't feel the closeness? You don't feel it, Harvey?” Mike asks, wriggling closer in a fit of boldness until they are almost pressed together, separated only by the fabric of their covers and the slightest bit of space. He waits for another pillow to find its way to his head, a demonstrative wriggle to the side from Harvey maybe, a cutting remark about him being clingy.

Harvey doesn't move away at all, instead turning onto his side to face Mike, leaving even less space between them. “We sleep in a bed. We live together. We're taking care of a goddamn kid, we've seen each other at some of our actual lowest points, how much closer can it get?”

Harvey's voice is low and deep, and Mike has to swallow against the sudden spark of arousal rising in him. The closeness only heightens the sensation. He takes a deep breath, hearing Harvey do the same, and he is so close that he would only have to lean in a fraction to bring their mouths together, to get that touch he is craving so desperately. He can see Harvey's eyes, can see him looking at him, neither leaning in nor moving away. Just a fraction, just the smallest of movements.

Dangerous. So, so dangerous.

Mike clears his throat and breaks the silence. “I mean, should we talk about that? Because I'm sure-”

“You're tired, Mike,” Harvey cuts him off before he can continue, the words final but without venom. “Go to sleep.”

“Good night, Harvey,” Mike gives back, repressing a sigh as he closes his eyes and hopes for quick sleep.

It occurs to him later on, with Harvey's deep breaths evened out in the dark, that neither of them ever moved away.

* * *

“So, they were nice, weren't they?”

Mike just gives Harvey a look. “Yeah, if by nice you mean boring enough to put even Nela to sleep on her worst days.”

“Which isn't exactly a bad thing, all things considered,” Harvey points out.

They spent the afternoon with another couple interested in adopting Nela, and while they were nice enough, neither of them seemed to really know what to do with her, or Harvey and Mike for that matter.

“You know I can't possibly put her in a home where her parents don't speak to her or, or bore her to death. Where's the intellectual stimulation? Where's the incentive for learning and talking?”

Mike is well aware that how the couple behaved around them doesn't say anything about how they are in private, but as Harvey has drilled into him from the outset, first impressions matter.

Harvey huffs, but there's a smile playing on his lips. “I was wondering what would put you off this time.”

“Hey, it's not like I'm doing this on purpose. I just want the best possible conditions for Nela, and if it takes a while to find the couple that convinces me that they can offer those, then so be it.”

“I can't decide whether your perfectionist streak is annoying or admirable,” Harvey remarks. He pours them both a drink, handing one to Mike, who accepts it gladly.

“You weren't exactly a fan of them either, if I recall correctly. I know your 'I'm about to fall asleep but I need to appear attentive' face. You don't get to mock my selection process. So unless this is your way of telling me I'm being too slow and you want me out of here...” Mike lifts a meaningful eyebrow. Harvey gives him a deadpan look.

“You're right, _this_ is the decisive factor that made me change my mind. I want you out of here by tomorrow, go pack your things.”

“Has someone ever told you that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit?”

“That's funny, you didn't seem to think so the billion times you used sarcasm on me, and that's only this week.”

“Hyperbole now?”

“Deflecting now?”

Harvey smirks before taking a sip of his scotch, then lifts his chin in silent question. “So it's a no?” he asks, and simply accepts it when Mike nods. “Well, better luck next time.”

“All in due time,” Mike agrees, and that's that.

It's another failure, but Mike has stopped counting those. He decided not to rush this long ago. He will find the perfect family for Nela when he finds it. So he shakes the interview off, turning his attention to more pleasant things.

He drains his glass, then gets up to cover the table with old newspapers and fetch the paint he bought earlier this week.

“Look what I got us,” he announces as he puts Nela in her chair, then slides a blank sheet of paper and the paint in front of her.

“Watch this,” he says, making sure he has her attention before holding out his hand, putting it into the paint to leave prints on the paper. “That's great, isn't it? Here, you can do your own.”

He helps her cover her hands before pressing them down on a fresh sheet of paper. She gets used to the strange texture quickly, clearly delighted about the colorful art she's producing, if her excited babbling is any indication. The entire activity is more a mess than anything else, but her enthusiasm is worth the effort. Mike indulges her happily.

When the paint is everywhere around and on Nela and the paper is covered in little smudgy handprints, he decides to call it a day. He pins the finished sheet of paper to the fridge, just smirking at Harvey when he gives him a look.

“This place needs more life.”

“Does it?” Harvey asks, unconvinced. “Does it really?”

“You love it.”

“That's an exaggeration.”

“You _love_ it.”

“ _Mike_.”

Mike grins at him. Then he turns to Nela. “Bath time!” he announces, holding her away from his body to avoid getting covered in paint as he carries her to the bathroom. He hums while he puts her down on a towel, filling the tub before getting her ready. She smiles at him as he shimmies her out of the clothes, and he tickles her belly in return.

“Look at all those bubbles,” he tells her when the tub is full enough. “You wanna go in there, hm? Yes, I know you do. Come on, let's get you in. One, two, three - there we _go!_ ”

He used to feel so strange handling her, when Nela didn't trust him yet and he had no idea how to talk to her or what to do. He's come a long way since then, as has she. Nela looks to him for everything now, and he finds that taking care of her comes easy to him. Once he got past the constant panic it started to feel natural, which is something he didn't really expect.

Mike never had anything to do with children before, so he had nothing to go on. He thought about having them, sure, at one point in the far future, but he can now see that those hypothetical children didn't have much to do with the reality of taking care of a baby. Of course it's tiring, and he rarely gets time for himself with the amount of work he has to manage on top of that. But he never thought it would be so rewarding to get a smile from her, or see her stretching her arms out for him when she spots him. It's worth all the stress she's causing.

He looks up in surprise when Harvey appears beside him, having been too lost in thought to hear him coming in. Harvey watches them from above for a moment, then gets to his knees next to Mike.

“She's really into those swimming toys, isn't she?”

Mike swallows at the sudden closeness, at the ease with which Harvey is carrying himself, as if they do this all the time.

He clears his throat. “Yeah, they are a big favorite. Certainly makes bath time easier.” His voice is a little rough, but he just goes back to splashing water on Nela and hopes that Harvey doesn't notice.

Harvey hums, hanging a hand over the rim of the tub to drag his fingers through the water, slowly, almost artfully. Mike watches the ripples for a moment before snapping out of it and remembering that he has a task to complete. He wants to reach past Harvey to get the sponge, but shies away from winding himself around him.

“Can you pass me the sponge?” he asks instead. Harvey glances at him before twisting around to get it.

“Thanks,” Mike murmurs. Their hands brush when he takes it. Mike sucks in a breath, swallowing as he begins to scrub Nela gently, lifting her arms and hands one after the other.

“Sorry,” he murmurs when he bumps into Harvey, smiling a little as he catches his eyes. “Bit cramped down here.”

Harvey huffs out a quiet laugh. “You didn't wanna go in with her?”

“Why, you want a show?”

Mike almost can't believe the words coming out of his mouth, his eyes widening marginally as they catch up with him.

When did that happen? He and Harvey used to be so easy about their flirty innuendos, always dancing the line between _I'm joking_ and _I mean that if you do_. It used to happen all the time, as quickly said as forgotten again – at least on Harvey's part, Mike expects.

But they weren't living together back then, and they weren't kneeling next to each other on a bathroom floor, the air so thick with _something_ that it's making Mike's heart pound.

He is so occupied with his reminiscing that it takes him a while to realize that Harvey hasn't said anything in reply. There is just silence and the soft splashes of the water in the tub, the consistent dripping of the tap, an almost hypnotic rhythm.

Mike chews on his lip. He decides to risk a glance at Harvey's face and immediately regrets it. Harvey is watching him, his eyes seeming to bore into Mike's with an intensity that startles him, and Mike suddenly finds it hard to breathe, the tension leaving him dizzy.

He doesn't know what's in that gaze, what's going through Harvey's head or why he won't look away, but he finds that he can't bring himself to avert his eyes either, needing to test this chance connection, needing to see where it leads.

He realizes then just how close they are. Harvey's breathing is in sync with his; slightly elevated, just a little too fast. He can count the pores on Harvey's face, could trace the lines of the intriguing patterns on his face if he just leaned in a little. He licks his lips, forcing his eyes back up to meet Harvey's, and for a moment he thinks he can read confusion there and something else, something deeper and much more complex, but then it's gone and he wonders if it was ever there at all.

Harvey abruptly draws back, and Mike swallows as he turns back to Nela, needing a moment before he can finish cleaning her. He shakes his head at himself, wondering how on earth he always gets himself into these situations.

Harvey only stays for another minute before he retreats, leaving a confused and flustered Mike behind to pull the plug and rub Nela dry.

Talk about mixed signals.

Mike replays the last few minutes as he wraps Nela in a towel. He has no idea what to think about any of this, and so he resolves not to think about it at all. Not here, not right now.

Dinner is a calm affair. It's not exactly awkward, and Mike would almost believe that he imagined whatever happened earlier, if Harvey's eyes weren't boring into his skull every once in a while. Mike chooses to ignore it, despite his heart jumping in his chest every time he catches him looking.

To distract himself, Mike snatches Nela out of her chair when they are done eating and gets on the ground with her. He takes off her bib, engaging in a round of tug of war before making a show out of letting her win. Then he lies down, watching her look between the bib and him. She eventually crawls over, grabbing his leg. He shakes her off, earning himself a frown and an indignant exclaim, and he laughs when she starts pulling herself up on his body, grunting with effort. He lets her crawl all over him and when he looks up, still grinning, he finds Harvey watching him with an amused expression.

Okay, that's enough staring for one day. “What?”

“I just thought, I have two children in my house.”

“You invited us here,” Mike reminds him, lifting an eyebrow in challenge. Harvey, however, only smiles.

“Yeah, I did, didn't I?”

Mike grins. He sometimes worries about the fact that he has adjusted to this situation so quickly and thoroughly, but seeing Harvey's content expression tells him that he's not the only one, and that's really all he needs to know. Screw what's right and what's rational and what's tomorrow or next week or next year. He's got Harvey, and they are in this together, lingering gazes and mixed signals and everything, and they will cross any bridge when they get to it. Just like they always do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made another [moodboard, this time for Harvey](http://andthetardis.tumblr.com/post/166038335584/to-build-a-home-harvey-specter-when-are-you) if you're interested!


	8. Chapter 8

It's Friday evening when Harvey's phone rings. Mike is playing with Nela and barely spares him a glance, but judging by the raised eyebrows and the sigh he lets out before taking the call, it's something work-related.

“If you're calling to tell me to come to the office, I'll have to politely refuse and tell you to-”

He gets cut off, frowning as he listens. “Since when? No, I didn't know that.”

He hums thoughtfully, then gets up and leaves the room. Mike only makes out a few more words before he loses interest and turns back to Nela.

Harvey returns a few minutes later, looking troubled. Mike doubts most people would pick up on it, the straight set of his shoulders, the slightly creased forehead and the faraway look in his eyes as his mind turns over whatever issue he just encountered, but Mike prides himself on knowing the signs.

“What's wrong?” he asks, lowering the toy he's been entertaining Nela with.

Harvey turns the phone in his hand. “That was Jessica.”

“I figured. What did she want? Is something wrong?”

He is already going through the list of their neighbors, debating which ones they could burden with impromptu babysitting if Jessica needs them to come in, and so it catches him completely off guard when Harvey says, “She needs me to go to Chicago.”

“What?” Mike rises to his feet, ignoring the sounds of protest Nela is making. “Chicago? Do we even have clients in Chicago?”

“A few. But this is about a new one, Varrington Transports.” He nods when Mike's eyebrows lift. “Yeah, exactly. Turns out the CEO is an acquaintance of mine from my Harvard days.”

“So it has to be you who goes to woo him,” Mike finishes. He sucks in his lip, chewing on the skin. “You've never gone on a business trip before.”

“I have. Though not since I hired you.”

“Oh. Right.” He scratches his brow. “So when are you leaving?”

“Monday morning. I'll have Donna book a flight to get me back here by Thursday afternoon at the latest.”

“Right,” Mike repeats, and then they both fall silent.

It's not like Mike has never spent some days away from Harvey – though the longest in all the time they have known each other was an entire weekend, come to think of it. But that was a while ago, long before they were living together. The prospect of not seeing Harvey for four days is more intimidating than it has any right to be, and not just because of Nela, if Mike is honest with himself. He has grown so used to being around Harvey at all times, being at his beck and call and most importantly knowing he could go to him whenever he wanted or needed, that the thought of being separated now alarms him.

Four days. It should be nothing. It should be a healthy, productive break to keep them from crowding each other, but Mike can't bring himself to look forward to it.

He suddenly realizes that they are still standing opposite each other, both wearing a gloomy expression, and it hits Mike how bizarre the situation is. Harvey looks far too discontented at the prospect of winning a new client for the firm, and Mike is way too reluctant to let him go.

It probably _is_ a good thing for him to go though. He knows there is a certain element of impending codependency to their arrangement, and having them stay apart by force seems like a good way to clear his head a little. Harvey can get a break from baby toys and diapers and Mike invading his home, and Mike can attempt to figure out the mess that has become his feelings over the past few months.

“Well,” he makes himself say, forcing what he hopes is an easy smile onto his lips, “looks like I finally get to watch this place while you're out of town.”

That snaps Harvey out of his rigidity. “No wild parties while I'm gone,” he remarks sternly, but Mike knows it's for the sake of easing the strange tension between them.

He puts a hand on his chest. “I would never.”

Harvey snorts. “Not as long as you have Nela with you, anyway.”

Mike smiles before going back to playing with Nela, but his heart isn't in it.

Monday comes sooner than he would like. Donna reschedules Harvey's week and Mike asks to take over some of his meetings despite his own workload. He wants to stay busy and keep an eye on Harvey's deals. They spend the weekend together, and before he knows it, Harvey is done with packing and just waiting for Ray to pick him up.

“Got everything you need?” Mike asks when he slips into his jacket, nearly groaning at the perfect impression of a concerned housewife he is giving.

Harvey pats his pockets, checking for his phone and keys. “I think so. I've got the files I need, as for everything else-” he waves his hand- “I can just buy.”

Mike rolls his eyes fondly. “Right. Except for René's tailored suits.”

Harvey gives him an affronted look. “I would never forget those.”

“Of course you wouldn't.” Mike grins, then glances at the clock. “Well, you should get going. Say bye, Nela,” he murmurs into Nela's ear, and she reaches for Harvey with grabby hands. Harvey takes her fingers and presses a kiss to them, waving her goodbye with a smile.

“Have a safe flight.”

“I will.”

They look at each other for a beat. Then Harvey grabs his suitcase, and Mike just so resists telling him to call when he's landed because he knows he will text him anyway, and then the door shuts behind him with a soft click and Mike and Nela are alone.

“Four days,” Mike mumbles, balancing Nela on his hip. “Child's play.”

Nela gives him an unconvinced look, not quite understanding what just transpired. Mike doesn't either. It's not like he's never going to see Harvey again, there's no reason this should be so hard.

Mike groans, shaking his head at himself. He takes a deep breath and resolves to pull himself together, then turns to get Nela ready.

He goes through the motions of his day as usual, trying hard to stifle the voice in his head reminding him of Harvey's absence at irregular intervals. For the first time in a while he is grateful for the massive pile of work he has to get through. Being at the firm distracts him enough, but he is barely home and sitting over his files when he can't pretend any longer, heaving a sigh.

Something is missing from the condo.

Nela is playing on the floor, occasionally babbling to herself, but even so Mike feels like it's too quiet.

It's pathetic. He is by himself all the time here, and he has never felt like this before.

But the condo doesn't feel right without Harvey in it. It's not like when he's out for a run or just getting home late. It's the prospect of him being gone for four days that makes the place seem lifeless, foreign and empty where it's otherwise filled with familiar sounds and warmth, all the things Mike associates with comfort. All the things he associates with Harvey.

He misses Harvey. Really, totally, desperately misses him. Mike would snort at himself if he weren't so put out by Harvey's absence. He is an integral part of his life, and for all Mike's pretending to be annoyed by the man's constant interfering, something is sorely missing now that he's not there.

Harvey would have a field day if he could see him now.

Mike chews on his lip as he feels for his phone, debating whether to text him or not. He hasn't heard from Harvey since he told him that he landed safely. Which isn't unusual and in no way justifies the strong urge to reach out and talk to him.

God, he has it so _bad_.

Deciding that he can't really fall any farther down that particular rabbit hole and that Harvey can just ignore him anyway, he types out a quick text.

_I showed Louis the video of Nela crawling all over you today. He loved it so much it was almost scary._

He sits back and tries to return his attention to the briefs in front of him, but his phone pings with a reply only a few seconds later.

_You sure you don't wanna let Louis adopt her?_

Mike snorts. _Bite your tongue. Not that he'd make a bad father, but… yeah no I'll pass_

He hesitates, then sends another text. _How's Chicago?_

_Sometimes you do make wise choices, despite precedence saying otherwise. Chicago is boring me so far, but I'm getting ready for dinner with Arthur now. Should be marginally more entertaining_

Mike huffs out a laugh, though he would never tell him. _Ha ha_ , he writes back. _You're a real funny guy, anyone ever told you that? Enjoy your dinner. I expect to hear good news about a closed deal later :)_

_I know, I'm hilarious. Don't pretend you don't miss me already. I'll let you know when the deal is done_

Mike lets out a slow breath. If only Harvey knew. He wonders if he would still find it so funny then.

Ignoring the first part of his text he replies, _Just so you know, I'll laugh if you don't close the guy tonight_

_Did you text me just to discourage me? Delightful. Get back to work, rookie_

Mike can almost hear his dry voice in his head. He grins as he texts back, _Absolutely, top dog,_ then puts the phone aside and does as Harvey told him.

The rest of the day passes slowly. Mike finishes his work, makes dinner for Nela and himself and tries to fill the silence by chattering twice as much as he usually does. After that he plays with her until it's time to put her to bed, and then it's just him and the big empty flat and god, it's _boring._ Mike has no idea what to do with himself. He tries to read for a while but finds that he can't focus. Not in the mood for TV either, he decides to call it a day and get a full night's sleep for once.

He brushes his teeth and changes before being faced with the decision of which room to sleep in. They've been sharing a bed almost every day. Mike tells himself that it would be weird to go back now and that that's totally the only reason why he heads for their – Harvey's – bedroom. He knows Harvey wouldn't mind, invasion of privacy isn't really a thing with them anymore, but he still hesitates when he stands in front of the bed and has the sudden urge to bury his face in Harvey's pillow.

Screw this. He's going to keep some sort of semblance of dignity. He gets into his side of the bed and closes his eyes. After a minute of listening to the eerie silence he turns around with a huff and rolls over to the middle of the bed. He keeps his eyes closed as he grabs Harvey's pillow and stuffs it under his head, inhaling deeply and ignoring the guilt rising in his stomach.

He sleeps well, which only makes him feel worse in the morning.

The next day is basically the same, only that Mike is that much more aware of how deep his feelings run after the night he's had. It's sobering to realize how dependent he is on Harvey. Or maybe that's the wrong word. It's not that he can't keep himself busy or function without him – he's still his own person, thank you very much – but he feels so much better with Harvey around, like he thrives on just being with him.

Well, he supposes there's no way around it then. It's sobering how _in love_ with Harvey he is.

There, he thought it. Love. Big word, but it's a big thing he's feeling and he knows, deep down, that's what it is. He has always loved Harvey to some extent, as a mentor, as a friend, and then his crush on him grew into something bigger and now... this. Now Mike is _in_ love, and he is also miserable and he knows there is no going back, not anymore, not from something like this. It's so deep inside him that he can feel it in his bones, in the spaces between his ribs. It has seeped into the darkest parts of him and Mike couldn't get it out if he tried.

Things just always have to get complicated like that.

He shakes his head at himself. To think that he has all that yearning inside of him and Harvey doesn't have the faintest idea. Doesn't know what he means to Mike, how important he is, how much and deeply he is cared for.

To think that he doesn't feel the same way.

Sometimes, sometimes Mike thinks that there is something. That all this can't be one-sided, that all of Harvey's flirting and teasing and _caring_ can't mean nothing.

But with Harvey gone he feels even less sure about where they stand, the memories of their suggestive glances and touches fading into a jumbled mess he can't make sense of.

So he tries to stop thinking about it. He gets his work done in record time, eager as he is to bury those thoughts in heaps of files. He plays a little with Nela, but she seems to be in a grumpy mood today and he gives up trying to make her laugh after a few failed attempts. She keeps looking around the condo with a frown, only letting Mike carry her grudgingly, and Mike knows that she misses Harvey too.

“He'll be back soon,” he promises, even though she has no concept of time and it does nothing to make her feel better. In that, he can relate to her. “I miss him too. A lot. But it's okay. He'll be back in no time.”

To fill the silence Harvey left behind he asks Rachel over, but she is busy helping Louis with a case. He doesn't even think about going to Donna, her omniscience being the last thing he needs right now. And with that his social circle is pretty much exhausted. Sure, he could ask Harold or some buddies from before Pearson Hardman, but he's not close enough with any of those to explain a baby and living with his boss to them. Besides, what would he talk about? His life is entirely taken up by work, Nela, and Harvey these days, none of which he can or is comfortable talking freely about. He is desperate to pass the time, yeah, but not _that_ desperate.

So he settles for another dull night in, even working ahead a little before closing the folders with a sigh. Nela does allow him to cuddle her when he picks her up after dinner, drawing comfort from the touch, and he stays at her crib for a while after putting her to bed, just watching. It seems so incredible how just a few months ago he didn't even know her name, and now he's the closest person to her in the world.

“I'm going to miss you a lot, too,” he murmurs, the words barely audible in the dim room. He already knows it's going to be rough to give her away, even though that still seems distant. He has decided to stay in touch once it happens, ask her new family to visit now and then because not being part of her life seems unthinkable at this point, but it'll still be different.

He won't have Nela around anymore. He won't have Harvey, not in this capacity. He's going to have to move out again, and what will he have then?

Everything he had before. Exactly what he had before.

Weird how that just doesn't seem like enough anymore.

He is in a bleak mood when he retreats from the room. He reads for a while, determined not to bother Harvey with a text while he's out for drinks with the client, then does the dishes before settling on the sofa to watch something. He ends up choosing Star Trek and tells himself it has nothing to do with wanting to feel close to Harvey. To distract himself from the voice telling him how pathetic he is he watches four episodes in a row and then calls it a day, feeling only marginally better.

This time he doesn't hesitate to get into bed on Harvey's side, burying his face in the pillow to let the familiar scent drown out the world.

He decides that things can't continue like this, and so he makes a plan for the next day. It's windy, but nothing a scarf and a hat can't fix and the sun even comes out from time to time. It's a good day for a walk, and so he picks Nela up from the day care and then makes a detour to the cemetery. Her cheeks are flushed red when they reach his parents' grave, and Mike imagines he looks much the same.

“Come here, darling,” he murmurs, taking her out of the buggy. “Mom, Dad,” he then says, “this is Nela. Nela, meet my parents.”

He stands in front of the stone for a while, his breath leaving white puffs in the air. It's a familiar pain that washes through him, almost cathartic at this point. He breathes through the waves until they ease, drawing comfort from Nela's warmth against him. It's the first time in a long while that he isn't here by himself. It's not a bad feeling.

“They are dead,” he explains when he feels ready to speak, brushing Nela's cool cheek. “My parents. Just like your mom. They've been gone for a long time. Sometimes I come here to feel closer to them. I don't think they know, but it still makes me feel better. And you're a big part of my life now, so I wanted you to meet them.”

Nela fists her hand into his coat as she listens, her head resting on his chest. Mike suddenly gets an image of her leaning like this against his father's chest, being carried in his mom's arms.

It's a futile train of thought, pointless and moot and it hurts, but Mike can't help going there, just for a moment. They would have loved taking care of her too, he is sure. They would have supported him while he was looking for her new parents.

Mike doesn't like to dwell on what ifs and could have beens, but there's a part of him that will always wonder what things would have been like if his parents had been there to see him grow up, to talk to him and guide him when he needed it. What their relationship would be like now. Would they have been close? Would Mike talk to them about his feelings for Harvey? Would they hold him, give him advice, listen to his heartache?

“I miss you guys so much,” Mike says. It seems like that's all he does these days, missing people. “I wish you were here.”

He lets out a deep breath, almost a sigh. Nobody hears it. Nela wriggles in his arms and he adjusts his grip on her, rubbing his nose on her cheek before looking back to the grave.

“I'm doing good, Mom. Dad. I'm handling things. I think you'd be proud.”

He takes a step forward to touch the stone. There's nothing left to say. He turns around and walks away quietly.

The flowers he brought last time are still on Grammy's grave. He didn't bring any today, but he takes the withered bouquet and makes a mental note to replace it next time.

“Hey Grammy. Look who I brought to meet you. This is Nela, the little monster I've been telling you about.” He smiles down at her, adjusting her hat. “Nah, she's actually an angel. We didn't have anything to do today, so I thought I might as well bring her around for you to meet.”

He looks at the stone for a while, debating what to say.

“Harvey is on a business trip right now,” he begins. “Chicago. I miss him like crazy.”

He tells her of his days, of how deep his feelings for Harvey actually run, sighing when the words run out.

“It would be really good to talk to you right now. Really talk, I mean. You were always good at giving advice, I just didn't listen. You probably could have told me how to deal with this.”

The trees rustling in the wind is all the response Mike gets, but he didn't expect anything else. It's still good to talk to her, to let it out somehow, with no purpose other than to vent.

He doesn't stay long, Nela becomes restless after a while and demands to be let down, but he feels much calmer when they leave.

With some of that weight off his shoulders Mike makes it through the remaining days, surviving mostly on work, coddling Nela when she lets him, and the occasional text from Harvey. He meets up with Rachel the next day, knowing full well that she is going to press him about his feelings and secretly hoping for it. He itches to talk about where he stands with Harvey with someone who understands.

Thursday has him squirming in his seat with impatience as he waits for Harvey's return. The last few hours before he gets back are the hardest, seemingly dragging on forever. Mike swears that time passes slower every time he glances at the clock and so he tries not to, instead sitting himself and Nela down to watch a movie. She is, of course, far too young to understand _The Lion King_ , but she likes the singing and the bright colors, and Mike doesn't mind a bit of nostalgia himself. He's not above admitting that he enjoys the occasional children's movie, though Harvey would probably make fun of him for it. He grins at the thought.

After the movie he clears the coffee table of any crumbs, then gives it a full swipe and continues in the kitchen since he's at it already.

Harvey would shake his head and ask him what he thinks he's paying a cleaner for. Mike doesn't particularly care about that, he's restless and perfectly capable of doing the work, and the cleaner will be happy to have less to do.

There is still time when he finishes. Nela is playing by herself, apparently distracted from missing Harvey for the time being, but Mike can't seem to settle down with something and just shut his mind off for a while.

He ends up sitting down with his laptop, not bothering to open it. Instead he watches Nela playing on the kitchen floor, willing time to pass faster.

The sound of a key in the lock is far too exhilarating when it finally sounds, and Mike is on his feet before he knows it. There's a rustling as Harvey handles his suitcase, and then he's finally there, in front of him.

Mike beams at him. “Hey stranger.”

“Hey honey, I'm home.”

Harvey looks good. He always does (not that Mike is biased), but seeing him for the first time in days really brings out all his best assets. He looks a little tired from the flight, but his eyes crinkle with the smile he is giving Mike, eyes bright and fixed on him, and Mike thinks he has never looked more beautiful.

They grin at each other, and a moment later they are both moving, stepping into a hug naturally.

Mike closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. Harvey smells amazing, like himself and his cologne and the piece of home Mike has been missing for the past few days. His arms are tight around Mike, holding him close, and he melts into the embrace, burying his face in his shoulder.

“It's good to be back,” Harvey mumbles close to his ear, and Mike suppresses a shiver.

“It's good to have you back,” he replies. “You were missed.”

They take a step back then, giving each other a fond look. Harvey nods in acknowledgment, knowing it's not just about Nela. Mike squeezes his arm with a grin, unable to keep his hands off him now that he's back.

“Had a good flight?”

“More or less. There was a mix-up with my suitcase at the airport, but they managed to fix it quickly.”

“Oh god. What did you do?”

“Nothing.”

“You threatened to sue them, didn't you?”

“I plead the fifth. Either way, no lawsuits were necessary and everyone is happy now.” He sighs. “This is why I prefer not to fly around for my work.”

“Well, thank god you're back home then,” Mike says. Harvey returns his smile readily, then takes a step into the apartment.

“I see the condo's still intact,” he remarks dryly.

“Oh, yeah, I just sent the craftsmen home. Basically had to redo the whole thing after the sick party I threw last night. Looks good as new though, don't you think?”

Harvey doesn't grace him with a response, only rolls his eyes as he moves to grab his suitcase. He stops in his movements when he catches sight of Nela playing on the floor with the plastic spoons Mike has spread there for her to explore.

“There she is,” he announces as if he's been looking for her everywhere, and Mike smiles at the genuine joy on his face. Nela has turned her head at the sound of Harvey's voice, blinking at him with her mouth open before letting out an excited squeal, throwing away her spoons as she starts to crawl towards him.

Harvey meets her halfway and swoops her up, holding her to his chest in a welcoming hug. “Hey Nela! I'm back home, how's that? Have you been a good girl while I was away?”

She babbles something with a grin, and he holds her away from his body to get a good look at her, squinting as he gives her a once-over.

“Look at you. Have you gotten bigger?”

Mike snorts. “You were gone for four days, Harvey.”

“Babies grow fast.”

“Not that fast.”

Harvey huffs, then leans in to press his lips to Nela's forehead. “I'll be the judge of that, won't I?” he murmurs to her, then pretends to throw her in the air until she laughs. Mike watches the scene from where he's leaning against the counter, not even attempting to fight the warm feeling spreading in his chest at the sight of their tender, effortless interaction.

But it's not just that. Harvey is back home, and Mike doesn't even have to pretend that he isn't over the moon because the sentiment is clearly returned. Mike and Nela may have missed him, but Harvey has missed them too, and everything is so perfect that his heart seems to contract. It feels like everything's as it should be again. It's domestic and exhilarating and fundamentally _right._

Mike grins when Nela twists in Harvey's arms, pushing into his chest with all her weight, which is enough to draw an _oomph_ from Harvey.

“She may not have grown, but she's definitely heavier,” Harvey claims, setting Nela down carefully. They both watch her return her attention to the colorful spoons.

“Did I miss anything urgent?” Harvey asks as he turns to slip out of his jacket, as if they hadn't texted all the time.

Mike trails after him as he carries his suitcase to the bedroom. “Not really, no. Well, I wouldn't be surprised if Carton and Hollis's CEO calls within the next few days and asks to be represented by me from now on, I charmed the fucking pants off him.”

Harvey lifts his eyebrows at the admittedly slightly alarming mental image, and before he can ask if he really did something as unprofessional as jumping into bed with a client Mike continues, “Oh, and a lady from your insurance called. Something about your contracts, she didn't go into detail. You should give her a call once you're settled.”

“Did you put down the number?” Mike just taps his temple, and Harvey nods. “Right. I forgot.”

Mike tuts. “You've been gone for too long.”

“Yeah,” Harvey agrees, and there is only a hint of playfulness in his voice. “I have.”

Their eyes lock, and the air suddenly feels loaded when neither of them looks away.

Mike clears his throat. “Well, you're back now and we're all very happy, so I'd say we celebrate.” He knows the tight set of Harvey's shoulders he sometimes gets after a long day, and he knows just what he needs to unwind.

“Which entails...”

“Pizza. And a Star Trek marathon.”

Harvey looks at him like he just hung the moon. “Mike,” he says, his voice reverent, “you know the way to my heart.”

Mike gives him a smug smile and goes to place their order before he does something impulsive like letting his knees give in or kissing Harvey square on the mouth right then and there.

Harvey comes back to the kitchen when he's done, picking up Nela and nuzzling her nose until she's laughing.

“Now,” Harvey says, carrying her over to the sofa, “before we launch into Star Trek, let's see what I brought you back. I think you'll like it.”

Mike gives him a surprised look. “You got her something in Chicago? You didn't have to do that, Harvey.”

Harvey just waves his hand. “I saw it and I thought of her, so I wanted her to have it. It's no big deal.”

“Still.” Mike can't help the smile spreading on his face as he looks at him. “Thank you.”

The idea of Harvey caring enough about Nela to bring her something from his trip makes him swallow. Because Harvey doesn't actually have any ties to her, not the way Mike does. She just lives with him for a while, but she's not his responsibility, not really. And yet he made her his responsibility, because she's Mike's, because he _cares_. God, Mike adores him.

To stop himself from reaching out to hug Harvey again he settles down as well, sitting on his hands as he watches him put her on his lap and then place a bag in front of her, catching her attention with the rustling material.

“Oh, that's exciting!” Mike says with a grin, giving her an encouraging nod when she looks at him. “What's in there, Nela? Is that for you?”

Nela grabs the bag. Harvey assists her with opening it, guiding her fingers gently. Mike knows he is beaming at the two of them, but he can't help it, and he doesn't really care.

“There you go,” Harvey announces when they finally pull out a small stuffed Minnie Mouse.

“Da!” Nela exclaims, first staring at the toy, then at Harvey with a toothy smile.

Mike's eyebrows rise as he gives Harvey a look. There's no way Harvey just stumbled across a Disney store, then happened to lose his way inside and accidentally lay eyes on this particular toy. No, he went looking for this. Mike won't call him out on it, though his shit-eating grin is probably saying more than enough.

Harvey nods when Nela babbles something that sounds like a question, steadfastly ignoring Mike.

“That's right, this is for you. See this?” he then asks, pointing at Minnie's dotted dress. “This looks just like that onesie you sometimes sleep in.”

“Now she has someone to wear matching clothes with,” Mike chuckles. Harvey throws him an amused glance. They let her examine the mouse for a moment, christening it appropriately by drooling all over a foot as she stuffs it into her mouth.

“I'm glad you like it,” Harvey says into her ear, brushing her hair aside. Nela looks at him, then turns her attention back to the Minnie Mouse in her lap. Mike can already tell that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

“You wanna play for a while? Alright, I've kept you long enough.” Harvey lifts her from his lap to place her on the ground. “There you go. Have fun with your mouse.”

“Thank you,” Mike says again when he straightens, more serious now. “I know getting her something isn't a big deal for you, but it is to me.”

Harvey smiles, his eyes lingering on his as he replies, “I know.”

Mike gives him an affectionate bump and then, on impulse, rests his head on his shoulder. He plans on drawing back in a beat, but instead Harvey sits back and wraps an arm around him, squeezing as he pulls him closer. It shouldn't feel as natural as it does. It should be weird, or awkward, or stiff, but it's anything but. It's like this is just how they are supposed to be.

Mike releases a slow breath and stays exactly where he is.

* * *

Mike never appreciated how enjoyable working with Harvey is until he was away. It's not that they never clash. Sometimes they disagree, sometimes they fight, and not rarely it brings them both to their limits. But it's always challenging in a good way. It's productive, and engaging, and Mike can barely stop himself from grinning as he sits beside Harvey in his office the next morning, going through files in companionable silence.

“Would you look at that.”

They both look up, finding Donna leaning in the doorway. She crosses her arms as she regards them with a smirk. “The dream team is back together.”

“I was only gone for four days, Donna,” Harvey says with a roll of his eyes, but his voice betrays his faked annoyance. Mike grins at him, then at Donna, who just lifts an eyebrow.

“Was it really only four days? Funny, I could have sworn it was longer with the way certain people have been complaining.”

Mike sputters. “Hey, that is- I wasn't _complaining_ per se, okay, and it wasn't that often at all- you know what, you don't have to say that, it's not fair. I thought we were friends.” He turns to Harvey. “I just mentioned once or twice that it would be good to have you back, that's it. I wasn't, like, bemoaning your absence or anything.”

At least not out loud. Harvey just regards him with an amused smile, lifting an eyebrow in silent question. Mike groans.

Donna gives him a sly grin. “Who says I'm talking about you, pup? I could have meant myself, or Louis, or that one client who keeps calling and demanding to speak to Harvey directly… Funny that you thought I meant you, though.”

With that she turns on the spot, leaving a grumbling Mike and a grinning Harvey behind.

“I don't wanna hear a word about it,” Mike warns.

“Mike, I feel _honored_ that you missed me so much. You don't need to be ashamed about that. Lesser men have fallen for my charm, it's only natural.”

“Oh my god, what about not a word didn't you understand?” Mike exclaims, slapping Harvey's chest with a folder when he just lets out a throaty laugh in return. Mike pretends not to melt at the sound, hardly daring to meet his eyes for fear of what his face is betraying.

They go back to work soon and Mike throws himself into it, glad for the distraction. Sometimes it's just too much, too close to keep up the pretense. Too close to even care about pretending.

And if Mike is honest, he really doesn't care all that much anymore.

* * *

Ever since he got back from his trip, Harvey finds himself overly aware of Mike's every move. He doesn't want to admit it, but he missed him terribly while he was away, and now that he's back he can barely keep his eyes off him. Which makes pretending that everything is normal really damn hard.

He takes to distracting himself by playing with Nela, who he was surprised to miss too. He hasn't noticed, the way she nestled into his life and made a home there. She is like Mike in that regard. Arriving with a bang, then quietly carving herself a place she fits in perfectly, there to stay.

Mike has bought a little soft ball for Nela, and Harvey is finding great joy in holding her up and swinging her legs against it, encouraging her to kick.

“Workout freak,” Mike remarks in passing.

“Shut it,” Harvey gives back with a grin.

They sit on the sofa later, with Nela snuggling against them while they watch TV. She will probably have seen all of Star Trek before she even starts walking, a thought that amuses Harvey when Mike voices it out loud and in turn makes Mike grin.

It's a scene that has played out like this pretty much dozens of times. Just the two of them, sometimes Nela wedged in between, spending time together whenever they manage.

And yet, somehow, things are different.

It's not just that Harvey can't keep his eyes off him.

It's that it seems to be exactly the same for Mike.

Harvey isn't imagining Mike's eyes following him around everywhere, he is sure of that. Ever since he got back it's like the two of them are magnets, inevitably drawn to where the other leads, always in each other's orbit.

Mike is constantly looking at him. And sometimes he looks away when Harvey catches him, a faint blush decorating his cheeks, but sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes his eyes linger on his and neither of them looks away, held in place by the weight of their gaze.

And then there are the touches.

Cautious as they were before Harvey left, they seem to have thrown any restrictions regarding physical contact overboard now. Mike's hands are on him all the time, resting on his shoulder, squeezing his arm, punching him playfully in the chest, and Harvey can't bring himself to keep his distance in return, doesn't see why he should.

He ponders the issue as he watches Mike from the corner of his eye, his thoughts only interrupted when he rolls onto his back.

“How do you feel about pancakes?” he asks with a yawn, and Harvey is momentarily too distracted by how soft his hair looks against the pillow, sticking up in all directions, to reply.

It's Saturday. They are still lingering in bed even though Nela woke them a while ago, but she's just babbling for now. Neither of them was inclined to get up just yet, and so they stayed between the warm sheets, regarding each other with lidded eyes as they emerged from the layers of sleep.

“I have only good things to say about pancakes,” Harvey replies, his own voice still rough from disuse, and Mike huffs out a laugh as he aims a pillow in the general direction of Harvey's face.

“Then I shall go and make some,” he announces while he stretches, letting out a long breath before he finally rolls out of bed.

“Lovely,” Harvey murmurs after him.

He joins Mike in the kitchen not long after, the noises from the flat coming alive waking him up for good.

He goes to help Mike with the pancakes until he gets threatened with the spatula for 'interfering' and retreats to entertain Nela. They have breakfast at the table, all three of them still in their pajamas, hair mussed and not a care in the world. Nela is still a little fixated on Harvey after his absence, and Harvey is happy to indulge her in some cuddling after they have eaten.

It's a slow, calm morning with a warm and comfortable feeling to it, like something completely separate and closed off from the outside world. It's just him and Mike, Nela and the condo, and it's everything Harvey could ask for.

He doesn't have anything urgent on for the day, and even Mike only takes an hour before he shuts his file triumphantly.

“Done?”

Mike stretches with a sigh, smiling at him. “Yep.”

“What do you wanna do today?”

“Nothing,” Mike drawls, slumping in his seat. He closes his eyes, a content expression taking over his features. “Just absolutely nothing.”

Harvey hums. “Does a continuation of our Star Trek marathon constitute as nothing in your books?”

Mike cracks an eye open, peeking at him with a smirk. “You bet your ass, Captain.”

Harvey grins back. “Grab Nela and some popcorn,” he instructs, heading for his DVD shelf. “I'll take care of the rest.”

 _The Wrath of Khan_ is ready to play when Mike slumps on the sofa, settling Nela between them. Harvey shifts until he and Mike are effectively encasing her. It's a good excuse to sit closer together, not that he feels like he needs one.

Nela grows tired of being wedged between them halfway through and Harvey puts her on the floor, only to find that Mike has closed the distance between them, filling the empty space so that they are almost touching. Harvey can't quite keep himself from smiling.

They pause for lunch after the first movie, then resume their abandoned spots on the sofa to watch another one. Harvey hasn't indulged this much in ages, possibly years, and he's enjoying every second, not least because of Mike's warm presence by his side, quoting along and making snarky comments at inappropriate moments. He notices at some point that his attention lies on Mike rather than the screen, who seems to be infinitely more fascinating.

Though Harvey doesn't consciously decide on doing so, it doesn't seem to be a coincidence that they gravitate closer to each other over the course of the movie. By the time the end credits roll Mike is slumped against the backrest, his head on Harvey's shoulder, Harvey's cheek pressed against his hair. At any other time he might have tried to rationalize their position by pretending Mike was asleep, but they are both wide awake, entirely aware of each other.

Harvey knows he should get up to change the DVD, but Mike is so wonderfully warm and solid against him that any ideas of moving seem ludicrous. Mike clearly isn't inclined to get up either, staying exactly where he is. They watch the credits roll unmovingly, listening to the deep breaths Mike is drawing so close to him that Harvey can feel every single one of them.

The credits end. They stare at the black screen for a few seconds when the silence engulfs them, and the moment stretches into something that leaves Harvey hyper-aware of his surroundings, of _Mike,_ leaning into him, breathing quietly. It's impossible to get up, to do anything to cut this moment short.

Harvey lifts his head when he feels Mike shifting beneath him, and they turn to each other at the same time, barely moving. His eyes trace his face, taking him in up close, so near that he can count each of his lashes. The air is hanging so heavy between them. Harvey forgets how to breathe.

Mike is still right there, just watching him, leaning into him, and Harvey would barely have to move, barely have to lift a finger to do what every cell in his body is yelling at him to do.

He finally looks up when he can't take it anymore, and the moment he meets Mike's eyes shakes him to the core. Because it's the same fire that's burning him up on the inside reflected back at him. It's undisguised, honest and raw and _there_ , there for Harvey to see, and he doesn't know how he could ever have been blind to it.

Suddenly it's the most natural thing in the world to lean in and close that last bit of distance between them, the final line they've never crossed, and bring their lips together in a soft kiss.

He doesn't even know who started it in the end. The moment their lips meet, his brain short-circuits and he forgets everything else. He only knows the feeling of Mike's mouth on his and that he is kissing him back, leaning into him, letting his lips part just slightly as they brush Harvey's in a way that draws all the air out of his lungs, leaving him entirely defenseless.

It's the gentlest touch Harvey can ever remember receiving. It's so soft that his heart contracts, filling his chest with a feeling long forgotten, maybe never felt at all, not in this way, this capacity. It's more than he can process, and it's not _enough._ Harvey shifts and parts his lips as well, cupping Mike's face as he dives into the touch, and it's the quiet sound Mike makes against his lips, almost a sigh, that would have brought down the last of Harvey's defenses if they hadn't been torn down weeks ago.

Time loses all meaning as Harvey blocks out everything that isn't Mike's lips on him, his hands resting on his chest, sliding up to his neck, pulling him closer. The kiss is quiet, beautiful in its gentleness, its simplicity, and Harvey can only groan, helpless in the face of it. It's just _right_ , perfect with its imperfection. It's everything Harvey can think of, filling every part of him, and stopping now is simply not an option. They kiss until he is out of breath and then go on anyway because there is no way in hell Harvey is letting Mike go now.

When he finally draws back it's only a fraction, taking a deep breath as he gazes at him. Mike's eyes open and for a moment they just look, entirely captivated by each other.

Mike's face is flushed, a faint hue of red decorating his cheeks, and his eyes are glassy and brimming with intensity. Harvey adores him.

He smiles without meaning to. There are a thousand things running through his head, most of them amounting to dizzying triumph and ecstasy and _Mike_ , and what finally leaves his mouth is a soft, almost teasing, “Hormones?”

He reaches out to cup Mike's cheek, tracing the lines of his face as he brushes his skin. Mike blinks at him, and then a smile so full of adoration spreads on his face that Harvey momentarily loses the ability to breathe.

“Hormones,” he agrees, his breathless, giddy voice speaking volumes, and they look at each other, trading all the unspoken words between them that suddenly don't need saying anymore. Harvey knows they are going to say them later on, as they should, but right now they need no words to make this moment complete, nothing else but the look on their faces and the taste of each other still on their lips.

There is a perfect understanding and, for the first time possibly since the moment they met, clarity about what they want from each other and what they are willing to give.

And then Mike kisses him again and breathes new air into him and Harvey gives in to the feeling consuming him from the inside willingly. Because it's not defeat, it's surrender.

“God, Harvey,” Mike murmurs against him, interrupting himself with kisses as he pulls him closer, “Harvey, Harvey,” and Harvey should have known that he was going to attempt to speak during a moment like this. The kid and his mouth. A wave of fondness rolls over him.

“Mike,” he just says in reply, his voice low and husky, before deepening the kiss. He pushes himself up without breaking contact, looming over Mike, who is letting himself be guided backwards willingly. Harvey groans when he ends up on top of him, their legs entangled and their crotches pressing together, both of them clearly affected by their actions.

“Wait,” Mike says suddenly, drawing back. He blinks hazily as Harvey retreats to catch his breath, giving him a searching look.

“What?”

Mike jerks his head to the side, and Harvey frowns until he elaborates. “Nela.”

“Oh. Right.”

Mike giggles at Harvey's lost expression, and Harvey could eat the sound up, could kiss it right out of his mouth and swallow it whole. His heart is pounding with the thoughts, the possibilities. But Mike is right, they can't do any of this here.

“Hold on, I'll just-”

“Yeah, let's put her in the playpen and-”

Mike disentangles them before he gets up, snatching Nela from the ground to drop her into the playpen.

“Please give us an hour or so,” he begs her, and Harvey huffs out a laugh.

When Mike turns around he is already there to kiss him again, pulling him close as he chases the touch of his lips. Mike groans.

“Come on,” he murmurs, pushing his hips against Harvey's. He grins into the kiss when Harvey hisses and returns the pressure. “Come _on_ , I need to get you out of these clothes, I've wanted this for so long-”

Harvey cuts him off with another kiss, biting his lip tenderly as he leads them to the bedroom.

Mike has somehow lost his shirt when they reach the bed and seems hell bent on wrestling Harvey out of his. Harvey would have laughed at the look of determination on his face if he wasn't equally desperate to get them naked. He makes quick work of his pants before dropping down in only his underwear, pulling Mike along with him.

Mike follows willingly, content to just kiss him for a moment. Then he breaks the touch and pushes him back against the mattress, smirking as he crawls over him, straddling his hips. “I'm going,” he murmurs, kissing Harvey's lips before nipping at his jaw, “to devour you, and I expect the same thing in return.”

“You bet your ass you're getting more than you bargained for,” Harvey breathes out, distracted by the kisses Mike is pressing down his neck. He feels the vibrations of Mike's chuckles more than he hears them.

“That's what I'm counting on.”

He lowers his head and licks over Harvey's collar bone, then drags his lips down his chest in wet, sloppy kisses. Harvey throws his head back and slides a hand into Mike's hair, marveling at how fantastic a sensation this simple can feel.

Mike comes back up, nudging his cheek with his nose before kissing him again, harder this time. Harvey returns it like their lives depend on it.

“God, I've wanted this for so long,” Mike growls, almost pained as he chases the touch of Harvey's mouth, and Harvey only gets out a low, “Me too, me too,” before Mike's lips are on his again. Harvey lets him tip them backwards, then rolls them over until they are firmly intertwined, their mouths never leaving each other.

It's the most glorious feeling in the world. Harvey relishes the taste of Mike, can't get enough of it or the sounds he is making against him. If Mike is in any state like him this isn't going to last very long, but that is more than fine by him. They will have time for long, drawn-out lovemaking later on. Right now Harvey _needs_ him, plain and simple and messy, needs to feel him against himself, to find the release he is craving so desperately.

Harvey's hands slide all over Mike's chest and arms in hungry exploration before they finally reach their destination. Mike moans when he tugs at his boxers, and Harvey draws back long enough to growl, “Off.”

“You too,” Mike pants, and they struggle to get rid of their underwear as they keep seeking each other's lips. Harvey hisses when they are finally naked and Mike's cock brushes his as he lowers himself again. Mike stills at the sensation, tightening his grip on Harvey's shoulder as he fights for composure.

“Don't,” Harvey gasps, licking his lips when Mike meets his eyes. “It's alright. Let go.”

Mike nods frantically. “Okay,” he pants, his eyes falling shut when he bucks his hips. “You too, you too.”

“I'm with you,” Harvey promises. He reaches down between them, swallowing the string of moans Mike lets out when he wraps his hand around him.

“Oh god,” he gasps, taking a shuddering breath, “oh god, don't stop, don't stop that.” He bites Harvey's lip before soothing it with his tongue, his hips bucking into his fist, and Harvey gives an instinctive jerk of his hips when Mike's fingers find his cock, urging him to go on.

Harvey groans when Mike begins to stroke him, fast and a little jerky, somehow finding the exact rhythm Harvey needs, and Mike chases his mouth with a kiss almost desperate enough to make him believe that he survives on Harvey's lips.

They don't speak much after that, too caught up in the desire to be close, to find release with each other. It doesn't take long until Mike goes rigid and spills between them with a string of moans, making a mess of Harvey's hand and their bellies, and Harvey only curses under his breath before his own orgasm takes hold of him and he spends himself.

Harvey might be passing out for a moment as the pleasure pulses through him, drowning out everything that isn't Mike's skin on his. Mike strokes him through it until the waves finally subside, leaving behind a bone-deep satisfaction. Harvey is distantly aware that he is mouthing at his jaw, then his lips, and he can do nothing but kiss back lazily.

The sex was short and sweet and utterly glorious, leaving him feeling better than messy hand jobs have any right to do, and Harvey cannot stop grinning. Mike's face ends up smashed against his shoulder as they both catch their breath, and when their heart rates have returned to normal he lifts his head to give him a goofy grin.

Harvey knows he looks equally blissed out, but he couldn't care less. He raises his hand to brush an errand strand out of Mike's forehead. “Hi.”

Mike's grin grows wider. “Hi yourself.”

He stretches to give Harvey a kiss that he gladly accepts, then draws back with a content sigh. “Wow.”

“I know,” Harvey says, wrapping his arms around him until they are completely entangled, lying half on top of each other. Mike seems delighted by the revelation that Harvey is a cuddler, snuggling against him unashamedly, his arms wrapped around his middle in a tight lock.

They don't speak for a while, just enjoying the closeness now that the urgency is gone, marveling at the fact that they finally ended up here. The silence is broken only when Harvey smugly remarks, “I knew you were lying about the tattoo.”

Mike is quiet for a moment, then snorts as he remembers their talk from what feels like forever ago. “I never said I had one, I said I _could_ have one. Also, you didn't know, you suspected. There's a difference.”

“Semantics.”

“Which are very important.”

Harvey huffs. “What are you, some kind of lawyer?”

Mike chuckles. Harvey kisses his forehead before dropping his head again. He can feel Mike's chest expanding as he takes a deep breath. “I can't believe it took us this long to get here. I mean, looking back, it's pretty damn obvious, isn't it?” He props his chin on Harvey's chest. “All those times you risked everything for me. All those looks and touches, all the little jokes...” A snort escapes him. “And you let me move in here with a fucking baby. I mean, who does that? Dead giveaway.”

“Still took you long enough to realize that.” Harvey smirks at him, running a hand over his back. “I was never a hundred percent sure,” he then admits, more serious. “I saw you flirting with me, I saw you checking me out – very subtle, by the way – but I didn't know if you wanted more than just to think about it. If you wanted... this. The same thing I wanted from you.” Mike's arms tighten around him. “So I never acted on the impulse. I couldn't be the one to initiate this.”

“Because you're still my boss.”

“Yes. And because I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship.” Harvey's eyes wander from Mike's face to the ceiling. It doesn't come easy to him, speaking about his emotions. But like this, with Mike in his arms, listening avidly without judging, it isn't all that hard. “I don't know if you noticed, but I don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to relationships. Of any kind, not just romantic ones. You know I'm close with Jessica and Donna, but even with them there have been rough patches.” He glances back at Mike, who listens attentively. His lips curve into a smile. “That isn't to say that we don't have any of those, obviously. But there was something about you from the start that kept drawing me back to you, every time. And no matter how often we fight, somehow we just end up closer afterwards. You've always been... special, in that regard.”

Mike hums at that, kissing his chest softly.

“And I've found that it means a lot to me, having that kind of connection with someone. So even if you didn't reciprocate those feelings, I would never have given up our friendship. Because it's one of the most valuable things I've ever possessed.”

Mike blinks at him, and then he leans in and kisses him in a way that makes Harvey forget what he was even saying.

When Mike draws back he scrutinizes Harvey's face for a moment, biting his lip before he speaks.

“You remember how you told me once that you chose me? That we made a deal when you hired me and that whatever's going on in my life is your concern too?”

Harvey nods. Mike eyes him vividly. “I hope this goes without saying, but I choose you too, Harvey. I choose all of that, all of _you_. I already have, a long time ago. This is just me making it official. You were right, our lives have been intertwined since the day we met, and I don't ever want it to be different.” He finds Harvey's hand with his, firmly intertwining their fingers. “Wherever you go, I go too.”

Harvey lifts their hands, pressing his lips to Mike's knuckles. “Good to know you're in this for good as well,” he says lightly, but the words are heavy with meaning, and he knows that Mike understands.

“Always,” Mike confirms with a beaming smile before resting his head back on Harvey's chest. Harvey just holds him tighter in response, squeezing the hand he's still holding in his. He can smell Mike's scent with every breath he draws, can feel his warmth everywhere around him, and he's not letting him go for anything in the foreseeable future.

Or ever again, for that matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we aaare! You guys have been so patient and I hope it was worth the wait <3


	9. Chapter 9

Mike smiles before he even opens his eyes. It's still early, must be if Nela hasn't woken them yet, and he stays exactly as he is and just breathes for a moment. He feels incredible, rested and as comfortable as he can be. He is buzzing with energy from yesterday's revelations despite the early hour. The sheets are soft against his bare skin, and Harvey is next to him, one arm thrown across Mike's waist. He can hear his even breathing if he listens closely.

Mike blinks his eyes open and turns his head. This is not the first time they wake up together by far, but it's the first time he isn't swamped by a wave of longing he can't satisfy at the sight of a dozing, unguarded Harvey.

He looks so soft in sleep, his relaxed features seeming to belong to a much younger man. There is no weight on his shoulders, no posture screaming self-assured, confident predator or best closer in town. It's just Harvey, human and touchable, and Mike wants to kiss him so much it hurts.

Well, now he can.

Mike turns onto his side, careful not to disturb Harvey's slumber, to lightly trace the lines of his face. Harvey frowns a little but doesn't stir. Mike lifts his head off the pillow, smoothing over his forehead with his lips.

No, it isn't the first time they wake up together, not even the first time they are touching, but it's the first time they went to bed together in every sense of the word, the first time they fell asleep entangled and wake up knowing with certainty that it's always going to be like this from now on.

Yesterday was an emotional rollercoaster, to say the least. Mike is still in a state of slightly dazed disbelief. Harvey wants him. He got under Harvey I-don't-do-emotions Specter's skin. His unfortunate infatuation isn't unfortunate at all. He can't help the giggles bubbling up in him, biting his lip to keep quiet. Harvey has showed no signs of waking up yet, and though Mike intends to make him rise soon enough, he wants to sustain this peaceful, glorious moment a little longer.

Harvey looks almost too precious to disturb. There is always an air of composure to him when he's awake, a display of his power, his capability, and Mike loves that side. But he knows the other side of him too, the part he keeps hidden from the world, what most people only catch glimpses of if they're lucky. The soft part, the gentleness. The caring he tries so hard to pretend isn't his thing. The ease, the absent-mindedness he allows himself at home. The uncontrolled laughter, the playful silliness, and the big heart Mike has learned first-hand he has.

He sees that side when he looks at Harvey now, and especially in moments like this. He knows the real Harvey, the good parts and the bad, and his heart beats faster in his chest when he remembers that this incredible man belongs to him. That he looked at Mike and saw all his flaws and still wants him right back.

He supposes that even he needs to get lucky sometimes. And right now, with a sleeping Harvey's arm wrapped around him possessively, the ghost of his kisses still lingering on his lips, Mike feels like the luckiest man in the world.

He watches Harvey's face a little longer before he starts feeling creepy. He begins trailing his fingers up and down his side, taking his hand to kiss his knuckles. He chuckles when Harvey stirs, imagining his pretended horror at this blatant display of affection.

Harvey peeks at him through one eye at the sound, raising his brow. Mike just smiles fondly.

“Hey.”

Harvey exhales deeply. “Hey,” he replies, a smile playing on his lips. “Have you been watching me sleep?”

He sounds so smug and self-assured that Mike can't help but laugh out loud. “Maybe,” he replies mischievously, leaning in to place a gentle kiss on his lips. His stomach flutters when Harvey returns the touch immediately, humming softly.

“Have you been awake for long?” he asks when they part. Mike shakes his head.

“Just a little while. But Nela hasn't woken up yet-” he rolls over and swings one knee over Harvey, settling on top of him- “and I wanted to make the most of the time until she does.”

He hovers near Harvey's face for a moment, their mouths inches apart, before closing the distance. Harvey meets him halfway, his lips soft and pliant. Mike moans into the kiss when Harvey's hands travel down his back to his hips, squeezing his ass. The touch sends a jolt of urgency through him, and suddenly kissing is not enough.

Mike pushes the duvet away, breaking the kiss to spit into his palm before reaching between them, thankful that they never bothered to get dressed last night. Harvey is already fully hard, just like Mike, and that sends a new wave of arousal through him.

One of these days they are going to do more than messy hand jobs, but for now, with the limited time and the desperation to be all over each other still running high, this is more than enough. This is _heavenly_.

Harvey gives an encouraging moan, wetting his hand as well before gripping Mike's cock, applying the same pressure and rhythm that brought Mike to his climax last night. He must have paid attention to remember the exact pace Mike needs. It really doesn't come as a surprise that Harvey is good in bed – and they haven't even gotten past the most basic form of getting off yet.

It doesn't take long until they are both on edge, worked up and desperate for release. Harvey cants his hips against Mike's, seeking more friction, and Mike speeds up his rhythm until Harvey goes rigid beneath them and spends himself with a drawn-out groan.

“Yeah, yeah, come on, that's it,” Mike whispers, licking his lips as he drinks Harvey's face in, the way he clings to Mike, gasping for breath and moaning shamelessly. That is one sight he is never going to grow tired of, he is sure of that. “That's it, that's so fucking hot-”

“Mike,” Harvey pants, shutting him up with a kiss, his body slack beneath him as he works him to completion. “Come on, let go, let go for me-”

It doesn't take much more than that.

Harvey makes an encouraging sound when Mike hangs his head and moans, pushing into his grip as his orgasm takes over his body. Harvey strokes him through it, wringing every ounce of pleasure out of him until he collapses on top of him, not giving a damn about the mess between them.

Mike buries his face in Harvey's neck, inhaling his scent as his heart rate slowly calms down. Harvey rubs circles into his back, his deep breathing the loudest sound in the room. Coming down from his high with Harvey is almost as good as experiencing their climaxes together. They just breathe for a while, holding each other close.

When Mike feels nothing but a bone-deep saturation he lifts his head, smirking at Harvey.

“I know we're only just getting started and I probably shouldn't boast your ego any more, but since I'm complimenting myself as well I'll just go ahead and say it.” He inhales deeply. “Harvey, we're fucking _great_ together. This is spectacular.”

Harvey looks amused. “I know.” His fingers trail down Mike's spine, lingering at his ass. Mike bites his lip and Harvey gives him a mischievous look as he squeezes. “And I can't wait,” he murmurs, brushing his lips over Mike's jaw, “to know what it's like to be inside you, or to have you inside me.”

Mike stifles a moan, fairly certain that those words alone would get him hard again right that moment if he weren't so worn out already.

“You'll be the death of me."

“I don't see you complaining.”

“Never,” Mike says with a grin, and then Harvey rolls them over and kisses any remaining words right out of his mouth.

It's a good thing that it's Sunday and they don't have to be at the office until tomorrow, pretending that their world hasn't completely shifted off its axis. Instead they have hours yet to explore and revel in this newfound connection, and they make good use of them.

Mike smiles when Harvey pulls him closer while he cleans up after breakfast, walking them backwards as he kisses him until they topple over, landing on the sofa. He apparently has no qualms about making out in the same room as Nela as long as she's out of sight and they stay above the hip, which is how Mike discovers the joys of exploring Harvey's chest in all its naked glory.

Time passes in a blur as they get to know each other all over again. Mike learns that Harvey has a sensitive neck and is ticklish around the waist if he brushes the right spot, Harvey discovers Mike's fondness for his hands, and they each dissect and memorize the taste of each other. They talk, and they play with Nela when she demands attention, and they make lunch and even get some work done at one point, though their concentration is frequently interrupted by the other.

It's all too easy to lose himself in the intensity of Harvey's undisguised affection. It's intoxicating. Mike feels like his brain has yet to catch up with the most recent developments and is failing to process the magnitude of the shift that occurred between them.

On impulse he decides to visit the graveyard before dinner. Harvey just kisses him and sends him off, understanding the desire to get a clear head – which has proven absolutely impossible in such close proximity of the man Mike has lusted after for so long – and Mike only realizes that he didn't even think about leaving Nela with him when he's already gone.

How normal it has gotten that Harvey takes care of her the same way he does. Mike may be the one who is her legal guardian, but Harvey is no less responsible for her than him, by his own volition. The thought makes Mike smile.

The air is crispy despite the sun as he walks. It's still early spring, but there are flowers blooming around the graves that Mike didn't see the last time he came here.

“Hey Grammy. So, I know I was just here a few days ago, but I have big news.” A grin spreads on his face. “Harvey and I are together now. Like, really together. We kissed and talked and it turns out my unrequited crush isn't unrequited at all.”

He settles against the familiar tree, unable to stop grinning as he speaks, the fresh memories still leaving him giddy. He wishes he could have told Grammy in person, could have seen her face at how happy he is. She knew about his sexuality ever since he came home after watching _10 Things I Hate About You_ and declared that he was going to marry Heath Ledger. He mostly dated girls when he was older, but she made it clear that she was okay with him bringing home a boy and that his parents would have been too, something Mike never told her how thankful he was for. He always thought she suspected how he felt about Harvey. She would have loved that he has finally found happiness with him.

Mike stays a while after he finishes telling his story, just breathing in the fresh air. His thoughts keep drifting back to Harvey. Tomorrow they will have to go back to the firm and face the world again, but they still have tonight. Once Nela is asleep there'll be plenty of time for them to make the most of the evening, to enjoy the last bit of their little bubble before it inevitably has to burst.

He passes his parents' grave before making his way home. His stomach tingles with anticipation at the thought of getting back to Harvey and Nela, making him pick up his pace and walk faster.

He is greeted by soft murmuring when he returns. He doesn't announce himself, instead closing the door and slipping out of his coat quietly.

As he ventures farther into the condo he realizes the source of the sound. Harvey is in the living room with Nela in his arms, face turned to the view outside. He is singing under his breath, gently rocking her back and forth in time with the rhythm. The image he presents is almost too adorable to bear, though Harvey would dispute the fact to the death. Mike listens for a moment, his eyes narrowing as he tries to make out the lyrics.

“Is that 'Take me out to the ball game'? The baseball song?”

Harvey's eyes snap to him. He breaks off, holding Nela a little closer in a hilarious display of defensiveness. Mike can tell that he is trying his hardest not to look caught. “So what?”

Mike suppresses a grin. “Nothing. Just, you. Singing the baseball song. To a baby.”

Harvey gives him a look that clearly translates to _a mere mortal like you wouldn't understand_ , and Mike doesn't bother keeping the grin off his face anymore.

He steps behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist as he rests his chin on his shoulder. Harvey tilts his head a little, inhaling the fresh air that still clings to him. Mike just breathes for a moment, wallowing in the easy closeness.

“Go on,” he finally says, pecking Harvey's cheek before he retreats. “I like it.”

Harvey has put Nela down by the time he got changed, joining him in the kitchen.

“How was your visit?”

“Good. Really good.” He smiles. “Grammy would have been so excited to know that we're together. That I'm happy.”

“Are you? Happy?”

Mike shoots him a look, but Harvey just lifts an eyebrow. Mike huffs out a laugh. He feels like he is _leaking_ happiness. How can he doubt it?

He steps closer, taking Harvey's face in his hands. “Harvey. I'm over the moon, ecstatic, disgustingly overjoyed, giddy, and all around the happiest person in the entire world right now. And if you're gonna call me a pussy for that, I'll have you know that I object to that kind of sexist language around Nela, so you better suck it up and listen to me waxing poetry about how delighted I am that you've got the hots for me.”

Harvey regards him with an amused expression. “Duly noted.”

“Good.” Mike nods with satisfaction.

“I feel the same way,” Harvey then adds, his voice a seductive murmur Mike couldn't resist if he tried, and so he closes the distance between them with a kiss that leaves them both breathless.

Yeah, Mike thinks hazily as he wraps his arms around Harvey's neck, Nela had better sleep like a rock tonight.

* * *

“Rachel, do you have the folder with the subpoenas we issued against Behrenson's company before the last trial?”

Rachel hums, narrowing her eyes as she scans her desk. “It should be here somewhere, let me just...”

Mike waits patiently as she flips through the pile of paper, biting back a smile. “Had a good weekend?”

“Yeah, it was alright,” she replies distractedly. “I went to see King Lear with my mom, it was pretty good. You?”

“Yeah, it was alright,” Mike echoes. Rachel doesn't seem to hear the poorly concealed mirth in his voice.

“Great,” is all she says.

She finds the folder in question and hands it to him, then immediately returns her attention to the document in front of her. She looks back up when Mike doesn't move, raising her eyebrows.

“Can I help you with anything else?”

“Nah, I'm good.”

“Okay.”

She pauses, and Mike straightens, barely able to suppress his grin. “I'll just be on my way then.”

“Alright..?”

“Yup.” Mike turns to walk away. Halfway out of her office he stops, looking over his shoulder. “Oh, by the way – those rumors you've heard about Harvey, you know the ones? They're true.”

Rachel is silent for three full seconds, trying to understand what he is talking about. Mike can see the exact moment she connects the dots. Her mouth falls open as she stares at him.

“What- are you saying you-”

“Yeah,” Mike confirms, grinning at her. “ _Yeah_.”

He nearly jumps when she suddenly shoots up, unceremoniously pulling him back into her office before closing the door, all thoughts of work forgotten.

“How could you keep this from me?” she asks incredulously.

“Rachel, it happened on Saturday and we were kinda busy all day yesterday.” He grins at the memories. Rachel slaps his chest with a folder.

“And who gives a shit about the Behrenson subpoenas when you could be telling me all about how busy you were, huh?”

Mike waggles his eyebrows. “You want all the juicy details?”

“ _All_ of them,” Rachel confirms sternly, sitting down and pulling him into the chair opposite her. “Spill.”

Mike gladly does, thrilled to have someone to talk to about this. He does leave out the juicy details, but she seems fully content with what he is giving her.

“Oh my god,” she says for the fourth time when he wraps his story up.

“I know.”

She shakes her head, her expression full of something intense he can't quite pinpoint. “Mike,” she begins, reaching for his hands to grip them tightly. “I know we had our ups and downs, but I can see how happy you are right now, and I'm so thrilled for you, I don't even- it just makes me so happy to see you like this. You and Harvey both, you deserve this.”

Mike squeezes her hand. “Thanks, Rachel. I really appreciate that.”

“Oh, Mike,” she says again, and then she pulls him into a hug.

Mike swallows at her touching response to the news. He closes his eyes, returning the embrace.

“I can see that this is what you were always missing,” Rachel mutters. “Back when we tried. And I'm so glad you found it.”

Mike nods. “Me too, Rachel.”

He used to think that he could have that with her, that she was the one he was supposed to be happy with. But he never would have found with her what he and Harvey had from the outset, and she wouldn't have either. It's a good thing they both agree on that, because her friendship is something he wouldn't want to miss.

“Rachel told me to congratulate you,” he tells Harvey that evening, watching him move around the kitchen as he assembles the ingredients for dinner. Mike is sitting at the counter, happy to watch him. “On, and I quote, finally getting your shit together and putting us both out of our misery because it was really getting ridiculous.”

“I can see why she didn't tell me that in person.”

Mike grins. “She's genuinely happy for us,” he then says. Harvey glances at him.

“That's good. I'm glad there are no... hard feelings.”

“No, we put that behind us long ago. She really just wants me to be happy. Besides, she's seeing someone herself. We've both moved on.”

Harvey accepts that with a nod, not looking at Mike. “That's good,” is all he says. Mike narrows his eyes slightly, his lips curving into a smile. He hasn't experienced jealous Harvey yet, and it's almost endearing to watch. It's subtle, but Mike knows what to look for.

He files the thought away for another time and instead changes the topic. “So what did Donna say?”

“Why do you think I told her?” Mike gives him a look. Harvey returns it, then sighs. “Right. In my defense, she ambushed me. A guy can't come into the office in a good mood without her smelling blood.”

“Good mood? Please, you were practically beaming." Mike snorts. “Anyone could see something was up.”

Harvey narrows his eyes. “Anyway,” he continues, “she came into my office and demanded an explanation, and it didn't take long for her to put two and two together-”

“Because you told her all about your big, massive crush on me?”

“Because she's Donna, and you and I live together, and she may or may not have been privy to my situation regarding you.”

Mike smirks. “So what did she say?”

A complicated expression crosses Harvey's face. “She actually didn't say anything at first.” Mike lifts his eyebrows and he elaborates, “She just walked up to me and hugged me.”

He purses his lips as if debating whether he should say more, but then stays silent, maybe not finding the right words.

Mike gets it. Donna and Harvey have a connection that is difficult to grasp as an outsider and maybe even more difficult for the two of them, and he instinctively understands that it's something he isn't part of. But that's okay. Donna was there long before him. They have history, and that isn't something they can just brush off. Nor would he want them to.

“Is she okay?”

Harvey looks up at that, giving him an earnest, reassuring smile. “Of course she is.”

Mike bites his lip. “Look, I know there's this sibling thing between you nowadays, but I also know there used to be something else, at least on her side, so...”

“We're not right for each other,” Harvey interrupts him. “We never saw eye to eye on that and we never would have. We both know it. I don't think of her that way, and neither does she anymore. She's long past that.”

“Doesn't mean it isn't still hard.”

“No,” Harvey agrees. “But she wants what's best for me, and that's being with you.”

The corner of Mike's mouth lifts. “You know, I don't think I'll ever grow tired of hearing that.”

Harvey returns the smile. Then he raises an eyebrow, pointing a spoon at him. “Hey, you don't worry about Donna, alright? You know why she hugged me earlier? It wasn't some sort of heartbroken goodbye. She was happy that I finally found the right person. Her words. Besides, she's your friend too, and she's happy for both of us.”

Mike nods slowly. “Okay. That's good.”

“It is,” Harvey agrees. Then he pauses, hesitating slightly before he says, “I also talked to Jessica.”

Mike gives him a surprised look. “About us?”

Harvey nods. “She's my oldest friend, and she's always been my confidante. She certainly doesn't tell me everything, but I didn't feel comfortable keeping this from her.”

Mike nods his understanding. “I wouldn't expect you to keep it from her. I don't mind that you told her.”

He minds that she probably isn't all that happy about their relationship, considering where she stands on the general subject of Mike Ross, but it ultimately doesn't make a difference. Harvey won't change his mind because of her, and Mike thinks highly enough of her to be sure that voicing her opinion is the worst thing she's going to do concerning this matter.

As if Harvey read his mind he says, “You know, she doesn't think as badly of you as you believe. She may not be happy about the way you came into our lives, but she sees all the good work you do, and she knows what kind of person you are. Her grudge doesn't actually mean that she hates your guts. There's a certain level of respect somewhere in there.”

Mike huffs. “Are you saying she was happy about the news?”

“She wasn't unhappy about them,” Harvey replies diplomatically. “And she was more concerned about the implications at work than our relationship itself.” He smirks. “She even said something along the lines of how impressive it is that you always go after whatever it is you want.”

Mike lifts his eyebrows. “Wow. There is hope for her and me after all.”

Harvey scrutinizes him for a moment, his expression growing more serious again. “Do you mind that I told her without talking to you about it first?”

“Not really. I mean, I told Rachel without asking you. It's just kind of a given that we tell our friends, isn't it? And if they happen to work at the firm and our relationship thus becomes semi-public knowledge, then so be it. We may not go public just yet, but it was never meant to be a secret.”

They have enough of those. And if there is one thing he's happy with everyone knowing about, it's that this man wants to be with Mike just as much as Mike wants to be with him.

“No,” Harvey agrees. “If someone knows, they know. I'm not hiding this.”

“Good,” Mike says, slipping from the chair to kiss him. Harvey wraps his arms around his waist, pulling him closer. “Glad we agree on that.”

* * *

They have barely been together for a week, but Mike is absolutely certain that being in love has never felt so amazing.

He can't find a single reason why he shouldn't kiss Harvey senseless whenever he gets the chance, and so he doesn't hold back. It hardly makes up for all the times Mike was desperate to kiss him and didn't, but he's damn well going to try. He would feel bad about being so touch-starved, but Harvey approaches him at least as often as Mike sneaks up on him, and anyway, he feels like he's entitled after the months of restraint.

There are also copious amounts of sex that sometimes leave him wondering if they aren't two teenagers in disguise rather than adults. It's like now that they've started touching each other, they don't know how to stop. They fall into bed entangled every night and sometimes right back between the sheets in the mornings, making them both late, until Harvey sets his alarm half an hour early in anticipation of what they'll get up to.

They agree on trying to keep a low profile at the office, if only to prevent any accusations of favoritism. Mike knows it's not going to last forever, those rumors are inevitably going to start circulating sooner or later. If someone were to ask they wouldn't deny their relationship, and they'll go public at one point anyway. But it's still so new and fresh and he doesn't want the giddy happiness firmly situated in his chest to be tainted by other people just yet. It should just be Harvey and him for now, enjoying the honeymoon phase while it still lasts. So they keep their hands to themselves, making up for it in abundance once they get home. Harvey is all smiles, more relaxed and enthusiastic than ever, and Mike is fairly certain that he has never been this happy. He finds that it's an addictive sensation.

Much to his chagrin, life continues regardless of their newly found domestic bliss.

The second weekend after they get together, Mike schedules another interview with a potential couple. He doesn't particularly look forward to it, but he feels guilty about neglecting the search for Nela's new home.

He invites a nice couple over and listens to them talking about wanting to adopt, wanting to do something good, looking for a bigger flat, and he smiles and nods and makes a mental note to send them on their way as soon as possible.

They are too young, he decides. He is more or less the same age, but he looks at them and he can't see them taking care of Nela the way he does, can't see them doing what he's done for her the past few months. It's not right, it's not tangible but it's just not right, and he simply accepts it and moves on. Harvey glances at him when he brushes the meeting off without another word once they're gone, but he doesn't try to change his mind. Maybe he felt it too. Maybe he's just following Mike's lead on this.

There will be someone else, someone better. Someday. Mike isn't even bothered by their lack of success anymore. Why should he be? He enjoys having Nela around. Life is great at last, and there are so much better things to focus on.

Like Harvey's playfulness for example, the true extent of which he is only now discovering, at the most unexpected times.

Mike is in the bedroom when Harvey comes home, putting some clothes away. Harvey steps behind him when he's shed his jacket, and Mike is about to turn around for a greeting when Harvey's arms close around his waist and pick him up, whirling him around.

Mike isn't proud of it, but the noise he lets out can only be described as a squeak. He sounds not unlike a guinea pig, and Harvey snorts as he bursts into laughter, barely managing to put him down before he is doubling over.

“Hey, it's not that funny,” Mike says, though he can't stop grinning himself. Harvey only laughs harder in response. He grips the bed for support, then lets himself fall onto the mattress when it becomes clear that the laughter won't stop. He clutches his stomach, trying to speak but not managing a single word.

Mike chuckles as he waits for Harvey to compose himself enough to wheeze, “What the _fuck_ was that?”

“You caught me off guard!” Mike shoots back, but his shoulders are shaking with laughter too now.

“Oh my god,” Harvey yelps, wiping his eyes as he shakes his head. “Oh my god, Mike. You're incredible.”

“And you're a sneaky bastard, giving me a scare like that.”

Harvey meets his eyes, and it only takes a second for him to crack up again. “Fuck,” he gasps out, and this time Mike doesn't even try to stop himself from joining in. It wasn't nearly funny enough to warrant this much laughter, but once they have started they can't seem to stop. Mike feels incredibly light and happy as he stretches out on the bed beside Harvey, thinking of nothing but the sound of his laughter rumbling in his ear and the warm, vibrant body right next to his.

Mike continues laughing until he cries, and when he gets his breath back he reaches for Harvey's face and pulls him in for a kiss that leaves him breathless all over again.

It takes them a while to make it out of the bedroom after that.

* * *

Sometimes Mike likes to just give in to his urges and be the clingiest boyfriend ever. He is delighted to discover that, for all his grumbling, Harvey doesn't actually mind. They don't spend every minute of their free time attached at the hip, but when Mike indulges himself and wraps his arms around Harvey's neck, refusing to let go for the entirety of the game he is watching, Harvey certainly doesn't discourage him. Mike smiles at the tight grip he has around his chest as they lie together. Harvey Specter loves to cuddle, and not just after sex. Who would have thought?

He knows it's only been a short while, short enough for him to still marvel at every touch and every kiss, but he already can't imagine how he spent so long living without this. Without knowing how much Harvey cares about him.

“How did I get so lucky?” he asks Nela as he changes her diaper the next morning. She just coos, and he smiles and kisses her forehead before he carries her to the kitchen.

“Have you seen the sugar?” Harvey asks.

“Under the counter,” Mike says, making a beeline for the steaming cup waiting for him on the counter. “I left it there after the spill last week. Must have forgotten to put it back.”

He takes a sip of his coffee, humming in appreciation. “Thanks for that,” he remarks, holding the cup out of Nela's reach. “What are you making?”

Harvey's smirk is audible as he says, “Waffles.”

Mike gasps. “Fuck. Really?”

“Don't curse in front of her, Mike,” Harvey chastises him, but he sounds amused.

“Sorry. It's just, do you know how much I love waffles for breakfast on a lazy Sunday?”

“I'm aware. You told me.”

“And you remembered.” Mike beams at him, kissing his cheek. “And I just realized I love them even more when my stupidly handsome boyfriend makes them.”

“Is that what I am?” Harvey asks, holding him in place by the waist, a smirk playing on his lips as he leans in. “Your stupidly handsome boyfriend?”

“Would you rather be my sexy boy toy?”

Harvey snorts, shutting him up with a kiss before Mike can say anything else. Mike hums into the touch, balancing Nela on his hip as he tries to press closer without squashing her.

“My lovely live-in lover? The man of my dreams? Partner in crime, literally?” he continues once they part as if nothing happened.

“Shut up and get the waffle iron,” Harvey orders with a grin, taking Nela from his arms. Mike pulls it out of the cupboard, heating it up while Harvey adds sugar to the batter. Mike takes Nela to let him mix the ingredients together, then passes her back in exchange for the bowl and fills some batter into the iron. It occurs to him as the seductive scent of the first waffle spreads in the kitchen that they don't even have to think about any of this anymore. They pass Nela back and forth as they need to, somehow having developed a routine that neither of them could put into words but both know instinctively. It's completely natural, effortless even. The thought makes him grin.

“What are you so happy about?” Harvey asks, stepping behind him to take over the iron.

Mike turns around, wrapping his arms around his neck. “You. Waffles. Life. Choose one.”

The corners of Harvey's eyes crinkle as he smiles at him. The expression is so sweet that Mike can't do anything but kiss him, losing himself in the touch when Harvey responds readily. The kiss goes on for a while, deepening gradually, until Harvey draws back slightly.

“Mike?”

“Hm?”

“The waffle is going to burn.”

“Oops.” Mike hastily steps aside, grabbing Nela as he leaves Harvey to it.

The waffles taste heavenly (no, Mike is definitely not biased), Nela is in a good mood and Harvey coaxes Mike and her into a good half hour cuddle on the sofa before they take on their tasks for the day, something Mike is more than happy to agree to. As far as perfect mornings go, this one comes pretty damn close.

Of course, not every day can be like this. Mike knows that, didn't expect anything else, and it's with a heavy heart that he watches real life taking hold of them again bit by bit, bringing the honeymoon phase to an inevitable close.

They still try to juggle their cases, Nela, and making time for each other, and though there is no way to be as indulgent as they have been so far, they make it work somehow. The odd kiss here and there is as good an incentive as any to get their work done, despite both of them having to restrain themselves in order not to let it turn into something much more distracting and time-consuming.

No one ever said that dating the best closer in the city was going to be easy, especially not while trying to raise a kid at the same time. It's so, so worth it though. Harvey is worth it, and Nela is too, and so is the job Mike is never going to take for granted.

All things considered, Mike is pretty damn happy. He has everything he could ask for.

In hindsight, that should have been his first clue that it wasn't going to last.

He already had everything he wanted once, before it was taken from him. He was forced into a different life, one he didn't want to lead, and it should have taught him that nothing is ever that easy.

It's different, this time. Last time he lost everything in the blink of an eye, unable to do anything but stare blankly. It was ripped from him, leaving him high and dry.

This time it starts with a feeling.

* * *

Mike spends a lot of time with Nela, just the two of them. He can't say that he particularly minds. He never thought they would get along this well. He never thought he would enjoy her company so much, or that being around a baby could be this much fun at all, but he has learned quickly that there is so much more to it than meets the eye.

Nela isn't just a baby, someone that cries and demands to be fed and changed. She's her entire own person, living and breathing, always exploring and discovering something new, and Mike loves to watch her. She has fears and favorite activities, a whole personality already planted inside her. She is someone, and it's a joy and a privilege to witness that someone growing.

He is playing with Nela, having finished his work early and enjoying the extra time with her. Or at least that was the plan. Instead he is rocking her, entertaining her with a rattle, all the while trying to swallow against the bottomless feeling making itself at home in his stomach. Nela, none the wiser, grabs the rattle, trying to yank it out of his grasp. Mike just looks at her, trying to understand the sudden wave of nausea and coming up with a blank.

Everything is fine. Everything is better than fine. So why doesn't it feel that way?

Mike tries to shake the disconcerting feeling, but finds that he can't.

It's not that he is unhappy. It's more like a sense of unease, an itch he can't identify and thus can't scratch. It's maddening, the frustration at his inability to locate where the feeling comes from only making it worse.

The thing is, it's not the first time this feeling has pestered him. It's just there sometimes, lingering, and Mike never pays it much attention, just accepts its presence and moves on. It's never been as bad as it is now, though.

But it's not the first time Mike's had a bad day, and so he just writes it off as an odd mood swing. He tries to focus on Nela, letting the sound of her laughter wash over him until he forgets what he was thinking about, and by the time Harvey comes home and greets him with a truly breathtaking kiss he has pushed it to the back of his mind.

If only it had stayed there.

The feeling doesn't just come back. It gradually gets worse.

Mike tries to quash the nauseating sensation without success, helpless in the face of its steady growth, and at one point he starts feeling sick with it so frequently that he almost grows accustomed to it.

It creeps in at seemingly random times, leaving him restless and uncomfortable. It seeps into moments Mike would much rather enjoy than spend wondering why he can't be as happy about them as he should be. It just keeps coming back, no matter how much he tries to drown it out, and the longer he is confronted with it, the more it puts him on edge.

It's not about Harvey. He always feels good when they are together, and when he doesn't then Harvey makes him feel better. It's still easy to be with him, whether it's in companionable silence, playful banter, or desperate physical connection. It still makes him feel luckier than he deserves to be. So no, he's certain it's not about him. Most of the time it creeps up on Mike when he isn't there, when it's just him, or him and Nela. Harvey has nothing to do with it.

So Mike feels even more awful when his mood gets so bad that he starts snapping at him. He feels terrible the instant the words are out, ringing in his ears, and the surprised look edging on hurt on Harvey's face only makes it worse.

“Sorry,” he apologizes immediately, feeling like the worst person in the world. “I'm sorry.”

Harvey lifts his eyebrows. “What's the matter with you?”

“Nothing, I just...” Mike trails off, sighing. He rubs his eyes, suddenly tired of being inside these four walls. “I think I just need to go out for a bit,” he says. Harvey gives him a look, but nods slowly.

“You okay?” he asks, and Mike smiles at him.

“Just tired. I'm fine.” He bends down to kiss his cheek, his smile growing when Harvey cups his face before he can draw back, giving him a real kiss.

“I thought I'd cook tonight,” he says when he lets him go. “Will you be here for dinner?”

“Absolutely,” Mike assures him. “Wouldn't miss it. I'll just take a walk.”

“Alright. See you later,” Harvey says, and Mike nods before grabbing Nela and taking off.

She enjoys the fresh air, watching her surroundings curiously as Mike pushes her around Central Park, and it makes him smile to see her like this. He does feel a little better after walking for a while, the crispy air clearing his head from the dark clouds that have formed there.

He finds a bench and sits down, taking Nela out of the buggy to cuddle her. He takes a few deep, deliberate breaths, trying not to think of anything. It almost works, and he can feel himself calming down as he focuses on the warm weight in his lap.

They sit there for a while, watching the people and dogs passing them by. It's only when his stomach grumbles that Mike checks the time and realizes they should get home, remembering Harvey's promise to cook. He's probably already waiting for them.

“You hungry?” he asks Nela, smiling as he shakes her little hand. “Come on, let's go home then. Your da-”

He stumbles over the word, his tongue twisting as his mistake dawns on him.

“Holy shit,” he whispers, staring at Nela as the reality of what he almost said hits him. Nela stares back as if to say, _Well, now you done fucked up._

“Fuck,” Mike mutters. Because suddenly he knows what's wrong with him, he can name the feeling that's been making a home inside him, and now he wishes that he'd never made the connection because he absolutely cannot deal with this right now, possibly ever.

Oh god. He is so screwed.

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_.” His eyes flicker to Nela's. “Shit. You didn't hear that.” Whether he means the curses or the slip before, he doesn't know.

“Come on,” he says, his voice hoarse, “we should go home. Harvey is waiting for us.”


	10. Chapter 10

Nela is dozing peacefully, her face relaxed in sleep. Little sighs escape her parted lips every now and then. Mike watches her chest rise and fall, the files he should be looking through entirely forgotten at the sight of her, snuggled into the crook of his arm like she belongs there. His stomach drops at the thought. He inhales sharply against the bottomless sensation threatening to swallow him up, struggling to keep his composure.

He loves her. God help him, he does. Somewhere along the way he started to love her, and now he feels like his throat is closing up at the mere admission, rendering him unable to breathe, to speak, to do _anything_.

Three months. That's how long Nela has been with them. Just three. How can he feel that way about her already? She is nine months old now. It's a long time for her, a full third of her life. But for him it's not. It's short, merely an instant. Barely the blink of an eye. It's not nearly enough to warrant the intensity of the feeling that is growing inside him.

He shouldn't feel like this. He should stop it right now, nip it in the bud before it can spread and fester.

But he can't. It's already too late for that, the roots have grown while he wasn't looking, have embedded and entangled themselves and now he's caught up in them with no way out.

He squeezes his eyes shut against the onslaught of emotions welling up in him. How did he get himself into this situation? Why can't he ever take what he gets, always wanting the one thing he can't have? That's what he gets for caring so much, his cursed bleeding heart dripping all over the floor until all he's left with is a huge mess and the empty feeling inside him. Harvey did always warn him, but he never stopped to listen. Now he's paying the price.

Nela stirs in his arms, drawing his attention back to her. Her mouth forms a little o as she yawns. Mike's chest contracts at the sight. He lets out a shaky breath, biting his lip to hold back the distressed sound rising in his throat.

He can't keep her. There are so many reasons why he can't do this.

He knows that trying to talk himself into giving her up isn't going to accomplish anything, but it's what he needs to do. He needs to let her go. He hates it, wants to shout at the mere thought, but there is no way around it.

He's going to have to let her go.

* * *

There is something going on with Mike.

Harvey doesn't think much of it at first. He knows that despite the help he is giving him Mike is still under a lot of stress, and so it doesn't particularly worry him when he's in a mood. It's small things, a snappy remark here, a frown there. He usually makes up for it by kissing Harvey in apology or rearranging them for a cuddle when he joins him on the sofa later on, whatever bothered him seemingly forgotten, and so Harvey lets it go.

Until the instances become more frequent. Mike barely looks up when Harvey gets home at night. His mind seems to be elsewhere constantly. He returns his kisses and seeks out his touch, is still as enthusiastic in the bedroom as before, but something is still going on, and Harvey can't figure out what it is. It's like there is a problem occupying Mike's mind he just can't work out and it's slowly eating away at him.

“Are you okay?” Harvey asks one night, brushing his thumb over his cheek. Mike's eyes shoot up.

“Of course. Why wouldn't I be?”

“I don't know, that's why I'm asking. You seem... distracted.”

Mike eyes him for a moment, almost warily, but then his lips curve into a smile. He sits up to climb into Harvey's lap, straddling his hips as his arms wrap around his neck. “Oh, you want me to focus on you, is that it? Because that can definitely be arranged, you know.”

His lips are on Harvey's before he can point out that he isn't just talking about right now, and then Mike proceeds to rid him of his clothes and kiss a trail down his body and Harvey forgets about their conversation altogether, instead reveling in the feeling of having Mike close, undistracted and entirely his.

But it doesn't get better after that.

Harvey meant to let Mike know that he can come to him with anything by asking if he was alright, but the only thing he accomplished is that he is now trying to hide whatever it is that's going on, averting his eyes or turning his back whenever he feels Harvey's thoughtful gaze on him.

Fearing that saying something again is going to make him withdraw even more, Harvey reverts to showing that he's there for him with touches, kissing and holding him close, squeezing his arm, lacing their fingers together. And Mike always reciprocates, deepening the kiss or shifting closer before he sighs, staying latched to his side. He always reciprocates, but Harvey can tell that his mind is still miles away.

It scares him, more than he likes to admit.

He's never been good at relationships, and this is new territory for him. It doesn't matter that whatever problem Mike is having doesn't seem to have to do with the two of them. It feels like Mike is slowly slipping away from him, in small ways he can't even grasp, and Harvey doesn't know how to hold on without driving him away further. He is concerned about Mike, and he's concerned about them, and so he does the next best thing he can think of when he's out of his depth.

“Donna,” he begins as he leans over her desk the next day, “have you by any chance noticed something-”

“Something going on with Mike? Yes, I have.”

Harvey lowers his voice. “Has he said something to you?”

Donna gives him a look. “No, and if he had I wouldn't betray his trust and tell you.”

Harvey sighs. “I'm worried about him. It isn't like Mike to keep something that's so obviously bothering him to himself, especially not since we got together. I mean, you noticed, I noticed, he's even attracted a few strange looks from clients…”

Donna lets out a deep breath, dropping her files as she turns towards him. “Look, Harvey. The way I see it, if he isn't talking to you about it then he either isn't ready to confront the issue himself or he feels like you wouldn't understand him.”

Harvey ponders that. “What would he think I couldn't understand?” he asks with a frown. “We've gone through hell and back together, I've seen him at his worst. There's nothing he couldn't say to me.”

“Harvey.” Donna lifts her eyebrows when he meets her gaze. “I think you and I both know what's going on with him. It's obvious, isn't it? You're not as unaware as you like to pretend you are, and Mike is… Mike. It's not really surprising that this is happening, is it?”

Harvey is quiet for a while, turning her words over and having to acknowledge the truth of them. “Why does he think I wouldn't understand?” he then asks. Donna gives him a sympathetic look.

“Harvey, I think he knows that you would _understand_ , he just doesn't think you feel the same way.”

She turns to her files again, only glancing back up when he remains silent. Harvey frowns. “This is bullshit. I need to talk to him.”

“Yes, eventually. Soon, probably. But you need to give him some time to accept how he's feeling first. He's obviously not ready to talk about it yet. This is a big step, Harvey. Let him get there.”

“Well, that's extremely helpful, Donna. How do I know how much time is enough and how much is too much?”

Donna smiles at him. “You'll know.” She pats his hand. “Just follow his lead, Harvey. Let him have some room to breathe, and once he's ready, talk to him.”

As if he needs to be told. Mike being in a bad mood is one thing, but Mike feeling like he can't trust him with what's on his mind? It's simply unacceptable.

Harvey is still mulling over when to best approach the subject when he gets home late that night. He looks up in surprise when he hears Nela babbling, spotting her in her playpen.

“Isn't it time for her to sleep yet?”

“Yeah,” Mike mumbles absently, ticking something on the document in front of him. “I'll put her to bed soon, I just need to get this done first.”

Harvey glances at the clock. It's already twenty minutes past her bedtime. When Mike doesn't show any signs of moving he suggests, “I can put her to bed tonight, I don't mind.”

Mike shakes his head. “No, I'll do it.”

He continues working, and when he's still leaning over the file after Harvey fetched some water he says, “It's really not a problem if you still have a lot to do before-”

“I said I'll do it, Harvey,” Mike snaps, then shuts the file with more force than necessary and gets up to gather Nela in his arms.

“Say goodnight to Harvey, love,” he murmurs, but his voice is off.

“Goodnight, Nela,” Harvey says, keeping his eyes on Mike. He isn't looking at him as he leaves, and Harvey is left to blink at the half-closed door to Nela's room dumbly.

Heaving a sigh, he loosens his tie and retreats to the bathroom. He strips out of his clothes, hearing Mike's soft singing through the walls before he tells Nela goodnight. There are no traces of the sudden anger he just directed at Harvey, just tenderness and care.

Harvey lets out a deep breath, shaking his head. When he returns to the living room a few minutes later, there's a cup of his favorite tea waiting for him in silent apology.

Harvey accepts it, but it doesn't stop him thinking about the incident.

* * *

This interview was a terrible idea, Mike thinks repeatedly, trying to force himself to look friendly and failing miserably.

The thing is, the conversation is going splendidly. The two women they invited over are charming and open, listening attentively to everything they tell them and smiling at Nela, who is even smiling back.

 _Terrible idea_ , his mind echoes.

He didn't even want to schedule the interview in the first place, but he knew he couldn't just stop doing them because he felt like it. So he sucked it up and invited the couple over, and now they are sitting in his living room, laughing about a remark Harvey just made and making eyes at Nela, and Mike has never been more uncomfortable.

The harmony between the two women is palpable. They sit closely together, listening to one another and picking up where the other leaves off effortlessly. They are telling Harvey about their jobs – well, both of them, but Mike is only half listening – while Harvey nods along.

“You live in Manhattan, is that right?”

The shorter woman, Sara, nods. “We just recently moved there, I'm still busy unpacking the boxes. But it's a great house we found. Perfect for a child. We instantly fell in love with it.”

Of course, Mike thinks with exasperation, they have a house too. They both have good jobs that pay well, they live in a great neighborhood, they have families on both sides and on top of that they seem to be the goddamn nicest couple he has ever met. Mike knows it doesn't really get much better than that, but something in his guts recoils at the mere thought.

“Did you always plan on adopting? Or is this a recent decision?” Harvey inquires. He sounds genuinely curious. Mike nearly scowls at him.

“Well, we always knew we wanted children. We thought about a sperm donor first, but after a while Laura convinced me that adoption is the better choice,” Sara explains.

Laura nods. “It just makes me so sad to think about all those children without a home, with no one who cares about them.”

Mike opens his mouth to speak and just so holds himself back. His tongue tastes bitter with the words he doesn't say. He feels like he is going to blow up with them. This is just the last straw.

“I think we're done here,” he suddenly announces, his voice more clipped than he intended. He knows he is being rude, but there is no way in hell he can continue to sit in this room and listen to these women waxing poetry about their perfect life and how Nela doesn't have anyone who _cares about her_.

Sara and Laura look dumbstruck at his sudden dismissal. Before Mike can amend his words Harvey is leaning in, giving them an apologetic smile.

“What my partner meant to say is that we have another appointment in a bit, so we'll sadly have to cut this interview short. Please excuse the inconvenience.”

“Of course,” Sara says, clearly disappointed. “Uh, you have our number, so you can just call us if there's anything else or if you want to meet up again.”

“Anytime,” Laura adds.

“We'll be in touch,” Harvey promises, getting up to lead them to the door. He shoots Mike a look before he disappears around the corner to show them out.

Mike stays where he is. He listens to them leaving with a cold feeling settling in his stomach, and suddenly he dreads the moment the door falls shut, leaving him to no doubt lead a conversation he really doesn't want to have.

They are gone soon, and Harvey returns, standing in the doorway for a moment before sitting down quietly. Mike feels his eyes burning a hole into his skin.

“You gonna tell me what that was about?”

Mike clenches his jaw, not meeting his eyes as he says, “I don't really want to talk about it, Harvey,” but he knows in the same breath that it's useless.

“Well, that's too bad because there is no way in hell we're not talking about this.”

Mike bites his lip and stays silent. Harvey's gaze rests on him heavily, but when he speaks, his voice is calm.

“Mike, they were perfect.”

They were. Which is precisely the problem. “They weren't right,” Mike argues despite himself. “They were...”

“Not you,” Harvey finishes. Mike's eyes shoot up. He stares at Harvey in shock, his lips trying to form words that won't come. He wants to say something, wants to explain himself, but nothing is right. Nothing works. He can't convince Harvey that he's wrong, because he's not. And he knows it.

Mike draws a deep breath, suddenly desperate to defend himself.

“It's not like she's mine, okay? I know that. I know she isn't. I know this is only temporary, but I can't just give her away to anyone, I can't- the idea of her being- fuck, I don't fucking know, okay?”

“You don't know what?” Harvey asks calmly. Mike shakes his head vehemently.

“I don't know,” he repeats. “I don't. I just don't know.”

“Mike.”

Mike continues to shake his head. He refuses to meet Harvey's eyes, hears rather than sees him getting up, then stopping in front of him.

“Mike. Look at me.”

Mike's eyes flicker to him.

“You don't want to find her a new home.” It's a statement, not even a question, and yet Mike can't say it.

“I don't know,” he repeats hollowly, feeling like a broken machine.

It's illogical. It's completely _maddening_.

Because a few months ago he never would have considered this a possibility for the future and he was getting on just fine, the idea of one day having children a pleasant but distant one, and he doesn't understand how the thought of giving Nela away can make his throat close up now.

Well, he does understand. He just doesn't want to face it.

But Harvey knows, too, and he's not going to let Mike get away with not saying it. That's not who Harvey is, and it's not who Mike wants to be. Press until it hurts. They have never mollycoddled each other, have always been honest even if it hurt, especially then, because they both needed truth in their life and someone who wasn't afraid to speak it. Someone with whom they would have the security of knowing that they could speak their mind and that at the end of the day it wouldn't stand between them, but bring them closer together.

And that's Mike for Harvey, and that's Harvey for him. And Mike thinks that he needs to hear whatever Harvey is going to tell him now, that he would resent Harvey if he didn't say it because it would feel like being let down more than anything. And that's the one thing they would never do to each other.

“That's bullshit and you know it.”

Mike raises his chin to look Harvey directly in the eye, challenging him to say it. It's _go on, I can take it, I need to hear this,_ and Harvey understands it for what it is.

“You and I both know what's going on here and the only thing that keeps you from saying it is that you're afraid of the consequences once you admit it. But we don't run away from problems, Mike. We both know that they don't just go away. They come back to bite you in the ass, so I'm going to spell it out for you. I really should have seen this coming, but I guess I turned as much of a blind eye as you, didn't I? Because you being you of course had to go and get so goddamn emotionally invested that you can't disentangle yourself from this anymore. You went and fell for this kid, and now you don't want to give her away again.”

He shakes his head, his jaw moving as he contemplates Mike in a way that leaves him feeling utterly transparent.

“And it's not even unfounded, is it? You have an actual connection to her. You're a fantastic parent- no, don't look at me like that. You don't think that's true? Fuck, Mike. You've been taking care of her for months, and you aren't just holding up alright, you're excelling at it. You can't find fit parents for her because you don't think anyone's good enough, and you're taking care of the job until you find the person that fulfills your impossible criteria, and you're changing diapers and staying up late and singing stupid nursery rhymes all the damn time and the next thing you know is that _you_ have become her parent. Isn't that right?”

Mike can do nothing but stare blankly, but Harvey doesn't seem to expect an answer. They both know he's right anyway. When he speaks again, his eyes seem to look directly into him.

“For God's sake, Mike, just look at the facts. You hung up a goddamn picture of her handprints on the fridge. You _love_ this child. She's already yours.”

Yours. The word rings in Mike's head in the following silence. Harvey is just looking at him, saying nothing, and Mike draws a shuddering breath when his throat closes up, snapping out of his rigor. He runs a hand over his face, blinking at the wall.

 _She's yours_.

Is she? Is it this easy? He looks back at Harvey, who is watching him silently, giving him time to process.

Maybe it is. Maybe it can be. But the discussion is far from over. They've barely scratched the surface of everything they are going to have to talk about, now that this particular can of worms is open.

There is one question, one thing Mike needs to know before they can take this any further. He takes a deep breath, then looks up and asks, “Do you think I can do it? Raise a child?”

It's a question he is terrified to hear the answer to, and yet he needs it like air. And he needs it from Harvey, the one person he trusts the most to know the truth and tell him honestly.

Harvey lets out a slow breath. Mike watches as he crosses the last bit of distance between them, then squats before him, taking Mike's hand in both of his as he says, “I think you're already doing it, Mike.”

Mike swallows, working his jaw before inhaling sharply, staring at the ceiling in an attempt to keep the tears pricking behind his eyelids at bay.

“It's okay,” Harvey murmurs, and Mike almost laughs, squeezing his hands to convey that he's fine, that he just needs a moment.

Harvey waits patiently, raising his hands to his lips without letting go, and Mike allows himself a final moment of weakness before he sits up, straightening his shoulders as he meets his gaze.

“Okay. You got one thing wrong though,” Mike says, clearing his throat. “It's not me. Not just me, anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“You said it was me who raised Nela, but you're wrong. That was us. We did that together. And I'm not saying this as a way to influence your stance on this or... I don't know, dissent. I just want you to see that whatever good has come out of the past months, it's a product of shared effort.”

Harvey looks struck for a moment, as if the words are completely unexpected, then nods slowly. Mike wonders if he really hasn't thought of it that way until now. He doesn't know how to feel about that. If Harvey doesn't think of himself as a parent now, how can he ask of him what he is asking? What is going to happen to them, if he doesn't feel the same way Mike does?

Mike swallows, then drops his gaze. He can't look at Harvey when he asks, “So what about you? I mean, just because I want to keep her doesn't mean I should. Or will. This isn't a decision I can make on my own, right? Not anymore. And if keeping her means that I'm going to lose you-”

He breaks off, taking a shuddering breath. The thought of having to give Nela away tears at his insides, makes him feel like he can't breathe properly, but the thought of losing Harvey-

He can't. It's as simple as that.

“I can't lose you,” he says.

And doesn't that just make everything so much harder.

Because now he has two things he can't give up, and if keeping one makes having the other impossible then he is really on the horns of a goddamn dilemma. He doesn't have the faintest idea what he is going to do if he is forced to choose.

Which he couldn't blame Harvey for. He never asked for this either, and taking in a child for a few months is vastly different from making the conscious decision to be a parent for the rest of his life. Not to mention that this would bind the two of them closer together than any of the previous obstacles they have encountered. Maybe this is a step too far, too fast. Maybe he isn't as sure about them as Mike is.

“Mike. Look at me.”

Harvey's voice snaps him out of the chaos in his mind. Mike looks up, searching his eyes. He lets them ground him, anchor him in the present, the here and now where they are still together and nobody has said anything about breaking this off yet.

“You with me?” Harvey asks softly, and when Mike nods he lowers himself on the sofa next to him.

“Where did you go just now?” He lifts his hand to Mike's face, brushing his cheek. Mike closes his eyes. “Look, we're in this together, alright? We can work through this, but I need you to talk to me, Mike. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's on your mind.”

“I know,” Mike says quietly. It's what he told Harvey all those weeks ago, it's what he understands perfectly but finds inexplicably hard to follow. He takes a deep breath. “I don't know if I can give her away,” he then confesses, and saying it feels like cutting something loose inside him. He keeps breathing, listening to the rhythm, for a moment just existing in the relief of finally admitting it.

Silence reigns between them. Harvey is giving him a contemplating look, and when he opens his mouth to speak it's nothing Mike ever expected him to say.

“Then we're going to keep her.”

Mike gapes at him. It takes him a moment to find his voice, and when he does, it's almost accusing. “This is serious, Harvey. You can't make a decision like that in one night. We're talking about raising a child here, we can't just give her back if we change our minds.”

“And you honestly think this is the first time it occurred to me?” When Mike's eyebrows rise Harvey lets out a deep breath, seeking his gaze before he continues. “I've seen the way you look at her, Mike. The way you hold her. I know how I feel about her, and her being here, and the thought of giving her away-” He breaks off, frowning as he shakes his head. “God, you think it doesn't tear something apart in me too?”

Mike swallows, allowing the words to sink in in the quiet that follows them. Harvey gives him a moment to process, his eyes never leaving his face.

“You never said anything.”

“I wanted to let you come to the conclusion yourself. Because it proves that we both feel the same way.”

Mike shakes his head. “Always the lawyer,” he mutters, his lips quirking into a smile. Harvey almost looks relieved at the sight, and suddenly he is hit by a wave of guilt for the way he's been acting lately. He squeezes Harvey's hand tightly, trying to convey all the things he should have said.

“Look, Mike,” Harvey starts before he can bring it up, “I know you spent the past few weeks convincing yourself that this can't work, but I think it's time to consider all the reasons why it could.”

Mike nods slowly, swallowing against the flicker of hope rising in him.

“There are probably about a thousand things we need to talk about if we're really going to think about this. Like, the thousand reasons why it's a bad idea for a start.”

“So let's talk about it.” Harvey lets go of his hands with a final squeeze, then sits back. “We're both free. We've got things to discuss. Let's talk them through.”

“Now?”

“Why not? We'll have to do it sooner or later. The faster we get those obstacles out of the way, the sooner we can start thinking about it in earnest. Putting this conversation off because it'll be uncomfortable isn't going to make it any easier.”

“No, I know that.” Mike takes a deep breath, pulling his knees to his chest. “Okay, let's talk.”

Harvey gives him a thoughtful look. “No going easy on each other, okay? You have concerns, I have concerns, we say them regardless of the consequences. It's the only way we can get somewhere with this.”

“Agreed.”

Harvey lifts his chin. “You wanna start?”

Mike bites his lip, then nods. After a moment of consideration he begins, “So, okay. We both work a lot. I don't want her to grow up with parents who are never present. If we decide to do this, we need to be there for her.”

“Other parents work and manage to be there for their kids,” Harvey points out.

“Yeah, but that means that they work in moderation. I know we can't both cut back all the time, but there are limits we're gonna have to stick to. We can't take her in only to dump her on a nanny.”

“No, I agree.” Harvey narrows his eyes, regarding him thoughtfully. “Look, I know you have an insane amount of work right now, but you're not going to be an associate forever. You'll be junior partner one day, and sooner rather than later. Yes, there is some talking between the partners,” he adds with a smirk. “You're being noticed,” he says, not without pride. Mike feels himself flushing.

“So you're saying that once I'm junior partner, I'll be less swamped and more flexible in my schedule.”

Harvey nods. “And until you get there, I think our current arrangement is working out alright, isn't it? Unless you have an issue with working from home.” Mike shakes his head. “Good. I think we could make it work. Other parents do. We'd manage.”

Mike nods slowly. “Okay.”

“Does that sound acceptable to you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we're not neglecting her right now either, I don't think. I just don't want us to forget that we have a kid at home in the long run.”

“We won't,” Harvey says with determination. “You would never let it get that far, and neither would I.”

Mike nods again, more convinced this time.

“Okay,” Harvey says, tightening his jaw before he goes on. “There's something we should definitely talk about, and it's not because I don't trust you, so don't take this the wrong way.” He lets out a deep breath at Mike's questioning glance. “The drugs...”

Ah. Mike is surprised, that part of his life is so far in the past that it didn't even cross his mind. “Won't be an issue anymore,” he promises.

Harvey hesitates, so Mike continues, “Look, I can see why you're concerned about this, but I haven't done that since Grammy died, and even then it was... I had it under control. But that was the last time, and it's going to stay that way. It's not like I ever did anything other than pot anyway. The other stuff was always just Trevor.”

Harvey accepts that. “Since you're mentioning him,” he then remarks dryly, “Trevor is going to stay out of our life, even if he returns. I don't want him around Nela.”

Mike frowns, but nods. “I can get behind that. Not that I think he'd actually show up here again, but no Trevor. I'm done with him.”

“Good.”

Harvey seems to wait for Mike to bring up the next point. Mike hoped he could delay this one a little longer because he really doesn't want to think about it, but there is no point in beating around the bush.

He releases a slow breath. “What about- this.” He waves between them. “Us. Just to be clear, I don't see it happening or feel that way or anything, but I guess there's always the possibility... what if this doesn't work out?”

Harvey purses his lips, clearly equally reluctant to think about that scenario.

“Other couples break up and still manage to raise a child,” Harvey eventually says. His voice is neutral, but Mike can tell that this is hard for him to talk about. “In the event that... should it come to that, I would still want to be part of her life, of course. And I hope you trust me enough to know that whatever went down between us, I'd never drag her into it.”

“I do. Of course I do.” Mike takes another look at him before shifting to lift Harvey's arm, draping it over his shoulder as he snuggles against him. Harvey pulls him closer, letting out a deep breath. The contact instantly makes him feel better. “Just for the record, I'll let hell freeze over before I let you go again, now that I finally have you.”

Harvey huffs out a quiet laugh. “Same here,” he mumbles, pressing his lips to Mike's temple.

It's this tenderness, the gentle loving that Harvey shows him, that gives Mike the courage to speak the next words.

“There's something else that occurred to me that's kind of related to this. Uh. Let me just say upfront, I really do believe you when you say that you want her around.”

“Okay,” Harvey says carefully, clearly trying to see where this is going.

“It's just- well. God, this is so hard. I know you really care for her, okay? I know. Just-” Mike breaks off, heaving a sigh.

“Just what?” Harvey asks gently, and Mike has to remind himself of their agreement. Complete honesty. It's the only way this is going to work.

“Okay, don't get me wrong. I feel terrible to even bring this up, but... she's not yours.”

Harvey frowns, clearly not getting it. “She's not yours either.”

“No, but I was appointed her guardian. Carolina made her my responsibility, and I arranged myself with that, but she never had to be _yours_. I just kinda dumped that on you, and I know you asked me to move in here and all that, but the fact remains that you got involved in this when you didn't have to. I don't want you to look back at one point and... regret that.”

Mike leans away to catch Harvey's eyes, giving him a pleading look as he tries to make him understand. “Look, you're gonna be annoyed with her. Many times. That's just what happens. You can't abandon her when you don't wanna deal with her anymore. She needs stability and parents who are going to be there for her no matter what. And I wouldn't force that on you if you're not one hundred percent sure.”

The frown on Harvey's face deepens as he listens. Mike anxiously waits for him to speak, gnawing his lip until he fears he's going to draw blood.

“I'm annoyed with you frequently,” Harvey finally says. “And yet I would never abandon you. I imagine you feel the same way about me.”

Mike smiles a little. “True,” he concedes. “But you can see where I'm coming from with this, right? It's not that I don't trust your dedication to her. It's just human to become annoyed and I don't want you to start harboring any resentment or anything when-”

“Mike,” Harvey cuts him off. “I get it. It's a valid concern, and I'm not mad you brought it up. Just look at it from my perspective. Yes, you were given the responsibility for Nela, but I'm choosing it. And I don't choose it lightly. I'm doing this entirely of my own free will. I think I've lived with her long enough to walk into this with both eyes wide open. I know what this entails, and I want it anyway. Don't you think that counts for something?”

Mike holds his gaze, then nods. “Yes,” he agrees quietly. “It does.”

Harvey leans in, tipping up his chin. “You think too little of me.”

“I don't,” Mike protests. “I don't, and it's not that I don't trust you. I just worry-”

“I know. I get it. None of us know what tomorrow brings, and you don't want that kind of uncertainty for her. But you can't give her a life where everything is secure. That's not how it works. And I'm in this with you, and I promise that I'm going to give it my everything until she's all grown up and tired of us. Just, give me a chance to prove myself to you, alright? To you and to her.”

Mike nods mutely, still feeling miserable for even bringing it up.

“Have I ever let you down? Be honest with me.”

“No,” Mike says without hesitation. The corner of Harvey's mouth lifts.

“Good. And I don't intend to start now.”

Instead of replying, Mike leans in to kiss him. “I trust you,” he murmurs when he draws back. “I trust you so much. You gotta know that.”

“I know,” Harvey replies, pecking his forehead. “It's okay.”

Mike lets out a sigh when he drops his head on his shoulder. They both stay quiet for a moment, each hanging after their own thoughts, but Mike knows the conversation isn't over.

“Another thing,” he brings up after a slight pause, and Harvey nods him to continue.

He sits up, needing to be able to look at Harvey's face for this. “Okay, so I know you don't have a problem with people knowing about your sexuality, and that you're not hiding it, just not telling everyone about it, but... us being together and raising a child is going to attract attention.”

“We're already attracting attention.”

“That is... probably true,” Mike acknowledges, “but it's not the same. This would make it official. People would talk about it. Everyone would know, and I'm sure some people would have strong opinions about it.”

“I don't give a shit what anyone has to say. I'm assuming you're talking about clients, so let me stop you right there and say that I couldn't care less about signing anyone who cares that I'm dating a man. You're right, I didn't tell people about my sexuality because there was nothing at stake before and it didn't matter if they didn't know. It was even convenient, yes. But now there's you, and Nela, and I am not hiding you just to accommodate some asshole bigots that would bring the firm some money. It's not worth it.”

He puts his hand on Mike's thigh, looking at him intently. “I'm proud of you. I'm proud of being with you, and I'm proud of the family we have. I want people to know that, and anyone who has a problem with it can fuck right off.”

Mike swallows, entirely defenseless against the wave of devotion rising in him at his declaration. At how fiercely Harvey defends him, how he talks about their family as if Nela staying is already a done deal. How clear it is that he is just as involved in this as him.

“I'm proud of being with you too,” Mike tells him. A smile softens Harvey's expression.

“I know.”

“So people knowing about us...”

“Is not going to be an issue,” Harvey finishes. “Besides, don't think for one second that I'm not ready to sue anyone who dares to discriminate against us or Nela for having two dads.”

“Yeah, I heard you're dating a pretty great lawyer who could help with that.”

Mike grins when Harvey chuckles, and for a moment he allows himself to feel cautiously optimistic that maybe, possibly, they can actually make this work.

But then –

“Now that that's settled, there's only one more thing I can think of.”

He sobers immediately, the smile slipping from his face. They have talked about pretty much everything Mike could think of, and all that's left is the one thing standing in the room neither of them wants to acknowledge.

Harvey is the one to say it out loud. “Our little secret concerning your lacking degree.”

Mike lets out a slow breath. “Yeah,” he agrees quietly. “That's going to be an issue.”

They are both silent for a moment.

“Look, if I get caught then we'll have to-”

“There's just always the risk of someone looking too closely-”

They both break off. Mike sighs.

“You're right. The risk is always going to be there, and taking in a child when I could go to prison at any moment is probably not a responsible thing to do.”

“No,” Harvey agrees. “On the other hand, you've been doing just that for the past few months. And we can't live our entire lives in fear of being caught and never do the things we want to do.”

 _We_ , Mike thinks. _Our_ lives. The things _we_ want to do. Harvey never fails to remind him that the both of them are in this together. It's weirdly comforting. If everything else goes to hell, at least they'll still have that.

“If I go to prison she'll still have you, at any rate. And I would come back. I don't even want to think about doing this to her _or_ you, and I hope it never comes to it, but... it wouldn't be forever.”

Harvey gives him a long look, and Mike knows why, but this isn't up for discussion. Never. If he's going down, he is going to do whatever it takes to ensure that Harvey doesn't go down with him.

Before he can even think about arguing the point Mike continues, “And even if I get caught, there's no guarantee I'll be found guilty. We have some pretty great lawyers on our side.” He lifts his shoulders in a shrug. “We could make up a story of how there was a glitch that somehow erased all record of me from the Bar. How I lived at home while I was at Harvard, never went to classes except to take tests.”

“That's all fair enough, but nobody's going to believe a story about a glitch. We can dispute everything else, we might even win, but you not being a member of the Bar is going to be their smoking gun.”

Mike sucks in his lip. “We could always call Lola. Ask her to hack into the Bar. Make a list of everything that could prove I wasn't at Harvard and have her change it.”

“And thus commit an even bigger crime.”

“Fraud is fraud. If I get caught, chances are I'm already going to prison.” Mike smiles humorlessly. “What's a few years more?”

Harvey frowns, clearly not sharing the sentiment. “I agree that making sure your name is everywhere it should be would be helpful, but moving the body is a risk I'm not convinced we should take. It could attract attention.”

“It's going to attract a hell of a lot more attention if I'm found out and my name isn't on any records,” Mike points out, but even so he knows that Harvey's concerns are valid. He lets out a deep breath. “Look, we can go back and forth about this all day. Doing something is a risk. Not doing anything is also a risk. There's always a downside, no matter what we decide. So what are we going to do?”

Harvey clenches his jaw, then clasps his hands together as he comes to a decision. “This issue – is it going to be deciding for you on what we do about Nela?”

Mike hesitates. He knows what he should say, that the answer should be a clear yes, that anything else would be irresponsible. But that's not how he feels. He can't not live his life the way he wants because he's scared, Harvey's right. And he knows that he would regret being caught when he has Nela at home waiting for him, but he also knows that he'd regret letting her go out of fear for the rest of his days.

“No,” he decides, and he sees the same sentiment reflected in Harvey's eyes. They are alike in that. Always crossing lines they shouldn't.

“Then here's what I suggest. We make a trial run for, say, three months? We continue as usual, but with the conscious thought of making this arrangement permanent. We try it out, and by the end of the three months we make a decision. My only condition is that we keep the rules we had for this conversation. If something doesn't work for either of us, we say it. Full disclosure.”

Mike licks his lips, nodding decisively. “That sounds like a good plan.”

Harvey nods as well. “As for our secret, we don't do anything about that for now. We can think it over, and if we choose to keep Nela, we can decide what we want to do then.”

“Okay,” Mike agrees. “Yeah, alright.” He turns his head, glancing at Nela asleep in her playpen, having missed the entire discussion determining her future. His heart does a strange flutter in his chest. “Three months. Let's do that.”

He looks back to Harvey, shaking his head. “Have I ever told you how lucky I am to be with you?”

“I'm the lucky one,” Harvey says, and then he cups his face to give him a kiss before getting up. Mike watches his back, suddenly desperate to get something else off his chest.

“Harvey?” He turns around. Mike bites his lip at the guilt washing through him. “I'm sorry.”

Harvey frowns. “For what?”

“For not talking to you sooner. I know I've been... distant, lately. It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I never meant to make you feel like it was about you and I'm sorry if I did.”

Harvey looks at him in silence, an expression on his face Mike would almost describe as vulnerable. Then he crosses the distance between them, stopping just in front of him.

“It's alright, as long as you promise to talk to me about what's going on with you from now on.”

“I promise,” Mike swears, and he meets Harvey halfway when he leans in for a kiss, the feeling of his mouth on his like pure relief. He steps closer, pressing his chest to Harvey's as he parts his lips to grant him access.

It's the best kiss they've had in ages. It feels like the first one all over again.

He makes a protesting sound when Harvey draws back, chasing his mouth until they both need to catch their breath.

“We're in this together,” Harvey says, if as a promise or a reminder Mike doesn't know. He nods anyway, lacing their fingers together as he pulls him to the bedroom, suddenly desperate to feel him close. Harvey follows him willingly.

“Together,” he agrees. “Always.”


	11. Chapter 11

They carry on as usual on the surface, but the moments they share feel more significant somehow.

Mike wakes up one morning to an empty bed, only to find Harvey and Nela hurdled together in front of the TV, watching a children's movie she is way too young to understand. It is usually Mike who can be found in that position, but as he has learned, Harvey is not above doing the unexpected. He just smiles and joins them, leaning into the arm Harvey wraps around him contently.

At night Mike reads a new book to Nela before putting her to bed. It's about a tiger mom encouraging her cub to go to sleep by telling him about the dreams he may have, reassuring him that she'll be there when he wakes up. Mike instantly fell in love with the story, but it still takes him by surprise when the book is taken out of his hands and Harvey sits down next to him, picking up where he left off.

“Dark is just the other side of light,” he reads, “it's what comes before dreams.” He meets Mike's eyes over the book, and Mike swallows, barely managing to wait until they are out of the room before pushing him against the door and kissing him senseless.

It's the same thing when Mike and Nela are cuddled up in a chair some days later before Harvey steps in front of them, effectively diverting Nela's attention. His eyes, however, are on Mike.

“You want anything to drink? Coffee?”

“A latte?” Mike asks hopefully, grinning up at him.

Harvey nods before he bends down to kiss him. “As you wish. What are you two doing?” he then asks, brushing a hand over Nela's hair. She blinks at him.

“Just some rhythm games. She's still sleepy.”

Harvey hums thoughtfully. “Did you do her favorite yet? The one with the birds?”

Mike shakes his head. “You wanna do it?”

Harvey just takes Nela's hand in reply, holding it out as he begins to recite the rhyme, tapping her fingertips at the appropriate moments.

They are so close that Mike's knee is wedged between Harvey's legs, but he doesn't seem to care. He is grinning like a maniac as he repeats the rhythms that make Nela laugh, and it's so domestic and familial that it makes Mike's chest ache.

Maybe he made some kind of sound, or it's written across his face, because Harvey's eyes flicker to his as he finishes the rhyme. He just looks at him with a tilt of his head, then leans in to press a kiss to his temple before stepping back, giving him space to sort out his feelings.

It's like the significance of every small moment is only now hitting him, and sometimes it's too much to process.

“I guess I didn't allow myself to actually enjoy all this stuff before,” he tells Rachel over lunch. “Back when I was still convinced that keeping her was off the table. And now it's overwhelming sometimes, to think that we might actually do this.”

“I still think you two would make fantastic parents,” Rachel remarks. “I understand why you're doing this trial run, but the past few months should tell you all you need to know. You want her, you're good with her, what's left to discuss?”

“Lots and lots of things,” Mike says with a grin, but her firm belief means a lot to him. She's been an avid supporter of them adopting Nela from the moment Mike brought it up, and it's reassuring to have someone from the outside who doesn't think it's the worst idea ever.

“So what's the prognosis? How do you think you're going to decide?”

“Honestly? I don't know. I know that I want to keep her, and Harvey does too, but committing to something this huge for the rest of our lives... who knows, maybe he'll change his mind. I wouldn't blame him.”

Rachel smiles knowingly. “But you won't?”

Mike lowers his gaze to his plate, pushing the salad around with his fork. “I don't think so. I don't know, but I really don't think I will. Not after everything.” He sighs, shrugging slightly. “I'll see how things turn out, I guess.”

“Well, you know what I think. Nela would be lucky to have you and Harvey as her dads.”

Mike swallows, barely suppressing the huge smile threatening to take over his face. Him and Harvey as her dads. He really likes the sound of that.

* * *

Harvey watches in amazement how Mike pretty much flourishes after their conversation. It's both relieving and painful to see, because it shows just how much he must have suffered under the weight of keeping his feelings to himself.

These days Mike seems positively ecstatic, like he has held himself back for so long that he is now reeling. Sometimes he gives Harvey a certain look, like he can't believe he is real or that any of this is happening. It makes Harvey angry in hindsight at everyone who ever made Mike think that he couldn't have the things he wanted, or didn't deserve them.

No wonder he is so giddy now, fulfilling the most domestic tasks with an enviable bout of energy. Harvey gets it though. He feels the same way. It's freeing to finally acknowledge to himself that they have grown into a family, and to see the same sentiment reflected back at him every time he looks at Mike is nothing short of exhilarating.

It's easy to get lost in, the fairytale aspect of it, but it doesn't last. They are firmly brought back to earth when, about a week after they made their deal, Nela gets sick again. It's nothing as bad as last time, just a nasty cold that won't let her rest and has Harvey and Mike running around with tissues constantly.

The worst part by far is that she doesn't sleep. Harvey has foolishly grown accustomed to not being woken during the night more than once, which he now regrets. They give her the medication the doctor prescribed, but it does nothing to make her rest. They carry her in turns for hours until at one point they just put her down, knowing that there is nothing they can do other than hope that she falls asleep soon.

It's late, and though they know they won't be sleeping for a while yet they get ready for bed, sliding under the covers together. Harvey itches to reach out and touch Mike, to rid him of all his clothes and kiss him senseless before going down on him, but it's impossible with Nela's crying in the background. So he sighs, settling for a few kisses before rolling back to his side of the bed.

Mike reads next to him, evidently blocking out the crying better than Harvey. He contents himself with surfing the internet for a while, then lies down and just closes his eyes, waiting for Nela to calm down.

It's another half hour later, long after one in the morning, when she eventually falls silent.

Mike lets out a relieved sigh. “Finally.”

Harvey hums, repositioning his pillow as he tries to get comfortable.

The minutes bleed into each other, turning from five to ten to twenty. Thirty minutes on and Harvey is still wide awake. He doesn't have to turn his head to know that Mike is, too.

“Goddamn typical,” Harvey murmurs. “She finally shuts up and now neither of us can sleep.”

Mike chuckles, but says nothing. His eyes are turned to the ceiling as well. “Weird, isn't it?” he asks eventually. “How such a tiny human being dictates your entire life. How quickly you adapt to it.”

“Yeah.”

Mike lets out a deep breath. “I've always wanted children.”

He almost sounds sad, as though he feels bad about the confession when he has an orphaned child in his care. Like he is taking advantage of a tragedy.

“Somehow that doesn't really come as a surprise.”

Mike turns his head. “What about you?”

“I didn't.” Harvey pauses. “Or at least I had no definite plans. But I never wanted an associate without a degree that would disobey me at every opportunity and completely turn my life around either, and somehow I still chose you, didn't I?”

Mike is quiet beside him, possibly thinking, and Harvey turns onto his side to face him because he doesn't want him to get the wrong idea. “Sometimes we don't know what we want until it's right in front of us.”

Mike regards him thoughtfully.

“I never knew what I wanted,” he says eventually. “I mean, I wanted to be a lawyer, but then I got kicked out of college, and after that I just... I never had a definite plan. I guess all I ever wanted, really, was a life that wouldn't make me feel like I was wasting away. And I thought that would amount to a good job, making money, or maybe having a family with two kids and a house.” A slow smile spreads on his lips, barely visible in the dark. “I found that life for me, Harvey. And it's not what I thought it would be. It's so much better.”

“Mike,” Harvey says, for lack of anything else that would convey the depth of his emotions, and then he rolls over and kisses him, pouring everything he can't say, every ounce of what he feels into it. He kisses him long and deep enough for Mike to start moaning into his mouth, and not long after that he kicks the duvet away, clawing at Harvey's shirt in a desperate attempt to get it off.

Turns out he does get to go down on Mike after all.

* * *

The good news is that thanks to the medication and Harvey and Mike's extensive care, Nela really does get better within a few days.

The bad news is that whatever it was she caught, Harvey now has it.

Mike finds him under a pile of blankets on the sofa, tissues all around him.

“I haven't been sick in four years,” he says. “I think I'm dying.”

Mike just presses a consoling kiss to the top of his head in passing as he goes to make tea, wondering when he started taking care of two children instead of one.

“Do you need me to go to the pharmacy? I don't suppose you have anything here,” he muses when he hands him the tea after adding lemon and honey, touching his forehead with the back of his hand.

“I'm good,” Harvey claims, but his expression is gloomy. Mike drops his hand and squeezes his shoulder.

“You're a little hot,” he remarks. Seeing Harvey's lips curving into a smirk he shakes his head, holding up a hand. “No, don't even go there. You're more than just a little hot, yes. If you can still crack jokes you can't be suffering too much.”

Harvey looks like he wants to disagree, but thinks better of it.

“I want to sleep,” he announces when he has finished his tea, reaching for a tissue to blow his nose.

“So sleep. What's keeping you?”

“I need to get some work done.”

Mike lets out a laugh. “No, you don't. Not in this state. I won't stand for any mistakes you make in the woes of fever. Come on,” he says, practically manhandling Harvey up from the sofa to steer him to the bedroom. It's a testament to how bad he must be feeling that he barely resists. Mike grimaces in sympathy.

“There we go,” he mumbles, gently pushing Harvey down onto the bed. He scowls at him, but pulls the duvet over his chest. Mike squeezes his arm and straightens, but Harvey speaks before he can leave.

“The files on the table-”

“Are not your concern right now,” Mike cuts him off. “Don't worry about any of that, alright? I'll handle it. You catch some sleep and get better.” He leans in, kissing his forehead before he draws back with a smirk. “You know, so I can give you real kisses again.”

Harvey gives him a look, but finally closes his eyes. “The McCain briefs aren't due until Tuesday, so do the other ones first,” he mumbles into his pillow.

“Sure thing,” Mike agrees, closing the door behind him.

He half expects Harvey to come out of the bedroom again, pestering him about work, but he sleeps for a solid three hours before the door creaks open. Judging by his expression he could use a few hours more, but Mike is glad that he slept at all.

“I made some more tea if you want to take any back to bed,” he tells him. “The pot is in the kitchen.”

Harvey nods. “Bathroom first,” he rasps.

Mike returns to the work in front of him, determined to get through it quickly now that the load has doubled. He doesn't have much else to do with Harvey laid up, but Nela is going to demand his attention sooner or later.

It takes him a few minutes to realize that Harvey has refilled his cup, but isn't in the bedroom. He looks up to find him leaning in the doorway, his eyes fixed on Mike.

“Why aren't you in bed?”

“It's boring.”

“Okay. Why are you staring at me like that?”

A faint smile crosses Harvey's lips, almost mischievous. “You're less boring.”

Mike shoots him a look. “Whatever it is you're thinking, stop it right now. I'm lucky if I make it out of this without getting sick too, I'm not gonna risk it just to make out a little.”

Harvey frowns. “You're no fun. But I wasn't even thinking about anything like that. I'm just saying, I'm bored.”

Mike lifts an eyebrow. “You want me to lie down with you?”

Harvey shrugs, but Mike can read him well enough by now to know that he's not opposed. He smiles.

“Tell you what. I can't promise Nela is gonna sleep, but I can try to get her to take a nap after finishing this. Then I'll join you in bed, where we're going to keep our hands off each other and not do anything involving bodily fluids. Deal?”

Harvey lets out a long-suffering sigh, bud nods. “Deal.”

“Great.” Mike waves his hand. “Now, back to bed with you. I'll be right there.”

Harvey grumbles something unintelligible, but turns around and shuffles to the bedroom.

Nela indeed lets herself be coaxed into a nap, still worn out from the cold. Mike watches her for a moment before going next door.

Harvey is buried beneath the covers, but he is awake and looks a lot livelier. Mike smiles. If there is one thing Grammy taught him it's that there is no cold some hot tea and a few hours of sleep can't cure.

“Still dying?” he asks lightly as he gets comfortable.

Harvey lifts an eyebrow, a somewhat comical look on his exhausted figure. “Tis but a scratch.”

Mike huffs out a laugh, supporting himself on his elbow as he looks him over. He can tell that he is putting up a brave front. “It's no problem, you know,” he tells him. “I don't mind taking care of you.”

He cups Harvey's face, pecking his cheek before he lies down, smiling when after a moment of silence Harvey grumbles something like, “I don't mind you taking care of me.”

“You wanna sleep?” Mike asks, folding their hands together. “I could use a nap too,” he adds when he sees Harvey's reluctance.

“Fine,” he agrees, closing his eyes, and Mike allows himself a fond smile now that he can't see it. He lifts their hands to press a kiss to his knuckles, then closes his eyes as well.

* * *

Harvey gets better soon, drinking pot after pot of Mike's tea until his throat stops hurting. Along with the sleep Mike forces on him, stubbornly prohibiting any of Harvey's attempts to do some of his work himself, he feels better in no time and doesn't even have to pretend to be fine when he enters the office on Monday. Harvey puts it down to his determination and Mike to his care, but it doesn't really matter. Harvey is back on his feet and Mike has stopped denying him kisses and sex, and that's the important thing here.

Thanks to Mike doing most of his work Harvey doesn't even have much to catch up on, and so he is soon free to focus on other things again. Which, of course, brings their deal right back to the front of his mind.

It's been almost three weeks since their conversation. So far his feelings on the matter haven't changed, but he knows that thinking about this, really thinking about it, entails more than just going on like they did before.

He needs a second opinion from someone he trusts, who is an outsider to all this and won't feed him any bullshit, and he knows just who he needs to talk to for that.

He goes to Jessica's office when he has a spare half hour, feeling just for a second like he is his younger self again, looking for guidance from his mentor. He supposes that in a way, he is.

“You look busy. Destroying someone's life?”

Jessica looks up at the sound of his voice, lifting her eyebrows. “Harvey,” she acknowledges him. “Can I do anything for you?”

Harvey slips into the office, closing the door behind him. “Do you have a minute?”

She looks like she wants to decline, but something in his expression holds her back. “Have a seat,” she says after regarding him for a moment, closing her file as she sits back. “Am I right in assuming that you aren't here on business?”

“Not strictly speaking, no. There's something I wanted to talk to you about. And something I wanted to ask you.”

“And not as a lawyer,” she adds. Harvey nods.

“No. As your friend, your former protégé, or whatever it is that's going to let me bring this up.”

She regards him with a frown, then folds her hands together, curiosity clearly outweighing her apprehension.

“Alright,” she agrees. “No limitations, but I won't promise to answer if you abuse this privilege. Ask away.”

“When you were married to Quentin-” She raises her eyebrows but waits for him to continue- “you didn't have any children.” He pauses, because one can never know with Jessica. “Right?”

The corner of her mouth twitches. “No, I did not,” she confirms.

“Was that because your marriage fell apart before it could come to that? Or because of the work?”

He believes what he told Mike, that having a job and raising a child aren't mutually exclusive. But the jobs they have are demanding. There'd be times at which Nela would have to come first, and Harvey wouldn't hesitate putting her there, but part of him wonders if that's even possible.

“Harvey.” Jessica shakes her head. “I don't have children because I didn't want to have any. Neither my marriage nor my job had anything to do with that.”

Harvey nods slowly. He didn't know about this, but it's not surprising. Picturing Jessica as a mother doesn't quite work. She's a natural leader and she takes care of her own, but a mother? Nurturing, caring, those aren't words he would use to describe the woman in front of him.

Still, he needs to ask.

“Why didn't you?”

“Because it's not for me. Being a mother is not in my nature. It's just not who I am.” She crosses her legs as she leans back in her chair. “But this conversation isn't about me. It's about you, isn't it?”

“It is,” Harvey agrees.

Jessica regards him for a long moment before she seems to find whatever she was looking for.

“You and I are alike in many ways, Harvey, but not in this. I never wanted children. I don't know if you did, but something must have clearly changed for you to come to me with this.”

She doesn't wait for him to explain. “If I _had_ wanted children back then, if things with Quentin hadn't fallen apart, it would have been difficult. It could have worked, but I probably would have had to sacrifice my position at the firm. I wouldn't have been the one to stage the coup with Daniel and become name partner.”

She pauses, leaning in before she adds, “But you're in a different position. You're already close to the top of the chain of command. You could afford to take a step back and return at a later time.”

“Do you think I'd have to? Step back?” They both know that he isn't speaking in the abstract anymore, and so he continues, “This arrangement we have right now, with Mike doing half his work from home and Nela being at the day care in the mornings, it's working. We could continue like this.”

“Children get sick,” Jessica points out. “Sometimes they require you to drop everything.”

“Yes, but there's two of us. One could stay and take care of the work while the other takes care of her. Besides, other partners have children. They manage to balance those two aspects of their lives.”

Jessica lets out a deep breath, tilting her head. “Listen, Harvey. I don't think you would necessarily have to take a step back, and Mike's career wouldn't suffer from it either. The kid seems to stubbornly make his way to the top, whether I like it or not. You _would_ be able to make it work. The question is, would you want to?”

Harvey frowns. “How do you mean?”

“Do you really want to take a child in only to not witness her growing up?”

“That's not what it would be like,” Harvey replies, shaking his head decisively. “It isn't like that right now either. I want to be there for her, and I _am_ there for her. It's true that I don't see as much of her as I would like, and it's also true that my time is limited, but I _make_ time for her. Because she's important to me, as is the work, and I wouldn't neglect either.”

When he finishes, Jessica is regarding him with something that is almost a smile. “Then I think your question is answered, don't you?”

Harvey opens his mouth, then closes it. He sits back, returning her look with narrowed eyes. “So you think I could do it. Balance both aspects.”

“Harvey,” she says, this time smiling for real, “I think you're already doing it. Look, if you do want to take a step back, go ahead. You might make name partner a year later or two. If that's fine by you, I don't see why you shouldn't do what you so clearly want to.”

And really, there is nothing to say to that. “Yeah,” Harvey agrees after a moment. “I think I really do.”

He meets Jessica's gaze, and at the sight of her expression he can't keep the smile off his face any longer. Jessica watches him intently.

“By god.” She shakes her head. “I'll admit that I did not see this coming. You really want to keep the little girl.”

“We're thinking about it,” Harvey corrects. “It's a trial run of sorts. But yes, we want to. You know Mike. He went and fell in love with her. It's not really a big surprise, in hindsight.”

“No,” Jessica agrees, her lips curling with the hint of a smirk. “You doing the same thing, however, is definitely more surprising.”

Harvey doesn't deny it. “It has come to my attention that people sometimes don't know what they want until it's already in front of them,” he says with a smile. “Like a career that's being sponsored by a woman who saw your potential before you ever even knew it was there. Or an associate that never went to law school but knows how to turn your life around like a pro.”

“Or a child that's quite literally been dropped into your lap,” Jessica finishes. Harvey nods.

“Exactly like that.”

Her eyes narrow as she cocks her head, giving him a calculating look.

“So you and Mike Ross aren't just serious, you're willing to take this to the next level already.”

Harvey laughs quietly. “Mike and I have been ready to take this to the next level for a long time. We've been serious ages before we got together. It just took us a while to realize it was mutual.”

She huffs, shaking her head. “Goddamn Mike Ross.” Harvey has heard that before, but he has never seen the almost fond expression on Jessica's face alongside it. “Who would have thought this kid would be the one to domesticate you.”

The words are almost challenging, as if she expects Harvey to dispute the point, but he just smirks. “Thought, no. Hoped? Definitely.”

Jessica chuckles. “I didn't know that this was something you wanted, Harvey,” she then says. “But I'm glad you're getting it. Let me know when the two of you have made your decision. I'll have the greeting card ready.”

“What makes you so sure we're going to keep her?”

“Because you wouldn't have brought it up if _you_ weren't sure.”

“We really are still thinking about it,” Harvey points out. “Nothing's set yet. I came to you because I want your opinion.”

“Yes.” She smiles. “But even more than that you want my approval.”

Harvey looks at her, then nods. He gets up, lifting an eyebrow. “So now that I have it, are we gonna hug or what?”

Jessica snorts, rolling her eyes. “Get back to work, Harvey,” she dismisses him, reaching for her file. “Before I start billing you for my time.”

Harvey, already on his way out, just calls, “You would never. I'm your favorite pro bono.”

He grins when he hears her muttering behind him, “That's up for debate.”

He stops in the doorway, looking back. “Thank you, Jessica.”

She glances up, regarding him before nodding. “One more thing,” she says. “I think it's time I met the little lady who managed to steal your heart, or what was left of it after Mike Ross came along.”

Harvey smiles. “I'm sure we can arrange something.” He holds her gaze for a moment before he turns to go. There is a look in her eyes that is almost proud. Harvey leaves her office with energized strides, feeling more settled than before.

Donna isn't at her desk when he returns, instead waiting for him in his office.

“Did she manage to ease your mind?”

“You know that's scary, don't you? That mind reading business?”

“Oh, come on. That one was easy. You have no cases you need to run by Jessica at the moment and she didn't ask to see you.”

Harvey rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”

“You haven't answered my question, you know. I can tell when you're deflecting.”

Harvey drops into his chair, letting out a deep breath. “She gave me her approval,” he eventually says.

Donna smiles. “Did you expect anything else?”

“I'm not sure what I expected. But it was good to hear nevertheless.”

Donna leans in to pat his hand. “Of course she thinks it's a good idea. Hell, everyone I've talked to thinks so.”

Harvey wants to scoff at the idea of his private life being discussed in the office, but then pauses. “What do _you_ think?” he asks, suddenly curious. “You never said.”

“What do you mean? Of course I did, I told you that you and Mike should keep Nela, remember?”

“I know, that's not what I meant. What do you think about me as a father? Do you think I'm any good?”

He didn't want to admit to himself that he had doubts about that, but now that it's becoming more and more real, he suddenly needs to hear it. He wants to be reassured, to have confirmation that he isn't deceiving himself.

“Harvey,” Donna says. “If you honestly believe I'd let you walk into this if I didn't think you were a good father, then you don't know me at all. I don't just think you're good. I think you've proven yourself to be a great father, and Nela is lucky to have a dad like you.” She sits back, holding out her hands. “I wouldn't lie to you, but if you don't believe me, ask Mike. He's going to tell you the exact same thing.”

Harvey swallows before trying to speak. “Thank you, Donna,” he says, and she just smiles and leaves him to it, knowing that he needs a moment to process by himself.

Talking to Jessica and Donna does ease his mind. Harvey doesn't need anyone's approval, but he still values it from those who are closest to him.

He knows he isn't the only one who is seeking advice. Mike has been spending more time at the graveyard, and not for the first time Harvey wishes his grandmother was still alive to be there for him when he needs it. He knows how close Mike was to her, that she was his entire family, and though he isn't close to his own relatives he can only imagine how hard that must have hit Mike.

But he has a new family now. He and Nela can't replace what Mike lost, but they can give him something new, something hopefully just as important.

Mike has become Harvey's family too after all, he muses as he looks at him after he returns from one of his visits to the cemetery, face flushed from the cool spring air, smiling when he sees Harvey and Nela on the floor. He never thought that's what he would get for hiring a fraud, but now he can't look at Mike without thinking, _yes, it's him. He's my family. He's what I've been looking for without knowing it._

“What are you two doing?” Mike asks, bending down to drop a kiss on Harvey's head before shedding his coat.

“Nela has been giving me presents,” Harvey explains, shooting him a long-suffering look.

“Ah,” Mike says with a knowing grin. It's one of her new favorite activities, handing them whatever toy she's playing with as a gift. As endearing as it is, it tends to get repetitive after a while.

Nela looks at Mike when he settles next to them on the floor, smiling at her. “What's that you've got there?” he inquires, pointing at her hands.

“Ba!”

“A ball, that's right,” Mike agrees. He has been making efforts to encourage her to speak, repeating words or pushing her in the right direction, but so far Nela doesn't seem interested in verbally expressing herself. Harvey would never say it, but it's cute how much Mike tries.

Nela holds out the ball to Mike with a questioning sound, and Mike takes it and says, “Thank you, that's very kind of you.”

Nela picks up her rattle next, chewing on it before handing it to Harvey, who also accepts it and thanks her very seriously.

“It's so cute,” Mike remarks. “Imagine if she stayed that generous.”

“If she does, it'll be on you,” Harvey remarks dryly, “you and all your caring.” He shakes the rattle Nela gave him. She turns to him, giving him a smile.

“I think we should go on a date,” Mike announces out of the blue.

Harvey stills the rattle in his hand. “What?”

“A date. You and me. Going somewhere, enjoying ourselves, all that.”

“A date implies that we aren't already in a relationship,” Harvey points out.

“Yeah, but we've done this whole thing backwards anyway, haven't we? First we moved in together, then we actually got together, and now we're going on a date.” He lifts an eyebrow. “If you want to, that is.”

Harvey thinks about it. The idea is intriguing. He remembers all the times Mike and he went out for dinner, everything about it screaming _romance_. He wanted it to be a date so badly, but he always told himself that was out of the question. Now that they can actually go on one...

“I'd love to,” he agrees, and Mike's face lights up. “Anything specific you had in mind?”

“Nothing fancy, you know. Just a restaurant, maybe a bar after that. To be honest I didn't really think past the idea of us doing something together.”

“You have wild fantasies,” Harvey remarks, elbowing him with a smirk. “Let's ask Rachel to watch Nela and then we can figure out where we'll go.”

“Awesome,” Mike says with a grin, leaning in to kiss him. “I've always wanted to go on a date with you.”

Oh, Harvey has too. And now that he can, he's determined to make it the best first date ever.

* * *

Rachel is happy to babysit Nela, and so they go on their first official date the following Saturday.

“We'll just be at a restaurant,” Mike tells her. “You can call us anytime. You have my number, and Harvey's. We might go to a bar after dinner, but we won't be long, promise. If there's anything wrong-”

“For god's sake, Mike,” Rachel interrupts him, rolling her eyes. “This isn't my first time babysitting. We're gonna be just fine. Now go and have fun, and I swear to god, if I hear from either of you before you get back...”

Mike finally gives in at her stern voice, letting himself be stirred into the hall by a relentless Harvey, who exchanges an amused glance with Rachel over his shoulder before finally closing the door.

“You are such a mother hen,” Harvey remarks as they step outside.

“I am not!” Mike splutters, but he looks almost sheepish when he glances at him.

“You are,” Harvey insists, dropping a kiss on his head. “It's cute.”

Mike sighs in defeat. “So,” he then says, changing the topic, “where are you taking me?”

Since Mike had no wish other than to spend the night together and Harvey was afraid he'd choose a burger restaurant if he gave him free rein, he took it upon himself to make reservations. He hasn't told Mike where they are going yet, and he doesn't intend to do so now.

“Guess,” he says instead.

Mike groans. “How would I know? You've probably dined at every fancy restaurant in this city that I've never even heard of.”

“That's probably true,” Harvey acknowledges.

“You do realize that I'll know in a few minutes anyway, right?”

“Indulge me.”

Mike gives in at his smirk. “Okay,” he sighs. “Per Se.”

“Why that?”

“I don't know, it's fancy.”

“Nope.”

“Jean-Georges.”

Harvey shakes his head.

“Craft?”

“Are you just listing every restaurant in New York?”

“Maybe.”

“Come on,” Harvey chuckles, putting a hand on his back, “you'll know when we get there.”

Mike really doesn't figure it out until they are standing in front of the restaurant. He grows quiet as he takes in the building, clearly recognizing its significance.

Harvey nudges him gently. “Alright?”

“Eleven Madison Park.” Mike tears his eyes from the restaurant to look at him. “This is where we went the first time we had a meal together.”

Harvey nods. “Only we were meeting a client then, even though I'd really rather have taken you here outside of work. I thought it was time to redeem that.”

A slow smile spreads on Mike's face. “You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm getting the feeling that the great Harvey Specter is actually a romantic.”

“Only for you,” Harvey replies smoothly, then steps forward to hold the door open. “After you.”

Harvey did want a restaurant that held sentimental value, but that is only half the reason why he chose this one. The interior is roomy and friendly. The huge windows flood the space with natural light during the day and make for a nice view at night. It's classy without being pretentious, somewhere Harvey knows Mike will feel at ease.

The food is fantastic too, which is a nice bonus, but the best thing by far is sitting across the table from Mike, getting to enjoy a dinner that is only about them, not under the pretense of work or the cloak of friendship. It feels better than Harvey imagined.

Mike seems to feel the same way, if his beaming smile and easy banter is any indication. He does put his phone on the table, but he barely checks it, and Harvey doesn't mind at all. He would want to know if something was up with Nela too.

Mike's hand rests on the table between them, practically laid out in invitation, but a look of surprise still crosses his face when Harvey takes it. He smiles when he fondles his fingers, locking their hands tightly as they wait for their food.

One of the things Harvey loves most about being with Mike is that it's so easy. They always have something to talk about, from work over inane movie debates to deep conversation that would feel weird with anyone else, but not with Mike. Never with him. Usually a first date is about getting to know someone, but since they can skip that part they dive straight into other topics, more or less picking up where they left off before they came here.

Harvey never enjoyed that part of dating too much anyway. It's often forced, polite questioning rather than actual interest. With Mike there is also the added advantage of them already knowing the worst of each other. No bad surprises, and no awkward angling as they find their footing. It's just right, and easy, and probably the best first date Harvey has ever had in his life.

Their feet brush repeatedly beneath the table, and Mike's smirk soon tells Harvey that the continued nudging of his ankle isn't accidental. Well, two can play that game.

Mike's grin widens when Harvey trails the tip of his shoe up his calf. He gives him an innocent smile. “Something wrong?”

“Yeah,” Mike says, leaning across the table, “you're too far away.”

“Mhh.” Harvey gladly meets him halfway, smirking when he tastes the wine on Mike's lips. “That was a good choice.”

“I hope you're talking about me.”

“Let me rephrase that: those were some good choices,” Harvey amends. The playfulness almost makes him lightheaded, though that could also be the alcohol. They share a bottle over dinner, and Harvey barely notices that they've nearly finished it until Mike fills the last glass.

“That's all of it,” he announces, almost regretfully.

“You wanna order another one? Or we could get out of here,” Harvey suggests.

“Got something particular in mind?”

“Let's just walk around for a while, see where it takes us.”

They get the bill, which Harvey pays after telling Mike he can cover it next time, and then they step outside onto the busy street. It's cool for early April, and Harvey buttons his coat before holding out his hand.

Mike takes it with a soft smile, squeezing once as he weaves their fingers together.

“Romantic,” he whispers, and Harvey only rolls his eyes and returns the pressure.

New York by night is a sight to behold. Harvey regularly enjoys the view from above, but it's something else entirely to be down here, being part of the bustle. There are lights and people everywhere against the dark silhouettes of the city, buzzing with the beat of a thousand voices and music and cars. The city that never sleeps indeed.

Though beautiful as it may be, Harvey thinks, it doesn't measure up in the slightest to Mike as he takes the view around him in. The lights reflect in his eyes, giving them an excited gleam that makes him look a few years younger at least, closer to when they first got to know each other than now.

Mike used to be so young. Harvey didn't notice how much he grew up over the past few months, but he can see it now, watching him from the corner of his eye. There is an air of confidence in the way he carries himself, an assurance radiating off him that wasn't there before. He's a more mature version of the Mike Harvey first met, and it's in each of his movements, etched into the lines of his face. He hasn't just grown up, he has grown into himself.

“What?” Mike asks, and Harvey snaps out of his thoughts, only then realizing that he's been staring.

“You're amazing,” he tells him without quite meaning to, but he is glad he did when Mike chuckles, clearly mistaking the statement for meaningless flirting.

Harvey stops in his tracks to pull him to an empty corner, away from the people.

“I'm serious, Mike. Do you have any idea how much you've changed since we first met? How much you've grown up over the past few months? Because they sure as hell weren't easy for you, but you went and took them as an opportunity to grow instead of cowering in fear. You didn't just come out on top, you came out a better and more mature man. You might not believe it, but I admire that person every day. I know I don't say that enough, but you're a good man. You're also brave and kind and infuriatingly ethical sometimes, and watching you growing into a better version of yourself makes me want to do better too. Seriously, Mike, I might be your mentor when it comes to work, but don't think for a second that I don't have a lot to learn from you as well.”

Harvey lets out a deep breath as his words catch up with him, only realizing how true they are after he said them. His heart is pounding in his chest, and he is so caught up in the sentiment that it takes him completely by surprise when Mike laughs softly, almost in disbelief, and asks, “God, do you have any idea how much I love you?”

His gaze is bright and open as he looks at him, and Harvey opens his mouth, but finds himself too taken in by the depth of his feelings to reply.

Mike lifts his eyebrows when Harvey stares at him, the corner of his mouth moving upwards. “What? You honestly didn't know?”

Harvey blinks, shaking his head slightly. He supposes he did know in some part of himself, hoped for it, certainly, but hearing it like this still caught him off guard. Mike seems to have a habit of doing that. “No, I just didn't...”

“Expect me to be so forward about it? Say it like this for the first time? Say it so soon?” Mike chuckles. “I didn't plan on it, that much I can tell you. But you kinda set the mood there with your emotional declaration. You never get to say that you don't do feelings again, by the way.”

He takes a deep breath, his expression growing earnest. “But it's true. I love you. It's the truest thing I know. And honestly? I don't want to hold these things back. I don't want to wait before saying it because of some social rule or something. Because it's true right now, and neither of us knows how long we have together, right? Life can be gone before you know it, and I don't want to wake up one day regretting that I didn't tell you when I had the chance.”

His chest heaves when he breaks off, eyes searching Harvey's face. He looks like he wants to say more, but before he gets the chance Harvey says, “Mike?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you too.”

Mike only gets a split second to process before Harvey crushes their lips together, sealing them in a kiss so deep that it seems to crack something deep inside him. Mike responds readily, kissing him like a man drowning, desperate for air, and in that moment Harvey couldn't care less if they're surrounded by a million people or none at all, standing at the corner of a busy street or in the middle of nowhere, because all that matters is Mike clutching him close, kissing him, _loving_ him.

Harvey understands now why all his previous relationships failed. Because he never felt like this before. He never made emotional declarations. He never opened up this way, pouring out his heart without fearing that it would be used against him. He never gave in to his desires in public, not giving a damn about who sees, and now he knows what he's been missing all this time.

As usual, Mike is the exception to all his rules.

When Harvey draws back it's only enough to whisper against his lips, “Mike, I love you too. Of course I do.”

Mike chuckles and it's probably the greatest sound Harvey has ever heard, and he leans in to chase the delicious noise, the warm softness of Mike's lips, holding him even tighter as they kiss again. A few passersby whistle, but Harvey just smiles and deepens the kiss.

“You know,” he murmurs when they eventually separate for air, “part of me thinks that we should take advantage of having a night off, but most of me just really wants to go home so we can take this to the bedroom.”

“Home it is,” Mike decides immediately, his voice slightly breathless, and Harvey steals another kiss before he lets him lead the way.

He's not sure if it's the residual effect of the wine or Mike beside him that causes the pleasant buzz he feels when he opens the door to the condo a while later, leaving him deeply relaxed and just slightly giddy.

Rachel is on the sofa with her tablet, her legs propped up next to her. She looks up when they enter, smiling as her eyes move over them.

“Hey. You two had a good time?”

Mike holds up his hands with a grin. “Best first date _ever._ ”

Harvey lifts his eyebrows, sparing a thought for Rachel who might consider that comment insensitive, but she just returns the grin. A small part of him is relieved to see it.

“Sounds great! Where did you go?”

“Harvey took us to the restaurant where we first had a meal together,” Mike announces with a sly smile, lifting her legs before sitting down and dropping them in his lap.

Rachel raises her eyebrows. “Seriously? Wow, Harvey, that's actually... romantic.”

Mike laughs at that and Harvey shakes his head, taking a seat in one of the chairs. “Not you too.”

“It's just, I never would have taken you for the type, that's all.” She smirks. “It's cute.”

“Careful,” Mike warns her, “any minute now he's gonna threaten to fire you.”

“I would, if this were business. But she's here as a friend, not for work.”

Rachel meets his eyes. She nods slightly, smiling at him, and Harvey returns it.

“Wow, are you saying you and I weren't friends all those times you threatened to fire me?” Mike clutches his chest in pretended shock. “I'm wounded, Harvey.”

“Guess that just makes me special,” Rachel quips, and then laughs when Mike narrows his eyes. “Don't worry, he's all yours. Seriously, it's good to hear you enjoyed yourselves. You both look happy.”

Mike and Harvey exchange a glance. “We are,” Mike agrees with a smile.

“What about you?” Harvey asks. “Everything go okay?”

“Everything was perfect,” Rachel assures them. “She woke up around nine, but I didn't even have to go in.”

Mike is clearly relieved. “That's great.”

“Yeah, I got to spend the entire evening enjoying this place,” Rachel agrees. Then she sits up. “But I should get going.”

“Let me call you a taxi,” Harvey offers, and she nods gratefully.

They chat amicably while they wait, though Mike's eyes meet Harvey's in a suggestive glance more times than he can count. Rachel notices, of course, and rolls her eyes with a smile.

Mike hugs her before she leaves. “I owe you for this.”

She pats his back indulgently. “No, you don't. It was my pleasure.”

“Thanks, Rachel,” Harvey says, placing a hand on her elbow as he kisses her cheek.

“Anytime. I'm glad you two had a good night.” She smirks. “I'll leave you to it then.”

Mike grins in reply, and Harvey just lifts an eyebrow as he opens the door.

Mike steps behind him as soon as Rachel is gone, wrapping his arms around his waist. Harvey turns around with a smile. “Alright?”

“Better than. You go ahead, I just want to check on Nela before joining you. I seem to remember something about taking this to the bedroom?”

“Astounding, that memory of yours,” Harvey murmurs, giving him a teasing kiss before drawing back. “Go,” he sends him off, “I'll wait for you inside.”

“You had better,” Mike calls over his shoulder with a grin.

* * *

“Harvey.”

Harvey looks up to see Louis standing in the doorway, his head tilted. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Harvey waves him inside. “What's the matter?” he asks, lifting an eyebrow when Louis takes a seat. He usually gets straight to the point, not bothering to sit down.

Louis folds his hands together as he gives him a calculating look. “There are... rumors.”

 _Here we go_. Harvey suppresses a sigh. “Louis, if you're here to tell me that my relationship with Mike is unethical or anything of the sort-”

“Not at all,” Louis cuts him off, looking almost affronted. “You love who you love, Harvey, I'm not here to judge that. Besides, I don't have anything against your relationship. You and Mike have always belonged together, even if I didn't want to see that at first. It was never just about work with the two of you.”

Harvey blinks at him, slightly taken aback. Before he can say anything, however, Louis continues, “But those weren't the rumors I meant. Well, of course there are those too, but they aren't why I'm here.”

“Then why are you here?” Harvey asks, feeling more lost by the second.

Louis purses his lips, glancing at him before he says, “I've heard that you're thinking about adopting your little girl. Nela.”

 _Your little girl_. Warmth spreads in his stomach at those words. He loves the sound of that. It feels... natural. Right.

“You've heard?” Harvey echoes, raising his eyebrows.

“Fine, I've talked to Donna.”

“And you think she would tell you a baseless rumor? Louis, if she says something it's usually the truth. You should know that by now.”

Louis' eyes light up. “So it's true? You're going to keep her?”

“We're thinking about it. Mike and I agreed on a trial run for three months before we make a final decision.”

“How far along are you?”

“About a month now.”

“And what do you think?”

Normally Harvey would tell him to mind his own business, but there is something so eager in his voice that he just answers truthfully. “I think,” he says, a slight smile playing on his lips, “that things are very good. More than that, actually.”

Louis leans back. “You know, Harvey, this might come as a surprise to you, but I've always wanted to be a father. I still hope to be one, one day. But when I look at you, having everything I ever wanted right at your fingertips, it doesn't make me jealous. Well, let's not pretend, not _just_. It makes me happy for you, because I want you to experience the happiness I know raising a child brings with it.”

He frowns as he seems to debate whether or not to go on, but then he sets his jaw and continues. “I know our relationship hasn't always been easy and this might not mean much to you, but I think that any child would be lucky to have you as a father. You and Mike both. You have so much to teach her, and once you consider someone your family you would do anything to protect them, so...” He trails off, catching Harvey's eyes with a nod. “You're lucky to have Nela, but she's lucky to have you too.”

Harvey sits in silence when he stops speaking, trying to wrap his head around the fact that Louis of all people just gave him his blessing. It's unexpectedly touching to hear those words from him. They've had a rocky relationship, and a lot happened that Harvey in hindsight wishes hadn't, but that only makes him value them more.

He clears his throat. “Thank you, Louis. I never thought I'd say this, but I really appreciate hearing that from you.”

Louis laughs a little. “And I never thought that we'd one day have a conversation about you being a father.” He swallows, giving him a long look. “But I'm glad we are.”

Harvey looks at him, biting his lip as he considers his next words.

“Tell you what,” he says, making up his mind, “I'm out of here around seven. What do you say we grab a drink, catch up a little? It's been a while.”

Louis gives him a surprised look. “You mean that?”

Harvey nods, smiling a little. “Yeah, Louis. I mean that.”

Which is how Harvey finds himself getting into the elevator with him an hour later, taking out his phone to send a quick text to Mike.

_Out for a drink with Louis. You gonna be okay?_

“Where do you want to go?” Louis asks, and Harvey doesn't have to think twice.

“Bar 54?” he suggests with a smirk. Louis immediately gets it.

“The one where we made the deal to make junior partner?”

“Damn right it is.”

Louis' smile tells him that he understands the suggestion for what it is, an attempt to relive the bond and companionship they had that night, before things went downhill.

He checks his phone when it chimes with a new message. _Really? I'm fine, she's being an angel today :) Have... fun?_

 _I will,_ Harvey texts back. _Won't be too long_.

He puts his phone into his pocket, not checking it again until he and Louis are comfortably seated, clinking their glasses.

_Oh no, don't rush home on my account. Wouldn't want to interrupt that rare bonding moment ;)_

Harvey smiles as he reads the text.

“Mike?” Louis asks, and Harvey hums in agreement. “I barely get to see him these days. I should talk to him sometime.”

“You should,” Harvey agrees. He replies, _You're generous. You should be rewarded when I get home ;)_ and then raises his glass.

 _Rush home, beloved, I eagerly await your return!_ Harvey rolls his eyes just as his phone vibrates again with a second text reading, _Well, we both do._

Attached is a picture of Mike and Nela cuddled together on the sofa. Mike is lying on his back, head supported by the arm rest, while Nela is on his chest. Both their faces are turned towards the phone, looking straight into the camera with big eyes. Nela's lips are slightly parted while Mike imitates a soft pout that Harvey would love to kiss away.

 _Adorable_ , he texts back.

_Which one of us?_

Harvey huffs, typing _I plead the fifth_ before showing the picture to Louis, who seems to love it as much as Harvey does.

After that he puts his phone away. It turns out to be surprisingly easy to focus on their conversation, which flows naturally and only halts when they order another drink. Harvey can't remember the last time he and Louis got along so well. Although, now that he thinks about it, they haven't locked horns since before Mike moved in with him. It's a surprisingly comfortable change.

“You know, Louis, this is nice,” he tells him after their second drink. “The two of us not fighting, going out as friends. Why do we never do this? It's good.”

“I think so too,” Louis agrees with a wide grin. Harvey raises his glass to clink his.

“To friendship,” Louis proposes, and he nods.

“Jessica would be proud,” he remarks before taking a sip.

“Let's bring her along next time,” Louis suggests, and Harvey laughs.

“Deal.”

The thing Harvey tends to forget is that, for all his quirks and pettiness, Louis is actually a lot of fun to be around. He finds himself laughing at his stories at one moment, then indulging in reminiscences the next. They talk about work, and Louis' fondness of cats which Harvey can't for the life of him get behind, and Nela and Mike, and soon their third drink is empty too.

Louis turns his glass in his hands, throwing him a glance. “Another one?”

“You bet your ass.”

They stay at the bar a lot longer than Harvey intended, watching people come and go, but he isn't inclined to cut the evening short. He is in a splendid mood when he eventually gets home, pleasantly relaxed and slightly tipsy by the alcohol without feeling drunk, and he grins at the thought of seeing Mike again, kissing him and giving him that reward he promised.

Mike seems to be on his way into the bathroom when he opens the door, calling out a quick greeting, but Harvey catches his wrist before he can get anywhere.

“Not so fast,” he says, stepping closer with a smile. Mike raises his eyebrows at him, looking faintly amused as he tries to step back.

“Not that I don't appreciate a nice greeting, but you might wanna stop doing that.”

“No, I'm pretty sure I don't.”

“Harvey...”

Harvey shuts him up with a kiss, and for a few seconds it works, but then Mike puts his hands on Harvey's chest and shakes his head.

“I really wouldn't.”

Harvey frowns at him. “What, you're not gonna let me into your bed when I've had a bit to drink? I'm not _drunk_ , Mike.”

“I know, Harvey. That's not what this is about.”

“Then what is it about? Because I seem to recall you waiting for me and something about a reward...” He wraps his arms around Mike's waist, who erupts into giggles.

Harvey narrows his eyes. “What?”

“For god's sake, Nela just peed all over me,” Mike says, voice breathless with suppressed laughter.

Harvey stills, then slowly withdraws his hands. “Okay, I'm sober now,” he says, peeking at his jacket in fear. Mike giggles again.

“Sorry, I was gonna warn you, but someone was just too determined to lay into me.”

Harvey grimaces. “Why was she even awake?”

“I don't know. She woke up crying about half an hour ago. Probably had a nightmare. But she fell asleep again not five minutes ago, so it wasn't too bad.” He cocks his head. “But enough of that. So. You and Louis?”

“We had a good night,” Harvey says. “We... talked. It was nice.”

Mike regards him, then just smiles. “Good. That's great.”

Harvey doesn't know what he read on his face or worked out for himself, but he figures that he has a pretty good picture. “Yeah,” he agrees. “It is.”

Then he exhales deeply, shaking his head as he looks down. “I suppose I'll just go and clean this up.”

“Yeah, you do that,” Mike says with a grin, pecking his cheek in consolation before letting him go. “And Harvey?”

Harvey turns around to find Mike smirking at him. “Hurry. I want my reward.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you may have noticed that this is now a series! While the story of this fic is finished after chapter 13, there will be a sequel dealing with a few strands of the plot that don't get resolved here :)
> 
> Also, I made [another moodboard](http://andthetardis.tumblr.com/post/166878683494/to-build-a-home-have-i-ever-told-you-how-lucky-i) nobody asked for if you want to check it out!


	12. Chapter 12

Nela speaks her first word when she is ten and a half months old, and for all of Mike's efforts to get her to talk, he didn't see it coming.

He also didn't expect it to be “Look,” said with a frown and a demanding shake of her fist as she tries to show him her toy, but that is neither here nor there.

“Look?” he repeats, slightly dazed. He turns to Harvey. “Was that- did you hear that?”

“I did,” Harvey confirms, looking equally bewildered.

Mike looks back to Nela, who is still frowning at him, and the situation is so bizarre that he can't stop the laughter bubbling up in him. “My god, that's amazing! Nela, you can speak!”

He picks her up, ignoring the protesting sounds she makes as he whirls her around. “Harvey, she finally spoke!”

“I think she's within normal parameters,” Harvey remarks dryly, but Mike hears something like pride in his voice. He beams at him, feeling way too proud for such a small word himself.

Harvey gets up, rounding the table and wrapping an arm around Mike. He caresses Nela's cheek, who still seems confused by the fuss they are making.

“Still,” Mike says, and Harvey presses a kiss to his temple before doing the same to Nela.

“I know,” he murmurs, regarding her with a puffed chest. “Look, though?” he then asks, his voice laced with amusement. “What kind of first word is that?”

“I don't know. To be honest I'm just glad it wasn't mom or something like that.”

“Right,” Harvey acknowledges. “I guess we still have that ahead of us. It's kind of inevitable.”

“Well.” Mike pauses, glancing at him as he sucks in his lip. “Maybe dad wouldn't be so bad.”

Harvey's mouth curves into a smile. “Maybe not,” he agrees, kissing the side of Mike's face again, and Mike closes his eyes as he leans into the touch.

“Here, take her,” he suddenly says, pushing Nela into Harvey's arms.

“What are you doing?”

Mike doesn't reply, just signals him to wait as he grabs a sheet of paper. He writes 'Nela's vocabulary' on the top, then adds her first word before pinning it to the fridge with a grin.

“Have I ever told you how ridiculous you are?” Harvey asks dryly, cocking his head.

“You've mentioned it once or twice, yeah.” Mike goes to stand beside him, elbowing him. “That list won't stay this short for long, you just wait. We need to document everything.”

“Of course we do,” Harvey mutters, but Mike knows he secretly agrees. “Well, we're off to a promising start.” He turns to look at Mike, his features softening as he says, “Your daughter is going to be quite a handful when she grows up.”

Mike swallows, his eyes fixed on Harvey's. “Our daughter,” he corrects, his voice thick, and then he can't do anything but lean in and kiss him.

It's the first time they have referred to Nela that way. It's a trial like everything else, a tentative test of the waters, but if Harvey is anywhere near as thrilled as Mike is, he figures they are on the right path.

By some unspoken agreement they don't talk about it until they have crawled under the covers that night, Nela sleeping peacefully next door.

“It feels so amazing to hear those words,” Mike says, not bothering to clarify what he means.

“It does,” Harvey agrees. “I thought the same thing when Louis referred to me as Nela's father. Even before our trial run. I didn't acknowledge it at the time, but it's...”

“It's right,” Mike finishes. He is silent before turning onto his side, one hand pushed underneath his cheek. “Makes you feel kind of terrible though, doesn't it?” He lets out a slow breath. “She was never meant to be ours. She was Carolina's, and it's only because she's dead that we can even think about calling her our daughter.”

Harvey shakes his head. He reaches out to brush Mike's cheek, almost smiling when he leans into the touch.

“You're looking at this the wrong way. If Carolina was still alive we never would have considered being Nela's fathers. We never would have wanted to. We weren't hoping for something bad to happen just so we could take advantage. All we did was take her in when she had no one else. There's nothing shameful about that.”

Mike listens to his even breathing filling the quiet between them.

“I suppose,” he agrees eventually. “I don't want to feel guilty about loving her. I just want to enjoy it. I've spent enough time doing that,” he explains, somewhat sheepishly. Harvey grasps his hand to squeeze it briefly.

“Well, you don't have to. The way we feel about her isn't wrong.”

“It's just so strange to me how I can want something I never actively thought about before so badly now. And I mean, I don't even know anything about being a parent. Sure, I read all the guidebooks, but really I'm just making it up as I go along.”

“Most parents don't know shit about parenting,” Harvey remarks. He turns onto his side to really look at Mike. “But we're learning, aren't we?”

Mike lifts his hand to trace the lines of Harvey's face. It's too dark to see, but Harvey thinks he is smiling.

“Yeah,” Mike agrees, “we're learning.”

He pushes himself up on his elbow, placing a soft kiss on Harvey's lips before snuggling in beneath the duvet. “We should probably get some sleep before our daughter wakes us at the crack of dawn,” he says, the words laced with pride. Harvey smiles. “Good night, Harvey.”

Harvey's hand finds Mike's on the sheets between them. He wraps his fingers around his wrist loosely before closing his eyes. “Night, Mike.”

* * *

With Nela learning new words at a steady pace now – which Mike and Harvey dutifully add to the list on the fridge – Harvey thinks it's high time she started walking. She keeps pulling herself up on furniture or their legs, gaining a more secure footing with time, but she never goes further.

“Don't worry, you can go for a run with her soon enough,” Mike tells Harvey with a grin, though he tries to encourage her as well, thinking that she could probably take a few steps already if she just wanted to.

To _make_ her want to they often stand in front of her, prompting her to move by holding out their hands and calling her name or waving her over. All their efforts are in vain, though. Nela just frowns at them every time, never once trying to get up.

Until one day she does.

Mike is in the bathroom when it happens, trying to shave in peace when Harvey suddenly bellows, “Mike!” and he nearly drops his razor.

“What?” he calls out, turning his head towards the door. “What's going on? What's happening?”

“Get over here, quickly!” Harvey yells, and this time Mike does drop his razor, hastily wiping his hands on a towel. He frowns when Harvey adds, “And bring my phone! Or yours, or a camera, just be quick!”

“A camera?” Mike stumbles out of the bathroom, nearly tripping as he rushes towards Harvey's voice. “What the fuck kind of emergency requires- holy _shit!_ ”

He freezes mid-step, staring at Nela wobbling towards him in shock. Her legs are wonky and each step is loaded with insecurity, but she's _walking_.

“Hurry up!” Harvey urges him, and Mike snaps out of his stupor as he fumbles for his phone, starting the camera with shaking fingers.

“When the f- when did she learn to do that?” he asks, just so remembering not to swear on camera.

“I don't know. You should have seen it. She just stood up and started walking.”

Harvey's voice is dripping with pride, and Mike beams at him, shaking his head slightly. “Incredible.”

“She is,” Harvey agrees. Nela chooses that moment to stumble and topple over.

“Oops!” Mike says around a laugh at her displeased expression. Harvey chuckles, bending down to pick her up smoothly.

“Look at you, growing up so fast. You're gonna have us running after you before we know it.” He nuzzles her head, inhaling deeply as a smirk steals onto his face. “You're getting ready to take over the world, aren't you?”

Mike beams at the sight of them, Harvey holding Nela close and Nela leaning into him with a smile, all dismay about her tumble forgotten. He is quite glad he got that on tape, too.

* * *

“He isn't in,” Donna informs Mike as he heads for Harvey's office.

Mike stops short. “Oh. Where is he?”

“Emergency meeting with Berger Security.” She flicks her wrist. “But that doesn't matter. Come inside, sit down while you wait.”

Mike eyes her as she rounds her desk, stirring him inside with a hand on his back. “O-kay? Is everything alright?”

“That's what I was going to ask you,” Donna says, taking a seat next to him.

“Me? Sure, everything's great. Why?” Mike frowns. “Is Harvey-”

“This isn't about Harvey,” Donna cuts him off, shaking her head. “You and I haven't talked in a while. I thought we could do with some catching up.”

“Right.” Mike pauses. “Well, like I said, everything is fine. Er... how about you?”

“I'm good,” Donna says. “New yoga class is doing wonders for me. But that's not what I wanted to discuss with you.”

“So you didn't just want to catch up,” Mike points out. Donna just gives him a look, a slight smile on her face.

“You know what I want from you, Mike.”

“The 411 on the Nela situation?”

She crosses her legs and leans back. “Now you're getting it.” She lifts an eyebrow. “Don't worry, I'm not here to get you to confess to something you're not ready for. I just want to know how things are going. From your perspective.”

“I imagine,” Mike begins, then narrows his eyes, “well, I hope that my perspective is more or less the same as Harvey's. We're still trying it out, we're taking our time, but it feels right. To think of Nela as our daughter. To call myself her dad.” He scratches his neck. “I think I'd really like her to call me that.”

Donna's smile widens. “You bet your ass she's going to,” she says. Then she sobers. “But you still have doubts.”

“How do you know?”

“Otherwise you wouldn't have said you're still taking your time. You know you want this, you know Harvey wants it, so the only thing holding you back is something that's causing you to doubt it's the right choice.”

Mike sighs, dropping his eyes. “You know what it is.”

“Your secret.”

Mike nods mutely. “Everything else we can work out. But that... we can't seem to reach an agreement. We don't see eye to eye on what we should do.”

“Why is that?”

“Because no matter what we do, it's dangerous. Leaving my name out of the Bar is risky. Getting it there is also risky. Harvey doesn't want to make a move because he thinks it will attract attention.”

“Which is possible,” Donna remarks. “But what do _you_ want?”

Mike looks up to meet her eyes. “I know it's risky, but like Harvey said about a hundred times, everything is unless I stop practicing law. I think we'd ultimately be more secure if we got Lola to make me a member of the Bar and hack Harvard again.” He pauses, but Donna doesn't seem surprised, so she probably already knew about that. “She is good at what she does,” he then adds. “I think the risk of her getting caught is way lower than the risk of _me_ getting caught later on, and if that happens and my name isn't where it should be, I'm done.”

“Have you told Harvey that?”

“More or less. We agreed to postpone that discussion until after we've made our decision.”

Donna watches him intently. “You know,” she says, covering his hand, “people say this all the time, but I mean it when I say that you two will figure it out. You always do. And if you want to know what I think, chances are that Harvey is going to change his mind. Because he couldn't bear to lose you, and he'd never want Nela to have to grow up without one of her dads.”

Mike's lips curve up at that. “You think we should do it then? Keep Nela?”

Donna squeezes his hand. “Of course you should.”

Mike returns her look, giving her a grateful nod. She smiles before she straightens, just in time for Mike to see Harvey approaching his office. He lifts his eyebrows when he sees Donna and Mike on his sofa.

“What's going on here?” he asks as he enters, looking back and forth between them. Donna just withdraws her hand as she stands up, smoothing down her skirt.

“I've been telling Mike about my new yoga class,” she says, giving him a meaningful wink. “It's been so helpful. I can only recommend it.” Harvey blinks after her as she strides past him. When he turns to Mike, he only smiles.

“You thinking about starting yoga now?”

“Don't sound so skeptical,” Mike says, getting up to hand him the files he initially came for. “I thought you'd be happy about me taking up sports.”

Harvey gives him a look. “Everything okay?” he then asks, and Mike gives him a reassuring smile, leaning in for a quick peck on the lips.

“Everything is wonderful. We were just talking while we waited for you.”

Harvey nods. “Alright,” he says, letting it go. “I'll see you at home?”

“See you at home,” Mike agrees with a smile. “You better be on time. I'm cooking your favorite.”

* * *

It's a day no different from any other when Harvey realizes, in the way big realizations often set in – quietly, without preamble, surprising only in their obviousness in hindsight.

It's Thursday, and Harvey and Mike decided to cook together after Harvey managed to come home early. Nela has been taking tentative steps between their legs, gripping the lower drawers for balance. She is slowly starting to get more secure on her feet, and Harvey never gets tired of watching her. He never gets tired of holding her hands as he walks with her, keeping her upright when she stumbles, or the feeling of pride making his chest swell at the sight of the tiny human being padding around him.

Which is funny, because he technically had no part in bringing her into this world, and yet he has taken her under his wing, feels about her as if she were his own. Mike's infectious grin tells him that he shares the sentiment, and the adoration he sees in his eyes as he watches her is the same kind Harvey feels.

They exchange smiles over her head as they prepare dinner, chatting about nothing in particular, sometimes replying to Nela's mostly intelligible speech, and it's all so easy that neither of them even has to think about it.

They make pasta, Grammy's recipe Mike has happily passed on to Harvey after the first time he made it for him. They sit down when the sauce is ready, and Mike puts Nela in her highchair and ties her bib while Harvey cuts her spaghetti into small pieces.

Nela wants to feed herself, of course, but since she is still too uncoordinated they keep the plate out of her reach to prevent a mess. Today Harvey feeds her, letting Mike take over when she demands another portion.

Dinner takes longer like this, with them taking bites in between feeding Nela, but it's not exactly a hardship to sit together without having to deal with work or any other problems for once, just enjoying the domesticity and the pleasure of the other's company. Mike chatters on while he feeds her and Harvey listens, as does Nela, quiet and thoughtful in the way that is so characteristic for her. After a while they lapse into silence, and it's not uncomfortable. It's calm and relaxing and reassuring in its ease. It's all Harvey could wish for in that moment. And that's when he realizes.

He's looking at Mike, who is looking at Nela, not even paying attention to what he is saying to her as he wipes her cheek with a small frown, then smiles. He sees Nela holding his gaze, full of trust and familiarity, and he hears the warmth that has sneaked into Mike's voice, and he just knows.

This is his family, and he is never going to let that go again. Not for anything in the world.

He exhales slowly, swallowing as the realization sets in. He marvels at how _obvious_ it is in that moment.

Because of course Nela is theirs, and of course they are going to keep her. Of course they are. It seems so easy all of a sudden. He thinks of all the reasons that kept him from saying yes before and just wants to laugh. They are so small, so trivial compared to how much he loves her. How much they love her. Yes, Harvey does feel about her as if she were his own, because she _is_. In all ways but one, but in every way that matters. His and Mike's. Their daughter.

He doesn't realize that he is beaming at the two people that make up his whole world until Mike catches his eyes, giving him a questioning glance.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Harvey says, tearing his gaze from them as he barely suppresses his smile. “Nothing at all.”

* * *

At first, Harvey keeps his decision to himself.

It's not easy. He thinks it must be written on his face when he looks at Nela, shining out of his eyes whenever he catches Mike's gaze, but Mike doesn't ask him if anything's up, and Harvey begins to wonder if he always looked at them that way, and if they were both just too blind to realize.

But he still keeps quiet. Part of him wants to enjoy the almost giddy anticipation a little longer. The other part keeps thinking about the best way to tell Mike. Because even though the moment of Harvey's realization was completely ordinary it was also incredibly special, and he wants the moment Mike realizes to feel the same way.

He thinks about it constantly, coming up with dozens of ideas of how to tell him and dropping most of them, never finding the one that feels right.

He contemplates talking to Donna, but decides against it. This is about Mike's and his life, their family, and it should stay between them before they let anyone else know.

In the end Harvey only has to take a look at the calendar before he smiles, because really, he should have thought of this sooner. It's still two weeks away, but Mike has waited so long now, Harvey thinks he can wait a little longer. He doesn't know he is waiting, after all.

And Harvey, in the meantime, has things to do, preparations to take care of. One very important phone call to make.

A trip to the bank and a pleasant reunion in a public park later he has everything he needs, and his stomach flutters in anticipation every time he thinks about it. He is ready to burst and just tell Mike to see the same joy that's been filling him for days whenever he looks at him, but he knows that's not how he wants to do this.

So he pulls himself together and bides his time.

* * *

Harvey wakes up early. He is alert the second he opens his eyes, his head turning to Mike automatically. He is still fast asleep, his eyes moving rapidly behind his lids, and Harvey keeps his breathing even as he rolls onto his side to get a better look at him.

Today is it. The day their life is going to change irrevocably. Though, he supposes, it already did on that day in early January when Mike found out about Nela and nothing was quite the same after that. Today just makes it official.

It's the third Sunday of June. The three months they agreed on aren't quite over, but Harvey knows the time is right. He isn't going to change his mind, and there is no better day to let Mike know than this one.

Mike is still peacefully unaware of the significance of the date. Harvey doubts he even knows what day it is. Well, that's going to change from now on.

For now he is still sleeping though, and Harvey lets him, knowing how much he can use it. He watches the sunlight playing on his features, breaking on the short strands of his hair as the morning progresses. He uses the time to think, about what they've gone through and what lies ahead, and about the face Mike is going to make when he tells him. He's not exactly nervous, but there is a flutter in his stomach that makes him glad for the little bit of time to himself.

He isn't unsure, he realizes after a little reflection. In fact he has rarely been so sure about anything in his life. It's a risk, of course, calculated but still there, but he and Mike have never been people who shied away from a gamble.

They're going to figure this out. Together, as they always do.

“Mike,” he says gently when he stirs, ignoring the flutter in his belly. Mike makes a vague humming sound deep in his throat, burying his face in his pillow. Harvey watches him wake up slowly, greeting him with a smile when his eyes open.

“Good morning.”

Mike blinks at him, rubbing his eyes as he exhales deeply. “Morning.”

He regards him with a soft smile, for the moment content with just looking as he chases the last remnants of sleep. Harvey almost aches with affection as he looks at him, the softness of his expression, the sleepy eyes, the inviting lines of his body, curled up under the duvet, warm and welcoming. He loves him so much that his veins and his lungs are full with it, refusing to let in any air, pumping only his adoration for the man in front of him through his body. Harvey wants to skid closer and bury his face in his neck, inhale the heavenly scent that is so uniquely Mike's, wrap himself around him until they are as close to being one as they can get.

Instead he gives him a moment to wake up before he gathers his courage and says over the pounding of his own heart, “I have something for you.”

Mike perks up. “What?” He pushes himself onto his elbows, looking marginally more awake. “Is it food?”

Harvey snorts, some of the tension falling off him. “No, but I can make you some in a few minutes if you want.”

Mike looks at him expectantly, and Harvey bites his lip, then rolls over and fetches the box he hid under the nightstand. Mike's eyebrows rise as he accepts it, looking from the simple packing to Harvey's face, neither giving anything away.

“Uh... thanks? What's the occasion?” He narrows his eyes, probably searching his brain for any anniversaries he might have missed, but Harvey only shakes his head with a small smile.

“Just open it. You'll know when you see it.”

Mike regards him for another moment, but then reaches for the lid. Harvey watches him silently, clasping his hands together to hide how unsteady they are.

Mike eyes him from the side when he finds a folded gray shirt inside the box.

“Is this the part where you start dressing me?”

“I've been doing that since day one, Mike. Keep up.”

Mike puts the lid aside, reaching into the box to take out the shirt.

Harvey holds his breath, watching his face as the fabric unfolds to reveal the large black print on the front.

_World's Greatest Dad_

Mike stills for a long, breathless moment. He stares at the letters in silence, neither moving nor speaking as he takes them in.

When he looks to Harvey for an explanation, his eyes are wide and shining.

“Happy Father's Day,” Harvey says quietly.

Mike opens his mouth, but no sound escapes him. He swallows, his jaw working as he looks at the shirt, then back to him.

“Harvey,” he finally says, the word whispered, almost a question, and suddenly Harvey has to swallow too.

“Read the card,” he tells him, nodding towards the box, and Mike only then notices the envelope still inside. He lets the shirt sink, one hand still curled around the fabric while he takes the card, unsteadily opening it.

Harvey watches his face as he reads the words he knows by heart.

_Happy Father's Day, from the two people that love you most in the world._

_I'm all in if you are._

The card shakes in Mike's grip as he reads and rereads, even though the words surely burnt into his mind too after the first time. Harvey itches to touch him but wills himself to let him process.

Mike inhales sharply, looking up to meet Harvey's eyes. A thousand unspoken things pass between them. He swallows heavily before asking, “You really mean it?”

“I mean it. I don't think I've ever been so sure about anything in my life, except maybe you. I want to do this with you, Mike. I've made my decision, and I think you've made yours. So if you're sure...”

Mike swallows again, nodding mutely. There isn't a hint of hesitancy in the movement.

“How long have you known?” he asks, wiping his nose.

“A little while. About two weeks, give or take. I thought today was the perfect day to tell you, but I also needed the time because I wanted to get you something to go with the announcement.”

“So you got me a shirt,” Mike finishes.

“I did, but that's not my actual present. I have something else for you.”

Harvey opens the drawer of his nightstand, taking out the file he put there yesterday and handing it to Mike.

He takes it, searching his face before dropping his gaze to the folder, opening it slowly. His eyes widen when he realizes what he's looking at.

“Oh my god. Harvey-”

“Congratulations.” Harvey takes his hand, lacing their fingers together. “You're officially a member of the New York Bar.”

Mike swallows. “You went to Lola.”

“You were right. The risk of not doing anything was higher. I called her, and in exchange for a generous donation she made you a member of the Bar and hacked the Harvard data base again.”

Harvey uses his free hand to flip to the next page.

“This is a list of every document I could come up with that your name should be on. There's nothing we can do about private notes or printed lists, but as far as the digital archive goes, you attended every mandatory course there is. Class rankings, course lists, yearbook records, and anything else that could potentially be used to prove that you never got a degree from Harvard. It's all taken care of. You're safe now. As safe as you can be. If you ever get caught, we stand a really good chance.”

Mike stares at the list reverently, his hand almost cramping around Harvey's. He lets out a deep breath, nearly a sigh, and Harvey feels like he sees for the first time just how heavy the weight of their secret really weighed on Mike. It's a weight that is never going to go away completely, not unless Mike quits, but it's lighter now. Easier to carry. Harvey feels it too. Neither of them knows what tomorrow will bring, but chances are it will be something amazing, and if it isn't then they will handle it together.

Mike inhales deeply, sucking his lip in as a smile steals on his face. He glances up, his eyes shining.

“As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.”

Harvey huffs out a laugh, and with that a heaviness he never even realized was there seems to lift from his chest and evaporate.

“Really? _Goodfellas_ again?”

“You gotta go back to the classics.”

“Now I'll always associate that movie with the day we officially decided to become a family.”

A soft expression crosses Mike's face. “No,” he says, gripping his hand tightly, “you've been my family for a really long time. That didn't happen today.”

Harvey lifts his hand, kissing his knuckles. “For me, either.”

Mike's eyes fall on the shirt again. He curls his fingers into the fabric, brushing the letters. “It's great.”

“It's completely tasteless. I thought you'd enjoy it.”

Mike headbutts him in the shoulder, a huge smile on his face. He stays there, leaning on him, his eyes on the file.

After a moment of silence he says, “So we're really doing this.”

Harvey nods. “We're really doing this.”

Mike looks at him with a complicated expression, and before Harvey can try to make sense of it he leans in and cups his face with both hands as he kisses him. It tastes of gratefulness and devotion and pure, unadulterated joy, and Harvey parts his lips without thinking, trying to absorb the intoxicating mix.

He doesn't have Mike's perfect memory, but he knows he is going to remember this kiss for the rest of his life.

Mike's eyes are bright when he pulls back, his cheeks flushed, lips red and shining. “I love you,” he murmurs before sealing their lips again. “I love you so much.”

Harvey's hands slip around his waist as he pulls him closer. He returns the kiss until he needs to breathe, his chest heaving as he replies, “I love you too. And I choose you. Everything. Always. Your life, your problems, and now our family too.”

Mike draws back, opening his mouth as if to say something, then hesitates. “Harvey...” He swallows, his jaw working as he struggles to find the right words. “Do you have any idea- do you know that right now, for the first time in my life, I feel like I belong somewhere? Like I'm not just biding my time? Even when I was with Trevor and Jenny, I just drifted. I just _was_. But now I belong. Now I have people I belong to, an actual family, and that you're giving me that... I can't tell you what that means to me.”

“I imagine it's similar to what you giving me a shot at having a family feels like,” Harvey replies with a smile. Mike swallows before he pulls him in for another desperate kiss, then draws back just far enough to peck every inch of his face he can reach. Harvey lets himself be covered in kisses for a good minute before he grabs Mike around the waist and rolls them over, nuzzling him into the covers as he seeks out his lips again.

The moment is endless, perfect and complete in their shared closeness, the bliss running through both of them. Harvey would have happily stayed in that bed forever, never tasting anything other than the joy on Mike's lips, the happiness he emits, ever again. Nela, however, has other plans.

Mike reluctantly breaks the kiss when her crying sounds from the other room, withdrawing his hands from where they have slipped underneath Harvey's shirt. Harvey regretfully pulls Mike's shirt back down as well, dipping his head to press a kiss to his stomach in a silent promise for later.

He glances up through his lashes when Mike huffs out a laugh. His gaze is turned towards the ceiling. “What's so funny?”

Mike's eyes wander to him, full of warmth and adoration. He slides a hand into Harvey's hair, running his fingers through the short strands. “I've just been thinking. You know what Nela's name means?”

Harvey shakes his head. “I never looked it up.”

“It's 'child of the sun'. Or 'child that was brought by the sun'.”

Harvey smiles. “That's beautiful.”

“And kind of fitting, isn't it?” Mike beams. “It can also mean 'light of God'. That's great too.”

“It is,” Harvey agrees. “A beautiful name for out beautiful daughter.” He leans in to give Mike a final lingering kiss before heaving himself up. “Stay here,” he instructs, climbing out of bed with a fond smile. “I'm gonna fetch her.”

Nela falls silent when Harvey enters the room, greeting him with a bright smile that makes his insides twist in the best possible way. He stops short in front of her crib, just looking at her as it dawns on him that this is it. He is telling his daughter good morning, who looks up to him and knows him and loves him, like he loves her, and there is no question about it anymore. They belong together, a family, and soon everyone will know.

The way it makes him feel is bigger than words can describe, and so he doesn't try to.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” Harvey greets her, and if his voice wavers, there is no one but Nela to hear it. “Good morning. Come here. Come to your dad.”

He swallows as he picks her up, holding her close to his chest as she leans into him. He turns his head to smell her hair, inhaling the sweet scent deeply.

When he feels ready not to be overrun by his emotions he heads back to the bedroom.

“Look who's awake and asking for her dad,” he says, passing her on to Mike, who takes her with the biggest grin Harvey has ever seen. His cheeks must be hurting from the strain.

“Hey there, lovely!” He kisses Nela, pressing his lips to her forehead before cuddling her close. Harvey gives him a moment, acknowledging the wetness in Mike's eyes with a smile.

“We're going to have to decide who's dad and who's daddy,” he remarks when Mike straightens with a deep breath. “Or papa, or pa, or whatever else there is. It's confusing if we're both dad.”

“We'll figure it out,” Mike assures him. Harvey has no doubt that they will.

He steps closer, leaning down to kiss the top of Mike's head before he asks, “Breakfast?”

Mike's eyebrows rise. “In bed?”

“Special occasion.”

A grin spreads on his face. “Then yes, please.”

Harvey retreats to the kitchen to prepare Nela's breakfast and a bowl of cereal for each of them. The day calls for something a little more fancy, granted, but the desire to get back to his family is stronger. They'll have all the time in the world to celebrate later on. Right now he just wants to be with them.

He balances everything into the bedroom, where Mike is leaning against the headboard. His thighs are drawn to his chest, with Nela resting on them. They are looking at each other, lost to the outer world in a moment that seems to belong only to the two of them. Harvey is struck by the sudden desire to capture it, but Mike notices his presence before he can grab his phone. He smiles at him, and the moment is broken. Harvey only bemoans the loss for a second. He knows there will be innumerable more of these from now on.

He returns the smile, handing Mike his breakfast as he slides back under the covers. He accepts the bowl with a quick peck to his cheek, already starting to eat while Harvey feeds Nela.

They spend the morning in bed save for the occasional bathroom break, kissing and cuddling and looking at Nela in wonder, overall deliriously happy. Mike can't seem to stop kissing Harvey, but he can't seem to stop tracing the lines of Nela's body either, as if convincing himself that she is real, and so he alternates between both. Harvey is happy to just be close to his family, feeling their warmth and watching them for no reason other than just because he can.

Because not that long ago, this scenario never even crossed his mind. Any fantasies about being with Mike were nothing but a flight of fancy. He didn't even know about Nela's existence. And today they are his whole world.

Life can be funny like that.

“You look really happy.”

Harvey glances up at Mike's words, smiling at him. “I could be wrong,” he says, “but I think I might just be the happiest man in the world right now.”

Mike hums. “The second happiest, maybe,” he murmurs before cupping his face and kissing him.

He moves into the space between Harvey's legs after that, his back against his chest and Nela in his lap, and Harvey marvels at being able to wrap his arms around something so valuable.

“I love you so much,” he whispers against the top of Mike's head, meaning both of them. Mike takes his hand and locks their fingers in reply.

He keeps talking to Nela, telling her of all the things they are now going to do together. She doesn't understand, of course, but he gets a few laughs out of her, and his eyes shine at the sound. Harvey is surprised to find his own eyes stinging too. Those damn fatherhood hormones.

They laugh too, about everything and nothing. Harvey can't remember the last time he felt this light, so completely happy that every cell of his body seems to brim with it.

They only leave the bed when it's time for lunch, and Harvey has to stop and shake himself repeatedly whenever it hits him that this is his life now.

After they have eaten he grabs his phone, retreating to the living room. Mike stays in the kitchen to clean up, sending him off with a smile. He knows who he's calling. This is his family now, but there is someone else who is part of that, and Harvey wants to tell him the news.

Marcus picks up after a few rings.

“Would you look at that, it's my elusive big brother!” he greets him. “To what do I owe the pleasure? Is it Christmas already?”

“What, a man can't call his own brother when he feels like it?”

“Sure he can, he just never does.”

Harvey laughs softly. “I know. Sorry. You're right, this isn't just a social call either. I've got some news.”

“Jesus, are you dying?”

Harvey rolls his eyes. “You're out of luck. Not yet.” He smiles. “Hopefully not for a very long time.”

There is a pause on the other end of the line. “Okay, what's going on, Harvey? You sound... different.”

“Oh? How so?”

“I don't know. Less like you're about to crush someone and then eat them for breakfast, or like you want to commit murder. Dare I say... happy?”

Harvey nods even though he can't see it. “I am,” he says. “Listen, I've got something to tell you. You got a few minutes?”

Something in his voice seems to make Marcus listen up.

“Yeah,” he agrees after a slight pause, “yeah, of course I've got time for you. Hold on.” Harvey can hear the kids in the background as Marcus speaks to someone, and a grin spreads on his face. He misses them, and part of him feels bad for not calling or visiting more often, but he has a feeling that they are going to meet up soon.

And this time he won't be visiting alone. They'll have a new uncle, and a new cousin. Nela will meet the rest of her family. She will grow up with two fathers who love her, and an aunt and uncle who may not always be there, but will love seeing her every few months and catching up over the phone. She will have cousins to play with and to talk to. And that isn't even counting the people he considers his family here.

The train of thought gets cut off when the phone rustles, leaving a wave of calm to wash through him, a sense of rightness that settles deep in his bones. Harvey is smiling when Marcus announces his return.

“Right, I'm all yours. Now tell me what's going on.”

Harvey clears his throat. This is the first time he's saying it out loud to someone else, someone who matters, no less, and it feels significant somehow. He takes a deep breath. And then he tells Marcus everything.

When he is done, there is nothing but silence on the other end of the line.

“Can't say I saw this coming,” Marcus finally says.

Harvey huffs out a laugh. “Yeah, well, neither did I.”

Marcus whistles. “Wow. I would ask if you're serious, but I can tell that you are. Just... this is huge, Harvey. I never thought of you as the family type. I need a little time to process.”

“So did we. But we gave it a lot of thought and at one point it just... became clear. I think Mike has known for even longer. But I've caught on now. Crazy as it is, we're doing this.”

“Yeah,” Marcus agrees softly. “I guess when you know, you know. Also, Mike? Is that the Mike you've talked about before, the one who works for you?”

“You remember him?”

“Well, yeah, duh. The way you've been gushing about him, course I do. Should have known, really. And just for the record, I'm fucking pissed that I'm only hearing about all this now, got it?”

Harvey chuckles. “I didn't want anyone to know. I thought it was one-sided.”

“Jesus, you doubted your charms? _You?_ What has that man done to you? He must have you wrapped around his finger.”

Harvey opens his mouth to protest, then narrows his eyes in consideration. “Well. Don't tell him that.”

Marcus laughs. “Oh, you bet your ass I'm gonna tell him all the embarrassing shit you never wanted me to bring up just as soon as I get to meet him.”

Harvey sighs. “I always feel so good after we've spoken.”

Marcus snorts. Then he is quiet, his voice more serious when he speaks again.

“So, in fact...”

“You're actually an uncle,” Harvey finishes. “Well, you're gonna be, once we get the paperwork done.”

Speaking of, they still need to discuss that.

“That's fantastic. Harvey, I'm so thrilled for you, honestly. I can hear how happy you are, it's... I really never expected to get a call like this from you.”

“Neither did I expect to make it, but here we are.”

Marcus hums. “So when do I get to meet your little girl? Oh hell, when do the kids get to meet their cousin? Harvey, you do realize you're not getting out of visiting every few weeks now, do you? You can't deny the girl her family.”

“And I can't deny you the pleasure of my daughter and my partner,” Harvey adds. “I know. Listen, I know we haven't had the best relationship so far, but this... this whole thing, it got me thinking, about family and all that. And I want to give this another shot, with you and me and... Nela and Mike. I want all of you to know that you're family too. Do you think we can start over? Give this another try?”

Marcus sounds sincere when he says, “I'd love that. I didn't want us to grow apart like this either, Harvey. I think if we both give it a shot, we can make it work.” He hesitates before asking, “What about mom?”

Harvey exhales slowly. “Look, I don't plan on telling her, or having her be part of Nela's life, but I won't ask you to keep this from her. If you want to tell her, go ahead. Just make it clear that she can't expect anything. This doesn't change things.”

“Alright,” Marcus agrees after a slight pause. Harvey almost expects a comment about his life choices and keeping Nela from her grandmother, but Marcus stays silent. Maybe they really can work this out.

“So we'll meet up soon, yes?” Marcus then asks, signaling that the topic is over.

“Yeah, I'd like that. I'm sure we can figure something out.”

“We had better.”

They chat for a few more minutes, the longest they have talked since the last time Harvey saw Marcus in person (which was ages ago, he realizes with a pang of guilt), before wrapping things up.

“I won't keep you any longer,” Harvey says, “but I wanted you to know right away.”

“Of course. Harvey, I'm really, really happy for you.”

“Thanks. Now go tell your wife, I know you're dying to. And let me talk to the kids, will you?”

“You think they would have let me talk to you without promising to hand them the phone afterwards?” Marcus laughs. “Tell your man I said hi, okay? I can't wait to meet him.”

“I'll tell him,” Harvey promises. They say their goodbyes before Harvey talks to the kids for a few minutes, grinning at their excited squeals when he breaks the news to them. He promises to introduce them to Nela and their mysterious new uncle soon, whom he can already tell they are going to adore – how couldn't they? – and then listens to their chatter about school and a movie they just watched before hanging up.

He sits on the sofa for a while, just thinking and turning the phone over in his hands before he gets up. He smiles when he catches Mike's eyes, who is looking up from his files at the table.

“You're seriously working?”

“Well, I need to do it at some point. I figured you'd like some space to talk to your brother.” Mike gives him a questioning smile. “What did he say?”

“He nearly bit my head off for not telling him sooner.”

Mike chuckles. “Well, we did make the decision today.”

“He didn't just mean Nela. He really wants to meet you. The kids do, too.” Harvey sighs. “I'm gonna regret introducing you as soon as you all conspire against me. You're going to get along well. The kids are thrilled to have a new uncle, I'm old news.”

Mike's smile widens at that. It may be the first time it occurs to him that this, their relationship, means that he is getting more family on that side too.

“We should visit them sometime,” he says, straightening his back eagerly. “Or could they come here?”

“Either works, we just need to make sure everyone's free. It would have been nice to have them here for Nela's birthday, but that's in two weeks already, so...”

“No can do,” Mike finishes. “Well, we'll figure something out. I can't wait to meet them all.”

Harvey takes his hand, squeezing it with a smile. “By the way,” he changes the topic, “we haven't talked about this yet. We should get the paperwork going for the adoption. I want it to be official as soon as possible.”

“Me too,” Mike agrees immediately. “Let's do it right away, these things can take ages.” Harvey opens his mouth, but before he can speak Mike continues, “Let me guess, you know a guy.”

“I may or may not be able to speed the process up a little.”

Mike shakes his head with a grin. “Who are you? Well, go on then,” he says, kissing him on the cheek. “Work your magic. Impress a man.”

“Consider it done. There's just one thing we should talk about first.”

Mike narrows his eyes, then lifts his chin in understanding. “Her name?”

Harvey nods. “Did you think about it? I personally think Nela Ross sounds great.”

Mike's lips twitch. “Nela Ross,” he repeats, his gaze seeming to bore into Harvey's eyes. “Almost like my mom. Nina.”

Harvey smiles. “I like it.”

“I love you.”

He laughs. “I love you too, Mike. Is that a yes?”

Mike shakes his head. “It's not right if she has my name but not yours, is it? Nela Specter. That's nice too.”

“Same difference,” Harvey points out, though the idea of her having his name fills him with warmth. “What about Nela Specter-Ross?”

Mike hums. “Sounds good. Hmm. Specter-Ross. I could get used to that.”

Harvey smirks. “Me too. Now, let's not get ahead of ourselves, but in the not that unlikely event of me wanting to put a ring on that-” He squeezes Mike's hand, making him light up with a grin- “we could all be Specter-Ross. I think it has a nice ring to it.”

“Prestigious.”

“Notable.”

“Sounds like a law firm.”

“Exactly. It's perfect.”

Mike chuckles. Then he licks his lips, narrowing his eyes. “I don't want to drop Arden entirely though. I really want her to be a Specter, or a Ross, but I also want her to keep something of Carolina's, you know? Maybe we could add Arden as her middle name. We don't have to call her Nela Arden Specter-Ross, that's quite a mouthful, but she would have it.”

“And she can decide what to do with it later on,” Harvey adds. “It's a good idea. Let's go for it.”

Mike gives him a smile. “The jury has reached a verdict,” he announces officially. Harvey brushes his thumb over the back of his hand.

“Then I'll call my guy tomorrow.”

“Can't wait,” Mike says with a grin.

“Now,” Harvey orders, closing the folder in front of him, “put those away. There's time for that tomorrow. We should make the most of today.”

The smile Mike gives him is so beautiful that Harvey can't help but lean in and kiss him. “You don't need to tell me that twice.”


	13. Chapter 13

In the aftermath of Harvey's surprise announcement, Mike is the happiest he has ever been. He really didn't think he could love Harvey any more than he already does, but then he went and did the most incredible, loving, thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for Mike in his life and, well. So much for that.

Harvey is so _sweet_ sometimes, without even trying to be, and Mike's heart feels like it grows double and triple its size when he thinks about it. The rational part of his brain knows that it's too soon to think about proposals and marriage just yet, but he knows with absolute certainty that this is it for him. Nothing else could ever compare.

So they are going to become a family. They are going to be fathers, to their daughter, and maybe one or two more little ones down the road. Mike is so full of elation that he thinks he might be bursting with it.

They consider keeping it to themselves until the paperwork is through, but quickly decide against it. It could take months, even with Harvey's guy on the case, and neither of them is going to be able to pretend for that long. Mike can barely stop grinning whenever he lays eyes on Nela as it is, and Harvey's cheeks must be hurting from the constant strain as well.

So they decide on making an announcement. The three months are almost up anyway, sooner or later their friends are going to start asking questions. They haven't talked about when or how to say it yet, but Mike already has an idea.

“I've been thinking,” he begins when they are cuddled up, Harvey's head draped on his chest, “about how we could tell everyone.”

Harvey hums, and Mike runs his fingers through his hair as he continues, “You said you wanted to have Marcus and the rest here for her birthday, right? I know that's not possible, but we could still ask our friends over to celebrate the day with her. You know, they are her family too now. I want her to know that.”

“And make the announcement when everyone's here?”

Mike nods. “I think it's a nice occasion. Everyone would be together, provided you could get Jessica to come to a toddler's birthday party, so we could tell all of them at once. And it could be the start of a nice tradition. All of us coming together to celebrate her birthday.”

“It's a Saturday, isn't it?” Mike catches Harvey smiling. “Don't worry, Jessica will be there. She already asked to meet Nela anyway.” He glances at him. “I think it's a great idea. Let's do it.”

Mike smiles back, then takes his wrist to press a kiss to his palm. “We can have cake. Maybe an early dinner too.” He locks their hands. “Let's ask everyone tomorrow. Hopefully it's not on too short notice.”

“They'll make time,” Harvey assures him.

He is right. Harvey asks Donna and Jessica while Mike takes care of Rachel and Louis. Rachel is delighted to hear they are throwing Nela a party (“a small one,” Mike points out, but the excitement in her eyes doesn't dim as she mumbles something about choosing the right gift and wanders off).

Louis just stares at him for a long time when Mike invites him, in the end only giving a curt nod before leaving the room. Harvey texts him that both Donna and Jessica agreed to come, and so Mike starts making a list with what they need to prepare.

“We don't have to get Nela anything big,” he tells Harvey over dinner. “I think our guests are going to take care of that, but I'd like to give her something just from us.”

Harvey nods. “We'll find something nice.”

“And I want us to make the cake ourselves.”

Harvey lifts an eyebrow and so Mike continues, “My parents always baked me a cake for my birthday. Both of them, together. They said it might not look as fancy, but it would taste a lot better because it had been made by someone who loved me.” He shrugs a little, lowering his eyes. “I didn't appreciate it that much at the time, but looking back... I want us to do this for her. Together.”

“Hey.” Harvey tips his chin up with his finger, smiling at him. “I think it's a wonderful idea. I can't promise I'm any good at baking, but I'm sure we can figure it out.”

Mike smiles. “Thank you.”

“No need for that,” Harvey says and pecks his lips. “I want us to have nice traditions as a family. It's a good one to start with.”

He lets Mike pick the recipe, and he ends up choosing the chocolate cake he remembers fondly from his childhood. Grammy continued the tradition after the accident, and while Mike has never tried it himself, he looks forward to taking on the role of the one doing it. To doing for Nela what his parents did for him. It feels like passing on their legacy to the granddaughter they never got to meet, in a small but not entirely insignificant way.

He picks up the ingredients on his way home the Friday before Nela's birthday, and when Harvey comes home in the evening they get to work. It's a fairly simple recipe, so even two inexperienced bakers like them can't get it all wrong. Apart from a little flour on the floor and in Harvey's hair (Mike has no idea how it got there, the same way Harvey doesn't know how Mike's nose came to be covered in it later on) things go perfectly fine, and the scent of the cake in the oven filling the kitchen stirs something inside Mike he thought he'd forgotten long ago.

It doesn't look quite as pretty as Grammy's did when it's done, but Mike is perfectly content with it.

“Practice makes perfect,” Harvey remarks dryly at the sight of the final product. “You'll see, by the time she turns twenty-one we'll be experts.”

“Ugh, don't talk about her being all grown up.” Mike wrinkles his nose. “I want to enjoy the early stages first.”

“And we have years and years ahead of us to do that,” Harvey promises, smiling into the kiss he gives him.

They put the cake away and Harvey sets the presents they got her on the drawer, where they'll be ready in the morning. Mike feels a giddy sense of excitement that he hasn't experienced for his own birthday in years as they slide under the covers, but Harvey's calm presence by his side lets him fall asleep in the end.

Nela treats them to a late start on Saturday. The bright July sun is already filling the room when she pipes up. Mike and Harvey are both alert immediately. They smile as they look at each other, acknowledging the meaning of the day. Harvey reaches out to squeeze Mike's hand, and then they slip out of bed to get her.

Nela is standing in her crib when they enter the room. She coos when she sees them, and Mike's heart swells in his chest. They both look at her, wearing equally fond smiles.

“Hey, darling.”

“Good morning, Nela. It's a special day today, are you excited? Come here.”

“Da!”

Mike bites his lip. Harvey picks her up, smiling when she holds on to him. “Yes, it's me. You're turning one today,” he explains, kissing her temple. “Happy birthday, Nela.”

“Happy birthday, love,” Mike says quietly, giving her a kiss as well before grasping her hand. “My god, how has it already been six months since she came to us?”

“Feels like the blink of an eye in hindsight,” Harvey agrees softly.

Mike looks at him, watching how he holds Nela close to his chest, caresses her arms, and he swallows, shaking his head slightly. “It's going to be real today.”

Harvey's lips curve into a smile. “It's already real.”

Mike cups the back of his neck and draws him in for a kiss, careful not to squash Nela between them.

She watches them, seemingly confused by the fuss they are making, and Harvey brushes his hand over her head.

“It's a big day,” he explains to her. “It's your first birthday, which is very important, but it's also the day we're telling our friends that we're going to be your parents. Your dad is very excited.”

“And so is your other dad,” Mike adds. He kisses the back of her head, beaming at her when she turns to look at him. “Come on, we have something for you. Birthday girls get to open presents, how about that?”

They relocate to the living room, Mike fetching the presents before joining Harvey and Nela on the sofa.

They got her two things. One is a stuffed toy that has a music box inside, something that is going to stick with her for a few years at least.

The other is something that is hopefully going to stick with her forever. It's a locket, small enough that a toddler can wear it, but appropriate for an adult as well.

Nela looks at it with wide eyes, fascinated by the shiny silver, and Mike beams at Harvey when he catches his eyes.

“Look at this,” he murmurs, opening the locket to show her what's inside.

It's a picture of Carolina from the memory card Mike took from her flat. It must have been taken shortly after Nela's birth. Carolina looks tired, but happier than Mike has ever seen her as she beams into the camera, holding a barely visible Nela close to her chest. It's a beautiful picture, capturing exactly what he wants Nela to know about her mother. How beautiful she was. How lively. How much she loved her.

“This is your mother. And you. We wanted you to have this, so that you'll always know how much she cared about you.”

Nela grabs the locket, not yet understanding its significance, but Mike knows that she will in due time.

They left the other side free for now. Nela can decide for herself what she wants to put there when she's older.

“It was a good idea,” Harvey says, his head tilted as he watches her, and Mike smiles at him.

“It was. Come on,” he then announces, swooping Nela up, “let's make breakfast. Can't have her starving on her birthday.”

They spend the morning together, interrupted only by some final preparations. Mike feels the buzz of the day's importance in his veins at every moment, unable to keep himself from touching Harvey, cuddling Nela, embracing everything with his arms wide open.

He hugs both Rachel and Donna when they show up first, earning himself an amused smile from Rachel and a knowing smirk from Donna at which he can only roll his eyes. Louis is next, staring at everything in the condo so intently that Mike wonders if he was ever there before, until his attention is caught by Nela and everything else is suddenly forgotten. Nela seems slightly intimidated by the mercurial stranger picking her up, but she lets herself be held, and Harvey watches the entire interaction like a hawk but lets it happen, which Mike takes as a good sign.

Jessica is the last to arrive, and the room falls silent to listen as Harvey takes Nela to meet her.

“Nela, this is Jessica,” he introduces her. “She's one of the two women who completely turned my life around. Jessica, meet the other one of those.”

“It's my pleasure,” Jessica says, smiling as she crouches a little. She takes Nela's hand between two fingers, shaking it lightly. Nela babbles something, her lips parted as her eyes fix on Jessica's. She reaches out with a frown when Jessica draws back, grabbing her hand. Jessica chuckles.

“Demanding, I see. Suits you just fine.”

“She likes you,” Harvey points out, amused.

Jessica just lifts an eyebrow. “Who doesn't?”

Stepping inside, she spots Mike in the doorway. “Mike,” she greets him, and he nods.

“Hey, Jessica. I'm glad you could make it. Coffee?”

“Black, one sugar,” she replies with a smile. “Now, is there a table for the presents?”

Mike leaves it to Harvey to show her as he goes to prepare her coffee, handing it to her with a smile when he returns. Then he straightens, looking around the room. “Okay, we're complete now, so if anyone wants cake...”

The words have their desired effect. When they are all sitting down Mike looks around, playing with the handle of his cup. He catches Harvey's eyes, and when he nods, he clears his throat.

“I won't make a long speech, don't worry, but there is something that I would like to say. Well, first of all, thank you all for being here. You know how important Nela has become to us. We wanted her to be surrounded by the people we love on her first birthday, and it means a lot to us that you all took the time to come.”

He swallows, licking his lips as he looks back to Harvey. “So yes, we asked you here because it's Nela's birthday, but there's also another reason. We've got some news. You are all family to us, and we wanted you to be the first to know.”

He holds Harvey's gaze, lifting his chin slightly. They should do this together.

Harvey understands immediately, picking up where he left off. “As you all know, we've had some decisions to make lately. Well, we've made them. Mike and I, we're starting a family on our own.”

He looks Mike directly in the eye, so much affection and pride shining through that Mike's throat closes up. “We consider Nela our daughter. She's ours, and we've started the paperwork to make it official. So there is a new addition to this family, and we hope you're going to take her in and care for her the same way we all care for each other.”

Mike is suddenly glad that he wasn't the one to say it, because he isn't sure he could have gotten through it without choking up. He swallows, blinking a couple of times to clear his vision, his gaze fixed on Harvey. He returns the look with a nod, and Mike is filled with a giddy sense of excitement when it hits him that this is real, that it's actually happening. No going back now, only forwards.

He only tears his eyes from him when Donna breaks the silence to ask, “Okay, is there anyone here who didn't actually know?”

Mike blinks at her, then looks around. Everyone is beaming at him, some looking amused, some touched, but all of them knowing.

He huffs out a laugh, swallowing again to make sure his voice doesn't waver before remarking, “Well, I guess it's not that big of a surprise.”

“No, it's not,” Jessica agrees. “But it's still very good news. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we wish you only the best, and that of course Nela is one of our own now.”

“Exactly.” Donna reaches out to take Nela's hand, shaking it with a smile. “Welcome to the family, sweetheart.”

“Welcome, Nela,” Rachel echoes, with everyone nodding along, and that is that. Mike grins when Louis gets up to envelop first him, then a slightly reluctant Harvey in a bear hug. Rachel reaches across the table to squeeze his hand, beaming at him.

“Thanks, you guys,” Mike says, feeling almost lightheaded as he looks around. “I can't tell you how much your support means to us.”

“Now, don't get all sentimental,” Harvey warns, but the big smile on his face diminishes the effect. Mike squeezes his hand.

“Well. Now that we got that out of the way, who wants cake?”

He takes a moment to himself when he fetches it from the kitchen, just breathing deeply as he grins. That went over more smoothly than he expected. Of course he knew their friends would be supportive, but it's something else to actually see it.

Nela, who is entirely unaware of what just transpired, starts pounding her fists on the table when she sees the cake. Mike laughs, making sure he puts it out of her reach before grabbing a knife.

He cuts everyone a piece and breaks Nela's slice into small chunks. Harvey takes a seat next to her in case she needs help, and Mike gladly sits down on her other side and just enjoys the company, stealing glances at the man he loves and their daughter from the corner of his eye every so often.

It turns out to be the best first birthday he could have imagined for Nela. Nobody gets into a discussion about anything apart from some old TV show both Louis and Jessica have seen and clearly disagree on, the cake tastes almost as good as Mike remembers (though he admits he may be biased, considering that he and Harvey made it together), and Nela seems to have a great time. She is so adorable as she eats her cake, Harvey meticulously picking up the crumbs she drops in the process, and Mike feels no shame about snapping dozens of pictures from start to finish.

Nela then grabs her cup and Mike quickly takes it from her when she finishes drinking before she can bang it on the table, as she has taken to doing. She gives him a toothy grin and he bends down to kiss her forehead, then pecks Harvey's cheek for good measure before getting up, asking if anyone wants more coffee.

Rachel joins him in the kitchen, making him halt with a hand to his shoulder before she pulls him into a hug, whispering, “Congratulations, Mike.”

“Thank you,” he mumbles, blinking as he draws back. “This is surreal. I'm so happy, Rachel. You can't imagine how happy I am.”

“I can,” Rachel assures him. “And I'm so happy for you and Harvey.”

Louis appears in the kitchen before they can talk more to help with the coffee, which is really an excuse to interrogate Mike about Nela's development, but a quickly exchanged look with Rachel tells Mike that they will talk more later.

Nela gets passed around all day and doesn't seem to mind in the slightest. She's already familiar with Rachel, she has seen Donna before, and she seems intrigued by both Jessica and Louis, though she keeps craning her head to check if either Harvey or Mike is nearby when Louis does one of his games with her. She doesn't quite understand the concept of getting to open her presents yet (with help from Harvey while Mike takes even more pictures), but she is delighted by the rustling, colorful wrapping papers and bows, and Mike appreciates the presents in her place.

Come evening Harvey leaves entertaining their guests to Mike and disappears into the kitchen to prepare dinner, threatening him with a spatula when he dares to follow him there.

Mike barely notices time passing as he sits with the people he chose as his family. They might not always get along, but that is precisely what family is about – disagreeing and at the end of the day still knowing that they will stick together and have each other's backs. At least that's what Mike always imagined, and that's what he knows he found when he looks at the faces surrounding him.

Their guests stay past Nela's bedtime. She has a hard time falling asleep with all the excitement of the day, but Mike sings to her until her eyes droop before closing the door behind him quietly, joining the gathering again.

Louis is the first to go, and Donna quickly joins him. That leaves Mike, Rachel, Harvey, and Jessica, which Mike suspects was the plan. The conversation between the four of them is nice, but at one point he and Rachel inevitably gravitate towards the kitchen while Jessica and Harvey stay in the living room.

Mike catches a glimpse of them a while later, sitting closely together, Jessica's hand over Harvey's, a gentle smile on her face. He smiles as well before looking back at Rachel, who beams at him.

God, how lucky he is to have found these people.

It's another two hours before Rachel starts yawning and reluctantly leaves, and Mike returns to Jessica and Harvey in the living room after hugging her goodbye, squeezing Harvey's hand as he lowers himself next to him. He grins when Harvey twines their fingers together immediately.

They sit together for a while, pulling out Harvey's expensive scotch, before Jessica stands to go. She is the last to leave, which surprises Mike a little, but not as much as the fact that she steps closer to him when Harvey goes to collect her coat, lowering her voice as she says, “So this is what it all resulted in. Harvey hiring you, defying me at every stop when it came to you, threatening to leave if I cut you loose... it all led to this.”

Before Mike can determine if she is mad, she shakes her head and smiles at him. “I never thought I'd say this, but you gave him what he was always looking for, without even knowing it. And now you gave him a family. You make him happy.” She exhales deeply. “Both of us care about Harvey. Both of us love him. No matter how badly we started off, I can't keep being mad at you after that.”

Mike swallows against the lump lodged in his throat. “That.. means a lot to me, Jessica.”

She smirks at him. “Just don't make me regret it.”

He laughs a little. “You know me. I would never.”

They smile at each other, and Mike thinks that they have probably never understood each other as well as they do in that moment.

“Well, birthday parties for toddlers probably aren't your thing, but I hope you had a good time regardless. Nela certainly seemed to enjoy meeting you.”

“As did I,” Jessica replies. “I wanted to get to know the lady who managed to steal Harvey's heart after all.” She pauses, giving him a long look. “I know you think this isn't my world, Mike, but I didn't mind being here. On the contrary. I'm glad you invited me.”

“To be honest, I wasn't sure if you would come at all.”

Her expression softens. “Harvey is family, and so are you now. You two have a daughter, she is family too. And she always will be. Of course I came.”

Mike holds her gaze, swallowing before he nods. “Nela is lucky to have an aunt like you. She's gonna learn a lot from you.”

“And you.” Jessica's lips quirk into a smile as she leans in and says, “You're lucky you didn't let that grandma slip. I know you thought it.”

Before Mike can defend himself, Harvey interrupts them. “What are you two whispering about?”

“Your terrible hairstyle,” Jessica replies smoothly, taking her coat from him. She winks at Mike, who grins back.

“That's impossible, because I don't have a terrible hairstyle.”

“That's up for debate.” She turns to Mike, holding out her hand. “Mike. Thank you for the invitation.”

“Thank you for coming,” Mike replies, both of them acknowledging what goes unspoken with a nod.

“Come on,” Jessica then instructs, tilting her head when she glances at Harvey. “Show me out.”

Harvey nods, walking her to the door while Mike stays behind, giving them another moment. There's a lot to be cleaned up, and he starts collecting the plates from the sink while he listens to the soft murmur of their voices from the door.

Harvey returns a few minutes later, stepping behind him to wrap his arms around his waist. Mike leans into him, closing his eyes.

“Everyone's gone,” Harvey says quietly. Mike chuckles.

“You don't say. I didn't notice with all the peace and quiet we've had all day.”

He drops the towel to twist in Harvey's embrace, wrapping his arms around him as well. “I had a great time today. I'm glad we told them like this. And I can't think of a better first birthday for Nela.”

“It's only a pity that she won't remember. But she will have all the pictures you took when you thought I wasn't looking. And she will get to remember all the ones yet to come.”

Mike beams at him. “It's the right decision. I know it is. Today just proved that we're right.”

Harvey leans in to kiss him, then pulls him closer, resting his chin on his shoulder. “Of course it's the right decision. It's you and me together with our beautiful daughter. Everything else doesn't matter.”

Mike turns his head to nuzzle at Harvey's jaw, inhaling his scent. “I'm happy,” he tells him when he pulls back, feeling the truth of the words through and through. They might never have been truer than they are now.

“Good. Because I am too.”

Mike smiles, placing a gentle kiss on his lips, tingling with the promise of more, before he draws back and holds out his hand. “Come on. Let's leave all this for tomorrow, because right now I have a few things in mind that would make me even happier.”

Harvey smirks. “In that case, lead the way.”

And Mike does, gladly. His stomach already flutters in anticipation as they head for the bedroom. Today has been filled with impressions, people and chatter and thoughts buzzing inside Mike's head. But from the moment they are alone, it's just the two of them. Harvey turns to look at Mike once they are inside, and neither of them has to say anything before they step into each other's arms, desperate to get closer as their lips meet.

Kissing Harvey always feels like coming home, like something inside him is clicking into place, finally settling down. Mike loses himself in the feeling, thinking about nothing but his lips on his, the taste of his mouth, his body pressed flush against him, never quite near enough.

There is no rush as he reaches between them to unbutton Harvey's shirt, only a quiet urgency to be close, not enough to make either of them hurry as they undress each other. Mike savors every moment, only drawing back when he pulls his shirt over his head, immediately stepping in to seek Harvey's lips again with a small sigh. He reaches down to open Harvey's pants, his fingers brushing the growing bulge at his crotch.

“God, I've wanted to do this all day,” Harvey groans, drawing back to press a line of kisses down Mike's jaw.

“Me too.” Mike takes a moment to get rid of his own trousers before pulling him close again, tilting his head to give him better access. “Good thing we have all night then.”

Harvey hums appreciatively. “I like the sound of that,” he murmurs, and then he cups Mike's face with both of his hands and walks him backwards until he sinks down on the mattress.

“Anything in particular you wanna do tonight?” He bites Mike's neck, then immediately licks over the spot soothingly, leaving gentle kisses.

Mike doesn't particularly care, and neither seems Harvey. He just wants him close.

“Just fuck me,” Mike groans, patting the mattress impatiently before remembering where they stashed the supplies.

Harvey preempts him, opening the drawer to grab the lube and a condom before returning his attention to Mike. He kisses him fiercely, only pulling back to ask, “How?”

“Like this.” Mike licks his lips. “Wanna see you.”

Harvey stops in his movements to look at him, his lips pulling into a smile. “You old romantic.”

“I'm not the old one here,” Mike points out, grinning when Harvey gives him a scowl he can see right through. “Hey, I'm not saying it's a bad thing. It does have its perks. The experience, the stamina...”

“You might wanna shut up now,” Harvey suggests, and Mike smirks and tilts his chin up before challenging, “Make me.”

Harvey doesn't need to be told twice. He catches Mike's lips in a bruising kiss he enthusiastically responds to, then drags his lips down his neck to his chest.

Harvey always pays special attention to Mike's nipples, loves to make him squirm as he dedicates himself to the buds. Mike's hand slides into Harvey's hair, feeling the soft strands beneath his fingers as he gives himself over to the teasing ministrations.

Harvey is in no rush. By the time he finally moves on to the center of Mike's torso with slow licks, Mike is achingly hard. Harvey drops a line of kisses down his belly, blowing raspberries on the soft flesh there before shifting downwards, licking along the juncture of his thigh. Then he straightens to grab a pillow.

“Better make yourself comfortable, because I'm gonna take my sweet time with you,” he says as he pushes it under Mike's hips.

Mike smiles at him. “I'm perfect.”

Harvey's expression is indefinable. “You are,” he says, and it's impossible to tell if he's joking, which probably means that he's not. He opens the bottle and squeezes some lube onto his fingers, ignoring Mike's breathy laughter.

The lube is cool at the first touch to his skin, but Mike is used to it and adjusts quickly. He lets his legs fall open wider as Harvey begins circling the muscles, spreading a generous amount of lube before actually probing at his entrance.

Mike lets out a quiet gasp when he pushes the tip of his finger in, smiling when he catches his eyes. Harvey's own smile turns mischievous as he works his finger in slowly until it's buried to the last knuckle. He presses a kiss close to his knee, caressing the inside of his thigh with his free hand as he lets him adjust to the intrusion.

Harvey knows Mike's body as well as his own by now. He knows how long to wait, how much to push, when to move, and he does it all in a way that leaves Mike entirely breathless and incredibly turned on. He knows when the stretch burns and to what extent Mike wants it to, craves it even, the familiar sensation that whispers promises of all the things Harvey is going to do to him.

Mike closes his eyes and just _feels_ as Harvey opens him up, preparing him with practiced, teasing motions, adding a second finger, then eventually a third. Time has no meaning when they are together like this, when Harvey is all over him, around him, inside him, or vice versa. They have learned each other in every possible way, but Mike never gets tired of it.

“Feel good?” Harvey murmurs, his voice breaking the quiet, and Mike smirks and pulls him in for a kiss, sighing into his parted lips as he continues to loosen him up, stroking him on the inside.

“So good,” he replies when he releases him. Harvey smiles and twists his wrist, going for another angle, and Mike's eyes nearly roll back into his head when he brushes his prostate.

“Fuck,” he groans, grasping the sheets to keep himself from touching his achingly hard cock. “Oh god, oh fuck. Harvey...”

“Soon,” Harvey promises, and Mike accepts his fate and lets his head fall back, his chest heaving as he stares at Harvey's face, hungry and so focused on him that it makes him feel hot all over. He looks at Mike like he's the most interesting and intriguing mystery he has ever encountered. To be on the receiving end of that intense concentration isn't something Mike thinks he will ever get used to. He hopes he doesn't.

Harvey really takes his time, he always does, and Mike melts under his touches, but Harvey doesn't seem to fare much better. When they are together like this he treats Mike like he is something precious, to be handled only with care and something so akin to reverence that it frequently makes Mike's throat close up. But he lets himself be treated the same way in return, and that perhaps is the most astounding part. When they are like this, all his walls and layers fall away until it's just him, vulnerable and open and trusting Mike to see him and touch him and take care of him the same way he takes care of Mike.

And they do. It's not always perfect, it's not always serious, it doesn't always work the way they want it to, but they are always in it together, enjoying every second, knowing that the other is there every step of the way. It's palpable in every brush of their bodies, this deep and profound understanding making everything between them so easy.

It's like they are blurring wherever their skin touches, the connection burning away any lines separating them until they are seeping into each other, becoming a new entity, living and breathing in unison rather than apart. It should be absolutely terrifying, but Mike isn't afraid. This is right. This is the way it was always supposed to be, Mike's skin glistening with a thin layer of sweat, Harvey panting softly close to him, their bodies burning at every point they connect. The two of them together, as one.

Harvey's breathing is growing ragged as he works Mike open. He is pressed flush against him, his hips jerking almost involuntarily. Mike's hands wander over his arms and chest aimlessly, just wanting to touch, trying to absorb him, to be as close as humanly possible.

He has never felt as close to anyone as he feels to Harvey. He didn't think it was possible before he met him. Before he saw him like this, saw him for who he was, saw the same intensity mirrored back at him in every look.

He could drown in this connection, in the river that is his love for Harvey, always pulling him along further, impossible to struggle against. There is a moment when Mike's eyes lock with Harvey's, dark and intense above him, and the world slows down and disappears around them as they freeze in their movements, just gazing at each other. Time seems to stand still, or at least lose all meaning. Harvey's lips are parted, his eyes deep as he drinks Mike's face in, and Mike can do nothing but reach out, brush his cheek before pulling him closer, catching his lips in a kiss so deep it pulls at Mike's heartstrings.

“I'm so in love with you,” he whispers against his lips, covering his mouth and the side of his face in kisses. He can feel Harvey's smile against his skin, nuzzling his neck.

“Are you ready?”

Mike is more than ready. He is seconds away from vibrating out of his skin with the intensity of his arousal. He nods, gripping Harvey's shoulder as he shifts. He keeps his breathing even when Harvey takes his legs and wraps them around his waist, lining his cock up with his entrance.

He steadies him with a gentle hand on his hip, catching his eyes, and Mike's mouth falls open in a quiet gasp when Harvey pushes into him, tender and slow and so achingly familiar. Harvey leans in to swallow the sound, his lips whispering over his in the most loving of kisses.

“Good, that's good,” Mike murmurs when Harvey has pushed all the way in. He gives them both a moment to adjust, their shared panting the only sound in the room, and when Mike tightens his legs around Harvey's waist and pushes back, he starts rolling his hips.

He begins slowly, he always does, savoring the sensation of being buried inside Mike, of being connected so closely that it feels like they are sharing a pulse, beating through both of them.

“You like that?” he asks, and Mike nods.

“Yeah,” he breathes out. “God, yeah. You know I do.”

“I know,” Harvey says, and it's equal parts smug and reverent.

“Come on,” Mike urges him, tapping his shoulder to get him to move. And Harvey complies.

It's nothing they haven't done before, but it feels different today. There is something lodged somewhere deep in Mike's chest, a reverence of what they have found in each other, of what they are building together.

He feels more connected to Harvey than ever, and the feeling pours over him, washing through every cell of his body as they come together. The way Harvey kisses him, caresses his body and pushes into him with gentle thrusts tells him that he feels the same way.

“More,” Mike mumbles, wrapping his arms around Harvey's neck. “Come on, give me more.”

Harvey just groans, gradually picking up his pace. His hand slips between them, wrapping around Mike's cock in a light hold, and for a while it's just this; a physical connection weaving into a mental one, a rhythm that drives home how interwoven they are on every possible level, and it's _good_ , it's so good that Mike can only dig his nails into Harvey's skin and push back, trying to get the most out of it.

He groans when Harvey pauses to grab him by the hips, adjusting his angle, and his gaze burns through Mike as he starts moving again. A moan slips past his lips when Harvey hits his prostate, and he pushes back with an encouraging nod. “Like that, yeah, right there...”

Harvey repeats the movement, picking up a rhythm that allows him to push all of Mike's buttons just right, making him throw his head back, aching for Harvey to stroke him harder and at the same time hoping he won't because he is sure he won't last.

“God, that's good, that's-”

“Look at me,” Harvey pants into his ear, and Mike opens his eyes, holding his gaze as he bites his lip.

“I'm close. I'm close, Harvey, it's-”

“Me too. Me too, Mike. God, you don't know what-” He licks his lips, shaking his head. “But not yet. Not yet.”

Mike understands, the desire to make it last, to crawl inside this moment and live in it forever, breathe and feel it until everything else fades away and it's just them.

So he tightens his grip on Harvey, and Harvey leans in to kiss him as they pick up their rhythm again, alternating between panting into his parted lips and whispering to him, things Mike has on the tip of his tongue as well, that would be embarrassing in the light of day but feel just right in here, between the two of them and the slick sounds of their bodies coming together again and again.

He couldn't say how long they've been wrapped up in the moment, drawing breathy moans and whispered words from each other, gradually getting closer and closer to the edge until their release is inevitable.

“I'm gonna,” Mike says, canting his hips as he licks his lips. “I'm gonna-”

“Yeah,” Harvey pants, “yeah, it's okay, I'm right behind you-”

He twists his wrist as he strokes Mike, brushing the tip of his cock the way he loves, and Mike is gone. His back arches off the bed as his orgasm washes through him, the small shocks of pleasure pulling him under. He surrenders gladly. Harvey grunts into his ear, his rhythm becoming almost erratic as he follows Mike's release.

Mike is distantly aware of letting out a string of moans, of Harvey pushing into him one last time before he stills and comes too. He groans, and Mike releases a deep sigh, acutely aware of every point where their bodies touch, and then it's just their shared panting and the sweet aftershocks rippling through Mike, giving way to a bone-deep satisfaction.

Their ragged breathing is the loudest sound in the room, the air thick with the smell of sex. Mike lazily pats Harvey's back, an easy, slow rhythm, and it takes Harvey a moment before he can move. He heaves himself up, barely managing to pull out and roll the condom off his cock before he collapses half on top of him. Mike wraps his arms around him tightly, not giving a shit about the mess between them.

His hand slides up to the back of his neck, playing with the soft tips of his hair.

Harvey is breathing right next to his ear, a steady and familiar sound. His voice is throaty, heavy with satisfaction and something like awe when he says, “I am so lucky I get to spend my life with you.”

“I wouldn't have a life to spend if it weren't for you,” Mike replies simply, and then he kisses him, pouring every ounce of gratitude and love he feels into it.

It's true. Mike doesn't want to think about where he would be now if Harvey had never pulled him from the gutter. The memory of that person hardly feels like himself. But that doesn't matter anymore. Because Mike found Harvey, and Harvey chose him, and now the days they have ahead of them look better and brighter than anything he could ever have imagined. Mike's heart pounds in his chest at the mere thought of them.

Though, like this, cuddled up in Harvey's arms, both of them naked and sweaty, with their daughter softly snoring in the other room, the here and now is pretty damn amazing too.

Harvey presses a kiss to his shoulder, and Mike smiles. It's better than that, actually.

It's perfect.

* * *

_Four months later_

Mike shivers a little, glancing at Nela. “It's cold in here, isn't it? Are you cold?”

“Cold,” Nela says thoughtfully, but Mike isn't sure if it's an actual reply or if she is just repeating what he said. Nevertheless he moves to turn up the heating, grabbing her blanket before he returns to the floor to resume playing with her.

He passes the kitchen on his way back, smiling when his eyes fall on the fridge. The list of her vocabulary has grown considerably, and the picture of Nela's handprints has been replaced by a new one with prints of all three of them, Nela's slightly bigger than last time.

Nela is 16 months old now and running everywhere. Harvey claims that his impending first grey streaks are down to her, and Mike pats his back, pretending not to know about the dyeing appointments Harvey has every few weeks.

Right now she is seated on the floor though, her legs bent under her as she stares at the wooden puzzle she has been trying to solve for the past twenty minutes. She's still a little young for it, but sometimes she gets it right, and Mike enjoys watching her ponder the problem.

“What about this?” he asks, picking up one of the pieces. “Where does that fit?”

She looks up, staring at it for a moment before taking it with a frown.

She still speaks little, but expresses herself well when she does. Harvey frequently calls her 'ideal lawyer material' because she says more through less or something like that. Mike rolls his eyes so hard they disappear into his head every time, knowing that they will both support her no matter what she decides to do, and if she wanted to be a street musician Harvey would probably be the first in line to organize musical studies and come up with a good strategy.

“Da!”

It could be _dad_ or _there_ , but it doesn't really matter. Mike nods when she puts the piece in the right slot, clapping with enthusiasm.

“That's right! Well done, sweetheart.”

She preens under his praise, clapping her palms together as well before reaching for the next piece. Mike watches her for a while, making encouraging sounds here and there.

He looks up in surprise when he hears the key in the door, checking his watch to see if he lost track of time. He didn't.

“Hey,” Mike says when Harvey steps into the room, a strange look on his face. “Why are you home so early?”

Harvey looks at him, biting his lip as he drops his keys on the counter.

“Come here,” he then requests, holding out his hand, and Mike frowns, but lets himself be pulled up.

“What's going-” He begins, but gets cut off when Harvey draws him in by the waist, kissing him so deeply that it steals all the air out of Mike's lungs. Mike lifts his eyebrows in surprise but kisses back, inhaling the cold November air still clinging to his clothes.

Harvey doesn't pull back when he breaks the kiss, staying so close that Mike can feel his breath on his face, and it's really impacting his ability to focus.

“What's gotten into you?” Mike asks breathlessly, drawing back a little to give him a suspicious look. Harvey gives him a smile so bright that Mike can only stare.

“I just got a call,” he announces.

“Uhuh,” Mike makes, raising his eyebrows. “And that is a special occurrence how?”

“I got a call,” Harvey repeats, his smile widening into a grin, “from my guy.”

Mike stills. “ _The_ call?” he asks, tentative joy bubbling up in him, and Harvey nods.

“ _The_ call,” he confirms. “The paperwork is ready. We can come pick it up right now.”

“Oh my god.” Mike blinks, looking from Harvey to Nela. They have waited so long for this day, and though he knew it would come eventually, being only a signature away from making their family official is enough to leave him dizzy.

“Mike.”

He shakes himself, gazing at Harvey. He's smiling at him, pulling him closer. “You alright?”

“Yeah, just... wow.”

A knowing smile plays on Harvey's lips. “Indeed.”

“Wait a minute.” Mike narrows his eyes, his lips curving into a smirk. “Did you leave the office early so we could pick them up right away?”

“Well, I sure as hell didn't come here just to tell you.”

Mike shakes his head, grabbing his face with both hands to kiss him again. “I love you so much, you dick. Come on. Let's go!”

“Sure, just leave Nela on the ground right here,” Harvey says, amused, but goes to pick her up himself.

He is still adjusting the hat he put on her in the elevator when Mike steps outside, catching sight of the car waiting for them.

“Of course you told Ray to wait,” he says, shaking his head.

“I figured you'd be all for going straight up there and getting this whole thing over with, and I didn't want us to have to wait for a taxi,” Harvey explains with a pointed look.

“Yeah, yeah,” Mike murmurs, rolling his eyes fondly. “You know me so well. Hey, Ray!”

“Hey, Mike,” Ray greets him, grinning at the three of them. “Big day, is it?”

“Harvey told you already?”

Mike turns to him with a fake pout, at which Harvey rolls his eyes. “You don't get to have all the fun. I wanna tell my driver the big news, I'm gonna goddamn tell him.”

“Tell me?” Ray laughs. “You could say that. You wouldn't shut up about it all the way here.”

Mike snorts, laughing as well as he gets into the car. “It's okay,” he tells Harvey at the sight of his put out expression, patting his hand. “I'm excited too.”

“Really? I never would have guessed,” Harvey replies dryly, but Mike sees the smile lingering in the corner of his lips. He presses a kiss there, then fastens his belt and takes over Nela so that Harvey can do the same.

It's not a long journey, but it seems to stretch on forever. Mike drums his fingers against his thighs as they drive, unable to keep still even for a moment. Harvey next to him radiates calmness, but whenever he catches his gaze, Mike can see the same excitement in his eyes.

He stares at the inconspicuous building when Ray drops them off, only snapping out of his stupor when Harvey's hand closes around his.

“Ready?” he asks gently, and Mike smiles, nodding decisively.

“Are you kidding? I've been ready for this my entire life.”

Harvey huffs out a laugh. “Come on then,” he says, squeezing Mike's hand. “Let's make Nela officially ours. It's about damn time.”

He doesn't let go when he heads for the door, and so Mike doesn't either.

As much as the drive here dragged on, the time inside the office seems to fly by. Mike feels like he barely sat down and wrote his name before Harvey is already getting up again, holding out a hand to his friend with a huge grin. Rationally he knows that they spent quite a while in there, going over some last minute details and signing several papers, but Harvey did most of the talking, perhaps sensing that Mike was in no state to do so. It's all a bit of a blur, and he doesn't even recall what was being said when they are standing outside, Nela in one hand and the documents that make her officially theirs in the other.

Ray is still there to congratulate them, engulfing them both in a big embrace before pinching Nela's cheeks and telling her what fantastic dads she has. Mike lets himself be hugged and then guided into the car, Harvey's hand on his knee all throughout, and it doesn't really sink in until they are home and everything is the same as it was before they left, but at the same time nothing is.

Harvey has dropped the documents on the counter and a kiss on Mike's forehead before complying with Nela's wishes and joining her on the floor, helping with her puzzle like it's any other day. Mike watches them play, any words he might say getting stuck in his throat, before he heads for the counter.

The documents looks so inconspicuous, but they hold the key to their entire future. He reaches for them with care, holding them reverently as his eyes skim the text he already knows by heart. Just a bit of paper, making all the difference in the world.

It's official now. Nela is theirs, and everything is perfect.

Well, almost.

His lips quirk into a small, secret smile. They are a real family in every sense of the word, but Mike still wants more, wants to be tied to Harvey in every possible way, and he knows Harvey wants the same.

They talked about getting married, and so far they have settled on waiting until Nela is old enough to be their flower girl, but Mike knows that Harvey has been ogling rings and possible locations as much as he has.

Soon. Not now, maybe. But soon. It's not a matter of if, but when, and of who beats the other to actually proposing. (Mike isn't ready to give up trying yet. He has a few ideas.)

“Mike.”

He snaps out of his thoughts, catching Harvey's gaze from where he is kneeling on the floor. “Sorry, what?”

“I said you don't have to hold on to those for the rest of the day,” Harvey says with a slight smile, nodding towards the documents Mike is still grasping. “Nobody is going to come to take them away.”

Mike looks down, swallowing as the truth of Harvey's words rushes through him, leaving him slightly dizzy.

Nobody can take Nela away from them. Nobody can tell them that she doesn't belong to them. They are bound together by law, a real family, from this day till forever.

He sets the papers down, swallowing as he looks at Harvey. He is overcome by the intensity of what he's feeling, so dazed that all he can do is stare blankly to take it all in.

He has everything he wants right at his fingertips. All he has to do is reach out.

“Are you alright?”

Harvey looks slightly worried now, a frown creasing his forehead as he watches him. Mike just shakes his head mutely.

“Come here,” he asks, and Harvey gets up immediately, giving Nela's head a lingering caress before he turns to Mike.

Mike steps in, pulling him into his arms. He rests his chin on his shoulder, closing his eyes as he turns his head to inhale deeply. He smells like Harvey. He smells like home.

“Thank you,” Mike murmurs, his voice slightly hoarse. He doesn't even know what he is thanking him for, everything, he supposes, all of it, but Harvey seems to get the gist of it because he just nods, wrapping his arms around him more tightly.

“You never have to do anything on your own again,” he reminds him, his voice a low and familiar vibration in Mike's ear. He smiles.

“I know. Neither do you. And neither does Nela.”

“No,” Harvey agrees. He takes a deep breath. “I suppose it should be me thanking _you_ , while we're at it. You know I wouldn't have had a family to come home to today if it weren't for you. You gave me such an incredible gift, Mike. I'm never going to take that for granted.”

Mike hides his huge smile in his shoulder. “You are very, very welcome,” he whispers, and if his voice wavers, neither of them points it out.

Harvey's arms tighten around him as he buries his nose in his hair, pressing a kiss to his head. Mike just closes his eyes and holds on.

Everything has changed so much over the past year, and it's about to change yet again. Finally being able to call Nela their own feels like closure to something, a period of turmoil and uncertainty, but it's much more than just that. It's the beginning of something new, something bigger and better and completely overwhelming. It's the adventure of a lifetime, not the first he has shared with Harvey and certainly not the last one, and whatever it is that's coming their way, Mike is ready for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take a second to thank everyone who read along, left kudos, and especially those of you who commented. It honestly means the world to me. The response to this has been somewhat overwhelming and I'm so grateful for every one of you guys who joined Mike, Harvey, and Nela on their journey of becoming a family <3
> 
> I can't believe this is it. This fic just got longer and longer as I wrote it and it's absolutely surreal that it's now out there. But I'll hold off on the long speeches since this isn't the end just yet :)

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my native language, if you find any mistakes feel free to point them out!
> 
> Got any thoughts, concrit, or just want to say something? Comments make me very, very happy! I'd love to hear from you :)


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